Aurora
By Kim
Part One
Ares where are you? Xena asked herself, she had deliberately come out into the forest, away from camp and Gabrielle so that he had a chance to come. Come, come on don’t make me call out to you. Xena thought it and then said it out loud, just over a whisper, so that he could hear. He always listened to her it seemed. Xena felt prickling on the back of her neck and her heart race took up it’s pace. Finally she thought.
“You called?” Ares piped up from behind her, amusement, as always, in his voice.
“No, I haven’t yet.” Xena set him straight, how did she explain what she wanted? I suppose I should just jump straight in, improvise. Okay…easy. “I just thought it might be pleasant to see you again, I mean it’s been a while.” She teased, this game she knew well.
Ares gave her a you-think-I’m-that-gullible look, then a smile touched his lips. Gods those lips Xena’s mind whispered to her, she immediately scolded it; This is not the time and it’s so not true, well…
“Do you need my help Xena? You need something from the God of War, your ultimate enemy?” How he could look so gorgeous and still say such ugly words Xena did not know. He was trying to get her back up, easy you said Xena thought.
“We aren’t enemies, never will be.” She said flippantly, “Look, Ares, I’ll cut the chase, I really wanted to know whether or not you were busy?”
Ares was a little taking a back, it usually took them a while to get to the point and it was usually fun but now he saw that she was in need of something, she needed something from him and not just his time, he was intrigued but a little wary; things with Xena, since she left him, were never easy.
“I’m never too busy for my chosen now Xena you know that.” He could swear he heard her mutter ‘don’t I know that just too well’ she he tutted at her for emphasis, something he knew she hated, but since she was asking him for something he felt he could push it and after that comment she deserved it.
“Ummm…” Xena started, but she seemed to have trouble finding the words.
“Xena? Talk to me; I’ll give you what I can, you know that.” He said seriously, he hated to she her in difficult situations, ones he didn’t know if she could get through anyway, plus he really didn’t like that look on her face, it made him think she might ask for the world or his soul. Not that he would have minded giving her either of those things, she did already own one of them.
Xena’s eyes closed, she struggled within herself and then barely above a whisper she said, “That’s it, Ares, that’s what I want, to talk to you, please?”
The vulnerability she had just shown to him was gut wrenching, his arms were around her before he could think. “Xena, you can always do that, it’s no great submission. Tell me.” Though he knew if was the other way around it would definitely be, he was surprised she even showed this side in front of him, the stuff he had done over the last three years.
Her story started off slowly and tentatively more a reminder than to him than a story…
***
Four summers before I left you and my army, our relationship had developed, it was after that big ball up on Olympus, you and I had had an argument and then the anger changed, it poured out and it became passion and it stayed that way for the whole night. But you know those details, I dare say you helped make them. We carried on in this way whilst I ran my army, it was after Borias and Solan, so there was no reason not to and it was very fun…
After the battle near Trittico I had an unexpected guest; after the battle the battle I had bathed my wounds and had a sleep before I did the usual filing through of the prisoners. You appeared before I got the chance to change though and I got extremely side-tracked. It was a full two hours before I got to the chore of filing through the prisoners and I was in a particularly good mood and I suppose that it why it hit me as hard at it did. I had gotten through half of the prisoners, hardily any of them were very good but they were useful, they could clean and cook and I wasn’t in the mood for disposing of everyone anyway, I was in a hurry to get back to the tent. This happened to be the subject I pondering over too, when something slapped me a cross the face. I was shocked, no-one hit me, no-one dared do so and lived. I was angry and completely shocked. I smiled, ready for the kill, but as a brought my face back up, dramatically slow I stared the person straight in the eye and I recognised him. He was one of the men that had fought with Lyceus and myself to defend Amphipolis, his name was Gilos. He had to pay for slapping me but I couldn’t kill this man, of all the people I had killed this one got to me, he had known and loved Lyceus, it would be like killing a part of me. I did the only thing I could do, I smiled wicked and ordered him to be chained up in the tent next to mine so that I could personally torture this man. I made careful description so as to frighten the rest of the prisoners and warn my men that this was not the behaviour I liked. I had no idea what I supposed to do, I couldn’t show weakness and yet I couldn’t kill him, perhaps I would follow out my own orders. My good mood was gone and I ordered the rest of the prisoners to be murdered, this wiped the smile off of Gilos’ face, he begged me not to and I enjoyed watching him suffer and even partook of the killing of the others. It cleared up my anger but not be situation. Gilos was taken and tied as ordered in the tent next to mine.
I deliberately went back to my tent, to you, to get rid of these, silly feelings, to burn them out. I entered the tent and all I found was a note, a quick sorry I got bored. I was furious, Gilos had caused me to not only question myself but he had wasted my time with the man I wanted to be with. I went over to the tent and beat it out of him, “How dare you!” I screeched at him. When I had tried my self though I began to relax a little, I felt better, I pulled up a chair and watched the blood pour out of the man that had caused me that much anguish, a triumphant smile was on my lips.
“You are no more than what Cortese was. You are worse. You never deserved you brother, he died for your cause and look what it is. If only he had known he would have let us all die.” With my guard down the words hurt, some part of me had always felt that this was true and here was this man I used to admire and respect voicing it.
“That not true.” I said, hitting him in the face with my foot, this made him unconscious and also left a deathly silence. I only had my own thoughts to occupy me and his words grew. I couldn’t bare to blame myself though, I blamed you, Ares because you had helped me get that good, that cruel and feared. In those few minutes I hated you for what I was, for the shame I had brought to Lyceus, I knew he could never be proud of it but I was past that point I was hooked on the kill, the bloodlust, the idea of running an army and conquering villages and towns. It was like a drug, that life and I needed it. When Gilos woke up, I was silently crying, something no-one had ever seen me do and something I hadn’t done since I had given Solan away and when Borias had died.
Gilos did the worst thing he could possibly have done, he tried to comfort me with those pathetic words of his, “It doesn’t matter, people will forgive you, you just have to be strong and pull through it, make Cyrene proud.” At the mention of my mother I saw again in my mind’s eye the day she had forced me away, blamed me for Lyceus’ death, it was all me and my little battle, if not for it he would be alive. This man was trampling on my heart and doing it with compassion! I spat at him and drew my sword, I went into a violent rage. My war cry rang out and skewed him, calling for the servants, the prisoners to clean up the mess I had made of him. I then went and out and did sword drills until the morning light. I crawled back to my tent at about two hours after sun rise. I slept all day. You came that nioght and I turned away from you when you appeared, you got angry but I ignored you, your words were somehow muted and I fell asleep again before you had even finished your rantings and left, not that you noticed. It carried on like this for about a month. I went about half-heartedly doing my job, organising things and training until I fell a sleep, hating the nightmares I was having, but not caring all that much at the same time. It was as if the world was a haze, I hardely remember the time, I had planned a battle, we were going up against massive odds, but it was all so well planned and there was no-way we would loose.
The day before the battle I had a fitful sleep, I was tired that morning and knew that I could harily stand up, let along battle. I let the army in anyway and it went according to plan for everyone else, I think we won. I don’t really know. My heart to came to life on the battlefield though, I was yelling with all of it, slicing my way through people, but my body was still tired and I couldn’t really control it properly, I was stumbling and missing bits of information that I never would have usually, mainly the info about the rest of the battle, I concentrated on one person only and didn’t even see the person behind me until his sword was two inches from my torso, too late for me to react. You appeared though, your body still sparkling as your sword blocked that attack. I looked at you, but you were so mad, I shrunk back and this scared you. Another sword was heading my way, I knew it and knew I should defend myself but I couldn’t move I fell into you, it was all I could do. You immediately transported us to one of your castles, I was still really shocked though, I didn’t really take anything in. You stood infront of me, supporting me and I gently came back to my senses and my mind was screaming at me. I could have killed myself, I know in the morning I wasn’t fit enough to do it. I pushed you away from my and stormed around the room. I was angry again, it seemed that I couldn’t be normal I had to go from one extreme to the other and I was seeing red. You were angry too, it never took much for you to get angry anyway, but I was way over the limit an d I knew it and I still pressed on. I shoved your help back into your face, refusing to answer to your shouts of rage with the question, “What the hell is wrong with you! You would have been killed!”. I’m not really sure what happened, but we unsheathed our swords and we were fighting, no training fight either, you were going for the kill and I was just going for it, I knew you couldn’t die but all I wanted was to hack you limb from limb. I found myself swordless before long and then so did you, I kicked from your gasped with strength I have never felt before, we then went hand to hand, with turned into wrestling which…well…, try to think back to the first time, on Mt. Olympus. It was the same, it was ferocious and it went on for the whole night, until I fell asleep in your arms.
I woke up in the same position, with the sun streaming in through the windows, I still had no idea where we were, but I didn’t care. I looked up at you, you were sleeping oh so peacefully and my heart went out and then I iced it over. I had to get out of here, this couldn’t happen again. I still blamed you, not for the battle, not even for Lyceus’ death, I know just blamed you for letting me live. I couldn’t kill myself and I couldn’t let anyone kill me, but you were better and you could have done it if you wanted to, but you didn’t you left me to suffer my own guilt and for this I couldn’t stand to be in that position with you.
I slipped out of your arms Those firm gorgeous arms (she thought to herself) and I left, I found a road I recognised and went to the nearest person I knew. By the time I got to Cassandra’s house it was obvious to me that I was pregnant, I had morning sickness and felt sleepy a lot of the time. When I got to Cassandra’s home though, you were there, you had been waiting.
My heart leapt when I saw you, you were as gorgeous as ever and you held the promise of war, which I also loved. But I had a child to think about now and I had to get you angry enough to go away and stay away.
I was short with you, “Ares go away.” I said as coldly as I could.
“Why did you leave? Without a word, Xena.” You were upset, not angry at me but disappointed in me. I could have cried, I would have to if it wasn’t for what you said next. “I don’t need you.” I returned just as icily. It was one of the reasons I left you in the end, I never wanted to disappoint you and would never ever give one word of encouragement. (sigh, on with the story)…
“Oh, you do, Xena, you have no idea and when you realise it you’ll come crawling back, begging, and you know what I only used you in the first place. You think I was really in love with you.”
“I never thought you were in love me, it was a suiting arrangement, it now isn’t. You really should leave, you’re showing yourself up, I didn’t think Gods needed us mere mortals.” That did the trick, I had damaged your pride, rejected a God and spoken in a superior manner. You were so angry I thought you might send a fire ball in my direction, you never hurt me though.
“Don’t come calling out for help from me Xena, you’ll never get it and I might just help out your enemy instead.” With that you left, but you were still listening so I twisted the knife, by absently muttering, “What a loser, lets hope I don’t have to deal with him again.” I then walked up to Cassandra’s door and knocked.
It was there that I realised I needed you, every meal we sat as a happy family, the children squealing in glee at covering themselves with their food. The adults around me laughing; reminding me what was to come. I talked to Cassandra, we had always got on but I felt so alone there. I missed the war, the bloodshed, a certain god I was in love with. I realised that I couldn’t escape my fate, I was how I was and there wasn’t any point in denying it. I stayed, I thought of the child and reflected on myself. I decided that I was already hooked on the war and bloodshed, but I had a choice whether or not to bring my child into it. It would be harder keeping the child from the life of war. It’s father of the god of it and if you found you would have taken him away from me at it’s birth and brought it up to be the best warlord ever seen. I knew this and I knew it was not right for a child, like had to decided to give Solan up, I decided that I must give up this child, even though this time I could have been a mother I knew all I could bring the child hurt. I also had a lot of enemies, the chance to me through my child would have been unmissable for most of them. The keep it save therefore I would inform you, I would doom my own unborn child without so much as it’s first cry.
I knew what I had to do; I craved for the war and you, I was doomed myself, it was either break my heart or doom my child. I chose like any good mother would to break my heart, I almost backed out when I came full term, I would have backed out, if you hadn’t turned up. I was at my desk, in my room and I felt your presence, I almost died, I couldn’t hide a huge lump from you. You didn’t notice though, you didn’t even step out of the aether, you just watched for almost half an hour as I continued to do what I did without moving from behind the desk. I was afraid in that half an hour, I was afraid I would just stand up and jump at you, proclaiming my thirst for vengeance and blood.
You left, I carried on for a whole two weeks and then I went into labour, it was agony, worse than when I had had Solan, I was screaming out, biting my lips in fear of shouting for you, I only really felt safe with you. I only had the child, a girl, for two days before I felt I would never live if I let her go. I named her, I called her Aurora, it was as pretty as she was, she had your nose and dark brown eyes, her hair was raven black; such a pretty little girl.”
The Xena of the present felt a tear slide down her cheek. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, when Solan…when he was born I didn’t even hold him; only to take him to the village to give to the centaurs.”
“The day I gave her up, my heart broke and I hated you like nothing else, leading me into the life of war, making me fear for her safety, for you just being you, I wouldn’t have come back at that point, I had decided that I would just leave and settle in an unknown village, I wouldn’t even take my daughter, I would just leave all the pain behind and start anew.
Then, again, just when my resolve was strong, when I might have left, you came into my room; this time you appeared. At the first sight of you my heart melted and my blood started to flow again, all the old passions awakened, my heart seemed to fix a little though it would never heal, but the hate I felt turned in onto myself; it was all my fault how dare I blame someone else yada yada yada. You were angry at me for not giving in and be so stubborn as to stay away for so long, I remember the luck of it, you came when the child had left only days before. I lapped it up, almost seeming to ignore the words, because it was your voice and I had missed it for so long. I didn’t leave with you that night, I told you that I would not come at his beck and call and the fact that you did for me was your choice. I could almost laugh at the pettiness of it now, but I needed the time. I spent the next two months getting back in shape, having visits from you, getting sicker of the family life around me, getting impatient at just waiting.
I did leave though and I returned to the life of war, more bloody and ruthless than ever, pleasing you more than ever and I must have seemed crazy. Without your guidance I might have conquered the world over the next few years, loosing my soul forever, just bathing in the blood of all my victims. No-one could so much as bruise me, they would be dead before they made contact. I forgot about Gilos I tried to forgot about Aurora and Solan and I found comfort in you and the war you gave me. I lived in a perfect world for a time, before I realised that it wasn’t what I wanted, before Hercules, before ‘the greater good’, but where does that get ya, huh?”
She finally looked up at Ares, expecting to see the disappointment there again, she found that all he looked was confused and a little hurt. She herself was dreading the next few moments, this was what was important. She felt the tears pour down her face, this was important.
“Why? Why didn’t you trust me?” He asked, knowing the answer to be that he had used all his other children that had any power and a child with his Chosen would always be the most powerful with a mortal. Didn’t she see that as his Chosen she had different rules in his life; all he had ever wanted was a child by Xena, he loved her. Why else did she think that he set up plans and schemes to get her back?
“Why are you telling me now?” He asked as his thoughts rounded; something was obviously wrong, Xena wouldn’t cry like this; with her tear following though her head was help high now; wouldn’t open her heart to him like this unless something was wrong. He prayed, he wasn’t sure who to but he prayed that the child was okay, knowing that it was wasn’t. He could except almost anything except the death of his daughter, the daughter he had wanted all of his eternal life; that said something.
“Xena?” He prompted, hating to be the bully only wanting to hold her and comfort her like he should be doing. He had to know though, he had to know what happened to the child, why Xena was coming to him. He held his breath, looking at Xena trying to read what was wrong, to no avail.
“Ares…please.” Xena said, breaking down, immediately his arms were around her, as the sobs racked her body. He held on tightly through the violent attacks, gently rocking her back and forth, desperate to help her, to calm her. He had tears coming from his own eyes now, just looking at her like this, over their child, felt like his chest had been ripped open and his beating heart removed.
Xena felt his tears on her neck, she couldn’t control her own body, she hated this helpless feeling. The only way to save her child, Ares and her child was to speak now and think now; not lay in a heap sobbing.
She pulled all of her effort together to gain control, she was still shaky and her voice quavered but she got it out; “Ares, you have to help, she’s ill, she’s going to DIE! Unless we do something and I just feel so helpless!” Ares’ eyes showed only concern, his body only love. Xena moved closer to him, putting her head against his chest, and then in a little girls voice she added, “Please, I can’t do this.” At this the sobbing overtook her once again, with Ares trying to comfort her to no avail. He was lost, he had never seen Xena like this, nor expected to but his heart truly did belong to her and he knew no matter what was causing his daughter pain he would put a stop to it.
Ares had sat there all night with Xena, until she had drifted off to sleep, he had quickly moved Argo, Gabrielle and all of their supplies to one of his temples with a note to Gabrielle and instructions to his priestess’ on what to do when Gabrielle awoke.
He still held Xena, whilst doing this, he then transported Xena and himself to the Halls of war, where Xena’s old room was. He gently got into the bed with her on his chest. Removing her armour and replacing it with a nightgown in a thought. He thought about leaving her but found that he couldn’t, he needed to be there for her and he was in love, he just sat and watched her sleep all night, like the princess she was. His thoughts kept going back to his daughter, he even thought about getting his mirror so that he could check what the illness or injuries were but decided to wait for Xena, Xena needed to be involved, he knew she felt helpless and this was the only way she knew hope to help.
***
Xena awoke laying on the chest of the God of war, she didn’t mind straight away, snuggling a little closer, before she realised the previous night and the comfort he had given her then too. She couldn’t allow herself to indulge in Ares and right now there were more pressing matters, the matter of her daughter. She opened her eyes and stayed still for just a moment longer, still loving the feel of the War God, still loving the War God she realised, it didn’t really matter though she reasoned because they couldn’t and wouldn’t ever be together. She sighed softly and then got up. Sitting on the edge of the bed, plucking up the courage to look at Ares, afraid of the look on his face, she couldn’t even tell what hers was. She just prayed she didn’t look how she felt. She turned, facing Ares, to be rewarded with a smile from him, a rather amused and arrogant smile she had to admit and her heart surged, he had made things easier for her, instead of bringing up the whole crying episode and the sobbing, lack of control, he looked as though he understood her feelings and only wanted to help. She couldn’t help but smile back, the first smile she had had since hearing the news, brought to her when she was riding towards to Amphipolis to see her mother. Xena suddenly remembered all of her responsibilities.
“Where’s Argo? And Gabrielle of course.” Xena asked, slightly worried that they might think she had abandoned them.
“Don’t look so worried, I took them to a temple of mine, nearby to your camp, I sent a message with them, Gabrielle will understand and my priestess’ will care for them.” Ares commented.
“I don’t look worried,” Xena said frowning, she knew she didn’t look worried, she didn’t have a ‘worry’ face, it was as glassy as always. She was relieved by the news although she could only imagine what he had told Gabrielle, she didn’t know about Aurora and Xena didn’t want to tell her..
Ares just smirked, Xena was right her face hadn’t looked worried, but she had; Ares knew Xena and knew that know she was probably wondering what he had told Gabrielle, but he figured that she would ask if wanted to know.
“Do want some food?” He asked as Xena lost herself in thought; the mention of food snapped her out of it as she accepted his offer. Ares brought forth a table full of fruit, pastries, wine and nut bread. He didn’t put any meat out because he knew that mortals did not have meat for breakfast.
Xena thanked him and they talked about old wars and up and coming warlords; that Xena was adamant to put out of work. Both enjoyed themselves to a certain amount, both avoiding talking about the problem that had brought them here. It was after the dinner that Ares brought it up.
“Xena what’s wrong with Aurora?” Ares asked as gently as was possible, but if he was going to do anything about it he had to know didn’t he.
Xena took a few deep breaths, putting on her ice mask, making sure not to break down again in front of Ares, even if he did stay by her side all night.
“She’s ill Ares; but it isn’t a normal illness. She caused it.” Xena closed her eyes, breathing steadily. “It’s my fault.” She whispered.
“I doubt that Xena, you did what you had to. Trust me, you did the right thing.” It took a lot of effort on Ares’ part to admit this, the child would have been corrupted around him, he didn’t really want that but it was the only thing he had to offer wasn’t it? The god of War is allowed to show affection towards anything but bloodshed and perhaps his Chosen.
Xena opened her eyes and looked at him, seeing something different in him, perhaps it was regret, her heart went out but she had to continue, get this off of her chest and then she might feel a little better, she tried to convince herself. She had to do it anyway, Ares was her only hope at saving their daughter.
“She lost control one day in the market place, showing her godly powers when she wasn’t supposed to. The children and adults reacted violently.” Xena gritted her teeth, anger flaring in her, it gave her the strength that she needed but it also made her blood boil and her eyes flash. “I wasn’t their to protect her, she was almost killed except for her foster parents; they saved her in time, but now, she is sitting there at her home. She has turned her ‘gifts’ on herself Ares, she believed their words, she is almost suicidal, but she wants the pain not death. Ares, she thinks she is a monster and I can’t interfere with what she is doing to herself. She does not know that we are her parents, I doubt she’d want to but your are a god, a more powerful one, can’t you interfere? Stop her?” Xena’s eyes pleaded with him; he there was no need for her to even try and convince him, he would do what he could.
“I’ll help Xena but I can’t promise anything; I don’t know how strong she is and she has to be willing to let me near her mind. I’ll need you to make her doubt what she is doing, so that I can get in and use a little godly persuasion.” He paused, knowing that Xena wouldn’t want him to go into the child’s mind, but as he looked at her, he saw that although she was chewing on her bottom lip she did agree with him and trusted him to do what was right.
“Can I do that? Can I cause her doubt?” Xena asked, she didn’t’ think she was that good with children and trying to talk someone into submission wasn’t her way, especially when that person looked like Ares. “Because a mixture of me and you, I don’t think self doubt will come into it.”
Both smiled at this comment; it was so true. “Shall we go?” Ares asked extending his hand towards her.
“Best get it over with. Are you sure Gabrielle and Argo are okay?” Xena asked, trying to delay it for a few seconds. Ares smiled, trying to reassure her and then he took her hand.
Xena found them outside the home of her daughter, it wasn’t very nice to look at but she knew her daughter was well loved so she excepted it and holding Ares’ hand walked up to the house.
She knocked on the door, waiting for what seemed like eternity before it opened to find Xena’s old friend Salina, Aurora’s foster mother.
“Xena!” She greeted, “Ares.” She sated. “I take it you got my message? I really don’t know what to do about it.” The foster-mum said, breaking down into tears, Xena know saw how puffy the woman’s eyes were and how worn out she was, Xena, let go of Ares’ hand and gently hugged the women, taking them inside.
“Has anything changed?” Xena asked, the sobbing women shook her head, “If anything she is more silent, not even telling me to leave, just staring off into space, whilst her fever picks up and bruises come and go on her body. She’s killing herself Xena and in the most painful way I know.” She broke down after this last sentence and Xena looked over at Ares, how seemed to be pre-occupied in the corner, Xena figured he was assessing the situation.
Xena gently laid Salina back down on the coach, telling her that she would do whatever she could and that she should get some rest, they would take care of things for a while.
Xena then went into the kitchen to prepare some food for the child, Xena didn’t know anything better than bribery. Whilst it was cooking she followed Ares into the room, she had been wondering what he was doing. When she walked in she got a shock. Ares was sat next the girl, with a hand on her forehead and tears were gently rolling down his cheeks. Aurora was just sat, staring at nothing with bruises on her arms and legs, that were like an illusion to Xena, they seemed to blink on and off, depending on how you turned your head. Aurora’s eyes were glassy and if Xena didn’t know better one might think she was dead.
Xena walked over as quietly as she could and put her hand over Ares’, that was on the child’s head, immediately she felt it, the pain that they child felt. Her heart felt like it was in two and her whole body was agony. The interesting thing was that Aurora wasn’t actually there. Aurora was in a cave, chained against a wall, whilst all her fear came towards her, pelting her with stones and hitting her. Xena heart was breaking, her daughter was doing this to herself, she was a prisoner in her own mind. The taunting never stopped and neither did the stones and hailed of people. Xena looked around her Ares and saw him, opposite from her, watching the people, unable to do anything about it, Xena walked over to him and took his hands in hers. Ares had never felt helpless before she knew and this was affecting him, it didn’t show on his face but Xena could almost feel it.
Ares noticed that Xena was there with him, he gently slipped his hands from out of her grasp and placed his arm around her waist, giving both of them the support that they needed.
“What do we do about this?” Xena asked, her voice not betraying her, it held firm.
“How about we help her down, beat the crap out of these here people and then convince her that although her father is a monster, she isn’t.” He told her bitterly. Taking Xena back a bit with his confession, she never knew that it bothered him.
“You aren’t a monster.” She whispered unable take away his deep self loathing, but offering the comfort anyway, she knew that if she said it he would be forced to retaliate and she didn’t want to argue with him, she just wanted her daughter to feel better, to live, than she could deal with Ares and herself. She couldn’t help but turn to him though and make true the confession with her eyes, telling him that she didn’t believe it. Ares looked away, backing down and Xena realised that it was no new discovery for him and that it would take a lot to get him to open up about it, she’d have to do it later and let him live with it for now. Aurora was more important than his self-loathing at the moment.
Xena picked up her chakram and let it fly, letting it cut the bindings that held her daughter captive, immediately Ares was underneath their daughter, making sure that she didn’t fall onto the floor.
“Are you alright?” He asked Aurora, who seemed confused and frightened. She just glared at Ares and Xena, detaching herself from Ares.
“I was fine and I am fine. Leave.” She said, her fright was fast becoming anger.
“Just like her father.” Xena muttered, then realised her mistake as Aurora picked up on words.
“I have no mother or father, they agree with them.” She said pointing towards the village people still baying for her blood.
It was up to Ares to respond, “No we don’t. Why would we be here if we thought that?” He held the little girls gaze, daring her to back down. Xena quickly walked over, she couldn’t have them arguing, it might turn out to be a full god match, fire balls everywhere and this cavern did not look that safe.
“He’s right.” Xena piped up, backing up Ares, “But, lay off Ares, she’s upset.” She warned, making herself neutral between the two people, so that she didn’t gang up on anyone, namely Aurora.
Xena turned back to the little girl, who was making connections in her mind. “Ares: the god of War and Xena: Warrior Princess. No.” She whispered. Looking between the two of them.
“I’ve heard stories of you two, you cannot be my parents, you are trying to trick me.”
“Now Xena see, if you have been more trusting this might be a whole lot easier.” He shrugged, trying to control himself, to put away his self doubt and talk to his daughter.
“Look, Aurora, I know it’s a shock, I was shocked but we need you to come back with us, this isn’t real and you don’t need to be punished, you didn’t do anything wrong.” His voice was soft and filled with fatherly love for this child, his daughter.
Aurora looked at him suspiciously, “Xena, do you trust him? I’ve heard that you two were the worst enemies now. Why would you come here with him? I am not your child.”
“You are my child and Ares and I have never hated each other; we were willing to come together to help you out, we haven’t been here for you much before, I’m sorry.” Xena said it as though she was talking to her equal, she knew that family reunions would have to take place later but she just wanted to hold her daughter now that she could see her and tell her that things would be fine, like a mother should.
Aurora looked at both of them assessing the situation; like her mother might have done. Okay, so I have the Warrior princess and the God of war, two very dangerous people, but all I can see in them is regret and love for me. I am a monster but maybe they could love me? Where was saline when she needed her and why hadn’t she come to save her? She mustn’t love me any more now that she knows I am a witch.
“Why would you love a witch?” She asked timidly, her resolve to stay with and feel the pain weakening, she desperately wanted to know why she had these powers.
Ares chuckled, “You aren’t a witch, you are a half-god, you have the power of a god. I don’t know how strong you are but your not a monster or witch because of them, unless you’re saying that all of the gods are monsters.”
“The gods aren’t monsters, silly, they are petty and cruel but they watch out for us, they are okay.”
Xena smiled at the little girl for calling Ares silly, she didn’t know anyone but herself that would dare to call him any name, never mind ‘silly’ which was exactly the image Ares didn’t want. He just laughed though and Xena joined in.
“Are you going to come back with us?” Xena sked, trying to bring the conversation back round to the point.
“I might; but are you sure you are my real parents?”
“Of course, you look like him and I remember giving birth to you; it’s not something you forget and I’m your mother I would have known if you were a monster, you aren’t.”
Aurora’s face lit up with a smile, “So, I’m okay, I’m like Hercules.” She said flexing her bicep.
Xena realised that Ares would loose his mood if this carried on, he did not like Hercules, “Your daddy’s stronger and if you ask nicely he might teach you how to use those gifts you have.” Xena tempted.
Aurora’s face lit up and Ares brightened noticeably too, “Would you? Would you teach me how to control these powers of mine? Then I could be a normal person and use the power only when I wanted.” She said, putting her small hand onto Ares’ leg, how had squatted down to talk to her. Ares smiled, “You’re too special to be normal, but I’ll teach you, if your mother will let me? She doesn’t trust me that much you see.” He told her.
“Can he? He promises to be good.” Aurora pleaded with Xena, how smiled at the girl.
“Well…” She started, trying to sound contemplative, “Only if you come with us, you can’t be taught here.”
“I’ll come and I want be a monster anymore, I’ll control it and help people with it.” Aurora responded sweetly, tightening her grip on Ares’ leg for emphasis. “But, how do I get out of here? I tried but I couldn’t My power didn’t work in here.” She said, suddenly afraid again.
“That’s okay, I’ll get you out, you just have to let me.” Ares prompted.
“What do you mean?”
“Just relax and let him do his work, he won’t hurt you and you’ll be in your bedroom before you know it, I’ve got dinner waiting.” Xena added, receiving a smile from Aurora again at the thought of dinner. Aurora quickly nodded her head and closed her eyes.
Ares beckoned Xena over to them, taking both Xena’s and Aurora’s hands, then closed his eyes and a light seemed to sweep around them. The cave began to disintegrate, not fall down but disappear. Xena felt herself loose consciousness and tried to struggle against it. But she heard Ares voice in her mind, “Trust me.” Was all he said and she let herself go, falling into a void of blackness.
When Xena opened her eyes she was back in the room, her hand on the top of Ares’ which was placed on Aurora’s forehead. Xena looked straight to Aurora, all her senses returning as the cloud of sleep left her mind. She removed her hand and watched as Aurora’s bruises disappeared and her eye lids began to flutter open.
When she focused on Ares and Xena she smiled, “I knew you could do it.” She told Ares, “You just had to trust yourself.” At this comment Ares blinked and raised an eyebrow, “How did you know I had doubts? I didn’t tell you.”
“It was written on your face.” Aurora told Ares, smiling still at being awake after such a long time of torture. Ares looked over to Xena who was trying not to laugh, only Xena was able to read his mood when he had no expression on his face, like he could do for her. When Ares turned back around to Aurora he too was smiling.
“Where is Salina?” She asked. “Did she run away because she thought I was a monster? I’m going to have to tell her that you are my parents.”
“I think she knows.” Ares said., getting a shocked reaction from Aurora.
“She’s in the lounge room, Sweety.” Xena added in a non grown up voice, happy that her daughter was back and fixed and that she was closer to being there for her.
Aurora got up and went running into the lounge room, calling for Salina, “Look Salina, my Mom and Dad found me! They brought me back!”
Back in her bedroom, Xena and Ares looked at each other, happy to be called Mom and Dad. “Feeling better?” Xena asked Ares.
Ares nodded, “She’s a great kid, can I really train her? To help her control her gifts?” His voice was filled with hope.
“I said you could and I meant it; I trust you to do what’s right , in this case anyway, she’s your daughter just as much as she is mine and isn’t she beautiful?”
“Like her Mother, she has your face shape and no doubt will have your figure.” Ares added, thoughtfully, looking at Xena in adoration. Xena smiled back, “just don’t give her a hard time, I don’t want her to become a warlord, be a father to her.”
“Only if you’ll be a mother.” Ares smiled and Xena looked doubtful for the first time, shaking her head, thinking about Solan.
“My children have a tendency to die.” She said bitterly, sinking down onto the bed, “I’m always too late.”
“It’s in the pat Xena, you can’t change it and you can’t let it put you off, this is your daughter and she needs your guidance and wisdom, are you going to deny her that because you’re scared ? It’s not the Xena I know and I do know you, Xena. You have what it takes, you can do this if you want to.”
“Where does that put us?”
“Us?” Ares asked a little taken back, “You’re into the greater good Xena and we’re enemies. What do you mean us? You left me and you won’t come back.”
“You are not war, Ares. I won’t go back to war but I still feel the same about you. I always have, always will I’m afraid. I know you feel for me Ares, why can’t we be together and bring up our daughter…together.”
“Don’t twist the knife Xena; you know I’m in love with you and would do anything for you but don’t make promises to me that you can’t keep, you have Gabrielle and Argo and the ‘greater-good’ to consider; I can’t ask you give it all up, no matter how happy it would make me, it would break you.” His voice was bitter, lost and hopeless.
“We can be together for now can’t we, in secret maybe, at night when Gabrielle’s asleep. I just want to help you Ares I don’t like that lost look in your eyes or the love for me that I can’t act on.”
“You know it wouldn’t work it might destroy what you feel for me, I’m a monster Xena and I am on the opposite side to you; it’s like my hearts in two when you aren’t there but at least I can be near you sometimes.”
She shuffled over to Ares, putting her cheek next to his, rubbing it against his softly. Ares pulled her to him and held her tight, he couldn’t have anymore of her than this, it was a forbidden love.
“Xena.” He whispered softly pushing her away from him, “Please don’t do this.” She saw the hurt in his eyes and realised that she had just been very selfish, she was sure he would be less hurt if she had stabbed him in the back.
“I’m sorry,” She said, shifting away, “Let’s go check on our daughter.” She said, a smile returning to her lips, as she told Ares’ hand and pulled him towards the lounge.
When they got there they both sighed, Aurora was curled up next to Salina and both were fast asleep, looking like angels.
Xena went through to the kitchen, turning off the cooking and leaving a note, saying she would be staying at the inn and to come see her when she woke up. Then she returned to Ares, informing him that it was time to leave, asking if he would put both her friend and her horse at the inn, down the road. Ares did this and turned to leave.
“Oh no you don’t,” Xena said quietly, not wanting to wake the child and saline, “We talk- outside.” She said firmly, leading him by his arm out of the house and down the road a fair bit.
“I’ll tell Aurora to call you if she needs you, unless you are going to tell her, but I think she’ll be a sleep for a while. I also wanted to check and make sure you weren’t planning on taking her away from Salina, I want Aurora to stay here and deal with the village people on her own terms; no interference.” Xena stated firmly, receiving a reluctant nod from Ares.
“And..?” prompted Ares, he knew she wanted to talk about the ‘us’ factor but didn’t feel like broaching the subject.
“And… I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, for disappointing you and for trying it on back there, I’m just sorry for everything I did.”
“You’re apologising to me? When I have … well, what haven’t I done? I apologise and I’ll try to make it up to you, somehow.”
“You made it up today, by helping our daughter get back to this world , I’m going to miss you.” She whispered the last bit, afraid of the reaction she might get.
Ares just went forward and forced her to look into his eyes, “You could never disappoint me Xena, you never did, I just don’t like to show what I’m feeling and… I missed you; I’ll be around for you, call my name, I’ll be there. Just promise you won’t cry over me. I never want to hurt you.” He spoke with his heart and Xena’s seemed to jump to his, until they were inches apart, still looking into each other’s eyes.
“A parting kiss?” She enquired, not able to hide the lust she felt from him, he smiled, drawing himself nearer to her. Their lips touched and then they lost control, who knows who first? Who cares? They didn’t. They had just enough presence of mind to detangle themselves to move to her more private location before their hunger consumed them.
Xena woke up in the same position she had the day before and thought about how much she could get used to this, feeling the ache in her heart as she thought it, knowing she had to leave. She snuggled closer, kissing his chest, as he rubbed her arms and back. The night before had tired them both out, Xena guessed that she had had about two hours sleep, it was only through exhaustion that they stopped; otherwise Xena would have had much less than two hours worth of sleep. Xena could still feel the tingles in her body and the pleasure was fresh in her mind. She couldn’t help but laugh at how they had been; like crazed animals! She had wanted him too much and she still wasn’t sated, she never would be.
“Do you regret it?” She asked Ares in a tentative voice, aware that although last night had been bliss it might not have been the best thing that they could have done, it would hurt more when they parted.
“I’m not sure; but I don’t think I will. It was too much…well, it was just you and me together, it will keep me safe in the knowledge that you do feel for me, until we can be together.”
“I still don’t see why I can’t be with you. But I won’t push. I understand.”
“Xena, I would love to be with you, now and forever after but if I did that I don’t think it would be happily ever after; you’ll have eternity my love.”
Xena stiffened slightly, “Ares, I’m not sure about that; don’t get your hope’s too high. I’m not sure if I could stand to watch everyone I know die, grow old. I’m not sure I could live through it.”
She felt Ares nod behind her, obviously not liking the idea that she didn’t feel sure about spending eternity with him but understanding the hurt she would feel to watch all her loved one’s die, knowing he could do nothing about it; even as a God.
“What do we do know though? Do I just send you back; pretend nothing ever happened? Or will it be more like when I see you we get carried away and end up hurting all your friends? I don’t know how this will work Xena.”
“Neither do I, I just know it will be hard. Perhaps we could made people believe that it’s a Mother/Father thing; you know we like to visit Aurora together so that we can keep an eye on what the others saying.” They both chuckled at the idea; it would work but what could they do instead. It suited them both, for now.
“When you want to see me call, I’ll be there, as for the enemies thing?”
“You are going to have to drop the ‘lets-get-Xena-back campaign and concentrate on stay-out-of-Xena’s way campaign. I don’t see how else it can work; we’ll just have to avoid each other. I’ll still fight you, you have to understand that. You never know, perhaps the time we can be together will come soon.” Xena smiled in hope and Ares nodded back, aware that it was the only option that suited them at this point.
Xena fell back to sleep in his arms.
When Xena woke up she was greeted with an irritated bard and a black rose, next to her pillow and a note promising that they would meet Aurora together soon. Xena rolled her eyes at the bard and struggled to go back to sleep….
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. kim@xenafan.com
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