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Rating: G
Summary: Xena's thoughts during the end of 'Coming Home.'
Author's notes: Ok, I saw that ep yesterday, and it ROCKED! So I had to write some fic. So I started on a fic, and I hit writer's block, which I'm still trying to get past at the moment (that's why I'm typing) So I wrote a really short fic, aka: this one, so that I'd have something to post. Yay! I hope to have my other fic done soon. If I don't, then you'll see another short one soon. Anyway, now you should go and read.
You Always Got To Me
By Maureen, the Greek Amazon
"Maybe as a mortal, I Could experience something I never got to as a God." My stomach tightens. I know what he's going to say, of course. I always do.
"Like what?"
"Like you." Gods, this hurts so much. It always does. He loves me. I love him. Yeah, I do. I love him. Crucifixion is nothing compared to this. It would be so much easier if I hated him, like I pretended to for so long. But I never take the easy path, do I? No. And that's part of why he loves me. He loves me for me, but... I can't. The pain's hold tightens again. Why must it be this way? I bring my lips to his, reveling in the taste of him. I want to take this farther, but I know I can't. He knows it too. I pull away slowly. The pain starts to make my body go numb. I think he can see the pain in my eyes. I think I let him see it.
"Ow. Looks like I'm finally starting to get to you," he smiles. He's as pained as I am, but isn't that always true? Our hearts beat as one. Our pains, our passions... All the same. He knows, but I think it's time he heard it.
"You always got to me." COWARD! Tell him the whole truth! Tell him you love him! "But you weren't good for me." Child! Weakling! A string of self-directed insults flows through my brain. TELL HIM! "You still aren't." I turn to leave. I can't look him in the eye. Why is it so hard to tell him? What is it that won't let me? I have never felt any pain greater than the pain I feel just walking away from him.
"Xena," he calls. I turn to look at him. "Is there any chance we could be together someday? I dunno, maybe...one in a thousand?" Does he know what he's asking me? Does he know how hard it is? Of course he does. I smile a crooked smile.
"More like one in a billion," I whisper sadly.
"So you're saying there's a chance." It's a statement. He says it like a joke, but I know its true meaning. Yeah, there is a chance. I smile and shake my head. He's never going to give up. Maybe that chance has a chance after all.
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