DISCLAIMER: No one in this story belongs to me… well may be that stupid warlord, Flaxer (darn!) but everyone else I’m just borrowing. No copyright violation is intended, so lay off me!!!

SUBTEXT/SEX: No nothing like that… yet!

VIOLENCE: Well, I don’t think it’s bad at all… and don’t be so surprised!

AUTHER’S NOTES: Although this is a hugely explored subject, among all shippers, I just had to try it myself! I hope you all like and feel free to send me any feedback on jane484@hotmail.com

DEDICATIONS: I’d like to dedicate this one to Xenaqueen/Inita for being my chat friend and lighting up my boring days off school. As well as writing shipper fanfic with me! Thanks a billion!

SUMMARY: A story of how Xena and Ares first met. Yeah lots of people done it, I know! The beginning and a few other bits in it are done from Ares’ point of view, sometime after Xena turned good. I tried to give it interesting structure… enjoy!!!

Finding Destiny

By Jane

Immortal or not, life gets tiring and looses all meaning. The cycle of life continues to repeat itself and if you’re left behind too long, the beauty of it turns black and white. A hazy reality, with the end written, before it began. What’s new to people was always old to me. It was like a clever construction that kept going back around and never fully completed its cycle. After the hundreds of years, I came upon a stage they called ‘Immortal Depression’. I couldn’t help thinking what I was missing. All the people who died, were given a fresh spot, a new beginning… hope. I was made to live with everything that I did. Then I got used to it: driven by war and its hate. Using, corrupting people… it didn’t feel wrong anymore. I wanted to let them feel my pain. When men die on the battlefield, there’s no guilt or shame. Those lucky bastards, eventually will wash in the spring of forgetfulness and be reborn. Only I was left to suffer.

So, godhood is a curse - you were right, Xena - you always are. Oh, yeah… Xena. That name is forever carved in my memory and even if I try millennia to forget it, I know I’ll never be completely free. So, I wasted such a vast time in the cold and bitter shadows. I realized, that I lived without meaning. Funny, heh? While, I gave those pathetic mortals a purpose, I couldn’t find one for myself.

Then you came along, I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t know if it comes from being a god or not, but the vividness is amazing.

^^^)__)*)&(*(__(^^^

A flock of potentials stood lined up clumsily, in the foggy day. A dark grey sky was the only light they got, although it was in mid-afternoon. The men chuckled among themselves, before the commander arrived, to take his choice. Every year, men would gather, outside the temple of Ares, in hope of being the perfect warrior and kill in his name. Some just came, because they were foolish. So, many never had a taste of battle. This year however was somewhat different: a woman came to join them. The men endlessly criticized her and made stupid comments. She got into more fights that day, than any other man there.

Xena kept her mind locked on why she was there. After the bloody battle back in Amphipolis, nothing was the same. All village people, friends and the ones she grew up with, gave her hard glances. All have lost someone. Well, at least they won, somehow. They stood up for themselves. Xena had hopes of training them and becoming better the next time, but they had all given up. Even her strong willed mother, who told her to stay and be strong, somehow closed off her heart to her. So, she ran out of the pain. They were all so different from her. In ways she would never dream to explain. Who’d understand? Who’d understand that battle was like a furnace, heating, empowering her. The feelings she had, or no feelings at all, were indescribable. She couldn’t define that. May be it was the mystery that had drawn her closer to that fire.

Even these so-called soldiers next to her were either completely unaware or too scarred by the years to feel anything but sadness. They’d make an insult; she’d hit them for it. Useless fights it seemed… still, there was the same energy being fed into her. When you fight, there’s no worry, no pain: just reflexes and the heat. Somehow, she despised battle. It had taken away everything she held dear and changed the order of things in her life. At the same time, she couldn’t leave it; end it right there, because in her heart she knew that’s where she belonged: on a battlefield.

Ares was there, watching the little fights she got into. He was amused at the whole thing; not quite sure whether to interfere. That merciless gaze kept all of her emotions locked up… except anger. Sometimes he saw a gleam of it erupt from under her calm exterior, but she locked it behind that heavy door, as soon as she noticed. That is when he saw potential. A spark of hope lit up inside him. Somehow that tiny flame illuminated the eternal darkness that was him.

The commander and servant of Ares arrived. The men were quickly silenced. The big man in armour introduced himself as Flaxer. His war-scarred face was robed of whatever beauty it once had. And as Flaxer proceeded in making a few things clear, everyone got the idea that this wasn’t going to be fun. He wasn’t exceptionally good at fighting, but he did make great speeches. “…This is not a playground, so get that smile off your face,” he looked sternly at a youth, then at everyone else, “You will go through a series of tests to determine if you have what it takes to serve Lord Ares…”

This excited Xena, somewhat. She used that feeling as a distraction from the commander’s boring words and memories of Amphipolis. Just in the last few moments, she realized yet another thing about herself: she loved a challenge, a test, or just a simple tryout of something new. She felt that knot of mixed emotions, planted in her stomach. That youthful spirit excited the god of war. He suddenly wanted to play around again. May be that’s why he longed for her… she reawakened his true spirit and made him feel alive again.

Flaxer ordered his apprentice-soldier to get up to a narrow ledge and draw his sword. “Alright, who’s brave enough to go first?” he asked in a sarcastic manner. He saw Xena, who he threw dirty looks at throughout his speech, and ordered her to go first. She didn’t like this challenge anymore… being commanded was not her style. She took the sword offered her and climbed up. The ledge was over three meters from the ground, and she needed all of her balance and concentration to stay on it. Xena needed her mind fixed on the fight, so she blocked out the murmurings from the other soldiers and the height at which she stood. Now it was only she and the opponent.

Ares found himself hoping that she’ll win. His hungry mind already planned out everything for her. May be she could be that invincible warrior he searched all those years. The Bringer of Death… no- too gloomy… Um… The Destroyer of Men… the Destroyer of Nations… yeah… He snapped back to reality, telling himself not to overreact!

The soldier attacked, she blocked it. That was followed by more attempts, with the same result. Xena decided to protect herself first and attack when she’ll get more comfortable at this. Soon, she got bored and slashed his arm. The soldier clutched to it and started to retreat down the ledge. “What kind of soldier are you? You run with a scratch from a woman?” Flaxer raged.

The commander annoyed her. Not only did he insult her numerous times, but also she had a feeling he couldn’t do better. “Well, then why send your apprentice out?” she said coolly, looking down at him, “come and fight me yourself.” There were a few gasps from the other soldiers, remembering how many battles he won. Flaxer pulled a sarcastic laugh, for everyone to hear.

“I’ve never seen anyone that foolish!” he exclaimed, “but if you insist your death…” he got a ladder and climbed up to her level. Xena had that ruthless look in her eyes. Ares could easily see her determination outshine Flaxer’s skill. The god wanted to take her somewhere else and start training her right away. Then he decided against it; she needed to finish off Flaxer now, or at least give him an excuse to do so.

They eyed each other for a few moments, getting into position. Suddenly, Flaxer struck without warning, Xena almost dropped her sword. Taking advantage of the element of surprise, he made a deep gash in her leg. Xena winced slightly, but kept her balance, trying to anticipate the next move more carefully. She hoped all those months she trained with Lyceus weren’t a waste. Before her mind could remember his death, she quickly pushed the thought away. It happened just in time as Flaxer struck again; she was more prepared for it this time. He used every trick in the book to win the fight, making only another scratch on her shoulder. She saw the “commander” was getting tired and sloppier in his moves. So, Xena took the chance and sliced deep into his leg. Flaxer lost his balance and landed on the yellowish grass beneath her.

Xena didn’t bother to lower her head to look down at him. She was satisfied; she won. Briefly she wondered how such a pathetic man got into Ares’ army in the first place. The soldiers who were teasing her minutes ago, undoubtedly took a liking to her, as they cheered and asked her to teach them some moves. A few men did not. They were the elder bunch, who probably believed she ruined their chance. Xena ignored them for the moment and jumped down the ledge.

When they quietened down, there was a brief silence. The same question ran through everyone’s minds, ‘what happens now?’ There were a few other men who came with the “commander” that day, including priests, experienced soldiers and the second in command. “We will continue with the tests as planned,” said Gastaleus, the second in command, “our priest informs me that Lord Ares isn’t angry.”

Ares himself had no idea how they knew that and had an amused look on his face. He looked her up and down… beautiful AND strong… She turned around as if sensing someone’s watching her. Nobody has ever done that. She was something special. He knew that the first time he saw her. Ares decided to visit her somewhere more private later that day… ‘That is unless, of course, complications arise…’ he thought grimly, guessing what will happen next.

“The men will continue…” Flaxer agreed, “except HER!” Everyone looked at him with disapproval.

“She’s beaten you,” Gastaleus pointed out, “we have specific orders from our god to never drop a good potential when we see it.” As Flaxer was about to argue, he continued, “If Lord Ares wanted her out he would have given us a sign…” They started to walk to the next field, for archery tests and the men followed. Xena reluctantly started walking after giving Flaxer a deadly look.

She thought she heard someone behind her. She knew she wasn’t quick enough to turn around, as Flaxer aimed his knife at her back. She turned to see a rich blue light shine in front of her eyes. Then it was gone and replaced by a male chest. She looked up to see chocolate-brown eyes gazing back at her. He squeezed Flaxer’s hand, making him let go the knife and drop to his knees. ‘ARES!’ she realized. Her mind was filled with questions, as they looked at each other once more.

“Flaxer,” the god said in an angry tone, “you are relieved of your position as commander of my army… I will make some things crystal clear to you later,” he promised, his face darkening. Finally he let go of his hand and Flaxer nervously scrambled to his feet. “Just ‘cause I’m here doesn’t mean you all get a break,” Ares commented to the other soldiers staring at the commotion. The priests, knowing better, took the message and told the men to keep going. They moved out, with a few glances back. “That includes you too,” Ares told Flaxer. The ex-commander quickly obeyed, not wanting to be a pile of ashes.

Xena was lost in his eyes, not fully communicating with the outside world. “You know who I am?” he asked her, whilst brushing away a strand of hair the wind blew over her face.

She put on a cool smirk. “Who don’t?” At this he smiled.

“Lets take a walk,” he said, leading her towards a huge ripe-coloured meadow. The grass was knee length and the occasional breeze would brush their hair. “I saw you fight minutes ago…”

“Why did you save me?” she couldn’t hold the question any more.

“He wasn’t that big a character,” the god replied. “Besides, I had to make way for someone else…” They walked in silence for a few moments, just gazing at each other. “What does war mean to you?” he asked earnestly. She looked in deep thought for a moment, unable to decide what to say. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to say you love it, like those ass-kissing priests!” This got a tiny smile from her. Xena was grateful he didn’t consider her like that, and she wanted to keep it this way.

“It’s everything I despise, because a lot of my friends got killed…”

“The little battle back in Amphipolis?” he remembered.

“It wasn’t so little to me… War, it took my brother, people I knew since I was child, it pushed me away from home…” she paused, “despite that I can’t live without it. I started down this path and now I need to walk it.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean…”

She felt something strange and noticed her words were too true to match her secretive nature. “Have you got some sort of honesty spell on me?” Xena asked suspiciously.

“Yes, as a matter of fact… Clever girl!”

“Oh, I can’t believe it,” she started to walk away furiously. There was another blue flash, as he reappeared in front of her.

“Don’t be so easily controlled by your emotions,” he advised, “I needed to know some basic stuff about you.” Seeing that it didn’t calm her temper, he said, “Look, I promise never to do it again.” She felt that feeling lifted. This seemed to satisfy her… a bit!

“Get to the point; why did you want to talk to me?” she enquired.

“Something I saw in you, made me turn around and look back. I recognise a good warrior when I see it. And you… you were destined for greatness… to be a leader rather than being led. You may have searched for a few years, to find your place in the world, but I have searched for you all my life…” he paused, giving her time to take it all in. She didn’t need a lot.

She looked past him, coolly. “So basically what you’re saying is you want me to be your warrior,” she eyed him, “Are you sure it isn’t just a way to get me in bed?”

He gave out a little chuckle. “It’s not my style… I promise to keep our relationship purely business… well, that is unless you decide not to…”

“Dream on!” she had to smile this time as well. Then she switched to a more serious expression, “I need some time to think”

“Take your time… Who knows, if you do as well as I think you will, I’ll also make you my chosen…” he said. This somewhat shocked Xena a bit. This god had so much faith in her, having only met her today. “I’m giving you an opportunity… the decision is yours,” he assured, running the backs of his fingers down her cheek, “just call my name and I will be there” With that he vanished from her sight. She still had those unnatural shivers crawl up and down her spine, but it wasn’t as intense like a few seconds ago.

Xena shrugged her shoulders, and it was gone. She made her way towards the nearest tavern in the area to think things over.

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You still blame me for that day. You believe that may be if I hadn’t come, you won’t have chosen that path. Can’t you see that it was your destiny? You wouldn’t be the woman you are today, if it wasn’t for that ruthless Destroyer of Nations. You would have killed people anyway… I gave you the skill before the bloodlust. Of course, you don’t agree with me and won’t even consider it… what a surprise!

I wish you wouldn’t run away every time I arrive. Why have you become such a close friend to that blonde-goody-two-shoes? You gave her time and understanding, forgave her every time she screwed up. You never given us a second chance… you know how that feels? Well, do you? – It hurts inside. The tricks and games over the years, were just ways to talk to you; to get you back you’d call it. The sarcasm was a cover-up. Sounds crazy? Yeah, I know…

^^^)__)*)&(*(__(^^^

Those thoughts consumed her mind. She couldn’t help thinking that may be it wasn’t too late yet to turn back. Xena knew that’s what she really wanted… to become a strong warrior. She fantasised about it many a time, whilst training with Lyceus. Would Lyceus and her mother want that for her? It didn’t matter – Lyceus was gone and her mother made it hard for her to continue her life. She couldn’t move on, because she felt like she was nailed to the ground and stuck in the past somewhere. Xena left, because she needed to find a way to go on… and with time it became clearer that she was not going to get it back in Amphipolis. Too many memories haunted her there.

She couldn’t think about what others wanted her to do. She was independent now, with her own reasons and opinions. The idea of being trained by Ares excited her. Xena had a feeling it was going to be good. It wasn’t the war and the hate, which pulled her towards that life, like a magnet; it was just that she couldn’t stay away from the god of war. He made her feel so special… like she was one of a kind.

~*~

The sun had just risen minutes ago and was now warming the skin on her face. Xena made her way towards the east. She wanted to be away from all distraction from the village she stayed in. Three days now, she was weighing out her options and thinking about her life in general. Xena wasn’t sure he’d show up, but she gave it a shot, “Ares.”

“You called?” came a voice from behind. It was him alright. The sun’s rays brightened his eyes, as she came closer.

“I considered your offer,” she said, not giving away the slightest hint of her answer.

“And…” he took one step towards her, with that pleading look in his eyes, he never knew he had.

“I’m taking it”

“I hoped you would,” he smiled, “do you want to begin training right away?”

“I hate to waste time!” she stated.

“Give me your hand,” he asked, holding his palm out to her. Xena took it reluctantly. “This will feel a little weird.” A flash of that same blue light momentarily blinded her and she found herself outside a huge temple. Now she could remember bits of the ether she traveled in so fast. It did feel strange.

“Where are we?”

“This is one of my favourite temples…” he answered, “… mostly because it’s in the middle of nowhere and no one bugs me here!”

“So, this is a place you hang out…” Xena said under her breath, inspecting the tasteful landscape. Autumn was beginning to take its toll and the fields were in shimmering colours. On the other side of the courtyard the strong wind swept up the golden leaves and carried them towards the heavy woods in the west. ‘Beautiful!’ she thought, but decided against saying it out loud.

TO BE CONTINUED……………………………………………………………………