Hurt/Comfort: Yes. One of our dear, main characters die.
Sex/Violence/Profanity: No sex, bit of violence, and a bit of profanity.
Story type: Drama. Definitely drama.
Author’s Note: This story is a sequel to "Unleash the Power…of Our Destiny".
Dedication: This story is dedicated to Sara, Sarah, Kat, and Eris. You all were so encouraging. You truly kept me writing, do you know that?
Of All My Demon Spirits I Need You the Most
By Illyandria
Part One: Not Enough Room in this World for My Pain
"I’m going whether you like it or not!"
Ares rolled his tongue around in his mouth darkly. He’d had enough of her smart mouth.
He grabbed her wrists roughly, threw her against the wall, and pinned her there.
"You are NOT coming. If you were not with child, you know I wouldn’t hold you back. But I will not allow you to sacrifice both your life and the life of our child."
"I’ll do as I wish, Ares!" she spat.
He looked into her eyes. There it was. That glint of hatred he’d hoped he’d never see again.
He sighed and spoke softly, anger fading. "I’m asking you not to, Xena," he said. "I have no power over what you can and cannot do, but I’m asking you to stay here. For your sake, and for our child’s."
Seeing the fire die out of her eyes slowly, he let go of her wrists and held her hands in his gently. "I love you, and I love our child. All I want to do is protect you, Sweet." He leaned forward and softly caressed her lips with his own. He let go of her hands as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.
When they parted, both were breathless, and Xena laid her head on his shoulder.
Ares was still holding her close, running his fingers through her silky hair.
Xena chuckled suddenly.
"What is it?" Ares inquired.
"The baby! It kicked!"
Ares grinned, and his lips dropped down to her ear. He teased the lobe with his tongue. "I love you, Xena," he whispered.
She sighed contentedly, and they stood in peaceful silence for a couple minutes.
"When are *you* leaving?" she asked.
He smiled and said, "Early tomorrow morning."
"Oh…"
They stood in silence for awhile longer, until Ares felt something wet hit his chest. He closed his eyes and held her tightly to him. "What’s wrong, my dear?"
A soft sniff could be heard, and she shakily replied, "P - Please be careful. Dahak – he’s dangerous. And you heard the rumors, right? His warrior’s swords are covered with the blood of a hind." She thought for a moment. "Why are you doing this anyway? This isn’t your fight, Ares! It’s over in Persia! I won’t even be able to contact you there! What if something happens? What - What if you get killed? It isn’t your fight… Please…please…stay here."
He sighed, feeling helpless. "I’ll be careful, my love. I’ll come back, I swear it."
"Why?! Why are you going?!"
"Enyalius and Enyo need my help. I’ve known them since we were little kids, Xe. I have to help them."
She stood silently. Her hands, resting on his shoulders, gripped them tightly now. She might never see him again… She had a really bad feeling about all of this.
"Come on, Sweet. Let’s go to bed, shall we?"
She looked up at him and nodded.
He kissed her gently and swept her off her feet and into his arms. He walked down the hallway and to their bedroom, and laid her down on the soft bed. He sat on the edge for a moment, staring at her.
She gave him an inquiring look and arched an eyebrow. "What is it?"
"I love you so much. You’re so beautiful, Xena, and I’m so lucky to have you," he said sincerely.
Her heart melted. "Ares…" she said, trying to think of some way to express her feelings for him. But instead of doing it in words, she pulled him down on top of her suddenly and pressed her lips to his.
In the middle of it all, Ares opened his eyes to look at her. Tears were streaming down her face, though her kisses were demanding and passionate. He silently pulled away, and wiped the tears from her eyes.
She moved over to make room for him to lay down, and he did so, pulling the blankets over them both.
Both laying on their sides, they looked at each other for a long while, each thinking the same thing, but not speaking.
Finally, Ares reached down to lay his hand on her stomach. Feeling the child kick, he smiled. "Have you thought about what we should call her?"
She idly placed her hand on his. "No, not really. It will come to us, though." She snuggled up against him as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
He nuzzled her neck for a moment, and then was still as they both drifted off to sleep.
___~~~***~~~___
Ares woke up the next morning, Xena still in his arms. He looked down at her, not wanting to wake her up, not wanting to leave her. Finally, he had to, for the sun had been up for nearly an hour.
"Xena? Wake up, my love," he said, shaking her gently.
She immediately opened her eyes, not looking the least bit groggy.
He looked at her oddly, and then sighed, a small smile on his face. "You weren’t asleep, were you?"
"No."
"Why didn’t you say something?"
"There’s nothing more enjoyable then being in your arms, Ares," she said. "Why waste the opportunity?"
He leaned down and kissed her. "I have to go…"
She nodded. Be careful, okay? I need you, Ares, and so will our baby," she said.
"I’ll come back. I promise," he said, and stood up, Xena following. "Illyandria, are you ready?" he shouted.
Illyandria appeared at the doorway, dressed in her battle-dress. "Yes, my lord."
"I’ll meet you there, okay?" he said. He kissed Xena one last time, and then disappeared.
Illyandria walked up to Xena and embraced her. "I’ll take care of him, okay? I’ll make sure he comes back."
Xena nodded weakly, tears in her eyes. "I have a really bad feeling about this… Illy, you take care of yourself, too, okay?"
"Of course," Illyandria said, and disappeared as well.
Xena stared off into nothing for a moment, trying to convince herself that he would be back. Finally, for lack of better things to do, she transported herself into the rose garden.
She walked down the cobblestone path, looking about her. Red, green, and brown surrounded her. Soon she came to a small glade of grass, a single tree there. She sat down beneath it. She and Ares had spent hours out here. Having picnics, making love…and sometimes just sitting silently, thinking about their lives. But what if he didn’t come back…what if she never saw him again? She wouldn’t be able to live with herself.
She shook her head, ridding herself of those thoughts. He’d come back. He promised he would…
Promises never last forever.
She sighed, and transported herself back to their bedroom. Sobbing now, she threw herself onto the bed, crying into the pillow.
He’ll come back. He’ll come back.
After awhile, she exhausted herself, and fell into a fitful sleep.
___~~~***~~~___
Though she thought she’d never see him again, Ares did come back. The war was far from over, but she went into labor, and he was beside her, hand holding hers throughout the whole ordeal. Illyandria came back also, acting as the midwife.
"One more time Xena! Push!" Illyandria said.
With the only energy left in her body, Xena pushed one last time. Suddenly, a cry rang throughout the air, and they all smiled.
"You have a beautiful baby girl, Xena," Illyandria said. She wrapped the child in a blanket, handed her to her mother, and quietly walked out, knowing that the new parents needed to be alone.
"She looks like you, Sweet," Ares said, looking down at his daughter. It was true: the child had her mother’s blue eyes. "Lucky her."
Xena grinned at him weakly. "Don’t start the flattery again."
"Oh, but you deserve it." He ran his fingers through her hair. "I love you."
"I know. I love you too."
"Have you decided on what we should call her?" Ares asked.
Xena thought for a moment, looking into the child’s eyes. "Aretina."
He raised an eyebrow.
"It means ‘virtuous’."
"A fitting name, I think," Ares said. "It’s beautiful."
He looked down at his daughter, unable to get over those eyes. Those perfect eyes. The same as her mother’s : they seemed to be able to look straight into your soul. Aretina. Yes, Aretina would be a fitting name. Would she understand him as her mother did? He pondered this for a moment. Only two people understood him; understood his position and actions. Aphrodite and Xena. Perhaps his child would too.
He looked into her eyes. Of course she would. A child can see through everything, and she’d see through the title. She’d understand him, and she’d love him as well.
He smiled at the thought. Love. Something he’d known ever since Xena entered his life, something that had been beyond his grasp until she had shown him the way. Again, she and Aphrodite were the only ones that loved him, but that was soon to change. He could sense it. Nobody had been happy when Xena had decided to marry him. Hercules had been angry, and Autolycus had been jealous, not thinking that Ares was good enough for her. And then his family! Aphrodite had tried to convince the gods that Ares wouldn’t be the same from now on, but nobody believed her. Her argument had been that Ares loved Xena, yet they merely said that it was an infatuation that was sure to pass soon. (Everyone hated him even more when Xena got pregnant only a month after their wedding.) But he could start anew with Aretina. She wouldn’t bring up things from the past that embarrassed and humbled him, and she wouldn’t hate him. She’d have no reason to.
Who’d have thought? The god of war now has a wife and a daughter. A family. Who would have thought?
He looked down, and noticed that they were both asleep, Xena’s head nestled against his chest, and Aretina safely in Xena’s arms.
He smiled, and caught himself.
I have been doing that *way* too much lately…
He chuckled quietly. With a wave of his hand, the blood from the birth disappeared, leaving the bed clean. He looked down at Xena.
My beautiful, beautiful queen. I wish I could explain how much I adore you. How much I love you. How much you mean to me…
He gently kissed her forehead, not to wake her up, and then fell asleep himself.
___~~~***~~~___
Ares awoke to the sound of a soft cry. He looked down, and saw that Xena was still asleep. He took Aretina from her arms, and rocked her gently.
Aretina quieted and stared up at him. He smiled at her and kissed her forehead.
She cooed at him happily.
"Cute," a soft voice remarked.
He looked down and grinned at Xena.
"She seems to like you."
"I should hope so," Ares said. "I’m her father…"
Xena nodded and shifted her position, lying her chin on his strong arm.
"Sweet," he started, "I…I still have a war to win…"
She closed her eyes briefly. "I know… I know… When do you have to leave?"
"I should go as soon as I can."
She nodded, suddenly angry. "Go then. Right now. Just leave. I don’t see how fighting a war is more important than your family, but I could be wrong. Go."
Slightly taken aback, he struggled to find words to apologize. "I… Xena, you’re my world. You know that. I love you; I love you more than anything. You’re the most important thing in my life, but I need to help Enyalius. I owe him, Xena."
She stood up. "I NEED you, Ares! YOUR daughter NEEDS you! I’m ASKING you to stay here!"
Aretina started to cry, sensing something was wrong.
Ares stood up also, patting Aretina soothingly, trying to calm her.
"I have to go, Xena."
She looked at him furiously, tears in her eyes. "I thought you promised to be here when I needed you. I guess I shouldn’t have been so naïve as to believe you." She took Aretina from his arms and stepped back. "Go."
He was starting to get angry now. Why couldn’t she understand that he had no choice? Enyalius had called in an old debt and he couldn’t help it. Why was she angry at him?
"Fine! I thought YOU promised to understand and stick by me! I guess I shouldn’t have been so naïve to believe YOU! Good-bye!"
And with that, he disappeared.
She should have broke down at that. She should have started to cry. But she didn’t. She was angry with him.
However, she didn’t know that it was the last time she’d ever see him again…
___~~~***~~~___
"Ares!" Illyandria shouted, but she was too late. Her lord and patron god feel to his knees as the hind’s blood covered sword was pulled roughly from his side. Illyandria rushed to his side, not able to believe what she had witnessed.
"Illy…"
She knelt down beside him as he breathed his last words to her.
"Tell Xena I’m sorry… Tell her that I love her," he whispered. And then he was still.
Tears in her eyes, Illyandria shook her head. "No… No…Ares…you can’t leave. You can’t leave us… You can’t leave HER."
Dark clouds gathered together on the previously clear day. Thunder sounded, and it started to rain.
Illyandria looked up and saw Enyalius and Enyo running towards her. They’d won the battle…but at a cost.
"No!" Enyalius breathed, his light blue eyes looking down at his friend. "No…"
Enyo gaped down at the fallen god, disbelief on her features. "Ares…" She ran her fingers through her long red hair, her green eyes brimming with tears.
They stood in mournful silence for awhile, until Illyandria came to her senses.
She stood. "I - I have to go. I have to go tell Xena."
"We’re coming with you," Enyalius said, and Enyo nodded in agreement.
Enyalius bent down and picked Ares up, throwing him over his shoulder.
They disappeared.
___~~~***~~~___
Part Two: And Dance the Edge of Sanity…
"No!"
Enyalius, Enyo, and Illyandria all winced.
"No! No! No!" Xena broke into sobs. "No!"
Enyalius rushed to her side, and she fell into his embrace.
"No! No! No!" she whispered.
He patted her back comfortingly, tears coming to his blue eyes.
"This - This can’t be happening! No! He - He HATED me when he left! We had a fight… He was angry… No! He died thinking I didn’t care!"
"Shh! Xena, he never hated you. He loved you more than life itself. And he knew that you cared," Enyalius soothed.
A loud cry sounded through the room, and Xena lifted her head. "Aretina…"
She composed herself and went to comfort her child. Her fatherless child…
She returned into the room, two month old Aretina in her arms.
Aretina knew something was wrong. She knew something was terribly wrong. She could always feel her parents’ life forces, and her father’s had suddenly disappeared. She felt insecure, scared.
And Xena could tell that she knew too. "Oh, Aretina… I’m sorry…" Aretina continued to cry.
I can’t deal with this right now. I can’t. I can’t. He’s gone. He’s gone…
"Here, I’ll try to calm her down," Enyo said, seeing the helpless look on her friend’s face.
Xena nodded and handed the child to Enyo.
"Enyalius, where is his body? I want to see him."
Enyalius nodded, and Ares’ lifeless body appeared on a couch across from them.
"I’d like to be alone now… Would you mind taking Aretina for awhile?"
Enyo nodded, and the three disappeared.
Xena took in a deep breath and walked over to her love, the dark green dress that she wore rustling against the carpet. She knelt down before him, and stared at him for a moment, taking it all in. He was dead. He was dead.
Ares… Ares…please…come back…
She traced the outline of his jaw with her fingers, caressed his face, ran her fingers through his soft, curly hair. He was cold…so cold. Her thoughts drifted back, remembering how he had held her, how his warmth against her brought her peace, how she felt safe in his arms.
At this, she started to cry. "Ares…Ares I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have been angry with you… Why couldn’t we have just spent our last moments together in love? Why was I angry? Why are you gone?" she sobbed. "I love you! I love you, Ares! Please! Come back damn it!"
She composed herself long enough to gently kiss his lips one last time, and then broke down again, and ran into the bedroom, throwing herself down onto the bed, thrusting her head into the pillows, crying until she had no more tears and finally exhausted herself into a dreamless sleep.
___~~~***~~~___
There was no reason to bury him, for a god’s body did not decay. Xena had a glass coffin made, and also a long slab of black marble decorated. They had many extra rooms in the palace, and she picked one close to her bedroom. She laid Ares into the glass coffin, set the coffin onto the black marble slab, and there he would stay. She would keep the door locked at all times.
"He’s dead. He’s dead. I - I can’t go on any longer. I can’t do this alone. I can’t raise Aretina. I can’t. I need him," she murmured.
All of the gods and her friends could see that Xena was not the Xena they so well knew. She never laughed nor took joy in being at their festivals or parties.
___~~~***~~~___
"Xena, how nice to see you!" Eros said. The bridegroom gave her a flashy grin.
"Yes, we weren’t sure you would come!" Eos said, and embraced her.
"Congratulations," Xena muttered, and walked past them.
The room was large, ten long tables to the right for their dining, a dance floor past them near the back, and crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling.
They were getting ready to eat and Xena looked for a place to sit. She saw Autolycus down the row waving for her to join him, so she walked down and sat beside him.
When everyone was seated, Zeus tapped on his glass. "I’d like to propose a toast to the happiest couple on Olympus!"
"Here, here!" everyone shouted. Everyone but Xena.
That used to be me, she thought, looking at Eos. Smiling idiotically with my husband-to-be at my side. Except everyone is really happy for these two. They were just acting when our wedding party came. They hated Ares…but they did like me…though they did think I was stupid for marrying him. Insane for committing myself like that. Insane…insane…well, I guess we’re all a little insane aren’t we?…
"Xena, have you heard a word I’ve said?" Autolycus asked.
She blinked and looked over at him. "Huh? I’m sorry, I must’ve drifted off…"
"Oh. Well, I was just asking you if you’d like to dance when we’re through?"
She nodded.
He grinned at her and continued eating.
Dancing…dancing… I miss him so much. He was so cute when we danced, so childish and playful… I need him…I can’t live without him…
That night she did dance with Autolycus, but thought the whole time about Ares. She went back to her palace early, sure that no one would miss her. And nobody did.
___~~~***~~~___
"I can’t go on any longer. I can’t live without him," she decided.
She padded down the hallway softly to the room in which he was, and locked the door behind her. Walking to the cherry desk off to the side of the room, she opened a drawer and took out a long box. She opened it, and there sat a long, beautifully decorated dagger. The handle was made of gold, inlaid with rubies. Silver snakes curled around the hilt. She slowly retrieved a very small red bottle from her cleavage. Uncorking it, she covered the dagger with hind’s blood.
Suddenly, she heard a voice.
"Xena? Xena, where are you?"
She recognized it as Autolycus.
"Xena, come on! I thought we were going to have lunch!" another voice said.
She recognized it as Enyalius.
"Xena, where are you?" two other voices piped in.
Enyo and Illyandria.
Xena jumped to her feet, but accidentally bumped into a wine glass, which went falling to the floor and then cracked into a million pieces.
Damn it.
They heard the sound, and went rushing to the locked door.
"Xena, what are you doing? Xena, come out!"
"We know you’re in there!"
"I am *not* coming out," she screamed back.
They looked at each other, fearing the worst.
"We have to open that door," Autolycus said.
They nodded in agreement.
"On the count of three, guys," Enyalius said.
Autolycus backed away, for he was only mortal.
"One…two…three!" Enyalius shouted, and bursts of energy from the three went hurling to the door, knocking it down.
Xena whirled around, hind’s blood dagger at her heart.
It’s now or never, she thought, and plunged the dagger into her chest.
Or so she tried.
Autolycus had come running through the doors ahead of others and knocked the dagger from her hands right before it was to go into her bosom.
"What do you think you’re doing?" Autolycus said softly.
She glared at him. "I hate this damn life! I can’t live without him! I can’t! With Ares’ death, a part of me was killed, Autolycus!" This said, she broke down into sobs, and Autolycus rushed to her side and held her gently.
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