The Difference

“Eve’s banished from her own people – of course, it isn’t much of a sentence, considering those people are likely to be little smears on the landscape unless something happens pretty soon.”

“You won’t let that happen.” Gabrielle sat herself beside Xena, watching as her friend got out her chakram and began sharpening its edge methodically with a stone.

“No.” Xena bit her lip, and looked away from her daughter. “That’s one thing I can do for my girl. I won’t let them die.”

“So?” Gabrielle pressed. “What do you intend to do about him – about the army?”

Xena shrugged. “We can’t stand for this any more. I’ve got the power to kill gods, don’t I?”

“After everything –“

“There isn’t another way. Either we stand by and see the end of the Amazons – and between myself and my daughter they’re pretty thin on the ground already – or we stand and fight. You know the rule. Get rid of the leader, and the rest flee.”

Gabrielle snorted. Xena looked at her directly, her face pale and set.

“What?”

“You can’t kill him, Xena. I know you. I know what you’re capable of. You just – you can’t kill him.”

“What I’m capable of?” Xena repeated, in an odd high, voice. “Gabrielle, you of all people know I’m capable of hurting just about anyone.”

“It’s all right, Xena.”

“No. No, it isn’t. I could have killed you. I – “

“You saved me,” Gabrielle told her simply. Then she grinned, her nose wrinkling. “As usual.”

“I – what?”

“From the Furies,” Gabrielle explained. She looked thoughtful. “I’d seen you possessed, of course – I’d seen you fight it. I used to wonder what it was like, to have voices, foreign voices inside. I thought it would be easy to tell who was the stranger. I thought I’d fight it, like you did.” She winced, then. “I didn’t, though.”

“Don’t.” Xena’s voice was harsh. “Don’t you dare blame yourself for that! You should be glad they were able to deceive you! Don’t you know that makes you an innocent? Don’t you know why I was able to see through Ares’ plan?” Her face was an inch from Gabrielle’s own. “Because I understood it. I understood him.” She shuddered, then. “You don’t know how sick that makes me feel.”

Gabrielle’s brow creased in confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“He made me see the world from his point of view. Don’t you remember, how I shouted out? `The gods, the gods' . . .” She shook her head, an expression of disgust on her face. “You know why he was able to do that, to reach me like that? Because once I wasn’t so far from that world. Once I was pretty close to the world of the gods.”

Gabrielle laughed a little. “You mean all those stories they tell of you are true? I thought you said that flight through the stars was an exaggeration . . .”

Xena gave a snort of derision. “Forget stories. Once I played with human lives with as little care as any of the gods on far-off Olympus. And with less excuse. I know how Ares thinks. We’re dolls to him, and when I was mad, I remembered that – because once I played with people like dolls, too.”

“What brought you back to earth?” Gabrielle asked gently, watching as Xena tossed her stone, and slid her chakram back into its place at her hip.

“I began to see – one person at a time. One person was enough to be my goodness, starting with Hercules. And then, slowly – another person.”

“Me.”

Xena looked across at her friend with a small smile, then startled her with a sudden, firm, hug – arms wrapped close around her, a swift kiss on her forehead. “Yeah.”

“And then the rest of the world.”

“Yeah.”

“So, what’s the difference?”

“Huh?” Xena raised an eyebrow. “Between what?”

“Between you. And Ares. That’s what I mean.”

Xena’s other eyebrow rose.

“He’s got enough in him to be good for you. Maybe it’ll spread. Just like you.”

“The difference is, I’m not a god,” Xena said swiftly, then paused. “The difference is, I don’t want to be anything else – I mean, I can’t be . . .”

She took a deep inward breath, and started moving towards her horse. When she looked back at Gabrielle, her face was suddenly peaceful.

“There isn’t a difference, is there?”

...h.o.m.e...
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