Hands In Bad Places

Xena opened her eyes, her face less than an inch away from Ares'. Their eyes locked for a brief moment as they both contemplated the situation and what could become of it.

"I think a change of position is in order," Xena finally spoke, turning away from the ex-God. Ares scooted closer to his princess, until his firm body was pressed against hers. Xena slowly looked at him, disbelief evident in her eyes.

"I meant we should *both* change position," she emphasised.

"Ok," Ares muttered, to exhausted to bother with an argument, and rolled onto his back in the middle of the bed. Contented with Ares' new found location, Xena rolled to her former position, hoping she could get some sleep. For a while they both lay comfortably, awaiting sleep to take them.

It was then that the sleeping bard decided that her position wasn't comfortable enough. She rolled, draping her body over Ares'. Ares didn't want to move, lest he awaken the *thing* or upset Xena again. But her hand was...

OH DEAR GOD!

He whimpered. Xena's ears perked up. God or no God, Ares did not whimper. She rolled over slowly to see her best friend draped over and literally drooling on her War God. And Gabrielle's hand was...

Was...

Was, well, where it shouldn't be. Her lip curled in disgust at her sleeping friend's actions. She gave Ares a pitying glance before she delicately reached over and slowly moved Gabrielle's hand off his pants. She threw a scathing glance at the sleeping bard who still remained mostly draped over her War God, before she returned to her position. On one side, Ares felt his princess move just far enough away from him to irk him.

And on the other side...

The irritating blonde was drooling.

On him.

As her body was limply draped over his.

"I'm in Tartarus," he concluded. He tried his best to ignore the disgustingly close blonde and get some sleep. He shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable. Not an easy task while trying to maintain as little contact as possible with the thing that was latched onto him like a dead remora. His face donned a horror-stricken expression as Gabrielle twisted in her sleep, so that she was entirely on top of the ex-God.

"Ok, No." Ares shoved her off him, roughly.

Gabrielle released a loud snort. Ares inched away from the bard towards the Warrior Princess.

It was comforting to know that his proud warrioress was sleeping next to him in the same bed.

Unfortunately, and far less comforting, was the fact that Gabrielle was as well.

By now, Ares was close enough to Xena that his breath caused her hair to move gently.

She wasn't objecting to his location, and he was revelling in it, because he knew she was awake.

He could tell by the way that her breathing had quickened when he had moved towards her.

He waited a moment and when she still made no sign that his closeness was disturbing her, he placed on of his hands atop her bicep and began rubbing it gently. He nestled his face in her raven tresses.

"I know you're awake, Xena," he whispered seductively. "You forget, I'm a--AAAA!" he broke off as a sleeping Gabrielle threw herself at Ares' back.

Horrified, and in total shock, Ares struggled to get away, causing Xena to jerk in surprise and roll off the bed onto the floor with a loud THUDD.

She pushed herself off of the wooden floor, irritably glaring between the ex-God and the still sleeping bard.

"Get it off!" Ares demanded, clawing at the bard to keep her away from him. She just kept rolling back towards him. Ares just wanted to kill the bard there and then, but somehow he didn't think Xena would approve. He did notice however, that as Xena rose from the floor and dusted herself off, that the ruthless expression of hers that he loved was directed at Gabrielle, who unfortunately was pawing at him so much that he couldn't enjoy Xena's killer instinct.

"WAKE UP!" he yelled, right in Gabrielle's ear. Rebellious to Ares even in her sleep, Gabrielle did not obey, just continued to sleep and drape over Ares. Xena slapped Gabrielle's face both in a futile attempt to wake her up and to keep her a slightly safer distance from Ares.

It didn't work very well.

"We have to wake her up," Ares decided as Xena reclaimed her spot on the bed.

"Agreed," Xena stated as Gabrielle wrapped her arm around Ares' torso.

"I can only think of one way," Xena continued.

"Do tell."

Xena grabbed the surprised ex-God and kissed him.

Passionately.

It took him a moment to realise what was going on, but when he did, he happily responded, finally able to ignore the irritating blonde.

Right on cue, as Xena began to deepen the kiss, Gabrielle woke up.

"Xena? Oh my... XENA! What are you doing?!?" Xena broke off the kiss as though she hadn't expected this to happen. Guiltily, she looked to Ares.

"Nothing," she concluded, smiling mischievously, before she returned to her sleeping position. Gabrielle threw Ares a disgusted glance before she rolled as far away from him as possible and returned to her slumber.

--This time without her sleep-groping him.

Ares looked at his black-haired princess, trying to determine her motives, before shrugging and falling asleep himself.

...h.o.m.e...