SUMMARY: Elizabeth Stanhope is the highest paid Actress in Hollywood…she’s also the most frigid. When she is cast in the highly anticipated romantic comedy ‘Love in New York’ her personally chosen leading man suddenly falls ill and must be replaced. And much to her displeasure…the only one willing to accept the role is the man she hoped never to see again.
"Gavin? Darling, how are you? It’s been ages." Cordelia crooned into her lip-stick sized cell phone. "Oh, yes, well you know how it is. You agree to one interview the next thing you know your calendar is full until the next century. I just couldn’t find the time to socialize with anyone." Rolling her eyes Cordy gave her best friend Elizabeth the look of death. Swallowing a curse when the unnatural blonde gave the brunette her classic ‘Who me?’ look in return.
"No, of course not, sweetie. You know that you’d be the first I’d tell if my and Xander were engaged…again. Baby, you know from experience that you can’t believe the papers. Remember when they said that that second class, wanna be Harmony Kendall was pregnant with your love child? Exactly my point. Yes, okay. Love you too." A sneer marred her beautiful face as she snapped the phone off and carelessly flung it onto her king size bed.
"Bitch." The former Mrs. Universe muttered when Elizabeth laughed. "You know I hate that pansy ass Mama’s boy and still you give him my number. I really don’t know why I put up with your bony ass." She said lightly as she slid gracefully into her vanity chair and gently ran her silver handled brush through her waist length, chestnut hair.
"Oh, Cordy dear you know very well why you put up with me." The blonde answered knowingly. When the other girl raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrows in question she said. "I know where the bodies are buried." She retorted smugly.
Begrudgingly Cordelia would admit that the girl was right. They had known each other since before college. They had met when the both joined a summer Drama camp in Nevada and since then, they had been each others sounding boards…they never went for an audition or agreed to anything without asking for the others opinions.
The also knew more dirt on each other than anyone else. Elizabeth knew why Xander and Cord’s first engagement went belly up. They could blame their other friend Willow for that. The second engagement went to hell because of the fast talking Angel O’Conner and his yen for public places.
The tabloids would eat stuff like that up.
Cordelia had plenty on Buffy too. The ‘journalists’ of America would just love to know about Buff’s one night stand with Parker Wilson, the star Quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Not to mention her trip to the Gyno in college for what she, to this day claims was just a small case of the Chicken Pocks.
"Yeah…that and your charming wit." Cordy said sarcastically. It was no big secret the two were classified as the biggest bitches to ever hit the big screen. They made Courtney Love look like Reese Witherspoon.
And the sad part about it was…they were damn proud of it.
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(New York, NY August 17th, 2002)
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"I can’t believe you talked me into this, Cord. I swore I’d never work for Maggie Walsh again after the last movie. Why do I listen to you anymore?" Elizabeth groaned the second she heard the click on the other end of the line. She was on her way to the studio for her first day of shooting and decided that she needed a comfort rant.
"Hello to you to Sunshine. Decided to skip the decaf this Morning did we?" Cordelia’s snickering voice came drifted over the miles and Elizabeth couldn’t help but smile. Cordy never did take her shit. She could only remember one single person besides the brunette that would stand up to her…physical injury be damned.
But…she hadn’t seen him in over three years. And she preferred it that way.
"Oh, no I just hate these damn hours. Who in their right minds gets up before sunrise on the first day of shooting?" The blonde asked exasperated.
"Hey, I did it all the time when I worked on Dawson’s Creek. Talk about twisted. I had to suck up to Katie Holmes and Busy Phillips…the perkiest women in the country, at 4 am. I was not a pleasure for months. I’m almost thrilled that my character moved to Canada. One more breakfast with the goof troop and I would have hurt someone."
"Cord, hun. I asked who in their right mind. Meaning that you were automatically eliminated. You haven’t been stable since grade school." Smirking, Elizabeth snapped her cell phone closed and tossed it into her tote, and pulled the large clamp from her hair.
Shaking out her light blonde, shoulder length tresses Elizabeth pulled off her sunglasses and tucked them into her small purse and came to a stop outside the studio. Running a hand through her still perfect hair she plastered a not so convincing smile on her face and pushed open the doors to the office, and headed straight for make-up.
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(New York, NY Same Time, On set)
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"Excuse me, could you repeat that? Slowly this time?" Maggie hissed into the phone, her tone and demeanor clearly stating that she had indeed heard and understood every word the other person said…she just wanted to drag out his suffering.
"Um, I said that Mr. Prinze has fallen ill. He won’t be able to…be…in…the…..movie…..ma’am." The small man trailed of with a whimper. He just knew that his job was ruined. Maggie Walsh was one of the most demanding directors in the business and he knew she loved to torture the messenger.
"I see. And when exactly did Mr. Teen Movie decided to inform us of his ….illness?" The handsome woman bit out sarcastically. "Um, I do believe he… he phoned around twenty minutes ago. Ma’am." The man stuttered out. He was deeply relieved when she waved him off. He hightailed it to props room, out of immediate danger.
"And who was the second choice, Fred?" Maggie questioned her newest assistant. The shy girl looked up, startled. Then she looked back down at her clip board an skimmed over it with her index finger, then "Um, it looks like its William Garret…Mr. Walsh."
Suddenly Maggie spun around in her chair to face the fragile looking girl. "Did you just say William Garret?" She asked, her voice filled with wonder, an evil glint shining in her blue eyes.
When the confused girl nodded, Maggie grin threatened to strain her facial muscles. She hadn’t smiled this big since Kate Moss took a nose dive, off of the stage and onto the mayor at last years VH1 Fashion awards.
"Fred, dear. Could you please go and fetch Ms. Stanhope from Make-up please. I have some wonderful news for her. I have a feeling she’ll just love this new development."
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(L.A California 3 hours later)
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"No! You so have to be shitting me?!" Cordy screeched into the phone, startling her manicurist when she yanked her only half finished nails away and rose to her freshly finished feet and started to pace around the spacious bathroom, a wide, yet some what incredulous smile on her vitamin, mask covered face.
"Yes, He’s going to fly in this afternoon." Came Elizabeth’s miserable reply.
"Oh, this is just to lush!" Cordelia beamed. She knew that her friend was suffering. But this was Soap Opera type of stuff. And damn her to hell, but it was funny.
"Not Helping! You know. I bet she planned this. That stupid bitch, Maggie has had it in for me for months. She probably paid Freddie off or something…just so I’d have to work beside that arrogant, insufferable, egotistical, mutt!" She exploded into the phone, making the girl on the other end cringe.
"Bitter much?" Cordy asked mockingly.
"Bitter? You’re calling ME bitter? You, the one who slashed a certain redhead’s tires AND dragged me out of my condo at 3 in the morning to go and pelt the woman’s pool house with raw eggs and freshly steamed cabbage? You the bitch that insisted that you deserved to Mac on Angel even after Willow started dating Tara and Xander lost all interest in her? Pot. Kettle. Black." The blonde countered…knowing however that her friend was more than right.
"Look, Elizabeth, all bitchiness aside. You really do need to forgive him some day. If not? Then you’ll just grow into some old hag all alone, cause honey I’m not gonna be the one that changes your adult sized diapers and changes the kitty litter." Even through her teasing, Elizabeth could hear the concern in her voice.
That was certainty a rarity for the fair Ms. Chase.
"Hey, if he deserved to be forgiven I’d do it with fucking bells on. That bastard hurt me, Cord. No one is allowed to do that. Not even him." Slamming down her phone, Elizabeth looked into her make-up mirror and sighed in disgust at the mascara tracks on her tanned cheeks.
"Suck it up, Lizzie. He’s just a guy. You’ve dissed and dismissed them before. This’ll be no different." Lulling herself into a false sense of calm, the woman took her make-up remover to her stained cheeks and wiped away all evidence of her heart.
"You bastard…how dare you? She was my sister." Elizabeth cried, her face a mess of tears and running make-up. "I loved you and you just walk all over me like I’m trash!" And with a whimper she slapped him hard across the face and stormed out of the room.
"CUT! I said Cut people. Learn the word!" Maggie Walsh’s furious voice echoed through the sound stage as the crew rushed around her trying to get ready for the next scene. "And get Ms. Stanhope over here now. William, come here." She demanded to the tall, blonde man that was nursing a livid bruise on the side of his sculpted cheek.
Maggie sighed when she saw Elizabeth stalking onto the platform, her head held high and her stance demanding respect, her eyes purposefully avoiding William’s lean form. "Okay you two what the hell was that?!" She demanded when they both came to a halt in front of her. "I don’t rightly recall their being a ‘bitch’ or a slap in that scene." She scolded the two stubborn actors.
"Improvisation." They both muttered in defense, then glared at each other when they realized what the other had said.
"Slut." William muttered.
"Ass picker." Elizabeth retorted.
"Hag." He returned.
"Dick sniffer." She shot back, her voice louder.
"Daddy’s whore." He said coldly.
"Mama’s boy." Elizabeth sneered.
"Wal-Mart reject." He snapped.
"Billy Idol –" Elizabeth started, but was interrupted by Maggie screech. "That’s it! I am sick of this shit. For the past two months you two have been at each others throats and I can’t take it anymore! How you two can even tie your shoes alone is beyond me. Either you two work this little feud out or this movie is off! I WILL NOT take this anymore. I can’t and I won’t! You have three days and if you two haven’t sorted this out then you’re both severely fired!" Eyes blazing Maggie threw down her clipboard and stormed from the stage, her furious ranting heard all over the building.
"Look at what you did!" Both bottled blondes cried at the same time.
"What I did?" They shouted once again simultaneously.
"Stop that!" They pair demanded glaring at the other.
"Oh…yummy…back to old tricks are we? Gotta love the UST." Came a melodious voice from behind the duo.
"Oh, bite me." Elizabeth snapped in annoyance. She would drop dead from disgust before she even thought about admitting that Spike still gave her ‘that special low down tingle’ that her cousin Faith was always talking about.
"Oh. So aggressive. Really it’s turning me on." Fed up Elizabeth spun around to tell the intruder to fuck off so she and William could start in on each other again, when she gasped. "Oh my god! Dawnie?!" Elizabeth screeched, her arms outspread she lunged at her baby sister. "What the hell are you doing here?" She demanded, her arms wrapped securely around the tall, lanky yet attractive 18 year old.
"Um, okay…needing to breathe here." Dawn peeped from the smothering hug. Sheepishly, Elizabeth let her sister loose from the death grip. "Sorry." She muttered, straightening out her clothes and puffy her hair. "No problem, I personally can’t get through the day without seeing the white light." She teased.
"Hey, sorry if I occasionally show a little sister love…and did that sound like a late night Show Time movie or what?" She trailed off with a cringe that was shared by both Dawn and William. "But back to the point…what the hell are you doing here? I thought you were in Paris for six months…you better not have hijacked the jet again…Mom is gonna open a vein." Elizabeth demanded her face suddenly stern.
"No mistress Buffy. I was a very good little model and asked permission and everything…may I have my cookies and tea now?" Dawn said in a sickeningly sweet, sarcastic voice, her eyes wide and innocent and her shoulders bowed.
"Ha…very not funny. And how many times have I told you… the name is Elizabeth…Buffy was High School. Buffy is dead. I strangled her, poured lighter fluid all over her hideous pink prom dress, set her on fire and poured bleach on her ashes." Elizabeth stated matter-of-factly.
Sighing disgustedly, Dawn walked past her sister to stop directly in front of her former brother-in-law and looked him over. He was a bit taller, her cheekbones a bit sharper, and his hair whiter. His normal all black wear was substituted with some preppy sweater and loose fitting dress pants that hid his tight ass and slim hips. Not of the good. But the sweater was tight enough to show off the lush eight pack that she knew for a fact he sported.
All in all…he was still the Spike she had crushed on all those years ago.
"Hmm…still fine as hell. But we all know that you could never change. So, Spike what’s with the distance. Don’t want to give you nibblet a hug." Putting on her classic pout, the one that not only won her thousands of magazine covers but also thousands of arguments and toys when she was five.
Knowing that it would only be a matter of seconds before he caved, William mock-growled and scooped Dawn up into a spinning hug, sending her into a rare giggled fit. "Oh. God, bit how long has it been?" He asked with a sigh when he finally sat her down.
"Decades." Dawn teased, still hanging onto her neck. No matter how old she got, Spike would still be her big brother and always great for a hug.
"Seems like." Elizabeth stated quietly from behind them, her eyes misty at their bonding. She hadn’t seen them together since before the annulment. She had always been jealous at their care-free relationship … especially when hers and Williams had always been so complicated.
"So…" Dawn began, her grip on William finally broken when he demanded air. "What’s up with the movie? All going well on the set of tension?" When she received twin glares in response she back away, holding her hands up in mock-surrender. "Hey, don’t punish the little innocent cover girl…I’m just relaying what I’ve read in all the trashy ‘entertainment newspapers’. Supposedly, from eye witness accounts, when either of you are in the same room together the sky outside darkens and priests all over the world drop to their knees and pray…it’s a tested theory." She defended herself with a straight face.
"And I’m guessing by the lack of work being done around here that you two have yet again got someone to either A: Quit, B: Become an alcoholic , or the most common, C: Jump from a tall building?" When they both looked away, and started shifting their feet self- consciously she gasped. "Please tell me it wasn’t that really hot guy that’s playing Ryan?"
"No…Conner’s good…well it’s just that I think we’ve finally put Maggie in a straight jacket." Elizabeth admitted, receiving a friendly smirk from William. She almost smiled back until she remember that he was a asshole that didn’t deserve air much less the kindness that she only bestowed on family.
"Oh, whew! Thank God. I was planning on asking him out. And Maggie’s been a bitch to you since your first nation-wide commercial…so yay!" Elizabeth and William couldn’t help but share a laugh when Dawn looked sheepish for the first time in years.
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(6 Hours later)
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"You’re shitting me." Dawn said amidst her giggles.
"Nope, that old hag actually expects me and William to get along." Elizabeth sighed, picking through the skittles searching for her favorite but coming up empty. "Hey did you scarf all the red ones?" She asked the teenager indignantly.
"Um, no…why would you say that?" The brunette asked, her voice muffled around chewing candy that looked oddly like the red treats that Elizabeth had been searching for.
"Oomph…yeah right. You know Dawnie I’m glad you’re here. I couldn’t take being alone much longer. I may be a evil bitch but I still happen to be half human. My demon half can’t be in control all the time." Elizabeth said with a gratefully to her sister.
"Mine can. But I do see your point…my little meek human chick needs to see the light of day occasionally. And by the way, since I’m not allowed to call you by your right name then you can’t call me my baby name. Mom stopped with the pumpkin belly years ago…and I’m not Dad’s princess anymore so I’m not Dawnie either." The girl said suddenly very insistent.
"Hey not fair. You let William call you bit and nibblet." The blonde protested…feeling a bit hurt that the evil ex gets special privilege when she didn’t.
"Yeah well, Spike is still Spike to me so I’m still his little Nibblet. The second he becomes frigid and pissy like you he has to call me Dawn…plus his ass is better than yours." Screeching Dawn dived from the bed to avoid a sudden assault by pillow.
When she looked up to see if the coast was clear she got side swiped by a 5 foot long body pillow and went down with a thump. "Okay…that’s it, bitch. You’re going down." Dawn said raising from the carpeted floor and laughing through the air and landing on top of the giggling blonde.
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(The Next Day)
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"You can’t be for real." Elizabeth said exasperated. Maybe the baby sister in town thing wasn’t such a good thing.
"I am…and you know I’m right. I talked to Cordy a few days ago and the agrees with me to. You and Spike need to just get over it and make with the smoochies." Dawn stated assertively.
"What?! Smoochies?! There will be no smoochies. Smoochies are very bad and will not happen!" Elizabeth asserted flustered, her whole appearance plainly stating that she thought that smoochies would be a very GOOD thing. No matter what her mouth said.
"Okay…okay…no smoochies." Dawn relented…not. "But you two still need to act like the civil people that everyone’s knows that you’re not. This movie would make you even more famous and that 6 million dollar check doesn’t look to bad either? Not to mention all the magazine interviews you would get…and we all know you love those." The girl coaxed…she knew from years of experience that with just the right words, body language and tone of voice that she could convince her sister into anything. That nicely placed rose tattoo on her ass was proof to that.
"Well….maybe….you might just have a point. I said maybe!" She asserted when Dawn brightened. "I’ll…try to be nice…but if he brings up any touchy subject or lets any of his jerkiness show, then I’ll be forced to removed his dick with a dull, rusty and bloody nail file and pickle in it a jar to sell in a gas station in Alabama. Got that? Good send a memo!"
Authors Notes: If you’ve read the latest chapter of ‘Star Struck’ then you all know why the hell I haven’t updated in a while. So I can skip that incredibly annoying part, anyway I’ve been getting a lot of reviews that basically say ‘What the hell?’ I actually made Spike out to be a very naughty boy didn’t I? *evil laugh* He cheated on our sweet innocent Buffy…how dare he the evil bastard? *sobs loudly* Well to tell the truth it wasn’t all his fault…no really it wasn’t I’ll be the first to defend him…and to anyone who might wonder yes this is still a Buffy/Spike story and eventually there will be really gross mushy smoochies. Feedback: *Pout* I am extremely confused here people. Does this story just suck or something…I mean ‘Star Struck’ is getting all the attention while my poor little glam life is being left out in the cold. Is it not good enough? I mean I’ve gotten reviews, lots of them…but ‘Star Struck’ has almost 5 times as many. * Pout * I’m begging here people…review me…please.
************************* (The Set, October 22, 2002) *************************
Dawn couldn’t help it. She was dying. It was just too much for her to take. Cordelia looked over at her in shock.
"Dawn Summers. I hardly think this is the time to be laughing your cute little ass off, young lady." The older woman admonished.
"Oh please Cord, I see you cringing every time you gnaw on your tongue. Your dying to crack up to….admit it." The girl said, her hand on her hip, her blue eyes flashing.
"Fine, fine okay I’ll give a little. It is kinda….amusing. I mean look at them." Cordelia defended.
Doing as asked Dawn looked towards the set at the furious Assistant Director, the stressed make-up woman, and the defiant Elizabeth.
When William and Elizabeth had agreed to have a truce they knew it would be at all easy. But this was just down right impossible.
Elizabeth was waving her arms around like a lunatic and William was sulking in the corner by the fake window rubbing the newest collection of slap marks.
The two women could hear the Make-up woman trying to calmly explain to Elizabeth that she could keep slapping William, the make-up could only cover up so much. And Anya the Assistant Director was yelling about Budget cuts and how having the movie crash at the Box Office because the leading man’s handsome face was completely disfigured.
Finally, the girls decided to take mercy on the woman and talk to their friend.
"Excuse us, well handle it…that’s it go on and put blush on something." Shooing the two people away Dawn turned to her sister and grinned at the petulant look she wore.
"Elizabeth, sweetie…it’s a romantic comedy. You knew this would happen eventually. " The girl argued realistically.
"Yeah, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it. Plus, you saw that look he gave me when he read today’s script. I know he’s been planning this…with that arrogant smirk of his." The blonde slyly left out the part about how the look he sent her sent tingles down her spine and made her pulse race.
"It’s just a kiss, Elizabeth, You’ve done it a thousand times." When the blonde gave her a raised eyebrow Cordy quickly amended. "Well, maybe not a thousand…more like a…hundred?"
"Fine." Elizabeth huffed, pushing her shoulders back and held her head up high.
Dawn and Cordelia looked at each other for a second, lips quivering then burst out laughing, and had to leave the stage.
*************************** (Same time, In the corner) ************************
William was sulking.
There was no better term for it. But he had a perfectly good excuse. He had been slapped. For the third time in as many days. It wasn’t his week at all. No matter what he did or how much he laid on the charm he was always getting slapped. And not just an ordinary slap but a bitch slap. It sucked.
All he did was casually point out to the bird that the elusive ‘make-out scene’ was on schedule for today and she hauled off and belted him one.
Okay so maybe he could have left out the smirk, and that little comment about steaming up the camera, but he was just joking, and she bloody well knew it. She was just looking for a reason to fight.
So he screwed up three years ago.
So he broke her heart and ruined the only hope she had ever had for the male gender.
Was that so bad?
Don’t answer that.
******************************************************** (Same time, On way to corner)…don’t you hate these things…lol ********************************************************
‘I can do this. I can so do this. I am woman hear me roar…okay now that was just so very pathetic. But I can. I can go up to him. Say I’m sorry for bitch slapping him…again, and make with the nice. Not too nice now. Cause that would be yuck. Or not so yuck. Maybe even good…he he. No! Not good…horrible and icky. Not of the good. He was yucky and disgusting…and a big poop head….and can I get more third grade, next I’ll be insisting that he’s got a bad case of the cuties.’
‘God, I’m pathetic.’
Finally, she had reached her point, standing right in front of William. He didn’t look so happy to see her. She looked him in the eye and spoke calmly and rationally, which scared him all the more.
"Okay, first off. I am sorry for slapping you senseless. But in all fairness you did deserve it. Secondly I don’t think that either of us intended to put each other in the hospital when we made that truce. So I think that it would be better if we just forgot everything and pretend that you didn’t screwed me over by fucking that whore and act like we are just the average actors trying to finish a movie." She held it together very nicely, ignoring the way his eyes darkened when she got a bit too close, the way his jaw flexed when she delivered the ‘fucking that whore’ line. She forgot that he wasn’t used to her swearing. She forgot that she once was sweet and innocent, and that she used to blush at the word ‘fuck’.
But she apparently wasn’t finished, because right as he opened his mouth to speak she started u again, in the same emotionless tone, her face impassive. "But unfortunately, I seem to have a slight problem with that little arrangement. It seems that I have a bit of a grudge that most women have after their husbands fuck their agents. So I think that the best thing we could do is talk this through. We never did that, you know with the knife being surgically removed from my heart. What do you think?" Finally she gave him a chance to speak.
"Oh I have some say so in it? I’m flattered." He paused to give her a chance to absorb just how sarcastic that statement was. "I would love to chat this out with you pet. But I have a very strong feeling that you won’t believe a word that comes out of my mouth. I didn’t try it then and I don’t think it’ll happen now." He warned her, even though he knew she’d only whine until she got her way, she was good at that.
"Look, dip shit, we are going to talk this though like the rational adults that we both know I am, and you can tell what ever lie you want, I just want to get it over with, I’m sick of hating the ground you walk on. I’d be much happier if I could just want you dead, instead of wishing I was the cause of it. So we are going to my place tonight, and ‘chat this out’ as you so annoyingly put it, then I can go back to my wonderful life, and you can go back to being a jack ass. How about it?" The look she gave him plainly said that he didn’t even have a word to say in the matter.
So, to recover even a hint of his pride he put on his smirk and said in his best ‘big bad’ voice. "Sounds smashing, love. Should I bring the wine?"
Buffy’s eyes fixed on a point above his head, gnawed on her tongue and slowly walked away from him. Praying silently for the strength to stop from slapping him again.
Next chapter ‘The Talk’…yay! More flashbacks I’m so excited….sort of.
Plus we finally find out what the hell possessed Spike to screw Buffy’s agent…and we find out who the agent was…I can hardly wait….oh yeah…review.