Title: What Doesn't Kill You...(a reminder to all of us X/A shippers.)
Disclaimer: Umm, let me think do they belong to me? No_if they did do you really think I' d be letting the events of LDITE happen? They belong to the phsycopathic, acid tripping people that call themselves Rob Tapert and USA Studios-may their souls burn in hell (Yes, I have issues)
Spoiler: Up to the end of Sacrifice.
Note: TPTB only give us the good things in life to take them away and leave us heart broken, they enjoy shattering our souls and destroying our hopes and dreams..remember this...it will come in nandy in the future. It the only fun they have.
What Doesn't Kill You...
By Lasca
Xena stared bleakly at the giant pit of fire and lava in front of her, tears falling unchecked on the floor as she slowly shook her head. Her eyes held a sense of despair and hurt that she had never felt before. She was in shock, not able to move, not able to speak, not able to do anything but stand and stare. Her usually lovely face was streaked with the path of tears that refused to stop falling. She couldn't remember ever letting the tears fall like that...maybe at Solan's funeral she had..Solan. Her mind screamed out in renewed pain as unbidden memories of her only child sprung anew into her head, most particularly the images of his cold, pale lifeless form cradled in her arms as she roared in pain and anger. There was nothing she could do. Gabrielle was dead. Xena felt as if her own soul was falling apart..broken into a million unhealable shattered pieces.
She heard Callisto's fit of insane laughter and felt her momentary shock transfer into the form of the more usual hatred that would always be a part of her. Her anger, her hate, the violence residing in her heart erupted suddenly into a rage filled scream as she spun around and plunged the hindsblood dagger into the blonde's abdomen. The anger coursing through her veins, pounding in her heart and flowing in her blood was more powerful than any emotion she had ever felt before. More so than that she had felt against Caesar...Cortese..anyone. The hate developed in her heart for Dahak and that bitch,Hope, was all consuming and reigned supreme above all other emotions. In a cold voice that spoke clearly of her pain, stifled her cries of anquish, and nearly cracked, she said "No more living for you."
The look she saw on the blonde's face was one she had never seen before. The hatred-the loathing-the maniacal gleam that would forever be burned into her mind was not present, replaced instead by an expression so foreign. Callisto's face now looked almost peaceful. It was almost understanding, compassionate. As if she understood Xena's pain and hatred. As if perhaps she had finally forgiven her. Forgiveness was the last thing Xena wanted right now. Callisto's hand reached up to lovingly carress her face with pure sympathy written clearly across her own. She understood-and through that understanding, she was able to forgive. She couldn't keep up her strength though. As the poisonous hindsblood worked through her system, she fell slowly to the floor in an untidy heap.
She was aware when Ares left-and was slightly surprised to find he didn't say anything. Not that she wanted him to. She turned slowly to the pit once more, ignoring the rumbling of the temple as she stared emotionlessly into the pit, her face now the blank mask she had become so accustomed to.
She caught Joxer's eye after a while and kept the contact, effectively conveying nothing to the heart-broken man. Joxer winced at the empty look of her eyes and spoke softly as she looked away. "I'm so sorry Xena."
She said nothing for a while, then turned to him, "It wasn't your fault Joxer." With a small cry she turned and reached down to where she could pull the dagger violently from Callisto's dead body and hold it up in front of her with hard eyes. "It wasn't your fault." With no further words she stepped over the body and walked calmly out of the temple, willing herself not to feel anything until she was at a safe distance from anyone she might hurt.
************
The shock had dissipated in no time at all, followed by the deep unrelenting fury that begged for the release that she was only too happy to provide. When she had reached a secluded area. Se had ridden for hours, pushing Argo at a dangerously exhausting pace and covering nearly 50 miles.
The anger that was consuming her being was all too familiar to Xena, she had felt it many times in her 'warlord' years, but had not recently allowed it to be unleashed, save a few occasions where she found she had no power over it. She wanted to kill, to destroy, and to hurt every living thing, she wanted them to feel just as horrible as she was feeling. She ran her fingers through her hair with a low frustrated growl. She broke out her weapons with amazing speed, trying to release the pent up emotions she began to work on some drills, thrusting and lunging into the air with her sword flashing, catching the rays of the sun with every movement. The motions soon became frenzied, fueled with an unholy passion as she screamed out in agony and hurt. It wasn't helping. Nothing was helping. Spinning around blindly she launched the sword away from her with inhuman strength, sending it careening through the air and imbedding the blade 7 inches into the near trunk of a tree. Her eyes were glowing with a savage light and another anquish filled cry escaped her burning lungs as she tried, to no avail, to soothe her aching head.
She was falling apart, she could feel it even though she tried to stop it. How much longer could she keep it up? Did she want to keep it up? What worth was life with all the people she had loved dead? Her breathing was becoming painful as she gasped repeatedly.
Xena closed her eyes tightly, her hands clenched into tight fists, she leaned her head back and tried to calm her breathing. No sooner had she done so, than she was aware of a pair of large strong hands grasping her trembling shoulders. Her heart did calm then-as she knew who it was that was standing behind her. She mentally cursed herself for not 'feeling' his presence earlier and hardened her face as she spoke in a feral tone. Each word was spoken calmly, but said with an intensity that could have driven a nail through steel. "What. Do. You. Want?" She did not however make any move to shake his hands from her, so he in turn decided not to move them.
"You called for me, Xena." Ares said simply, fully expecting her to pull away from him.
"Ohh, I called for you! And when the fuck did I do that, you bastard!" She growled, staring straight ahead with an angry scowl.
"Stop it Xena, I didn't come here for this, damnit!" Ares said, his own voice harsh. He pulled her up and spun her around to face him.
"What the hell do you think you're doing." She glared at him through narrowed eyes, teeth visible through the snarl twisting her lips.
"In answer to your first question, you did call me, even if you're not aware of it right now-as for what I'm doing, I'm trying to snap you out of this. As much as I get excited by all that hate and anger running through you, there are more pressing matters at hand."
In her present condition, Xena offered a wicked grin to Ares, who's hands were still gripping her shoulders, and said something she would usually have refrained from saying, but did it anyway. "Don't tell me you're horny Ares!? Because, in case you haven't noticed, I'm really not in the mood!"
The chilling look in her eyes was not lost on Ares. He only shook his head, angrily, and answered easily. "Do you think that Dahak is gone from this world? Do you think the threat is over now?"
His words seemed to shake Xena from her recent state, and she stared heatedly back up at him. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly, not willing to believe that she had lost Gabrielle and the danger still wasn't over.
"The danger Dahak presented is still just as serious as it ever was...its not over, Xena." he warned looking her deep in the eyes. He found worry in them, and the coldness now beginning to fade just slightly.
"Why do you care? You did team up with him, Ares-or did that slip you mind?" she asked sarcastically.
"Xena, do you really think that I would join Dahak? No, not just joining him, serving him? Me?"
Xena's eyes, were mere slits as she stared at him inquisitively. "Then what were you doing?"
He shrugged exasperatedly and exclaimed in a bored tone. "I was getting close..if you had given me the dagger, I could have killed hope!"
"As unbelievable as it sounds, I do believe you...just because I can't imagine you serving anyone..much less that asshole!" She growled, her eyes once again lit up with fire.
"There it is, that fire..I miss that, Xena." He said softly, reaching up to gently carress her cheek. Surprisingly she didn't draw back but instead leaned in just slightly, also stepping closer to him at the same time.
"You miss that?" she asked softly, her voice husky. "You're about to see a lot more of it. You still want me to lead your army?" she sounded completely certain, no doubts about her choice and was once again calm. Ares only nodded and pulled her close for a deep kiss which she returned just as passionately. She was feeling lonely, she decided finally as she brought her hands up behind Ares back to rub his neck. She was letting him take advantage of her, but she didn't care at all. She felt comfort in his arms-nothing else mattered.
Only one thing was certain as Ares and Xena disappeared in a flash of blue light, still locked together at the lips. Dahak was going to be fighting a team, and that team wasn't planning to lose.
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