Warnings:
Rated R just to be cautious.
Sex: innuendoes
Subtext: a little
Cursing: yes
Summary: Taylor falls in love with tall, dark and handsome. There's just one problem. She has already given herself to her best friend who has hopelessly fallen in love with her.
Author's note: This is an uber and my first story being posted on here. Don't worry, this is X/A. Comments are very well welcomed.
To Love or Not to Love
By Black Diamond
She looked at the clock. 2:36. She had been awake for almost an hour after her spent lover fell asleep in her arms. Taylor looked down at the blond, shorthaired, beauty. She had known Anna since their freshman year of college. Anna and her had been through many things together and she loved her as a friend. She thought Anna did too, until five months ago. Anna had told Taylor that she loved her more than a friend and wanted her as a lover. Taylor wasn't against lesbians but she never thought herself as one. Sure, sometimes she thought another woman was beautiful and even went as far to say she was sexy, but she never wanted a woman as a lover. She thought Anna understood this when they had become friends. She was about to reject Anna's idea of them becoming lovers when she saw the tiniest hint of doubt in Anna's emerald green eyes. Anna reminded Taylor of a child asking for a dog on her birthday and for Christmas. How could she turn her best friend down? With little thought, she told Anna she would try it out. Big mistake on her part. Now here she was. Stuck. She didn’t know what to do. She didn't like the idea of Anna touching her sexually. Many times, she had to force herself to be pleasured by Anna. She had to act like she was feeling the heat when all she wanted to do was leave it. She had never really come with Anna and it was times like those, when she wanted so desperately to be with a man. Anna could never pleasure her the way she wanted to be. She wanted to feel filled and connected to whomever she was making love to. There was no way she could feel that way with another woman. Every time she would try to tell Anna how she felt, she saw Anna's eyes gleam with happiness and forgot what she was about to say. And as if things couldn't get any worse, last night, while checking on her patients, she met a man. He was tall, dark, and handsome. Taylor had to smile while thinking of him. He had a bad boy aura around him that made her heart flutter. She was taking care of his sister, who unfortunately, at the age of sixteen, was pregnant. She was only checking in on her, so she had no time to converse with him. Even so, she still couldn't get his face and body out of her mind. Oh what she'd give to...
Taylor woke up to the sound of a loud consistent beeping. Goddamn alarm! Without opening her eyes, she reached her right hand over to her nightstand and tried finding the off button on the digital alarm clock. When she found it, she pressed it down and opened her eyes. She slowly turned over on her back and sat up. Yet another day of lies and helplessness, she thought. When her eyes cleared, Taylor flipped her long legs out of bed and stood up. While she did her morning stretches, she thought about the dream she had last night. She remembered everything in detail. She remembered the tall, dark man whom her mind wouldn't let go of. His strong, masculine arms, his artistic, expressional, handsome face. Although he was wearing jeans when she saw him, her quite imaginative mind imagined him having long, muscled legs. She imagined how his firm strong hands would feel while exploring her body. Whoa Taylor, she thought, down girl. You just met him yesterday and you're already having erotic dreams about him.
"At least it got me to sleep." She reasoned to herself out loud.
"What got you to sleep last night?" A sweet feminine voice asked Taylor from behind her. Taylor turned around to find her lover standing behind her with a 'oh yeah baby, your a hot ass' look on her face.
"Oh, nothing. You'd better get ready for work. You don't want to be late."
"Oh, come on Taylor. After watching you doing your stretches, you think I should get ready? Baby, do you have any idea how much you turn me on? And anyways, I'm off today." Anna said while looking at Taylor. She was wearing Joe Boxer boxers with a gray T-shirt. Her long, bronzed legs were slightly spread while her hands were on her hips, giving an appearance of domination. Anna always thought Taylor looked sexy during that pose, though she never told her.
"Oh, come on Anna. We just did it last night. Anyways, I need to be at work. There's this pregnant girl on the ward and her fetus baby died. I need to hurry up and get there. We need to inject her with some hormones so she can go into labor." And hopefully her brother will be there too, Taylor thought.
"Oh, okay. Breakfast is on the table. I'll let myself out. Call me when you get back from work. Better yet, page me. "
"Why you want me to page you?" Taylor asked, using a bit of her bad habited ebonics.
"It's, Why do you want me to page you Taylor. Really, how do you work with that bad language?"
"I don't. I just use it in my spare time, now would you answer my question so I can hurry up and get out of here?" She asked impatiently.
"Okay, Okay. I'm going to be at the Lesbian's Rights convention. Why don't you come when you get out of work? Then we can meet up with women just like us." Anna suggested.
"No thanks. Listen, I'm going to go take a shower and get dressed. She you later." and with that she headed for the bathroom. Almost there, almost there, Taylor thought until...
"Taylor, wait. Aren't you forgetting something?"
Taylor stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. She walked up to Anna gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then sprinted for the bathroom before Anna could ask for a more.
"Hey Taylor." John greeted.
"Hey John, how is our young patient?" Taylor asked while entering the room of Aphie, the young teen who got pregnant.
"I'm a bit nervous, but all's good." Aphie replied.
"I was just explaining to her and Mr. Godderus, her older brother, what was going to take place here today." John explained. Taylor's head shot up at the mention of Aphie's older brother. She hadn't even noticed him in the small hospital room sitting in the chair next to his sister. How could she not have seen him! I must be having brain complications or something, she thought. I'll have to ask Danny for a catskan!
"Good morning Mr. Godderus," Taylor greeted, "Do you have any questions you would like to ask me?"
"What time is this supposed to happen?" Aphie asked.
"We are going to start injecting you with the hormones at around ten o'clock. Hopefully it won't take long after that."
"Since the baby is just a fetus, it shouldn't hurt as bad right?"
"Actually, the contractions will hurt, regardless of the size of the fetus. When it's time for you to push though, that's when the real pain occurs. I've never had a child, so I don't know the extent of the pain."
"Our parents would like to be here in this room while she's having the baby. Is that possible?" the smooth, silky voice of Aphie's older brother asked. Taylor turned her attention towards the handsome man.
"Actually, only two persons of her private life are aloud to be present during the birthing process. Incase anything goes wrong; we want to be able to get our nurses in and out of here quickly. Your family can visit only before we give Aphie the hormones."
"Aphie! Oh, sweetie, how are you doing?" a concerned voice asked from the doorway. A middle-aged woman stood in the doorway. She was about as tall as Anna, give or lose an inch or two. She had hot bloody red hair and hard green eyes. She wore a navy blue running suit complete with Easy Spirit tennis shoes. Behind her stood a taller graying man. He too was in a running suit, except his was green with white lines going down the side of the Jacket and pants.
"I'm fine mom. Your here early!" Aphie said, surprised.
"We didn't want to miss the birth of your child now, would we?" The older man Taylor guessed was Aphie's father said.
"Dr. Shockrom said they won't start until ten and it's eight forty now, so we have plenty of time." Aphie's big brother said while staring at Dr. Shackrom. She was just as he remembered her. Tall and thin but toned. Her midnight hair went halfway down her back that was covered with a long white coat she was wearing. Her eyes still had that sparkling crystalline blue color. She was a beauty. He hadn't taken his eyes off of her since she entered the room. He hardly even noticed his parents coming in the door. That was until his father's great voice echoed through out the small room.
"Dr. Shockrom. It's a pleasure to meet you. Aphie has told us what a great doctor you have been to her. I am Aphie's father, Mr. Godderus but you may call me Zack." Zack look over Dr. Shockrom's dark raven hair and her smooth curves. What a woman indeed, he thought. She would be a great victory! Hera wouldn't even suspect. Her deep husky voice interrupted his sinister thoughts.
"It's a pleasure meeting you too. Now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients I need to check upon. Aphie, I'll see you at ten." and hopefully your brother too, Taylor thought. "Okay, bye Dr. Shockrom!"
"Hey Danny," Taylor greeted her blond curly-headed friend, "long time, no see!"
"What's up Taylor. How are you doing these days?" Danielle asked her as she grabbed Taylor in a bear hug.
"Fine, as usual. How was your honeymoon?"
"Oh my god! It was the greatest! The vacation house you suggested we rent was absolutely perfect!! Now, enough of my paradise vacation. How are you doing?" Danny knew Taylor since they were in diapers, so she knew her very well. (That and the fact that they are cousins). She knew about Taylor's run in with homosexuality. Danny also knew what Taylor thought about the subject, so of course it surprised her when she found out about Taylor and Anna being more then friends.
"I already told you, but if you need to hear it again, I'm fine!"
"Alright, since you want to be difficult, let me break it down for you in LD (learning disability-no offence) language. How...are you...and Anna...doing?"
"Fine, so how's Drake? When does he go back to work?"
"Tay, please stop trying to change the subject."
"Danny, you knew about us before you left for Spain. Why the sudden interest now?"
"Taylor, you know very well why. I had a wedding to plan! I had no time to really think about it! Seriously Taylor, how self-centered are you?" Danny was really getting agitated. Taylor sensed this.
"Danny, please, I don't want to talk about it, not here anyway."
"Fine, fine, what are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing."
"Okay then, we'll have a lady's night out, just you and me. We can go eat at some fancy restaurant, catch a movie, and then talk. 'Kay?"
"Sounds like a plan to me. Now, Danielle Elizabelle Amazonian Centra, I want details!"
"Are you stoned again? I told you that weed was for the cancer patients only! Don't you have somewhere to go, like maybe under a rock or something?"
"Oh we have jokes now, do we? Mrs. Centra, I would like to inform you that now that you are officially married, there is to be no standing on the corner wearing a '$2.00 OFF' sign."
"Taylor-"
"Now come on!!" Taylor whined, " Stop changing the sub. and give me details!!"
"Now?!"
"Yes NOW. Don't leave anything out! I want this to be a juicy as watermelon on an hot California day!" Danny smirked.
"God Taylor, you really need to work on your similes." she paused a minute and looked into the crystalline blue eyes of her oldest friend then broke out with a huge grin. Lowering her voice she said,
"Okay, you want details? I give you details. Well we were on one of those beaches and..."
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
"Come on Aphie, you can do it...PUSH"
"OH GOD!!! I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE!!"
"Come on sweetie, just one more push, then it will all be over!"
"It's not supposed to be like this. I'm gonna kill that son of a...owwwww!"
"Good girl. It's all over now, it's all over now." Taylor crooned. In her hands, she held a tiny fetus. It was a little bigger than she expected it to be. Too bad it died, she thought, it would have made the cutest little kid. She cut the umbilical cord and handed the baby over to John.
"What was it? A girl or boy, or can you even tell." Mr. Godderus asked. Taylor looked up at the handsome man.
"It would have been a girl," to Aphie she said, "I'm sorry." Taylor started to leave.
"Wait, where are they taking my baby? I want my baby! Give me my baby!!" Aphie screamed. John looked over at Taylor. When she nodded, he gave the dead fetus to its mother. It was cleaned and was wrapped in a pink blanket. Taylor knew it would be hard for Aphie. She had been through this enough times to know that giving birth to a lifeless baby was the easiest part about the whole thing. She had seen many mothers, old and young, who had dived into depression over things like these. She didn't wish to see Aphie as one of them, which is why she is prescribing therapy for the young girl. She walked over to Aphie.
"Come on Aphie, it's time to let her go." Taylor said soothingly.
"But..."
"No buts, it's time to let her go. Give her to me now."
"I can't, she's my baby." Aphie said softly.
"I know, but she's dead Aphie. She's gone and holding her won't bring her back."
"Where are you going to take her?"
"To the morgue dear."
"But it's cold in there!"
"We'll wrap her up in blankets and make sure she's warm. Okay?"
"Okay" Aphie handed the little body wrapped in the pink blanket to Taylor with tears streaming down her face. Taylor could hear the broken sobs coming from the girl as she handed her dead baby to John.
"It's okay Aphie. It's okay...everything is going to be okay." Taylor heard the soothing voice of Aphie's brother comforting his sister. It was so low and sad that Taylor had to take a deep breath before giving orders to the nurses; in fear she too would break down crying. She turned and looked at Aphie for another second. She was in her brother's arms crying heavily on his shoulder. She took another breath and turned back to John.
"Go John, take her down." to Aphie and her brother she said, "If you need me, I'll be in my office. You did a great job Aphie. If you want, you can see your parents now."
"Can you tell them to come in, please?" Mr. Godderus asked.
"Sure."
"Thanks." Taylor walked out of the room and headed straight for the waiting area.
"Mr. and Mrs. Godderus?" She asked the couple.
"Yes, is she alright?" Mrs. Godderus asked her, standing up.
"No, and she won't be for a while. I am prescribing that she has therapy for the next two months. As for her physical condition, she's fine. She will be sore for the next couple of days. I suggest she gets lots of rest and drinks lots of fluids."
"How about her kid?" Mr. Godderus asked.
"It was a female. She was taken to the morgue a few minutes ago. You can see Aphie now if you like. She's in room 310."
"Thank you Dr. Shockrom!" Mrs. Godderus said while heading towards Aphie's room.
Taylor was about to turn and head for her office when she noticed Mr. Godderus hadn't left for his daughter's room.
"Do you need anything else Mr. Godderus?" She asked him.
"Call me Zack. There is no need to be formal. You did, after all, deliver my grandchild, dead or not."
"Okay then, Zack. Did you need something?"
"Actually, I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight."
"Excuse me?"
"Dr. Shockrom, I don't think I have to tell you how absolutely stunning you look."
"Mr. Godderus, I don't think-"
"that we should get personal?" he finished off her sentence.
"Yes, exactly."
"How about dinner."
"Listen Mr. Godderus-"
"Zack"
"Zack, you’re married and, I'm sorry to have to break the news to you, too old. You aren't my type. Now if you have no further questions or comments, I'll be leaving now."
"Wai-"
"And I do suggest you visit your daughter." With that said, she turned and left, leaving a smirking old man behind.
Um yes, he thought, feisty, I like that!
Loud music and the smell beer surrounded Taylor as she entered the rowdy club.
So this is what Danny calls a fancy restaurant, she thought, go figure. The room was dark with flashing lights constantly blinking. It was a wonder Taylor could make it through the loud crowd dancing to Ricky Martin's She Bangs song, to the bar. That was, of course, after three proposals to dance, ten offered drinks that were probably drugged and a world record of sixteen not so soft slaps on the ass. If only I could see who the bitches were, Taylor thought while she seated herself at the bar.
"Hey Taylor. Haven't seen you around here for a long time. What's wrong got tired of us perverts?" A short blond, curly haired man asked Taylor with a crooked smile.
"Inin, how could I get tired of you? You only bore me to death." Taylor said with a wicked smile.
"Well, let's see, that's not the way I remembered it. Hmmm, I remember you and Mr. Screwdriver here," Inin said holding up the cold drink," a table, legs and clothes flying everywhere." he reencountered while enjoying the red color rising on Taylor's skin.
"Lucky us, Kenny dragged her off before we were all blinded by the hideous nudity." A low sultry voice yelled over the pop music. Taylor look at the mistress of the voice and smirked.
"If I recall, you were up there too, except Kenny wasn't there to drag you off and you were quite sober." Taylor said with a smiled while looking at the tall, slim, dark skinned woman.
"Ha Ha, you're lucky I don't have a come back! So what brings you to my neck of the woods?" Nicola asked while leaning on the stool next to Taylor.
"Danny wanted us to eat at a fancy restaurant. How she thought this was fancy, I don't know."
"Hey, this place can be fancy if it wanted to be. And don't forget, the walls have ears!" Inin warned.
"Cola, how do you put up with him?" Taylor asked her. Nicola gave Inin a lustful smile and answered,
"Oh, I have my ways. Anyways, Danny's back from Spain? I thought she wasn't coming back until Friday."
"Actually, she came back last Friday. You must have gotten your dates mixed up."
"Must have."
"Taylor, I'm so sorry I'm late, I-"
"Save it Danny. I think we all know why you didn't grace us with your presence until now. You are officially thirty minutes late." She said while looking at her cousin giving her a dirty smirk
"Is that all you think about?" Danny asked knowing exactly what Taylor meant.
"Yup, that and cute ass guys at work." Taylor said while looking up shyly though her long dark lashes. This should get them interested, Taylor thought. Got to give them time to digest. One...two...three.
"WHAT!!" three very loud voices yelled above the cranking music. Gotcha!
"Taylor...I thought you were...um...you know...you and Ann...and you said...um...guy...and...you know!" Nicola stuttered.
"Oh my, look at the time. Come on Danny, let's get our bon bons out of here." Taylor said hurriedly, avoiding any question. She grabbed Danny's arm and pulled her through the dance floor and out of the door. Leaving very surprised very confused faces of the couple they left at the bar.
Hmmm, gummi bears, pop corn or Reese's pieces. This was a hard decision, Taylor thought. She was in the front lobby of Hoyt's Cinema with Danny ordering their sweets for the movie. The whole drive here was nothing but hard glances and ongoing questions from Danny. Of course, Taylor being Taylor, she gave Danny not a clue as to what she meant at the bar.
"Excuse me ma'am, what would you like?" the young teenager asked from behind the counter.
"I'd like gummi bears and a small coke please." Taylor answered.
"And you ma'am?" he asked Danny.
"Um, I'll have those mini snickers, a medium popcorn and a small Dr. Pepper."
"That will be twenty-five seventy."
Danny handed the young man the money and took the sweets.
"Keep the change." Danny told him.
"God that movie was stupid. I want my money back!" Danny complained in the car.
"I agree." Taylor said.
"You took the bus to the club, right?"
"Yup, so where're we headed? Your place?"
"Yeah, Drake isn't going to be home until eleven. You know, boy's night out."
"Oh"Silence. Danny looked over at Taylor. She seemed lost in her own thoughts. Correction, way way in her own thoughts.
"What's up?" Danny asked.
"Huh? Oh, nothing. Just thinking."
"'Bout what? If you don't mind me asking." For a minute, Danny didn't think her cousin was going to answer her.
"Danny, how do I get mixed up in these things?" Taylor asked in a strained voice. Danny took one look at Taylor and immediately pulled the car on the side of the road.
"Taylor, sweetie, what's wrong?" Danny asked, turning her body towards her. She hardly saw Taylor like this. So depressed and sad.
When Taylor didn't respond, she reached her hand across the arm rest and took hold of Taylor's hand.
"Look at me. Taylor, what's the matter? Is it this thing between you and Anna?" She asked. She heard something that closely resembled and sob. She waited for a response, knowing Taylor would come around in her own time. When none came she let go of Taylor's hand and remerged into traffic. The silence between the two close relatives stretched until they reached Danny's condo. They got out of the blue Honda Accord and walked over to the elevator located in the under ground garage. Taylor had not yet said anything when they reached the fifth floor of the complex. Danny unlocked the door and lead Taylor in. She took their coats and hung them on the rack by the door. Then Danny sat down on the beige leather couch were Taylor had made herself comfortable.
"Taylor, can we talk now?" Danny tried again. Taylor nodded but didn't say a thing. Danny questioned her again.
"This whole thing with Anna isn't going very well, is it?" She asked while looking at Taylor's profile. She could see the tiniest traces of moisture running down her cousin's face as she shook her head no.
"It's not just Anna is it?" Danny asked, reading her friend's body language. The redness of Taylor's crystalline eyes warned Danny of Taylor's fight with self-control. Obviously she was fighting a losing battle because when Danny questioned her again, she burst out crying and threw herself in her friend's arms. All her pent up emotions came rushing out with that simple question.
"Oh, god Danny! I never thought this would happen to me! I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be gay! I want to be just plain me but I can't!" Taylor whispered in a broken voice while crying on her cousin's lap. Danny ran her fingers through the raven hair that belonged to the head in her lap.
"Why don't you tell Anna this?" Danny asked softly.
"'Cause then she'll hate me."
"Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, Anna would hurt even more if you kept going on like this and suddenly you broke down and told her what you really feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean what Christopher did to you." Danny said softly. Taylor thought about the wise words that brought terrible memories of Chris back. She was about fifteen at the time. She had had a huge crush on Chris for almost two years. One day, while in the Cafeteria, he asked her to the Spring Fling dance being held at school. She of course was overly excited at the prospect of going out with the senior jock and agreed to go. At the dance, while they were dancing, he flattered her with sweet nothings and asked her if she would go steady with him. Like a fool, she agreed. They went out for the rest of the year and still kept going when he left for college. She missed him terribly and decided for Valentine's Day, she'd visit him at West Point. When she arrived, she went straight to his dorm room only to find him on the couch with another woman. She felt a fired pain go from her heart down to her stomach as she watched her boyfriend and this anonymous woman go on, oblivious to her presence. She stepped out of the room and into the hallway, leaned up against the wall and slid down to the floor as easily as the tears slid down her face. She staid there until her boyfriend and the woman emerged from his room. Chris and Taylor had a huge argument, which resulted in the confession of Chris's non-attraction to Taylor. He had only gone out with her to win a bet that he could sleep with her before school let out the year before, and he won. Yet, when he tried to break up with her, the look in her eyes always stopped him. Much as Anna's eyes stops her. Things would have been so much easier if he had told her before, Taylor thought. It would have saved me a lot of pain and humiliation. Danny's voice shook her out of her trip to the past.
"Enough about Anna. I want to know about this guy from work. All your crying is starting to get to me and soon your going to be holding my head in your lap." Danny said jokingly, hoping to cheer Taylor up. She felt a slow vibration on Taylor's throat that could only have been a slight chuckle and smiled.
*
"Let's play a little game." Danny suggested.
"I'm listening." Taylor replied with her head still laying comfortably in Danny's lap.
"Okay. It's called Asking and Answering." Taylor smirked.
"Is that the best you could come up with?"
"So what if it is?"
"Never mind. So ask away."
"What's his name?"
"What's whose name?"
"Taylor, I have been waiting for this moment for the longest time. No more jokes, Pleeeeese?!"
"Fine, his name is Ari Godderus." Danny thought for a moment.
"I've heard that name before. Godderus, Godderus. Damn, I know that name from somewhere!"
"Think teenage patient." Danny's eyes widened.
"Your in love with a teenage patient?!"
"No you jackass. I was saying that's where you probably heard the name. You, know, when we were talking about the problems of kids these day?" Danny smirked.
"Oh yeah, especially ones with dark raven hair and bright blue eyes. Such foul language too. What's up with kids these days?"
"Oh, ha ha ha."
"Anywho, if the kid isn't the guy you are infatuated with, who is?"
"I'm not infatuated with him. I just think he's cute."
"What ever."
"He's Aphie's older brother."
"What's he look like?"
"Tall, dark short hair, chocolate brown eyes, broad shoulders, full lips, smooth skin-" Danny knew instantly who she was talking about and cut her off.
"Oo, I know exactly who your talking' 'bout. I saw him walking' out of room 310. He's a real hottie. I wonder if he models."
"I wouldn't be surprised. You know his father made a pass on me." Taylor informed.
"Eww, that happened to me before. Was he as cute as his son?"
"He could have been in his younger years."
"Cool. So, does Ari like you?"
"I don't think so. He hardy noticed I was there." Taylor said sadly. "I probably won't even see him again."
"Don't think so negatively."
"I'm not, I'm thinking in terms of reality." Silence
"You know what Danny?" Taylor asked, not sure if she should tell Danny the extent of her feelings for Ari Godderus.
"What Tay?" Making up her mind, Taylor said,
"Promise you won't laugh."
"I promise."
"I feel like I know him." Taylor said softly. She looked up into Danny's eyes, looking for any sign of amusement. There was none. Danny just sat there staring at Taylor.
"Are you sure we're just cousins and not twin sisters?" Danny asked her. Taylor looked at her confused.
"What's that got to do with anything?"
"Well, I kind of thought Ari looked familiar when I saw him. I don't know, it just feels like I've known him from somewhere. Taylor sat straight up when she heard this. It was like Danny was reading her thoughts right from her head.
"That's exactly what I was thinking. Hey, maybe we are twins." Taylor said.
"Oh, I wish!"
Crying. It's been part of my daily life since Aphie gave birth to that dead kid. All she's done was cry and quite frankly, I've gotten tired of it. I can't wait until she starts that therapy stuff. Maybe then, I'll be able to get back to work and stop baby-sitting her. The doc said it would take a while for her to get over it. This is one time I hope she is wrong. It's not like I'm trying to be insensitive or anything, it's just that this shit has gotten on my nerves. I'm stuck in this nine-bedroom house with a depressed sister, a father who stupidly brings women of all kinds in the house for a quick flick, and a mother who is too busy in that god-forsaken living room with all her little rich friends to even notice...or care. Oh, let's not forget about all my other half brothers and sisters. You'd think they'd help Aphie through this, but no, it's all my fuckin responsibility. You're her favorite brother, they say. You're so sensitive to her needs, they croon. She loves you so much!! Oh, please. I don't see them taking care of my house and paying my god damn bills. Damn, I could be at a camping trip by now, or even cooking one of my many gourmet specials at 'La Plata'.
"Ari, I feel so sad. I can't believe my baby died! It's all my fault!" Aphie wailed as she sat next to Ari on the floor in the den. Here we go again, Ari thought.
"Come here Aphie," he said softly while wrapping his muscular arms around her small shoulders. He pushed her usually shinning long blond curly hair out of her face.
"We've been over this a thousand times. It's not your fault. Things like this just happen. You did nothing wrong. You ate right, you exercised, you drank enough milk, you didn't do any drugs or drink or smoke...you did nothing wrong."
"But, I-"
"No, You did NOTHING wrong. Now why don't you go get ready and call your friends." Aphie looked at him through her long wet eyelashes.
"Why?" She asked.
"Haven't you been bugging me with something about new Gucci boots or something?"
"But I don't feel like going anywhere."
"Oh come on, this is a once in a thousand lives offer. You won't see me doing this again for a long time." Aphie smiled at her older brother.
"Oh thank you thank you thank you Ari!! I'm going to call them up right now!!" Aphie beamed, soon forgetting all of her problems. When she left, Ari smiled to himself. I was always such a softy he thought while turning off the Saturday morning cartoons.
"SHIT!!" Taylor yelled.
"What happened now?!" Nicola asked from Taylor's bedroom.
"The fucking oil burned me!!" Nicola ran from Taylor's room to see Taylor in the kitchen sucking her middle finger. Nicola burst out laughing.
"Oh god Taylor, you are such a baby. Aww, did little Tay Tay burn her little finger? You need mommy it kiss your boo boo?!" Taylor glared at her with her finger still stuck in her mouth.
"Fuck you" she murmured. Nicola just chuckled in return.
"Come on Tay. Let's hook up with Danny and James at the mall. We'll eat something there. I don't know how much more tourcher your kitchen can stand."
"Gee, thanks for the sympathy. I only burned my finger with oil. But don't worry about it. I'm fine and dandy. Hey I can even do this." Taylor said demonstrating her long middle finger with all her other fingers down. Cola smiled.
"Hey I can do that too, with both hands!" Taylor laughed and shook her head.
"Come on. Let me get my shoes, then we can high jack our ass' out of here."
"Hey, what's up!" Aphie welcomed her best friend in the car.
"Nothin much. Nice car."
"Yeah, but check out the driver!!" Lisa, one of Aphie’s friends replied. All four of Aphie's friends started giggling. How do I get myself in to these messes, Ari thought while smiling in the rear view mirror at the group of hormonal teenage girls.
"Is this all?" He asked Aphie.
"Yep. Let me introduce them to you. The one with the curly black hair is Tyra, the girl with the long straight red hair is Jessie, the girl with the wavy blond hair is Lisa and the one who just got in is...well you already know her. Now let's go or all the guys will be gone by the time we get there!!
“Where the hell are they?” Nicola asked Taylor.
“How should I know? They were supposed to be here thirty minutes ago.”
“Oh, look, here they come!” Nicola said, pointing Danny and James out from the crowd. Danny skidded to a stop in front of Taylor.
“I know I know. I’m so sorry. Drake turned off the alarm when he left for work.
“What ever.” Taylor said. She was clearly mad at Danny for being late yet again.
“Hey James.” Nicola greeted.
“Hey Cola. Have you seen any cute guys come your way lately?” James asked.
“None that swing your way. What’s wrong, Harold wasn’t good enough for you?”
“Naw, I wasn’t good enough for him.” He replied sarcastically.
“Is that why you’re coming shopping with us? To scope out some more victims?” Taylor asked sweetly.
“Sorry to bust you bubble darling, but no. Danny told me y’all were going to be shopping at Victoria’s Secrets. I came along for the ride.”
“You are such a pervert.”
“Yeah, I know.”
”Come on Ari. Please?!” Aphie begged. They were standing outside of Victoria’s Secrets outlet at the mall.
“Why do you want to go in there?” Ari asked.
“Because…”
“It’s not like they have anything for you.”
“Still…I’ll cry again.” She countered making a pouty face.
“We are not going in that store!! Mom would kill me if she found out. And further more. You will not see me inside that store, EVER!! It would ruin my reputation!!”
2 minutes later
Ari stood inside the undergarment store muttering to himself as he watched Aphie and her friends running around giggling at the showy clothing.
“Ari! What the hell are you doing here? Getting something for your girlfriend?” Ari heard a voice call to him by the dressing rooms. He turned to see a tall lanky dark haired man with jeans and a T-shirt, holding some rather reviling suits, if you could call the see through ‘things’ clothing. Ari walked over to him.
“What are you doing here, James?”
“Oh, you know. I’m out with the gals doing a little shopping. What ur you doing here?”
“You see these little teenage she-devils running around here?”
“Yeah.” James answered while looking around.
“Well, they had this incredible urge to come in here, and well. Here I am.”
“Aww, Ari’s taking the girls out! That’s so sweet. If you were like me, I’d love you to death!”
“Thank God I’m-“
“James! What do you think? Is it too reveling?” Taylor asked while coming out of the pink dressing room. She wasn’t looking directly at James so she didn’t see Ari standing there with his bottom jaw dragging on the floor.
“Do you think these bikinis are too tight? Does it make my ass look freaky?” Taylor asked turning around to show James her backside.
“Um, Taylor, uh, we have company.” James said.
“Huh?” Taylor questioned while turning. She froze. Right in front of her was Ari Godderus. She blushed fiercely. Danny chose that moment to burst out of her dressing room. She was wearing short, silky, forest green, spaghetti strap slip with a long slit on one side. It was nothing like Taylor’s ensemble. Taylor was wearing a sheer, black, tight tank top with a matching silk string bikini bottom.
“Whoa Taylor. Trying out for Playboy?” Danny asked while checking out what Taylor was wearing. When she noticed Taylor wasn’t paying attention, she glanced at what Taylor was starring at and finally figured out why she was so red. The subject of there ‘sisterly’ conversation the other night was standing right in front of her. The tension in the air was growing immensely. She was about to say something when a loud shriek rang through the store.
“Oh my GOD!! Dr. SHACKROM!!!” Aphie shrieked. Everyone turned to her as her and her friends came running up to the silent group.
“You are looking so tight. I hope I carry equipment like yours when I grow up!” Lisa commented. Taylor blushed even more deeply, as if things could get any worse. She tried to think, to clear out her thoughts. Do I run back in the room or play it off as if nothing happened, she asked herself. Run, defiantly run! With that thought, she ran back into the room as fast as she could, thankful she only froze for what, a minute? It could have been worse.
“Um, I think I’ll go talk to Taylor.” Danny said excusing herself.
“Ari-”, James started.
“Yeah, I know. I think I’ll be going. Come on Aphie. I’ll see you later James.”
“Who was that?” Jessie asked Aphie while exiting the store.
“That’s my doctor.”
“Cool. I didn’t know doctors wore things like that.”
“Me neither.” Replied Tyra.
“So where to next?”
“Let’s go to ‘Spencer’s Gifts’.”
“Taylor? Hey honey, are you okay?” Danny asked while entering the room her cousin decided to hide in. Taylor was standing in front of the mirror with her forehead leaning up against it.
“Well, considering my patient’s hot ass older brother saw me half naked in a Victoria’s Secrets lingerie, I’m doing quite peachy.” Taylor said while lifting her head from the mirror.
“Well, um…god, you know the funniest thing happened to me?”
“Oh, yeah? Please enlighten me.” Taylor said flatly.
“Me, Danny Centra has absolutely no advice for you. I mean, Jesus Christ. I say you forget the whole thing ever happened!” Danny said weakly.
“Gee, thanks for the advice. Especially since I have a check-up meeting with Aphie on Tuesday.”
“And I’m guessing Ari is gonna be there?”
“Yup, right on the dot.”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, I think he liked what he saw. His jaw was dragging on the floor. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.” Danny was rewarded by a weak smile.
“Aphie’s friends couldn’t either.”
Taylor and Danny changed back into their regular clothes and bought what they had tried on. They were walking down the main hallway of the mall when a loud rumbling noise was heard. Nicola looked down at her stomach then up at her friends that stopped to stare at her.
“Hey guys. I think we could stop off buy the food court. I haven’t had lunch thanks to Taylor’s wonderful cooking skills.” Cola asked.
Everyone, except for Taylor, nodded there heads and gave looks of sympathy to Nicola. Everyone had unfortunately come into contact with Taylor’s cooking skills, which clearly did not match her doctoring ones.
“Ha Ha Ha. You all just laugh it up!! How was I supposed to know the oil would get that hot that fast!?!” Taylor asked while glaring at each of her friends.
“I don’t know, maybe the fact that you put it on the burner for 30minutes?” Nicola choked out while laughing.
“I’m going to ignore what you just said.”
“It doesn’t matter. TO THE FOOD COURT!!”
“I can not wait until I get into my nice cozy warm bed!!” Nicola exclaimed while driving her car down the congested highway. It was now 11:54 and both Cola and Taylor were very tired after a day’s worth of running around the mall buying expensive nothings.
“You can’t wait for the bed or the guy whose in it?”
“You have a twisted since of humor Tay.”
“I know.”
“So, that guy in the store is he the guy you were talking about last night at the bar?”
“Yeah. Oh god, I should call in sick on Tuesday, shouldn’t I?”
“Hell no. Face your fears. Just act professional. It never fails.”
“You say that as if from personal experience.”
“Many personal experiences!” Cola laughed. “Remember that time in high school at the prom?”
“There are so many memories of that night. Which one are you talking about?”
“The one when I was talking about Mr. Willis?”
“Oh yeah! You were saying how cute he was and all that stuff!! Ha!! That was so funny! He was standing right there! He looked so different with his hair cut.” Taylor laughed.
“Then on Monday I had a student conference with him.”
“That must have been hell”
“No kidding. The thing is I acted as if that night never happened and it worked. Nothing personal was said and that was the end of it.”
“Yeah, but he didn’t see you half naked.”
“I know. And that’s the difference between your problem and mine.”
“Gee, thanks a lot Cola. You were are real help.” Taylor said sarcastically. “I think I’ll stick with calling in sick.”
“But then he’ll think you’re a coward. And we can’t have that, can we?”
Taylor thought for a moment. “You know your right…I guess I will go after all. Thanks Cola.”
“No problemo.”
“If you tell anyone about this convo, I’ll rip out your tongue and feed it to my tiger.”
“Tay, you don’t have a tiger.”
“There’s always the zoo.”
Tuesday
Taylor woke up to a loud consistent beeping. Not again. Wait, my throat is hurting. Oh well, I guess it’s calling in sick for me, she thought. She turned over and tried to get back to sleep but her mind kept bringing up pictures of Ari. What would he think of her? It would be too much of a coincidence for her to call in work the day of the appointment. Would he think her a coward? Hmmm, don’t know don’t care, she reasoned with herself. Taylor rolled onto her back. Yes I do care!! I hate situations like these! The telephone beside her bed rang. She turned on her side and picked it up.
“Hello?”
“Hi Tay. Time to get your ass out of bed!” A very loud voice answered on the other side of the connection, wherever that may be.
“Cola!!”
“Yup, that’s me babe. I knew you weren’t going to work with out some encouragement.”
“But throat hurts.”
“And my toe hurts, but you don’t see me not going to the gym.”
“Did I mention my legs got amputated?”
“So did mine.”
“But you freakin’ toes hurt!”
“And you still have your freakin’ legs, now get your ass up!”
“You’re not my mother.”
“I may not be, but I have the number to the Godderus residence.” Nicola said with a smile. Taylor shot up in bed.
“You don’t!”
“I do, and it just might accidentally slip out that you have a thing for the hunk of burning man. And if that’s not enough, I know he’d love to hear about you and Mr. Screwdriver.” Cola threatened using to words of her blond haired lover.
“You wouldn’t.” Taylor dared. All she heard in return was a sigh. She could imagine Nicola’s dark chocolate face with a cruel evil little smirk plastered on it and knew she would carry out the threat if she didn’t cooperate. Taylor sighed.
“You would.”
“Yup, now what’s it going to be?” Cola asked, clearly know Tay’s answer.
“Do I really have a choice?” Taylor said while getting out of bed. She pressed the ‘speaker’ button and trailed her way to the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom.
“Well since you’ve put me on speaker, I’m guessing you’re going to work.”
“Well golly, aren’t you smart. You figured that out all by yourself?”
“Hey, I still have that number!”
“Like you’d let me forget. Listen, I’ll catch up with you later. I’m running late.”
“Hey wait! Where’s Anna?”
“At her friend’s house in Texas. She left sometime on Friday.”
“Oh, well see ya!”
“Bye!” Taylor hung up the phone and went back into her bathroom where her shower water was warming up.
“Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.” Taylor recited as she walked out of her office. She was told that her one o’clock appointment was here and ready to see her. Basically meaning the cause of the butterflies in her stomach was waiting in the lobby. She opened the door and breathed in the bitter smell of sterile cleaners the janitors used.
“Godderus, Aphie Godderus!” Taylor called, looking around. She didn’t see Aphie nor her brother. With luck, she thought, the receptionist read the record wrong and they weren’t here.
“Hey Dr. Shockrom.” She heard a high, preppy voice that could only belong the Aphie. Damn, my luck must be on vacation, she thought while turning to Aphie and her brother, plastering on a fake smile.
“Please follow me.” She led them down the hall to her office. She opened the oak wooden door and waited for both of them before she closed it, offering the doctor and her guests privacy. She noticed, as Ari passed her, he smelled of Nautica Clone, her favorite. Keep everything professional, she heard Nicola’s words echo in her mind. Better said than done.
“Well Aphie, how have you been lately?” Taylor asked while taking a seat in her leather chair.
“Great! Especially when Ari took us to the mall! It was, like, so fun!! And we saw you! Gosh, I never thought doctors dressed that way! Ari wouldn’t stop taking about doctors after that, or you anyways. My friend-”
“Um, We have to hurry. I have to go to work after this, um, can we get this started.” Ari interrupted Aphie’s babbling. Taylor’s heart skipped a beat. He couldn’t stop talking about her?
“Okay then. Aphie, are you still sore?”
“No. Not really.”
“No pain at all?”
“Well, like, when I sit down, it hurts a little, but it’s nothing serious.”
“Okay. I want to talk to you about your therapy.”
“I don’t think I need it. I feel fine. I haven’t even cried in the last two days.”
“That’s great, but I think you should still go to a few sessions. Who knows, maybe you’ll enjoy them.”
“Whatever.”
Ari heard the conversation, but wasn’t really hearing it. He studied Taylor with great interest. She seemed to not remember that incident at the mall. God knows he remembered it. Maybe he should ask her out. He thought about it for a moment. Yeah, he should. After this appointment is over. But where would they go? As he remembered from long ago, she wasn’t a sucker for dates, so if he took her out on one, it’d have to be out of the ordinary, a visit to the zoo maybe. Yeah, as he recalled, she loved animals. Then they could catch a movie. Yeah, they could see Enemy at the Gates, or Bring it On. Hey, gymnastics and girls in short skirts! No, what about Hannibal? A scary movie and lots of cuddling. He remembered a time long ago and disregarded that thought. Taylor doesn’t cuddle, not in the movies anyway. Well, it’s back to Enemy at the Gates. Aphie’s voice interrupted his planning.
“But I’m not a crazy psycho! I don’t need to go to him!” She yelled. Aphie was standing up now, yelling on the top of her lungs.
“Aphie. Sit down. He’s just going to talk to you. It’s for your own good.” Taylor said calmly, trying to explain to her patient why she should consider therapy.
“No! I am not crazy!”
“Therapy isn’t just for crazy people! It’s for everyone! Now would you please sit down!” Taylor said, losing most of her patience. Why did she have always to be stuck with the spoiled kids?
“NO!” Aphie yelled.
“Don’t you dare yell in my office!” Taylor said. Though her voice was low, it carried a warning that if ignored, would bring serious consequences. Aphie sat down, surprised at the weight of Taylor’s words.
“Now, like I was saying. I think you should at least go to one session. It can only help you, plus you’ll get out of school.” Taylor said, knowing Aphie would consider the latter. Aphie thought about it for a minute. She knew Dr. Shackrom was right, but she didn’t want to be stamped as a mentally challenged person.
“I’ll make a deal with you.” Taylor said. She waited for Aphie to nod her head and continued. “You go to one session, just one, and see if you like it. If you don’t, I won’t bring the subject up again.”
“And if I do like it…which I doubt.”
“If you do, then you can keep going. Nobody has to know, not even your teachers.” Aphie stared at her intertwined fingers for a long time. She was torn between pride and need. Fortunately for her, need won over.
“Okay.” She answered in a soft, quiet voice. Taylor smiled softly at her.
“Okay then. I’ll arrange a date and call you.” Taylor said softly and handed her a form to fill out, signifying her cooperation. When she finished signing the information, she slid the paper over the wooden desk toward Taylor. She watched as Dr. Shockrom looked over the information and put the paper in the gray file next to her desk.
“Thank you.” Taylor said. Aphie nodded and looked away from Dr. Shockrom’s crystalline eyes, wondering if she had done the right thing.
“Well, if you don’t have any questions, you can leave, and don’t hesitate to call if you have any questions at all.” Taylor said while standing up, motioning her patients and her brother to do the same. Cola was right, Taylor thought while opening the door for her guests, professionality works, if that’s even a word. She watched Ari whisper something into Aphie’s ear. Taylor’s curiosity was piqued when she saw Aphie look up at Ari, turned to Taylor, smiled, and looked back up Ari and nodded. Then she skipped out of the lobby. Taylor watched in amazement at the mood swing, it was like magic. Whatever Ari told her must have really been exciting. Whatever the reason for the mood change, Taylor had things to do, and other people to think about, she thought while smiling, shaking her head. She was acting just like a teenager mooning over a crush. She turned, ready to leave the lobby and start working on the dreaded paper work left on her desk when she heard the sweetest call that had ever lain upon her ears, the deep voice of Ari calling her name.
“Dr. Shockrom.” He said. Sure it was her professional name, but still. She turned and plastered what she hoped was a professional smile on her face and turned to face him.
“Yes, you have a question, Mr. Godderus?” He approached her, and from her point of view, he looked pretty nervous. She wondered why.
Well this is it, Ari thought, there’s no turning back now. Take it like a man he thought.
“I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight.” He said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.
Did he just ask what she was doing tonight, Taylor thought to herself. Her mind seemed to be going into overdrive and shutting down at the same time. All the dreams she had of this moment, all the things she dreamed of saying erased from her mind and the butterflies of her teenage years settled themselves in her stomach as she stared at him, trying to think of something to say. Well, there goes all that professional bull, she thought.
“Um…I don’t…th-think I’m um, doing anything. W-why?” She asked as she felt her skin temperature rise a notch or two. She hated blushing, but with that kind of stuttering, how could one not? She scolded herself for that embarrassing line. She was so busy thinking, she almost didn’t hear his response…almost.
“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go out to dinner or something.” He said, hope flooding his features. Well, out the door goes the Zoo plan. Well not completely, I’ll leave it on the doorstep.
“Um, sure. What time?” That’s right Taylor, she thought to herself. Keep calm.
Black dress, green dress, black dress with lace, red dress with no lace, open back blue dress, pant suit, and the list goes on. Not that she ever wore them. Dresses weren’t her thing, but hey, people, for some reason, bought them for her. God knows she has more than enough of them. She used to think having so many would be a good thing. You know, if the opportunity ever arose where she had to wear one, she’d have a variety. Boy was she wrong. Now she couldn’t figure out which one to wear. It was too confusing. All these things that used to look fantastic on her now looks like shit! Why? Because she wanted to look perfect, and to her, nothing in her closet was perfect. Maybe I could stop off by Forever 21 and pick up a nice little skirt. She looked at her clock and disregarded the thought. It was already 7:36. She had exactly 24 minutes before she had to leave for Phillip’s, only the greatest sea food restaurant on the East side of Northern America. Its also a very expensive place. She hardly ever got a chance to eat there. She heard the phone ring and rushed out of her closet. When she picked up the phone, her heart leaped into her throat and nearly suffocated her. She had nearly forgotten about the only thing that’s holding her down from a serious relationship from Ari or any other guy, Anna.
“Hello? Taylor?”
“Anna? Is that you?” Taylor asked, praying to all the gods of the universe that she was mistaken, and Anna hadn’t really called.
“Of course it is silly! Who else would it be?”
Taylor looked at her clock. It was now 7:40. In twenty minutes, Ari would pick her up. She knew what she had to do. Sadly she sighed.
“Taylor…what’s wrong?” Anna asked.
“I, um, I have to tell you something…” She began, hoping to god Anna would understand.
Taylor paced back and forth in the front lobby of her apartment building. Her usual proud and confident bounce was replaced with a sluggish slouching stride. On the outside she look like a goddess of beauty, but on the inside, she felt like a mere mortal. She had just broken up with Anna. She told Anna everything. She told her about what she really felt about her, how she longed to be in a normal relationship with a guy, and about Ari. Anna had started crying, and then started yelling at her. Taylor, too, started crying. She felt too guilty for words to express. And now, she had to face Ari. After all that longing for him, the last thing she wanted to do right now was see him, none the less, dine with him. She was going to cancel the whole thing with him. She couldn’t date anyone just yet. Not after what she had done to Anna. It was like cheating of another kind. She just wasn’t ready, not now anyway.
Ari exited his cherry red corvett (his second car) with red roses in his hand, which despite his efforts, shook with a vengeance. Why was he acting so nervous, he asked him self. It wasn’t as if he was walking down the isle with her or something. It wasn’t the first time he’d been on a date with a hot chick either. He stepped up on the sidewalk that led to the front lobby of the apartment and walked towards it. As he neared the automatic doors, his right eyebrow started twitching. It was something that always occurred when he got really nervous. He had taken special classes to control it years back, and he had it under control when he asked Taylor out, but now, it seemed all his classes ran out the door with an IOU stamped on a desk. He stopped walking and stood in the middle of the walkway for two minutes to calm his nerves. His eyebrow stopped twitching, but is hand still shook. I guess I’ll have to take classes for that too, he joked to himself. He he, that wasn’t funny. As he entered the lobby, his heart made a three-sixty and skipped a total of three beats before it brought itself out of shock. There Taylor stood, dressed in gray sweatpants, a white T-shirt, and navy blue slippers. Even clad in that, she looked awesome. Her womanly curves still shone through, but that’s not something you would exactly wear to Phillip’s. Her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was pulled back in a lose bun. When she saw him, she stared at him for a while and looked as if she attempted to smile, but didn’t exactly make it. Ari had a feeling, they weren’t going to be tasting the good food of Phillip’s tonight.
“H-hi.” Taylor said in a small voice, placing her hands behind her back. Suddenly, the gray, carpeted floor was interesting to her.
“We’re not going out tonight, are we?” Ari asked her, still seeking out her blue eyes. She saw her take a long sigh and looked up at him.
“I had an, um, argument with my girlfriend.” She said softly.
Girlfriend!, Ari thought. She’s gay!! Of all people to be gay in the whole world, she had to be one of them!
“Oh.” He said quietly. It wasn’t what one would expect, but it was all he could think of at the time.
“I’m sorry…I really am. I-I-really wanted to go out with you, but I don’t think I can handle something serious right now.” She explained quietly, hoping he would understand. She knew she owed him a better explanation than that, but she wasn’t ready to go over all the details just yet. She had to sort out her feelings first.
Ari stared at her for a couple minutes. He felt a burning fire in the pit of his stomach. He thought about all the planning he had put into this night. He thought about the money he pulled out of his savings so that this night would be perfect. Hw wished he could melt into the carpet or hit something…anything to distract him from this situation. She ‘had an argument with her girlfriend’. An Argument with her GIRLFRIEND, Girlfriend…as in a female lover. She had played him for a fool, he thought to himself. She had road on his feelings as if a game. That’s what it is, he thought. A game, and I was the star player.
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. BlackDiamond1016@aol.com
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