First Light

I have been here before/but where or how I cannot tell . . .

Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Prologue

“Xena? Xena!”

Xena mumbled, then shook sleep out of her eyes.

“Nightmares, Gabrielle?” She murmured, rolling over and catching Gabrielle’s worried face.

“Maybe – or maybe a vision.”

Xena sat up, pulling her cloak up higher to shield herself from the chill of the night air.

“I thought visions were my speciality.” She commented wryly, then laid a tender hand on her friend’s own. “Come here.”

She drew Gabrielle close, aware that whatever it had been, it had frightened her. She was trembling, and Xena stroked her hair, trying to calm her.

“OK, tell me what happened. What did you dream about?”

Gabrielle shivered. “Not what – Who.”

Premonitions shook Xena. “Oh, no. No, don’t tell me he’s sending you dreams!”

Gabrielle bit her lip, and shook her head. “It was about Ares, to be sure, but not from him, I’d wager. But – oh Xena, it was horrible! The Amazons were only the beginning, for him – he’s setting up a war that makes everything you did together seem but sparring, a skirmish!”

Xena stiffened automatically at the reminder of their days together. Then she sighed.

“I’d hoped that the mortality he knew might have changed him, made him more sympathetic to humanity – to me.” She shook her head. “Obviously it’s had the opposite effect. He’s being submerged by war, his very self taken and destroyed by it. If this continues . . .”

There was a shimmer in the air, a scent of summer, a brightness. Then Aphrodite appeared.

“If this continues, War will be the only rule on earth, and nothing will survive. Ares himself will be devoured.” She finished for Xena, with uncharacteristically serious tones. She turned to Gabrielle, putting an affectionate arm around the bard. “I’m sorry I had to send it your way, but I can’t reach Xena –“

“It’s all right.” Gabrielle replied. “I’d as soon spare Xena the sight of Ares – with murder in his eyes –“

“I’ve seen it before, never fear.” Xena told her dryly.

“No – not like this, Xena.” Aphrodite contradicted her. “But you can’t spare her, because she has to see it. She has to stop him, Gabrielle. We all do – for his own sake.”

“Any ideas?” Xena asked, raising an eyebrow. “I mean – I could try to kill him, I suppose . . .” She faltered. “If I had to . . .”

“Wouldn’t war be unleashed –“ Gabrielle began. “Though I suppose now that the power of the gods is dwindling, with Eli’s teaching, then that might dissipate. I didn’t notice a significant rise in warfare, when Ares – chose mortality.”

“You’re right.” Aphrodite told her. “Eventually our powers, if not our immortality, will be useless. But it will be gradual. And – no – we don’t need to kill Ares.” She took a deep breath. “There’s another way.”

****

Ares sat on his black leather throne, leaning forward, poring over maps scattered over the table in front of him. He felt alive, power singing in him, about a thousand times stronger than the usual battle lust. It took all the thoughts in his mind, dispelled any lingering doubts, drove away any distractions.

There was a movement at the opening to his sumptuous tent, and he threw a ball of flame and growled.

“I thought I said I wasn’t to be disturbed!”

Then he looked up.

For an instant, for the smallest moment, something jolted in him, like a memory. A spark stronger than the dark hate breeding in him, a flicker brighter than the flame of anger. When he saw her, he almost remembered love.

Xena moved forward quickly, knowing she had just one chance. This Ares would kill her without remorse, and that couldn’t happen, not yet.

“I’ve come to ask you for your forgiveness.” She spoke rapidly, stepping closer and closer. “I’ve done something to you that – I never anticipated.”

“What have you done?”

“When you gave up your mortality for me, you learnt – humanity. Now it’s destroying you. I’ve destroyed you, even you, just like I destroy everything good, and fine, and innocent . . .”

He laughed at that. “Never had that epitaph!”

She was at his throne now.

“I’ve lived for years, now, hoping my good would outweigh my evil. I don’t know that I’ve done any better –“ She hesitated. “I don’t think I can live with my guilt any longer.”

He looked at her steadily. “So you’re asking my forgiveness? Sure, you can have it. Even my thanks. I’ve never felt so alive and so powerful in my long, long life!”

“Don’t say that!” It burst from her, and for an instant the mask of her deception dropped and acute pain was reflected in her eyes.

“You do feel guilty.” Ares whispered. “I can see it – do you want me to kill you?”

Something jolted in her. Even he saw some relief in death. Sometimes she dreamed of it, its freedom; how she longed for a different life!

“I can – take care of that myself.” She uttered hoarsely. “Just wanted to say goodbye…” She coughed, and took something from the little flask at her side. Then she kissed him.

He responded with anger, fire, passion – and then pulled away.

“What – what have you done to me?” He tried to stand, but collapsed, weakened onto the throne. Meanwhile Xena was desperately rising out her mouth with wine and spitting.

“Death’s tears?” He whispered, reaching out a hand to her. “Why do you always want to kill me, Xena?”

“You won’t die – just sleep.” Xena told him. “Sleep until this dreadful power ceases to have a hold on you . . .” Tears sprang into her eyes. “I won’t see it, but at least I’ll know that the true Ares survived, somehow, and wasn’t destroyed by War –“

“I wanted it . . . I didn’t want it . . . I wanted you . . .” His murmurs faded as he slid into  unconsciousness.

“You did it.” Aphrodite had appeared, just as Ares had slipped away. “Do you know what this means?”

Xena moved away from the goddess, standing alone, tears glittering in her eyes.

“Oh yes. It means I’ll never see him again.”

Chapter One: Several Thousand Years Later

Xe stood on the sands of Karinga Beach, scanning the sea carefully. It was a perfectly still day, to the disappointment of the surfers, but the blue skies and mild weather had brought families out, and where young children were, there was always trouble.

Pulling her dark hair back out of her eyes, she stretched, and began to patrol the shore slowly. She’d been volunteering as a Surf Lifesaver for about ten years now, and she’d seen her fair share of trouble – saved a few lives, too. So she knew that a day without action was a good day, of course, but it was also boring. Her mind began to wander, and wandered in its usual direction.

Slim, hard, dark, with melting brown eyes . . .

“Xe!”

Xe swirled around, then grinned at the sight of her friend Gabe jogging up the beach towards her. Funny, how a girl always dreamed of a best friend, a kindred spirit – and then when one came along you couldn’t say how or why exactly it came about. They’d met when Xe had rescued her from a rip about five years previously. She’d encouraged Gabe to train with her, build up her strength and her life saving skills, as well as her knowledge of sea conditions. The firm friendship that had developed out of that meant more to Xe than she ever let on.

“Hey – are you on duty, now?”

“Not till later.” Gabe replied, shaking her head. “Listen, are you doing anything tonight? There’s supposed to be a good band playing at the Old Northern . . .”

“Last time you heard that it turned out to be Kylie Minogue cover group.” Xe returned, shaking her head.

“Hey, that night turned out to be a blast!” Gabe laughed, remembering. “They were so bad they were booed off the stage, and you had to take over.”

A little colour came to Xe’s cheeks, which was as close as she came to blushing. “Don’t expect that to happen again unless you drown me in tequila again.”

“Is that a challenge?” Gabe teased, then held up her hands. “OK, OK. But tonight? I know that you won’t have much time after next week, once your training begins . . .”

“Tonight it is.” Xe agreed.

“And – you haven’t persuaded Ares yet to get involved?”

Xe sighed. The absolute fantasy man of her dreams could be the greatest Iron Man since Grant Kenny – if he’d only join the surf lifesavers. He could run faster, and longer, than any man she knew; could swim far out to sea without getting tired, could surf, paddle, compete in every event and absolutely wipe the floor with any competition – if he’d take part. But he wouldn’t.

“Nope. Still says he doesn’t believe in organised religion.”

“Oh, ha ha.” Gabe looked worried. “But you’ll still compete, won’t you? I mean, you’ve won the Australian event every year for the last five. You’re not going to give up because of his attitude, will you?”

Xe shook her head decisively. “No way. These muscles would be mush in an instant if I stopped training for Iron Woman. And anyway, who cares what Ares thinks? I’ve made great friends here, and learnt some important skills, even if he thinks that all group activities imply fascism.” She paused. “On the other hand, he seems to keep his body in mighty fine shape no matter what he eats or drinks.”

Gabe shrugged. “Men have all the luck.” Then she grinned. “Besides, if either of us left the surf lifesavers, we’d certainly be missing the most excellent view it affords.”

Xe followed her eyes over to a young Chinese-Australian currently involved in tearing off his shirt. A small smile played over her mouth.

“Hmm. Now to think about it, you have been coming to say hi to me at exactly the same time each day. Do I sense an ulterior motive?”

“Ooh, yeah.” Gabe breathed, as he started on his jeans. Xe nudged her.

“Invite him to the pub tonight, then.”

“I couldn’t.” Gabe stated most definitely.

“I dare you. Come on! He can only say no.”

“But what if he’s the man of my dreams, and he says no tonight because he’s got something else on, and I’m so embarrassed I never speak to him again, and then we never hit it off and I end my life alone and miserable?”

Xe laughed, as Gabe ended her question breathlessly. Then she looked at her friend seriously.

“Even if he says no – and even if you never do meet a great guy who appreciates you – you won’t end your life alone and miserable, OK? I promise.”

Gabe smiled back at her friend, squeezing her hand affectionately. “Thanks, Xe.”

Then an idea came to her.

“Oh. OK, Xe, I’ll invite him. If . . .”

“What?” Xe asked, scanning the horizon again.

“If you invite Ares.”

Xe ran out into the surf, grabbing a little girl in a rubber tube before she could get dumped by a large wave. Dragging her back to shore, she exchanged a few curt words with the care-givers, and then returned to her spot between the red and yellow flags.

“Idiots.” She murmured.

“Well?”

“Look, Gabe, how often do you want me to be humiliated like this?” Xe asked her. “He knows I’m interested. He isn’t. That’s that.”

Gabe shook her head. “He is so interested. You don’t see him the way I do – looking at you when you leave the room, or get up from the table – it’s weird.” She paused. “He looks at you like he’s hungry.” Then she winked. “And he’s a good Greek boy with a name like that, just like you and me. Won’t that make your mum proud?”

Xe gave Gabe a half-smile. “Ares is not the kind of guy you bring home to your mum.” Then she saw Gabe looking wistfully at the cute guy as he ran into the surf.

“All right, all right. You ask him, I’ll ask Ares. It’s a deal.”

They shook hands solemnly, then laughed, as Gabe stepped out into the surf, and Xe took a deep breath. If she knew one thing, it was that Ares just wasn’t into her.

****

It was growing dark, and the beach was near empty.

Ares pounded along the shoreline, pushing himself hard, focusing only on each breath as it came, not allowing himself to think.

Made it easier that way.

Finally he stopped, bending over, gasping for breath. He glanced up just to see the sun slip away below the horizon.

“Apollo would’ve hated to know it does that all by itself.” He muttered to himself, then stretched out.

Turning, he saw her silhouetted in the fading light. Oh, he’d never mistake her. Could never get her wrong. She was taking a last look at the beach before closing up the club for the evening. That summed up Xe; responsible. It was kind of incredible, that he could still love her when she was so different.

“Not that different, though.” He grinned as he headed up the beach towards her. “Still got the same short temper, the same smart-ass way with words.”

As usual, he felt himself drawn to her eyes, the piercing blue which no longer held scorn whenever they lit upon him. Now, more often, they were filled with desire.

“Oh – I was hoping to catch you.”

He felt her eyes moving over his body, clad in a pair of long shorts and a tight t-shirt stained with sweat.

“Listen, Gabe and I were hoping you could meet up with us at the Old Northern.” Xe began. “”Bout eight?”

Her chin was up, and as usual she made an invitation sound less a question than a command. A grin came up unbidden.

“And what if I say no?”

Xe shrugged, and turned back towards the clubhouse. “Your loss.”

He watched her walk off, wondering why he always had to do this to her. Oh, he knew why, knew why he’d made the decision to let her go. But if he had any guts at all, he’d have left her years ago, moved to another country and tried to forget, rather than tormenting himself by seeing her along the beach every other day.

Such sweet torment. Pity he had to see the look on Xe’s face as he rejected her, again and again . . . that was ugly, and terrible.

“Hey – Xe! What if I say yes?”

She turned, and for an instant a smile, pure and hopeful, hesitated on her lips. Ares’ heart flipped over. Oh, he knew why he did this. He loved her.

*****

“He came, didn’t he? How can you say he doesn’t like you?”

Xe and Gabe were jogging on the soft sand early the next morning.

“He came under sufferance. I told him about your dare!”

Gabe grinned. “Didn’t look as though he were suffering to me.”

Xe nudged her as they reached the club house, and collapsed gasping on a bench.

“Lin Qi seems a nice guy, anyway.”

Gabe’s smile broadened. “Yeah. I feel like I’ve known him forever.”

“Know what you mean.” Xe replied quietly, stretching out. She suddenly realised that that was partly what attracted her to Ares. It was as though she’d always known him. There was a familiarity . . .

Gabe glanced over at her. “Are you going to tell me about it all one day?”

“’Bout what?” Xe returned with her best innocent look.

Gabe sighed. “Never mind.”

Xe stopped, and sat back down on the bench beside her friend.

“There’s not much to say, Gabe. It’s just – we hit it off, as soon as we met. Sparks, lightning and thunder, everything. Then, when he found out a bit more about me – I don’t know, maybe he was intimidated, but he was turned off by it. He stepped back, completely.”

Gabe frowned. “Not completely, seeing that he jogs and swims with us a couple of times a week, plus we see him down at the pub most weekends.” She ran her fingers through her short mop of hair. “You didn’t tell him anything that might freak him out, did you? A commitment kind of thing?”

Xe shook her head vigorously. “Just what I did – that I volunteered a couple of years in a Sri Lankan orphanage after I left school, then once I came back started studying Medicine part-time, still am.” She pulled her plait through the back of a cap and sighed. “If anything, that’s saying I don’t want any commitment for a long time.”

Gabe covered her friend’s hand briefly, then got up.

“Well, he’s an idiot, and I think we know that. Come on, race you back!”

“Ooh yeah –“ Xe scoffed, but let her friend have a decent head-start before beating her soundly.

Chapter Two

The clear sky of the previous day had clouded over, and now a brisk southerly, bringing with it the chill of Antarctica, came up. The still waters were now stirring, now rising, now creating waves which tempted every surfer in the area.

“Hate days like today.” Xe groused, as she and Gabe patrolled the foreshores.

“What are you talking about?” Gabe asked incredulously. “It’s a dream!”

“Yeah, but only if you’re out there!” Xe complained, looking longingly at the great waves crashing down on the shore. “Oh – look at that!”

She stared enviously at the boarder riding the waves; she was free, tussled but never defeated by the wind, pulled but not overcome by the power of the water. Something stirred deep in Xe as she watched, as though she, too, had had some force of nature inside her which she rode but never allowed defeat her.

“Well, you’re off duty in an hour – go out then.” Gabe suggested. ”I’d love to see you – whoah!”

A huge breaker crashed down, throwing the surfer through the air and pushing her under.

“Raise the alarm!” Xe called, grabbing the buoyancy aid and diving into the surf.

The shock of the icy water nearly caused Xe to cry out, but she cut strongly through the huge waves, diving underneath them. The wind was rising, and the surge in the water pulled at her, both frightening and exciting her. The power! It was something to be feared as well as something altogether desirable. Xe battled the strength of the water, pulling her way through the undertow to grab at the surfer, who’d managed to grab onto her board.

She slipped the buoyancy device over the exhausted swimmer’s body, then signalled to the lifesavers on the beach. Something wasn’t right. Xe turned and saw the biggest wave she’d ever seen bearing down on them.

“Hang on!” Xe cried out, clinging onto the woman.

The enormous wave pushed the pair under, while the undertow dragged them out, far from the shore, towards the rocks beside the bay. Desperately holding the barely conscious surfer up, Xe struck out again towards the shore, hoping the lifesavers had spotted them, and were coming to their aid. In the freezing waters, Xe found her strength faltering, but she battled on, pulling through the water with strong steady strokes. She heard the sound of the lifesaving club’s power boat coming through the water towards, and breathed a sigh of relief. Then she turned, in time to see another enormous wave crash over the boat’s stern, and send the occupants flying.

Including Gabe.

“No!” She screamed, as the lifesavers were pushed underneath. She searched the shore desperately, seeing the crowds gather, as well as several ambulances pull up. More lifesavers attempted to launch another boat. It would be too late for them; it would be too late for Gabe.

Furiously, Xe flipped the surfer onto the board and dragged it through the water towards the bobbing power boat. Gabe and – she thought it had been Barry – had just minutes. Moments! Again the surge of water pulled at Xe, but she resisted it, striking out towards the boat. There was a hand, grabbing on – and Xe’s heartbeat slowed a little. Barry, at least, was safe.

“Are you OK?” She screamed, pulling the surfer on the board over to Barry.

“Yeah, but Gabe, she’s –“ Barry began, but Xe cut him off with a sharp cry.

“Grab this one!” Then she dived under the ocean.

She would be all right. She had to be all right. Xe wouldn’t allow herself to imagine a life without her. She dived again and again, searching hard for her, exploring the depths.

A floating hand like seaweed.

Xe pulled, and Gabe’s face, white, loomed in the dark swirling waters.

Again she pulled, rising to find air, floating the unconscious girl on the surface of the sea.

Tilting her head back, she breathed hard into the girl’s mouth, letting her training take over her, not allowing herself to cry or despair. Again and again she breathed, pounding the still heart, pushing oxygen into water-logged lungs.

“Don’t do this, Gabe!” She screamed finally. “Don’t leave. Don’t leave. Fight!” She sobbed, breathing into her mouth, punching her chest.

There was a kind of strange cry, then Gabe vomited, hurling salty water back into the sea.

Then Xe looked up as the biggest wave of all crashed over the top, and then knew nothing.

****

The grainy feel of wet sand on her cheek.

There was a gabble of noise, and a sharp pain in her chest. Her head hurt, horribly. Most of all she was cold, but she felt too exhausted even to shiver.

When she pried open her eyes, she saw his face like a strange blur before her.

“Ares? You – you’re alive?” She whispered hoarsely, before coughing again. Dark liquid spilled from her mouth, and she tried to sit up, supported by strong arms. Turning her head, she saw the pale figure beside her.

“Gabrielle – are you all right? Are you -?” She tried to move over there, but the same strong arms restrained her.

“She’s fine. She’s fine. You’re both fine.” The deep voice reassured her, holding her up to cough again and again.

It was as though she couldn’t see properly. The figures were blurred around her, and there was something odd about them all.

“I don’t understand.” She whispered.

Then someone shone a bright light in her eye, and spoke loudly, but she was too tired.

“Concussion.” They pronounced, but the word didn’t seem to mean anything at all to her. They spoke about hospitals, and took her away, though she struggled. She’d never felt so weak in all her life . . .

Then they were in a place of too much brightness, too much noise. Tears streamed out of her eyes as she was poked and prodded by strangers, asked peculiar questions.

“Concussion.” They repeated, and laid her down on a bright, bright bed. The lights hurt so much –

But he was there beside her, all the time, whispering reassurance, holding her hand while it hurt. Somehow, though she didn’t understand it, it was almost perfect. She just needed one thing.

“Ares, tell me the truth, is Gabrielle all right?” She begged again, and he lifted her up in his arms and took her across to the figure on the bed beside her. The girl opened her eyes and reached out a hand.

“Xena?”

She grabbed the hand for reassurance.

“I don’t know what’s –“

“You’re alive!” Gabrielle began to sob, her cries interrupted by hacking coughs. “What’s happening here? And –“

She looked up, saw who was holding Xena.

“Ares? What are you doing – you’ve woken?” She asked incredulously.

The small suspicion which had awoken in Ares bloomed, and he laid Xena beside her friend, knowing that the pair had died together, and come back to life – complete.

“You remember?”

Chapter Three

“I’m awake.” Xena whispered, looking over at the bed beside her. Ares had somehow got Gabrielle and herself their own room. He’d stayed with them ever since the day they’d died, reassuring them, keeping the lights dim and the noise down. Now, Xena noted, he was in a chair between them, fast asleep.

Xena got up from the bed, her muscles aching and her chest hurting. She moved over to Gabrielle, watching her in her peaceful sleep. Somehow, they’d managed to come together again, all three of them, thousands of years after they’d first met. Somehow by dying together, and living again, they had remembered it all.

All those memories, of the things she’d done . . . they were faded. It didn’t hurt any longer, and she wasn’t sure whether it was time or her final redemptive act which had healed her. But it felt for the first time, that the old Xena was well and truly gone, and all her murders and hatreds with her. Only good remained.

There was a stirring, and she turned her head to see Gabrielle blink and open her eyes.

“Oh Xena – you’re alive.” She murmured weakly, tears coming to her eyes again. Xena moved over and pulled her friend into a gentle hug.

“Don’t die on me again, please.” Gabrielle begged. “You promised you wouldn’t let me die alone and miserable. Keep that promise to me, please.”

A pain shot through Xena’s chest as she thought of Gabrielle alone for all those years.

“What – what happened to you after I was gone?” She asked, her own tears forming. “Were you alone and miserable? Oh, Gabrielle –“

Gabrielle looked a little sheepish.

“Actually, the boat sank on its way to Egypt.” She admitted. “So I didn’t have to mourn you that long.”

“Are my girls awake?”

Xena and Gabrielle turned to Ares, who was yawning on the chair beside them, then flung themselves at him.

“You’re awake!”

“You’re alive!”

“You weren’t destroyed, you came back!”

Ares’ grin grew wider.

“Now that’s a nice way to wake up!”

He pulled Xena from her standing position into his lap, and stroked Gabrielle’s fair hair.

“Don’t – don’t ever do that to me again.” He warned them, his voice wavering just slightly. “Or I swear, I won’t come looking for you in your next lives.”

“Is that a threat, or a promise?” Xena teased, looking into his eyes. Then she relented.

“Thank you. You’ve saved us again –“

“Well actually –“ Ares looked embarrassed. “I didn’t, you know. Not being part of the Young Pioneers – er, the Lifesaving Association – I wasn’t allowed to do anything much to save you.”

“There’s other kinds of rescuing.” Xena assured him, leaning her head against his chest. She listened to his heartbeat, strong and steady. Then a thought occurred to her.

“Ares – how long have you been awake? A thousand years? Thousands?” She shivered at the thought of his loneliness.

“No – those tears aren’t just a knock-out drug. They’re linked, somehow, to the fates themselves . . . I woke up just 28 years ago.”

Gabrielle frowned. “Why then?”

“I woke when Xena was born. On that day. I’m sure of it.” Ares replied, his heartbeat speeding up under Xena’s ear. Her own wasn’t too steady, either.

“And so you searched –“

“And found her. Found you both. So different – I never expected –“

Xena’s heart sank, but before she could speak, a doctor entered and ushered Ares out while he examined the pair. While part of her rejoiced when he pronounced them well enough to go home, the rest of her felt as though nothing could make her happy again. Ares had found her, found her different, and had been disappointed.

*****

Gabrielle in her steady position as a columnist with the Melbourne Age was able to take amassed leave until she was better, while Xena had to defer her studies a semester. They had free time on their hands, more so now Xena had to give up her training for that year’s Iron Woman. She felt more like an Iron Lung woman, as she joked to Ares.

“You understand, now, don’t you, why I wouldn’t compete?” He asked her suddenly.

“Mm – ‘cause you’re a god. Wouldn’t be fair.”

“A god without power, just a bit of immortality.” Ares reminded her. “But yeah – wouldn’t be fair.” He grinned. “Then again, it really isn’t fair to make all those ordinary women compete against Xena, the Warrior Princess, is it?”

Xena’s smiled faded. “That isn’t who I am now, remember?”

Ares frowned. “You’re still her – without the dark side.”

Gabrielle strolled in at that point, after about an hour on the phone to Ling Qi. “Oh, the dark side’s still there, Ares.” She assured him. “I met that this morning –“

“After you used up all the hot water!” Xena interjected furiously, then relaxed as she realised what Gabrielle was saying. “I’m not like – that half-self back after we died together the first time.” She remembered the feel of the waves, pulling her, their strength. “I still have the tug of dark power inside me .  . . “

Ares got up at that, and excused himself.

Xena smiled ruefully, patting the seat beside her in invitation to Gabrielle.

“How’s it going with Lin Qi?”

“Well, at least I know why he seemed so familiar.” Gabrielle laughed. “Do you think I’ll have to kill him to get him to remember too?”

“It wasn’t the right time for you too then.” Xena remembered. ”Maybe it will be now.”

“Ditto.” Gabrielle replied, looking hard at Xena. “The fact that you were both power-hungry murderers kind of ruined the whole relationship possibilities two thousand years ago. Now you’re surfers. I think it could happen!”

Xena had to laugh, but she shook her head. “No, he’s not interested in me anymore. Maybe it was only the destroyer of nations he was keen on.”

Gabrielle shrugged. “He’s not with the destroyer of nations now, is he? He’s with you.”

Chapter Four

Well, she’d admitted it.

Ares tore off his shirt and jumped into the surf, relishing the shock that the cool water gave him.

She still had the – potential – that she’d always had. The potential for darkness, for destruction. Probably it was that which called him to her.

Problem was, after a few thousand years in a deep sleep, War had melted from him, and instead a kind of human consciousness, buried deep within him since his time as a mortal, had taken root. A conscience.

Every time he wanted to touch her, belong to her, the stupid thing reminded him of how he’d affected her before. Corrupted her. This time he had a choice. He wouldn’t do it to her again, wouldn’t cause that background of guilt which had led her to pretty much take her own life.

She deserved better.

He dove through the waves, enjoying the pull of the sea, the sound of the waves crashing, the taste of salt. Man, he wanted her. Hated hurting her. Had to leave her.

Especially now, he just had to leave her.

Making the decision, he returned to shore, grabbed his clothes from the beach and dried off. Heading for the apartment at Southbank that Xena and Gabrielle shared, he hesitated, and decided to do things properly.

So that when Xena opened the door, she almost jumped him then and there.

“Your leathers.” She breathed.

He was back in his black leather pants and studded vest.

“’Mazing what you can find at the markets.” He joked, suddenly uneasy at the way her eyes were running over him. He refused to imagine her hands following.

“Come on in – Gabrielle’s out with Ling Qi.” Xena told him, leading him to the living area of the apartment.

“Oh, so that’s going well?’ Ares asked idly.

“Mmm.” Xena replied, then pushed him down on the couch and positioned herself on him. “Really well.” She moved her hands inside the vest and began to kiss his exposed chest. She could hear his heart beating crazily, and her own took off as he groaned.

“You never were one – for small – talk –“

Then he drew her head up and kissed her. Her lips were just as soft as he remembered, and he couldn’t help but deepen the kiss, thrusting the tip of his tongue against her own. It was a mixture of familiarity and utter newness, a passion underlain with tenderness.

Xena moved on his lap, leaning forward as he moved his mouth down her throat. He thrilled to her low moans.

“Man, I love you . . .” She sighed.

Then he pulled away.

“What?” Xena asked, breathing hard.

“I – can’t do this to you.” Ares replied hoarsely.

“Do what?” There was the old flash of anger in her eyes.

“Corrupt you –“

Xena leaned on his chest and began to shake. Ares laid an awkward hand on her back. “I’m sorry . . . hey, you’re laughing!”

She was laughing so hard that tears sprung into her eyes.

“What?!”

He was starting to get seriously annoyed, but she was laughing so much that she could barely put two words together.

“That’s – so – sweet!”

Then she laughed more, clinging onto his shoulders.

“I’m serious, Xena.” Ares warned.

She sighed, and moved back, trying her very best to bite back another laugh.

“I’m sorry, Ares, but I’ve already been . . . corrupted . . .” Then she started to laugh again, and reluctantly, Ares joined her.

“That wasn’t what I meant.” He swung her off his lap and next to him, hoping that the centimetre of space might affect his willpower.

“When I first found you, I wanted us to be together, but then – you were so good and innocent!”

“Oh.” Xena replied flatly. “Yeah, you said you found me different. I’m too boring for you now?”

“Boring?” Ares repeated, raising an eyebrow. ”That’s hardly . . . that isn’t what I mean.”

He sighed, and leant back, trying to keep his eyes from roaming down her body.

“I’m crazy about you. I’d feel like this even if I hadn’t known you before – you wake something in me, with your hair, your eyes – your cute antipodean accent . . .you’re perfect for me. But I’m bad for you. You said it yourself. I don’t want to change you like that again .  . .”

“Man, you’re so full of it.” Xena sighed, but a small smile played over her mouth. “You think you created the Warrior Princess? I was bad before I ever met you.”

“Well – yeah.” Ares admitted. “But I made you badder.”

“Maybe.” Xena shrugged. “But you weren’t the one who did those things. That was me. And now – they’re over. Yeah, maybe I still do have a leaning towards darkness. Maybe you do too. But we’ve fought it 28 years. We’re here leading our small lives in a small city. We could be fighting in Afghanistan.”

Ares shrugged. “Too hot and dusty.”

“You haven’t taken a life since you woke, have you?”

He shook his head. “Haven’t needed to.”

“Me neither.” Xena told him. “Gabrielle and I have our blood innocence back. So do you. You’ve had 28 years to lose it, but you haven’t.”

“How come you always win the arguments?” Ares asked, his eyes narrowing.

“I have many skills . . .” Xena began, but was halted by the taste of Ares’ lips on her own.

“Love you.” He murmured, then pushed her back onto the couch.

“Oh yeah.” Xena whispered, pulling him close. “Corrupt me.”

...h.o.m.e...
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