Standing In Your Shadow
By Jillybean
Logan flexed his hand as the continuous typing threatened to give him a premature arthiritis bill. One thing he really did not need right now.
"Hey." An unwelcome voice greeted his ears, Logan knew before he turned around exactly what languid pose Alec would have struck up, leaning on a door frame or standing with his hands in his jacket pockets. Logan couldn't help but despise him. And fear his perfectness. All his life Logan had strove to be good, to be the best. He'd never thought of himself as a perfectionist but when he saw Alec he saw just how flawed Max must see him as.
"Max isn't here." Logan half growled.
"I noticed, Max would smile or say something funny. Or offer me a cookie." Alec headed over and pinched one from the plate Logan had beside him.
"Max wouldn't smile at you." Logan couldn't resist saying. Alec gave him a predatory smile.
"Scared pretty boy?" He asked. Logan would never admit. Alec chuckled, looking away and breaking the tension. "Yeah - you shouldn't be." Alec said, self depreciatingly. "Max and I don't exactly get along."
"You like her." Logan said, surprised at his calmness. Alec met his eyes.
"Don't you?"
They sat opposite each other on the kitchen table, seperated by only a bottle of whiskey.
"You know - when I first met her, I tried to take on a leader kind of role." Logan said, swirling the liquid in his glass. "Heh, thought I could get somewhere with it."
Alec nodded in agreement.
"Well in Manticore, I was her CO, me being the good one who hadn't run away. I had no idea she had a mind of her own, they weren't usually built that way."
"Yeah - tell me about it." Logan threw back the whiskey and Alec matched him. Logan watched him carefully. "You know Alec, I think I could take you, brains over brawn right?"
"Whatever you say." Alec said, pouring yet more whiskey.
"You know, I feel like all the time I'm with her she's comparing me to you. Am I as strong, am I as fast, am I as fun to be with. And of course, I know I'm not." Logan frowned at his glass. Alec filled it. Logan nodded. "Thanks. I wrote a poem about it."
"Yeah?" Alec asked quietly. He wasn't saying much and Logan's glass remained constantly full.
"Yeah. It's around somewhere." Logan stood up, steadying himself on the table before heading to his work station to find it. He came back with a crumpled sheet of paper. Alec took it and pretended to squint.
"Stand by here and feel the cold
See why I always beg and fold
Always in darkness is my plight
You will always stand in my light
And when the sun slowly rises
Then we will see who is the wiser
For you shall be blinded and I shall
Go, stand in your shadow I'll
Nevermore"
Alec finished and controlled his face into a passive expression.
"Funny." Logan said, taking the paper back and looking over the words. "I keep thinking that you're just holding back before you make your move."
"I'm not an animal." Alec said, deliberately slow. "People often mistake me for some sort of . . . sort of . . . some sort of killer."
"You are a killer." Logan told him, this time it was he who filled the whiskey glasses. Alec frowned.
"S'pose so. But still - I'm not a monster. I'm a man, totally different."
"Do you think?" Logan asked. "I wonder sometimes. Am I a monster for wanting Max to live a life of celibacy because she can't touch me."
"Yeah. Impractical for the girl." Alec said, nodding his head decisively. "You know, I always feel like she's measuring me up to you. Never quite measure up."
"Never quite." Logan agreed.
When the whiskey bottle was empty Alec subtly got up and found another one. Logan was ranting away now.
"It's bad enough that I have to be paralysed, her fault. Did I ever tell you? Tell you, that girl screws up almost as much as you do." Logan paused and blinked a few times. "Really love her I do." He sobbed a litte. Alec leaned over and patted him on the back.
"What is it about you that Max likes then, huh?" Alec asked. Logan gave the question serious contemplation.
"I think it's my personality." He sniffed. "Yeah - pershonality. The key to Max is through her stomach, and if you save her life she'll respect you. Reshpect is a good thing. But if she love you then she love you. She don't then you just stand in the shadows." Logan's head nodded once, then nodded twice and eventually he slumped to the table.
"Finally." Alec stood and proceeded to clear the alchohol away.
"You know I thought for a while you were never going to drop off. Beginning to wonder if you were one of the ranting types. But, Manticore taught me how to judge my drinkers." Alec rambled away as he arranged Logan onto the sofa. He stepped back to survey his work.
"You'll do Logan. You'll do. Thanks for the tips." He smiled, turning and leaving. He had learned how to set the bait, now he was going to catch his prize.
Alec was not a man to stand in shadow.
Please e-mail the author of this story with your comments. jillybean@yahoo.com