Rated: PG
Summary: Four Weddings and a Funeral Xena style - without the funeral or that many weddings.
Xena: Warrior Bridesmaid
By Tali
"Have you met Miss Jones Someone said as we shook hands She was just Miss Jones to me..."
Balloons fell from the ceiling and the band played as she twirled mindlessly. She didn't know whose arms had hold of her and she didn't really care. The idea of disowning ones family had always appealed to her and recent events only strengthened her conviction on the subject - her cousin's wedding.
The announcement of her cousin's plans to wed in only three weeks had come as no big shock; anyone who had ears had heard the little piece of news that there was a bun in the oven. Being a good girl she had done the only 'respectable' thing; dressed as a meringue and prepared to give birth in eight months time to a 'premature' baby.
The band finished the song and the MC charged on stage drunk as a skunk to tell a bad joke and make a complete ass of himself. Someone grabbed her arm and dragged her outside before lighting up a smoke.
"You know, Xena, as bridesmaid you should smile," her brother smirked, almost dropping his smoke while eyeing her salmon coloured attire with distaste.
The orange ruffles and large amounts of lace draped over her body did nothing for her mood, and she whacked him over the head with her matching purse.
"The colour reminds me of puked up pate."
"Charming, Lyceus," Xena rolled her eyes and sighed. "Have you seen Toris tonight?"
"Our darling brother? Well, earlier I saw him consume large amounts of alcohol and pass out on his dinner plate. That was closely followed by round two and then I believe I saw him disappear into the coat closet with the groom's sister." Lyceus paused and looked up at the sky. "Do you ever wonder why he's still the golden child and we're the black sheep?"
"He's married with children, we're not. The family image is what works for mum; let's face it, we're screw-ups. You're gay and I'm not a mini-her."
Lyceus laughed bitterly and when he stopped he adopted the mocking voice of his mother, "it is a phase, isn't it? You'll get over this 'gay' thing right?"
"Do you ever want more?" Xena rocked and back and forth on her heels while pulling at some of the lace.
"What more could I want? I have a darling sister who manages to pull off puke pate and still look elegant and who accepts me for me, and who loves me. I have Apollo and I love him. Sure I'd love mum to be all happy for me but somehow I don't see her marching in the parents section of the Mardi Gras."
"I like Apollo, he's good enough for you." Two pairs of bright blue eyes met and Lyceus had to squeeze his shut.
"We're going to have a ceremony, nothing fancy, just close friends and family. It would mean the world to me if you stood up for me. I promise no ugly salmon dress, I'm thinking more Colette Dinnighan!"
For the first time Xena no longer felt the need to disown her family; at least this family wasn't going to make her wear an ugly dress.
The sound of ringing interrupted her dream and as she stood on the mountaintop, the man of her dreams beside her pulled out a cell phone and started to chat. This in itself was strange as he was clad head to toe in black leather and the nokia just didn't go with the sword. It was then that she realised it was a dream and her phone was ringing rather loudly and very close to her ear. Xena attempted to bolt upright but there was something heavy on her chest restricting movement. For a moment she panicked before taking a breath and opening her eyes slowly. She came face to face with her roommate's evil persian cat which looked her straight in the eye and refused to move.
"Come on, Alti, move it!"
When the cat simply yawned and swished its tail. Xena made a mental note to stop Gabrielle from going within a ten block radius of the pound ever again. She loved her best friend and flatmate dearly; however when it came to pet saving Gabrielle tended to save the ones that no one else wanted, generally because they were evil.
There was Hope the budgie who conducted weird ceremonies in her cage, Alti of course with a tendency to torture anything, Callisto the maltese terrier who constantly fought with Buffy the terrier down the hall, Draco the goldfish who had formed an army of sorts with the other fish and last but not least Gabrielle's beloved hermit crabs Caesar and Brutus who appeared to be building an empire out of shells.
Xena grabbed the phone and hit 'talk' at the same time as getting swiped by Alti for moving too much.
"Hel...Damn Cat!"
"And a good morning to you sister dear", Lyceus cackled.
"You sound happy - too happy for this time of the morning."
"It's noon."
"It's Sunday."
“Point taken. Meet me for lunch in fifteen minutes"
“That means moving Ly!"
“Bella Costa in fifteen Xe and trust me it’ll be worth it."
“Pft!"
"He's gorgeous!"
"Excuse me?" Xena peered over the top of her sunglasses at her brother and squinted.
"Apollo's brother stalked off a Qantas flight this morning and boy, is he the dark brooding leather pants please type! His name is Ares which is freaky, yes, but Apollo informed me that their mum went through a small Greek mythology stage during her child bearing years. He also has a sister called Aphrodite."
"Slight overkill with the letter a there."
“It happens," Lyceus paused for a second, his eyes focused on his sisters arm and the red scratches upon it. “ What happened there?"
“Cat fight. Alti just won’t leave me alone and it freaks me. She’s taken to sleeping near me and this morning when I tried to get her to move she went all demonic on me."
“What that adorable persian face that looks like it’s been hit with a mack truck doesn’t inspire you to melt and feed her fresh fish everyday for the rest of your life?"
“Well when you put it that way..."
“My two favourite people in the whole world!" The interrupting voice sounded like it came from a member of an all boy band and when Xena turned slightly to scowl she couldn’t help but smirk at the sight.
Apollo came bounding over, his blonde curls dancing in the sun like in a shampoo ad. The bronzed ‘god’ looked every bit the surfy bum meets daddy’s fortune from his board shorts to gucci sunglasses. Behind him stood Mr dark brooding leather pants please and Xena studied him for a moment. Her brother had been wrong; he’d forgotten to mention tall.
The brothers couldn’t have been more opposite. The only similarity was the slight curl in both their hair but unlike Apollo who kept his precious locks almost shoulder length, Ares kept his short. Apollo had blue eyes, Ares had brown, Apollo bounced around in tank tops and shorts while Ares stood stiffly in jeans and a shirt. Not only was their colouring completely different it appeared their personalities were too.
Xena was pulled out of her trance like state when Apollo planted a kiss on her cheek, she hadn’t realised she’d been staring. He raised a golden eyebrow and his lip twitched just slightly, alerting Xena that he wanted to smirk but figured it was safer not to.
Apollo turned and pulled a chair from the table behind them and an old couple scowled. Ares remained standing resembling a store mannequin and Apollo rolled his eyes.
“Yo Bro, normal people sit in cafes. Sometimes, they even eat and drink beverages like coffee and..."
Ares unlike Apollo asked the old couple if he could borrow a chair and with one dazzling smile they accepted. This caused Apollo to stick his tongue out at his brother when his back was turned but somehow, from the look on Ares’ face when he sat down - he knew.
“You met Lyceus earlier at the airport," Apollo added. “Xe, my brooding brother Ares. Ares this is my one true love’s dazzling sister, Xena." Apollo proceeded to pick up a menu and scan it for the days specials.
Xena raised an eyebrow at Apollo’s description and half smiled in acknowledgement. Her gaze wandered over to the newest addition to the table and she was surprised to find him staring at her. Xena’s first thought related to whether or not she had anything on her face and a quick assessment revealed it wasn’t that kind of staring. It was good staring - and it scared her that she didn’t mind at all.
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. goddess_tali@yahoo.com.au