Author’s Note: Well, jeeze, lookie at all the people. *looks up innocently at the readers* Takes place in FINII/post FINII. If you don’t know by now, ‘tis about Ares and Xena in a long/short, roundabout way. Okay, finish the boring disclaimers and stuff and READ!
Dedications: Still the same people it’s always been dedicated to. Especially to Illy, LK, Tali, Tango, Rissy, Kat, and everyone who I still see online, as that’s not many anymore.
Summary: Another potential response by Ares to Xena's death - a reflection on the past.
Warnings: Character death. Not to worry, it’s cannon.
Rated: PG
Date Started/Finished: 10-19-05/06-20-06
Xylographs of a Warrior
By Delenn
Every passing year, I think she’s more right, as if there ever was any doubt of her being right about everything. She got what she thought she deserved, and I get what I deserve, watching her, year after year. Knowing that I was right on one point that I didn’t want to be. Redemption is a load of lies.
Doesn’t matter who she saved, only who she killed. The fact that the scales don’t balance out down here only because she believes that they don’t.
Instead, I get to wait for her to recognize her own atonement and give up on a quest that is long dead. I know that she always enjoyed quests, enjoyed the challenge, but dying for one? It seems a bit excessive.
Of course, I remember her being a bit obsessive. Stubborn. But not to the point where all I'd have were memories of her obsessive stubbornness - she was too brilliant for a little thing like death to keep her down.
I guess the third time proved one too many, even for her.
Even though it didn't have to be one too many. She didn't even need to die. It wasn't her battle. But then, that's Xena, always off fighting battles that were never her own. Especially once she stopped letting me give her battles. They were never her own after that.
But I digress. And so does she, to death even. To out of character extremes of action that she absolutely will not relent in.
I should know. I've spent countless moons trying to convince her to give up on the scales that never matter, give up on a redemption they won't let her deserve. All I get is a shadow of her, an imprint of her former smile and anger. A calm conviction that she's doing what she has to, even if it's not what she deserves.
Never what she deserves. I could never give her what she deserved. She would never let me.
She deserved to beat the world into her own spectacular image, into whatever she chose, rather than letting the world - letting death - beat her.
The most important battle, for her life, and she let others win.
My Xena never lost battles, not in the end. Though, I suppose, in the end, she managed the outcome she wanted. Until it doesn't matter who won because it is only her iron will keeping her there - dead - gone.
One word. One word and I'd have it all undone.
But she won't say the word. Won't give in to me and to her rightful place - alive - in the world. And I'm left with pieces, shadows, engravings of her former glory. Of the woman I loved and the spirit that I love.
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. goddess_delenn@yahoo.com
...bleeding-heart[dot]net...