RANT: Okay, this is set after Hello/Goodbye & DDA. Now, I got this idea while speculating about the season finale of DA with everyone over on the spoiler board, before we knew what was going to happen. And, it might have some themes like that in the story Dark Terror by jinx, (which if you haven't read, DO SO), but this story was thought off without reference to that story, and is actually quite different. Also, the tone of this story, is VERY different than my other stories, and anything that happened in my other stories, do NOT apply to this one. While there will be sex in this story, it's not like my others. Just so you know. Hopefully this story comes across as emotional and as deep as I am trying to make it be. Okay, with all that said, hopefully not giving too much away, on with the story. (crosses fingers hoping everyone likes it)

Sensual Healing

By Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

Max walked into Jam Pony and was slightly surprised when Normal didn't yell at her for being late again, but then she noticed everyone's eyes focused on the TV. She walked over to Original Cindy and Alec, "What going on?"

The two turned to her, and Alec sighed, "Glad you finally decided to show up."

Max gave him a dirty look, "Hey, don't go busting my chops like Nor..."

He cut her off, "Max, White's got got a group of X7's."

"What?" She asked, her hostility immediately gone, as she looked up at him, "How do you know? What happened?"

Alec motioned back at the TV, "Reporters got it on tape, their showing how some of the transgenics are human looking kids. Scaring the hell out of everyone."

Max thought about it, "We have to go get them." She said, "I can't believe White actually got filmed getting them though."

Alec rolled his eyes at her, "Max, he let the reporters get the footage. He wanted it shown on TV."

Cindy and Max looked at him, "Why?" They both said.

"He wanted you to see it. He knows you will try and rescue them, it's a trap."

She knew he was right, it made perfect sense. White wasn't stupid. But, if it was a trap... "If it's a trap, then they are still alive. We have to save them."

*We.* Alec sighed, *Why am I always included in this?* He asked himself, but failed to ask why he always went along with it. "Okay, but we need a plan, and we need to be ready for anything."

"Well, first... we need to get outta here without Normal..."

Cindy smiled, "Original Cindy's got your back, I'll deal with Normal." They smiled their thanks, and they headed out of Jam Pony.
___________________________________

A few hours later, they were outside of a newer compound just outside of the city. They had made their plans, found the exact location, and were now scouting out the area before they would move in. They crouched low to the ground by the trees, looking at the building, the guard towers, the high fence. "Looks like basically the same design as the last, just a lot smaller, and newer." Alec said quietly. Max nodded.

"Well, let's do this." She said. He nodded and they leapt up, and ran to the fence, jumping over it quickly, and ran towards the main building. They headed around to the back, and made their way up to the roof, and over to the sky light. They looked in, and saw the group of X7's caged up.

Alec shook his head, "This is such a trap Max."

"Shut up." She said.

"Max... think about it. Come on, it's way too easy. Skylight, the kids right in plain sight...."

"Who cares, they're alive, and we are getting them out of here." She said opening the widow.

He rolled his eyes at her, he knew there was no changing her mind. Max opened the window, and jumped inside, he sighed and followed her. They looked around, ready to be attacked, the room was empty, they turned to each other shocked, and then ran up to the X7's. "Hope you brought a key." He said looking at the lock on the cage door, and then looked around to try and find something to pry it open.

"Funny!" She said to him, and then turned back to the kids, "We're getting you out of her, just relax." He found a large lead pipe and pried it from the wall, and lodged it against the lock. Then they both jumped at the sound of a gun shot. Turning they saw White standing in the middle of the room, with his gun raise in the air, pointed at the ceiling.

"452, 494. How nice to see you again." He said pointing the gun at the two of them. Alec looked over at Max, eyed the pipe, and then grabbed the railing in front of him, and flipped over it, and jumped, hitting White in the chest with a swift kick, and then rolled to the side and up to his feet, the gun flying in the opposite direction.

White jumped to his feet, the two men looked at each other, and started to circle one another. Max watched from the second story for a second, and then turned back to the cage, and started working the pipe against the lock again. "Well, White, where are all your men? You can't really be here all alone."

He smiled at Alec, "Wouldn't you like to know." He said, and moved forward with a kick, which Alec dodged, spinning and bringing an elbow to his gut, the other arm wrapping around White's neck, and flipping him over him. White moved with the flip, landed on his feet, and turned with a quick punch to Alec's chin. His head moved back, but only for a second, as he countered and his arms came out, grabbing White by the side, and sent him sailing into the brick wall.

White hit the wall, but bounced back with a spinning kick to Alec's chest sending him to the floor. White jumped ready to land on him, he rolled out of the way and up to his feet, his fist coming out and connecting with the side of White's head. Max looked over her shoulder at the two men kicking the shit out of each other. She turned back to the lock again, seeing that he was holding his own, and soon the metal was giving way.

Alec picked himself up from hitting the stairs, and they started to circle again, "Getting tired 494?"

He just smirked, spit out a little blood, "No where near, just trying to figure you out." He said, then they lunged for each other at the same time. White taking a kick to the head, Alec getting swept off his feet hitting his back on the floor, but then moving his arms back over his head, pushing himself back up, kicking White again, sending him flying into a bunch of crates. The wood broke around his body, and he jumped back up, his jaw tense.

Max finally pried open the lock, and flew open the cage door. "Out. NOW!" She yelled at the kids, "Move, move." They ran out, and down the stairs, her right behind them. They headed for the door, and she yelled to Alec, "Let's get outta here!"

He heard her, and as White lunged for him, he moved to the side, and turned, kicking him in the back, White hitting the floor once again. Then he turned and ran out the doors behind Max, that's when he heard gun fire. He turned his head slightly, and saw the guards running towards them, guns firing. "Move! Move!" He yelled. The X7's were already at the fence, when Alec saw Max hit the dirt. He ran to her, and saw the blood trickling out of the back of her leg. He pulled her up by her arm, "Come on," he yelled, knowing she would be okay, and they kept going. They just made it to the fence, the kids on the other side. Max looked quickly over at Alec, her leg throbbing. He looked down, and knew she wouldn't be able to jump it herself. He was just about to pick her up, but he wasn't fast enough, as more guards came from the other direction.

Max looked at the kids, and yelled. "GO!" towards them, as her and Alec moved back to back, the guards circling around them. The X7's running into the woods.

Alec looked as the guards holding their guns, trained on them, and caught the sight of White walking towards them. "Great, this is just great."

Max winced at the pain in her leg, "At least they made it out."

Alec nodded, "Yeah, but what about us?"

They turned towards White, as he walked into the circle, "You know, why don't you just make this a whole lot easier on everyone, and just give up?"

Max rolled her eyes, "Why don't you just learn, that you won't win."

White laughed, and looked at all the guards, "Because 452, I think I did just win. I finally have you where I want you."

Alec looked at Max, and then to White, and knew he was right. There was no way that they were both going to get out of there, and he knew that if White got Max, they were going to experiment on her. They didn't care what happened to him, but they would torture her. He looked around at the guards, and noticed they were watching the talk between Max and White, and he made a quick decision.

He looked over at White, his face like stone, "You only think you have won." He said, then turned to Max, and quickly said, "Don't look back." And with that, in a blur of motion, his hands went around her waist, and with a bend of his knees, and big push, he was throwing her up into the air backwards and over the fence. The guards barely had time to react, as she landed on the other side, and with a shocked look on her face started to turn, when she heard his voice again. "RUN MAX!" He yelled not even turning around, and she ran, as she heard the sound of one gun shot going off, and it echoed in her brain as she ran through the woods, tears running down her cheeks.
______________________________

(One Month Later)

Max walked into the apartment, and immediately went over to the computer, "You paged me?"

Logan looked up at her expectant face, "Yeah, I've got an Eyes Only assignment, it seems that this crime lord..."

She cut him off, dropping her shoulders, "An Eyes Only mission? That's it? Still no news? Nothing at all? Are you even looking, even trying to find him?" She yelled.

"Listen Max, I know you want to find Alec and rescue him, but you have to give this up. It's been a month, and there is nothing. No news, nothing at all. Maybe you need to accept the fact that..."

"Accept what? That he's dead? NO! I won't do that. Did you do that? Did you give up believing that I was alive?" She asked him, and saw the slight hurt look on his face.

"That was different."

"How Logan? How was that different?

"Two reasons. One, Manticore always wanted you alive, not Alec. And two, I loved you."

She caught herself on her the words that were about to come out of her mouth, and she swallowed hard. Logan caught it, his eyes widening slightly. She closed her eyes and turned away from him, wrapping her arms around herself. She heard him stand up and move around her, staying far enough away not to touch her, but still have her feel his presence.

"Max..." He said, looking down at her. She shook her head, not wanting him to continue, she didn't want to hear it, her mind remembering a month ago. After the X7's had escaped, and she had somehow managed to drag herself to Logan's door. She had went there, hoping that he would help her, help her get him back. But once she got there the only thing she could do was collapse on the couch, and cry, trying to get out what happened between sobs.

It was then that all kinds of memories had flooded her brain, as her heart and mind actually started to communicate, and let her see how things really were. How wrong she had been about Alec, how much she depended on him, how much she needed him. And since then, her brain and heart had been constantly attacking her thoughts, battling her stubborn nature, getting her to realize one simple fact.

She looked up at him with tears running down her face. "But I do love him." She looked back to the floor, not able to handle her own emotions, and the look of hurt on his face as well. "I just didn't know it then, I didn't realize it until just recently, until it was to late." More tears ran down her face, and she shook her head. "No, no. He can't be dead. He can't be." She looked back up at him, "I have to find him, or at least find out the truth."
_________________________________
(One Month Earlier)

"Where does she live?"

"Antarctica"

**shock**

"Where does she work?"

"On the street corner"

**shock**

"Where does she go after work?"

"My place", cocky grin.

**shock**

"Tear out the stitches, and turn up the power. Where does she live?"

"France"

**shockkk**

"Where does she work?"

"As a Nun."

**shockkk*

"Where does she go after work?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

**shockkkkkkkkkk**

"Pry open his eyes, get the laser ready."

(Two Weeks Later)

"Where does she live?"

Nothing.

**shock, blinding light, cutting pain**

"Where does she work?"

Silence.

**shock, blinding light, cutting pain**

"Where does she go after work?"

Quiet.

**shock, blinding light, cutting pain**

(Present)

"Where does she live?"

**EMPTY**

"Where does she work?"

**HOLLOW**

"Where does she go after work?"

**NOTHING**
***NOTHING***
****NOTHING****
___________________________________
To Be Continued

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 2

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: Okay, I WAS going to write the whole thing first, but I don't want to write the whole thing, and then everyone hate it. So, basically, I'm writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: See Chapter one!
_________________________________

Max took a deep breath, and made a decision. She looked Logan in the eye, "Okay, this is how it's going to be. If you want me to do any more Eye's Only Missions for you, then you find me Alec. Until then, I'm not doing anything." She said, and turned on her heel and started to walk for the door.

Logan stood there for a moment in shock, then spoke, as she was reaching for the door knob, "Max, wait..."

She turned to look at him, "What?"

He sighed, and walked over to his computer and sat down. "I may have something."

"WHAT?" She said, anger in her voice as she fumed over to the computer, "You have something, and you didn't tell me!"

Logan put his hands up, "Calm down, I don't know what it is. It's probably nothing, I found it, but it doesn't really say much. I was trying to get more information on it, before I told you. But nothing ever panned out from it."

Her eyes widened, "How long have you had this?" She could see him becoming more and more uncomfortable under her gaze, "HOW LONG?"

He swallowed, "Max, it really isn't that much information, and it might not be anything at all."

"How long!" She demanded again.

"About three weeks." He said quietly, calling up the information on his computer.

She stared at him open mouthed, "Three weeks?" She could barely say it, "THREE FUCKING WEEKS! When the hell were you going to tell me? Were ever you going to tell me?"

"I wanted to see what it was first, if it meant anything."

She rolled her eyes, "Yeah, Right. It didn't mean anything until I said I wasn't going to help you anymore. What is this Logan, huh? Just give me enough information about what I need to have me keep coming back? Is that how it works? Or what, are you trying to punish me because I decided to break up with you? What the hell is it?"

He didn't answer her, "Do you want the info or not?" He asked.

Her blood was boiling in anger, but she tried to calm herself, and looked at the monitor. "What is it?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"It's a rumor I got about a small outpost, outside of the city. A few miles from the place you and Alec rescued the X7's. I have no idea what's there, if there even is anything there. All I know is that a few unmarked cars and vans move through the area every now and then, but as far as records go, nothing is supposed to be there." He turned to her, "It could be absolutely nothing, it could be some other government branch, it could be something else entirely." He watched her eyes take in the information of where the outpost was supposed to be, and her mind thinking. "Max... think about this. Why would he still be alive?"

Max shook her head and turned away, she didn't want to hear it. He continued, and stood up as well. "White doesn't like him, he hates Alec, tried to already kill him. White wants you, and if he was going to use Alec to get to you, he would have done it already." He sighed, but still went on, trying to be logical with her, "And honestly Max, he's probably better off dead."

She spun around at those words. "What? What do you mean by that?"

"Max... if he is still alive, what do you think they are doing to him? Do you think they just locked him up in a cell? If he's alive, they are probably trying to get him to tell them where you are. And, obviously, since it's been a month, and White hasn't found you yet, he didn't tell them anything. Which means..." He trailed off, letting her own imagine go from there, and then he continued. "Let him go Max. You heard the gun shot, you know the truth. Just admit it to yourself, and move on."

"No, I can't." She told him, shaking her head. "Logan, what if he is still alive? Am I just supposed to leave him there, let them do God knows what to him? No, I can't do that. I don't care if I have to find White myself, and make him tell me the truth, make him take me to his body. I have to know, I have to know the truth." She looked over at the computer, "And that's the place I'm going to start." She then turned back to him, "And you!" She said, venom seeping into her voice, "If you ever keep anything like this from me again, if you ever DO anything like this again," she moved her hand quickly into a slap, and stopped a centimeter before touching the skin of his cheek, he looked at her with wide eyes. "Next time, I won't stop." With that she walked out the door, leaving a very shocked and very frightened Logan Cale, who knew the slap would have been a very, very deadly one.
_________________________________

"Why do we even bother asking these questions?"

"Because, we need the information. We have our orders,  'get the information by any means necessary'."

"But it's useless to try anymore."

"I know that, you know that. But if we don't keep trying, it's our butts that will be fried."

"Fine, less start again. What, haven't we tried?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well, lets try a mixture of the drugs and electric volts again."

"Ready"

"Where does she live?"

**Nothing**

"Where does she..."
__________________________________

Max drove her motorcycle to the outskirts of the location the site was supposed to be, there was nothing but trees in the area. She hid the bike and started to scout the area, looking for anything that she could. As she continued she found a dirt road turning off the one she had just come from, and started to follow it back into the woods. After a long ways, she spotted it, a couple small buildings, and a parking lot. A couple vans and cars there, no fence, no guard towers, nothing really at all. It looked like it was just a park station or something to that effect.

Her heart sunk, as she caught the sign out front. 'Wildlife Preservation Lab and Treatment Facility'. *Yeah, a government agency all right.* She thought and rolled her eyes. But through her disappointment, something was nagging at her. Her eyes zoomed around the buildings and to the cars. *Why would they use unmarked vehicles?* She thought, it troubled her. *Can't hurt to take a look around.* And with that she moved slowly to the buildings, *Might as well make sure they are doing what they say they are.* She crept up slowly, and moved to the first building, and started looking into the windows.

The first one she looked into, almost made her laugh, *Cafeteria, wow, nice.* She rolled her eyes, and moved on. The next few were offices, the next was a bathroom, and the last few were labs filled with experiments and chemicals. Max let out another sigh, and then moved towards the next building. She looked into the windows, a couple more labs were visible, and then she stopped, as she looked at the next window coming up. *Bars? Why would there be bars on the windows...* She thought as she made her way to look. She looked inside to find an empty room. *Well, except for the metal grate fixed to the wall.* But then her eyes caught the toilet in the corner, and the sturdy door with a small view port, *And more bars. A prison cell.* She swallowed hard.

*Empty* She thought, *But for how long?* She moved around the corner of the building, *No windows.* She thought as she went to the next corner, and found the same thing. She took a deep breath, she now knew there was something going on, and she moved back around the building, to the empty room. She looked in, she couldn't see any clues at all, she looked at the bars, studying them closely, they weren't coming off. She looked towards the other rooms before, some of the labs, she could easily get in there.

She was just about to move and break into the next window when a sound caught her attention, and she stopped. She looked inside and saw the door to the room open. She moved to the side, not to be seen, and she had to hold back the gasp. Two men walked in carrying a body in between them. She recognized him immediately, *Alec.* She just about screamed, knowing that he was still alive. She watched them drag him into the room, and throw him onto the metal grate, effectively now being used as a bed. He didn't move from the position they put him in, and the guards then walked out of the room, shutting the door behind them.

She turned back to the window, and knocked lightly on it, trying to get him to hear her. But he didn't move. Max's heart rate speed up a little, *Calm down, probably just have him drugged, and he's asleep.* She told herself, and then moved quickly back to the last window, looking inside, and finding no one there, she jimmied open the window, and let herself in. Moving over to the door, she listened, not hearing anything, she opened it slowly, and peeked around the corner. The hallway was deserted.

Max crept out and started to slowly walk down the corridor, back the way the room should be, she ducked a few times, passing more labs, this time with people inside working. Finally she got to the door, and looked through the bars. He was still laying there, his position unchanged. She unlatched the door, and quickly opened it, running over to him. She shook him, "Alec." She said, and did it again. "Come on, wake up." She said, then gasped as she looked at him.

He wasn't asleep, his eyes were wide open. She looked into his eyes, and he just starred, but not at her, he was starring at nothing. "Alec?" She said again, her hand coming to the side of his face. Nothing. "Alec, can you hear me?" She asked. Nothing.

She snapped her fingers in front of his face, and he didn't flinch. His eyes blinked every now and then, but it was just a physical, normal response. Max looked over him, he was in some shirt and pants they obviously had provided, but they were put on haphazardly." Alec, come on, we have to get you out of here, snap out of it." She pleaded with him, but he didn't move.

She tried to not let the fear and anguish grip her, she didn't have time for that right now. She pulled him into a sitting position, and then lifted him to his feet. She had to hold him up, then she swung him up and onto her shoulder, and started for the door. She looked into the hallway, and tried as quickly as she could to get back to the room she had come in. It wasn't easy but soon she was there, and hoisted his body up and out the window, and then followed. She looked around, and then down at him again, this time with the light from outside.

He was pale, so very pale, and... thin. She had thought he felt kinda light carrying him out, and now she saw why. His face almost seemed hollow, but that wasn't what troubled her. What troubled her, was how hollow his eyes were, how empty they were, as they just absently starred up into the sky.

Max shook her head, stood, and picked him back up, making her way back into the woods, and to the direction to her bike, as fast as she could. She mentally kicked herself for bringing the bike, but she now realized that when she came up here she wasn't thinking that Alec wouldn't be able to hold onto her. She sat him on the bike, and she quickly sat down in front of him, wrapping his arms around the front of her. She started the bike, and then her one hand held securely onto his arms, and then made it out onto the road, back to the city. It was a challenge to keep the cycle steady, and him from falling off, but she somehow managed.

She pulled into the garage, and parked. Standing up, she pulled him back over her shoulder, and started into the building without even locking her baby up. When the elevator doors opened, she walked into the apartment, barging in.

Logan came around the corner, and his eyes got wide, anger fueled in her eyes at him, "Not important huh! Three weeks!" She yelled at him, moving into the living room, and gently lowering Alec to it. She crouched in front of him, waving her hand, "Alec, please, look at me.

Logan moved over behind her, "He was there?" He asked quietly in disbelief.

She stood up and spun around, "Yeah, and look what they did to him. You better get that damn doctor friend of yours over here now!" She yelled, and then turned back to Alec, as she heard Logan moving quickly into the other room. He was slightly slouched to the side, his head tilted down. Her hand came up under his chin, and moved it to look at her, a single tear running down her face. "Alec, can you hear me?" She said softly, moving her hand back and forth in front of him, his eyes didn't move. "Oh, God, what did they do to you?" She asked, moving up onto the couch beside him, and pulling him into her arms, hugging his still form to her, her head resting against the top of his head, her tears dripping into his hair.
___________________________________
To Be Continued

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 3

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: Okay, I WAS going to write the whole thing first, but I don't want to write the whole thing, and then everyone hate it. So, basically, I'm writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: I know, everyone keeps reviewing saying 'fix Alec now!' Well, what fun would that be? Also, this is supposed to be emotional, just be patient, this is going to be another long fan fiction. Just, remember the title, okay?
_________________________________

A few minutes later, Logan walked back into the room. Max was still sitting on the couch, Alec in her arms, her body rocking him slightly. Logan cleared his throat slightly, and she looked up at him. "I talked to Carr, with what I told him, he want's us to bring him to the clinic. He has the place cleared out, except for one nurse, and she can be trusted."

Max nodded, and moved around in front of Alec again. She brought his face, between her hands, moving his head to make his eyes at least stare in her direction. "We're going to take care of you." She told him, her fingers trailing over his cheek. She sighed, "I'm praying it's the drugs in his system." She said out loud, sort of directed at Logan, but also trying to reassure herself. She then stood, and brought him to his feet again.

Logan nodded, "It could be." He watched her pick him up, and he moved over to help, but the look on her face, had him move and back away. He followed her out of the apartment, grabbing his keys in the process. They got into the elevator, and Max leaned Alec against the wall, her arms going around his waist, keeping him upright. "Carr, will take a look at him, and find out what we can do." He told her, his words trying to help.

She glared at him, "Well, we would have been able to do a lot more good, three weeks ago." She saw him cringe at her words, and was glad they had hit home.

"Max, I'm sor..."

She cut him off, "I don't want to hear it." She said as the doors opened and she put Alec back over her shoulder, and they made their way into the garage. Logan opened the back door, and Max slipped Alec into the back seat, and then got in beside him. Logan shut the door behind them, and then moved to get in the drivers side.

Max turned back to Alec, "It's going to be okay." She said to him, hoping that somehow he was hearing her, that her words were getting to him. But, with no physical response at all from him, she wasn't sure of anything, and it troubled her. She felt the car turn on, and Logan pull out onto the road, but her eyes stayed on his. Trying to see the light that used to shine so bright in those hazel eyes of his, but it wasn't there. She sighed, "God, Logan? What did they do to him?" She asked, "He can't see or hear me, I don't even know if he can feel it when I touch him."

Logan took a look at the two of them in the rear view mirror, and swallowed before he spoke, not wanting to say it, but decided he needed to anyway. "Max, he might not be able too. Who knows, maybe he is blind, or deaf, who knows what happened." She shook her head, not wanting to think about it. Logan took another glimpse at them, then turned back to the road. "What was the place like?"

"What?" She asked finally looking at him.

"The place he was being held, what was it like?"

She shook her head, "You're asking me about that, right now?"

"Well, it just seems like you got in and out pretty quickly. Usually don't they hold transgenics at a highly secured facility?"

She sighed, "Yeah, usually they do. This place, was well... pathetic. I think they didn''t think anyone was coming for him, or knew of the place. Also, the cell they had him in... well it was also pathetic...." He mind thought about it for awhile, it was like they knew he wasn't a threat anymore. That he wouldn't escape. She shook slightly at the thought.

Logan pulled up to the curb, and parked. Soon they were inside the clinic, and Max was putting Alec down on the examination table. Carr and the nurse came in. He looked at Logan and Max, then turned his attention to Alec. He brought out his pen light, and washed the bright light across his eyes a few times, then looked up at Logan, a slight look of worry on his face, that he then tried to mask it as he looked at Max. "Okay, we'll do some CAT scans, X-rays, MRI's, blood tests, and stuff. Then we will have more answers. Okay?" She nodded. He turned back to Alec, looked him over again, then looked up at the nurse. "First we need to get him out of these clothes, and cleaned up a little bit. Also, I need to do a physical as well."

Logan went to move out the door, but Max didn't budge. "Max, he's safe, we can let them.."

"No. I'm staying." She said. She wasn't going to leave him now, not again. He had saved her life, twice. And that was only on this last mission. He saved her by throwing her over that fence, sacrificing his own life for hers. And then, she almost choked at the thought, he saved her again by not telling White where she was. She knew he was like this because of her, he was tortured to get information on her, and he didn't give in. Because if he had, White would have had her already.

The nurse came over, and started with his shirt, Max helped, and when they got it up over his head, Max let out a loud gasp. Her hands immediately moving to the skin on his chest. "What?" The doctor asked immediately, then after looking much closer, her saw what she had saw instantly with her enhanced vision.

"God, what did they do?" She asked again, looking at the mostly faded and still healing scars all over his chest and arms. Small cuts, large cuts, burn marks. She mentally shook, she knew they weren't that old, a week tops, with the rate their bodies healed. A tear ran down her cheek, her hands slightly shaking.

Carr looked up at Logan again, then back to Max. He sighed, and walked up behind her. "Max, please, let's just wait out in the waiting room, and let the Doctor do his job. He'll get us if Alec needs you or anything changes."

She didn't want to leave, but knew they would get the answers that they needed faster if she wasn't there, hovering like she was. "Okay." She said softly, and looked back down at Alec, "I'll be back." She told the still form, and then turned and walked out of the room.
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Max paced back and forth, Logan sitting in a chair just watching her. "I thought it was going to take less time if I waited out here." She said.

"It hasn't been that long."

She whirled towards him, "It's been too long. Way too long. They have been torturing him for a month, Logan, a month. Those scars may have looked very old, but they were recent. Very recent. And it's all because of me."

"Max..."

"Don't Max me! It's true. They interrogated and tortured him to get information on me, and he didn't do it. And now look at him!" She wanted to hit something, hit someone. She was angry, so unbelievably angry. But at the same time, she was falling apart. "Do you know what they had to do to him, to make him like that? Do you?" She asked, he didn't speak. "I never experienced re-indoctrination, or probing by psy-ops, but I heard enough about them, that it was FAR from pleasant. Alec's already had both done to him, and he still, somehow managed to survive through it, intact. But now...." She trailed off, the thoughts more than enough without the words too.

Her head shot up when she heard the door open, and she rushed over to the doctor and then walked past him back into the room. Alec was laying on the table, different clothes on him. Carr came around the table, and Logan walked back into the room. "We put some new, clean clothes on him." She nodded, and looked up at him. He sighed, and looked at the folder in front of him, and then back at her. He took a deep breath.

"Spit it out already." She said, not wanting to wait.

Carr looked at Logan, then back at Max. "Well, he does have drugs in his system, but they will pass out of his system soon."

"So that's what's causing this?" She asked looking up at him with hope.

But the look in the doctor's eyes, crashed those dreams completely. "No. The drugs in his system should make him much more willing to talk. Extremely effective truth serum. He also has some remnants of other drugs in his system, some of which I have no idea what they are, but it's not causing this catatonic state that he's in."

"Then what's wrong with him?"

The doctor sighed again, debating whether to say everything. The fact was, it was truly sickened by what he had to report. "Okay, I'll give you a list, and explain everything." He said and walked over to the wall, turning on a switch, which displayed many images, scans, and x-rays. "His body is covered in small abrasions, cut marks, bruises, burns, chemical or heat induced. Almost every bone in his body has been broken and then re-set, allowed to heal, quickly, and then some broken again." Max's eyes closed, as the doctor went on. "His nerve endings, are healing, but have been shocked to the point where a normal human would not be able to feel anything, actually a normal human would have died a long time ago." He sighed, again, the idea of everything that possibly happened, sickening him, and he decided not to go on.

Max looked back up at him, tears running down her face. She then looked back down at Alec, her hand lightly stroking the side of his face. "Any good news at all?" She asked, trying to sound a little hopefully, her hand moving to push some hair from his face.

"Well. Yes, and no. It depends on how you look at it."

"What do you mean?" Logan asked from behind her, his voice quiet too, as the knowledge made him sick as well.

"The brain scans are normal, his vision is fine, and so is his hearing. So, physically, he can see and hear."

"So what are you saying?" Max asked looking back up.

"There's nothing I can do for him. It's all mental. He's somehow locked himself inside his own mind."

Max nodded, and looked back down at him. He had blocked it out, retreated inside himself. Blocked out the pain, the torture, the questions. He hid inside his head, to not answer those questions about her, to not feel the pain they inflicted upon him for not answering. "So, what do we do?" She asked.

Carr looked back over at Logan, and they exchanged looks. "There is a very good hospital, just outside the city limits. I have some pull with someone there, and I know they can keep things quiet."

Her head shot up, "WHAT? You want to put him in a hospital?"

"Max," Carr started with her. "You can visit him whenever..."

"NO! No way. How is he going to get better if he's stuck all alone in a hospital?" The doctor and Logan exchanged looks again. "No..." She started, "You... you don't think he will get better, do you?" She stumbled on her words. Carr looked down. "You're wrong. Both of you." She said starting back at Logan, then the doctor. "He just needs some help, he'll get through this." She said, even though deep down she was afraid. Very afraid that they were right.

"Max, you can't possibly take care of him. Give him the care that he needs now." She shook her head, not wanting to listen. The doctor went on, "Think about it. He can't do ANYTHING for himself. He can't eat by himself, he can't bath himself, he can't even go to the bathroom by himself."

Logan spoke up behind her, "Max, he really can't even be left alone. How will you work, or anything? You can't take this burden on yourself."

She spun towards him, "Don't tell me what to do. He was there for me, he saved my life. I was horrible to him, and he still saved me. He was there for me, and I'm going to be here for him now. Besides..." She turned back towards him, her fingers moving over his cheek, "He has to know that I love him." She said softly.

Logan sighed lightly, "Max, he's not Alec anymore. He's not the man you used to know, and he won't be."

She closed her eyes, not wanting to listen. "Yes he is, he just has to find his way back." She turned back to Logan, "And I'm going to help him. His friends will help him."

"Friends?" He asked.

"Yeah. Friends. Joshua, Cindy. Maybe even with the right story, Sketchy and Normal. They care about him." She said, then turned back to the doctor. "Thanks for your help." She said, and then pulled Alec up into a sitting position, pulling him over her shoulder again, she moved to the door. "Logan, hurry up. You're driving us to Joshua's." She said as she walked out the door.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 4

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: Okay, I WAS going to write the whole thing first, but I don't want to write the whole thing, and then everyone hate it. So, basically, I'm writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: I know, everyone keeps reviewing saying 'fix Alec now!' Well, what fun would that be? Also, this is supposed to be emotional, just be patient, this is going to be another long fan fiction. Just, remember the title, okay?
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The ride to Joshua's was silent. Logan kept looking in the review mirror, watching Max hold onto Alec, hugging him to her like a safety blanket, but rocking him slightly at the same time like a small child. Max's mind was still spinning with everything that was happening. Her heart had soared when she had found him, but now it was breaking, breaking into pieces over and over again. Every time she looked into his eyes, it felt like a punch to the gut.

How many times had she wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face, that cocky grin, that playful look, and now, now she would give anything to have it back. What she would do to hear him tease her, mock her, drive her nuts again. She was scared, completely and utterly scared. Sure, she had been afraid before. Fought enough bad guys, gotten caught by Manticore, and all kinds of things, but this... this scared her more than anything. She didn't realize before how much Alec was her strength. He sort of embodied it, the way he never seemed to let anything get to him. Oh, she knew things did, but he was, 'always alright.' But now... it was gone. If someone could take that away from him... she shivered at the thought, and held him a little tighter.

Her brain thought for a brief second that maybe he was just playing a horrible trick on her, and he would all of a sudden sit up and mock her for holding him, touching him, trying to get close to him. She knew it wasn't true, she knew he would also never do anything so cruel, but God how she wished it was true. How he would just start giggling next to her, and tell her, 'I can't believe you fell for that Maxie.' She sighed, *If only it was that simple.*

Max's thoughts were cut short as Logan's door opened, she hadn't even realized the vehicle had stopped. She opened the door, and got Alec out, and carried him up the steps, Logan opening the door. "Joshua?" She called out, as she laid him down on the couch.

A few moments later, he appeared around the corner, and at seeing Alec, a happy smile came across his face, and then it turned to sadness, "What's wrong with Alec?"

Max sat down on the couch next to him, and looked up at Joshua, "He's sick, very sick." She said, not sure what, or how to tell him. "They... they were very mean to him."

Joshua nodded in understanding, as he walked over to Alec, and crouched next to the couch and Max. His hand came out, and petted Alec's head, "We'll take care of you Medium Fella." He said, concern evident in his eyes.

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about Joshua." Max said looking at him. "Can you help me take care of him? I'll move in here. While I'm at work, maybe you can watch him."

Joshua smiled at her, "Another roommate, fine with Joshua. I can read to him while you deliver packages."

Max smiled, then looked up at Logan. "See, we'll be fine." She saw him about to say something and cut in, "Logan, I don't want to hear it. You can leave if you don't like it. I'll be over for my bike at some point, oh, and if it's still there, can you lock it up for me?" He nodded, and with a sigh, turned and left the house. She didn't even watch him leave, as she turned back to Alec and Joshua.

Joshua took her hand, "Don't worry Little Fella, Alec is strong. Hell fight this bitch. Get better."

She smiled weakly at him and nodded, hoping that he was right. Soon Joshua moved him into the bedroom that Alec had been staying in, and they shut his eye lids, hoping that it would trigger him to get some sleep. The only thing was, Max wasn't sure if he was awake or not anyway. She looked at him from the doorway, and almost jumped when Joshua placed a hand on her shoulder, giving her a slight hug, and she leaned back into it, needing the comfort. She was drained, physically and mostly emotionally.

She yawned slightly, and he spoke behind her. "You need to pick out your room."

She turned and smiled slightly at him, "Where's the closet bedroom to here?" He pointed to the one right across the hall. She moved over to it, and opened the door. It was small, and dark, but there was a bed, dresser, and night stand. "This will do." She looked back at Joshua, and sighed, "I hate to do this, I hate to leave him, but..." She walked back over to his room again, and Joshua followed. "I need to get things from my apartment, tell Cindy about Alec, and me moving in here."

He nodded, "You go. Joshua stay here and take care of Alec."

She smiled at him, "Thanks Big Guy." She said, and gave him a hug, walked over to the bed, and leaned down, her hand moving over his cheek. "I'll be back soon." She said, and then left the house.
_________________________________

She went back to her apartment, and found OC getting ready to go out. "Max? There you are. Where were you today? Normal was.." She stopped at the look on her face, "Boo, what's wrong?"

Max's face started to contort, and then she couldn't help it. Cindy barely made it to her in time, as her legs started to give out under her, and she wrapped her arms around her, and they made it both to the floor softly. Max's body shaking in sobs. Cindy held her, and rubbed her back, as the tears ran down her face, her body heaving as she finally gave into the events of the day. They stayed like that for a long time, and only when Max's tears seemed to stop, did Cindy say anything. "What happened?" She said pulling away, and looking her in the eyes.

Her lip trembled as she tried to speak, "I found him." She said.

Cindy nodded, she knew instantly that she meant Alec. She hadn't stopped looking for him, or talking about him for the last month, and her heart sank, realizing it wasn't going to be good news. She just waited for Max to be able to get the words out.

"He's at Joshua's."

OC looked at her in shock, *He's alive.* She thought, and closed her eyes, *Thank God,* She was relieved, not just for herself or Alec, but mostly for Max. But the look on Max's face and her reaction told her it wasn't exactly good news.

"Oh God Cindy," she said, another tear slipping from her eye, "What they did to him." And then OC understood, as she continued, "He's so... so...," her whole body trembled and she slightly choked on a hiccup, "Empty." She said the first word that came to mind. "He's retreated completely..." She couldn't go on anymore, and her eyes lowered to the floor.

Cindy hugged her tightly again, trying to think of something to say, something to comfort her friend, but she couldn't, and Max went on, "It's my fault Cindy, it's all my fault."

OC pulled away from her, holding her by her shoulders, and made her look her in the eyes. "Don't say that! You didn't do this."

"He saved my life Cindy. White wanted me. ME! And they tortured him to get to me!"

"That may be so, but Alec choose to do this. White had him tortured, not you. And you saved him, you got him out."

Max shook her head, "Yeah, I got him out, but..." Her mind flashed to the image of him, laying on the ground outside of the building, staring up at nothing, so pale and thin. She remembered the look of all the marks on his skin. She remembered the x-rays and scans the doctor showed her. "I was too late." She said.

"He's at Joshua's?"

"Yeah" Max answered, "I'm moving in there, I came to get some stuff."

Cindy just nodded understanding. "If you need any help, you got it." She said, and was rewarded with a small smile from Max. "Okay Boo, let's get our asses up off this floor. Get in that room of yours, and pack up your shit. So that we can get back over to Josh's and take care of 'your boy.'" Max nodded, and slowly they got to their feet, and walked into Max's room. Cindy didn't even say anything about Max not saying 'he wasn't her boy.'
_________________________________

A little over an hour later the two girls were walking through the door, they dropped the bags off in Max's new room, and she walked across the hall to his room, OC right behind her. She stopped in the doorway, and watched Joshua sitting in a chair, he had obviously brought into the room and put next to the bed. He was reading the book he had opened out loud, Alec's eyes staring up at the ceiling.

Max smiled, "I thought we were going to have him sleep." She said softly.

Joshua looked up, "Still day time, not time to sleep yet." He motioned at the book, "Alec needs to be awake to hear the story."

She smiled slightly and then it disappeared from her face, she wondered if he could actually hear Joshua reading to him or not. If he was also blocking that out, or if he even knew if he was blocking anything out anymore. She felt OC's hand on her back, and she moved into the room, and sat down on the bed next to Alec. Cindy came in and sat down on the other side, and looked at him. Her shoulders slumped slightly, and she shut her eyes, shaking her head. She looked up at Max, and reached out and took her hand, squeezing it. "We'll beat this thing Boo." Max gave her a small nod. Cindy looked back at Alec, and prayed that she was right. "So, what do you want me to tell Sketchy and Normal?"

Max sighed, she had no idea, "Well, we obviously can't tell them the truth. For the last month, we said that he just left town. How can we explain this? Should we? Maybe their better off not knowing."

Cindy looked at her, "I don't care about Normal. But Sketchy is going to sense that something just isn't right, I mean, he's already been curious by the way you have been acting this last month. Besides... Alec and him are friends."

"Do you think we should tell him the whole truth? I mean, transgenics and everything? Or, give him a story that he was beat up or something and I just found out about it, and he's been in a hospital, type story."

OC shook her head, "Hey, that's up to you Boo. But, if you want him to come over here, and see him," she looked over at Joshua, then back to Max, "You're going to have to tell him the truth."

Max rubbed her forehead, "I'll think about it." She said, and looked back over at Joshua. "Well, aren't you supposed to be reading?" She asked him.

Joshua smiled, and started to read again. Max moved herself up, and sat against the headboard, her hand moving to lightly run through Alec's hair, as he laid next to her. Cindy gave her a small smile, and moved up to the head board as well, curling her legs up onto the bed, placing her hand on his shoulder, and then started to listen to Joshua read the book. The four of them staying there until Joshua finished the last sentence of the book.

Cindy let out a yawn, and looked out the window, it was late. "Well, Boo, I've gotta go home. Are you going to work tomorrow?"

Max shook her head no, "Tell Normal and Sketchy that we found Alec, and that I needed to get him from the hospital. And that, that is where he has been, in a coma from getting beaten up or something." Cindy nodded. "Tell them, I'm bringing him back here, and I'll be back to work in a few days. Normal should be okay with that." OC nodded again. Max sighed, "We can tell Sketchy the truth later if we decide too."

Cindy got up, gave Max and Joshua a hug. Turned to Alec, and patted him lightly on the shoulder. "Now listen Alec, Original Cindy is telling you to get better, or she's going to have to get after your ass." She said with a slight smile, and then she said her good-byes and left.

Max looked over at Joshua, "It's getting late."

"Yeah, Joshua is going to bed." He said, and then looked over at Alec.

"It's okay, Josh, I'll take care of him." She said, and he nodded and left for his room. Max curled up onto her side, her hand coming to rest on his chest, and then she moved it up over his face and eyes, then slowly lowered his eyes lids again. "Good Night," She said softly into his ear, leaned down and placed a soft kiss to his forehead. She moved slowly, and curled up next to him, her arm moving around him, her head resting against his shoulder, and she closed her eyes. And even though he didn't respond to her voice, her touch. Even though she was doubtful he knew that she was even there. Even though he was like this, even though the thought of it frightened her to no end. She still somehow felt safer, and stronger next to him. *We'll get through this.* She thought, *We will get through this.* And with that last thought she was asleep.
>___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 5

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: Okay, I WAS going to write the whole thing first, but I don't want to write the whole thing, and then everyone hate it. So, basically, I'm writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Thanks so much for the Great reviews so far. :) They really do make a huge difference, also, they do remind me of little points to address as well, so keep it up! Now, I know that a lot of people don't actually follow the rating system ;), but it is there for a reason, an indicator as to the story content. And while mostly that means smut, in this story it also means it's for an adult mentality. I'm trying to be as REAL as possible, write what is happening, and the effects as accurately as I can (without being a doctor and not really knowing what would happen.) Remember, Alec can't do ANYTHING for himself right now... he's like an infant, actually a vegetable. So, when you do read this, please note that. Okay, on with the story.
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Max's head moved back and forth slightly, her head trying to shake the images from her head, that were playing in her dream. She struggled against the memories. The pictures of her brothers and sisters, other fellow transgenics, their smiling faces turning into the sight she last saw them, dead. She moved instinctively closer to the form next to her, seeking comfort, but it just brought on more images. Images of him, finding him, his eyes, those eyes she had realized only to late that she loved to look at. She struggled against the memory, and then her eyes flew open, willing herself to wake up from the nightmare.

She looked up, to find Alec, his eyes closed as she had left them, her hand went to the side of his face, and her fingers trailed softly over the skin. How she wished he would just open his eyes, and look down at her, smiling. But she knew that it wasn't going to happen, at least not right then. Her hand moved up over his face, tracing a random pattern over his facial features, and her hand stopped immediately, her breathing stopped. The corners of his mouth had turned up slightly, his lips moving to form words.

She sat up quickly, "Alec?" she said, he heart soaring, "That's it, come on, wake up." She said softly, a smile coming to her face. His lips tried moving again, his mouth opening slightly. Tears started to run down her face, "That's it, come back to me." She told him, her hand moving back to the side of his face, cupping his cheek. And then she heard it, the most beautiful words she could have heard.

"Max."

She smiled wide, "Yes, it's me. I'm right here." She said, hugging him tightly. Tears running down her face.

"Max." She wept into his chest, so happy. "Max." She was shaking slightly. "Max!" She shot up straight, her eyes opening. "Max. Time to get up." She turned around to find Joshua standing over her, his hand moving from her shoulder.

She shook her head lightly, and turned back to Alec, he was still laying there, his eyes closed. *It was a dream.* She thought, and her head dropped. She whipped the tears from her eyes, and looked back up at Joshua. He sat in the chair next to the bed, "What's wrong Little Fella?"

She sat up and rested her elbows on her knees and leaned into them, "Just a bad dream. Well, part of it. Part of it I wish would happen." She shook her head, trying to stop herself from dwelling on it, and resigning to the fact that she would probably have more just like them. That she better get used to it. She looked over at Joshua, "Why did you wake me up, I'm not going into work today."

He stood up, and smiled, "Breakfast is ready." He said.

She nodded, "Okay. I'll be there in a minute." Joshua got up and left for the kitchen. Max sighed, and turned back to Alec. She ran her fingers up over his face, just like she had in the dream, and a tear ran down her cheek when his expression stayed the same at it was before, no reaction at all. Her hand then moved, over his eyes, lightly opening his eyelids, his eyes moving, back to stare at the ceiling. She sighed, and pulled away.

Max quickly went into her room, changed, and then went to the kitchen to find Joshua. She smiled, looking at the pan on the stove, "I'm going to have to teach you how to make something besides Mac and Cheese."

"Joshua likes Mac and Cheese." He said, eating some out of the bowl.

"Yeah, but we all need more nutrition than what's out of that box." She said, and realized she would need to get some grocery shopping done at some point. Then a thought struck her, she would actually have to go that morning, because she wasn't going to be able to feed Alec what they were having. She thought about it while she scooped out her 'breakfast' and sat down at the table with Joshua to eat. She sighed, realizing, what she was going to have to do.

"Joshua, I'm going to head to the market after I'm done here, will you.."

"Don't have to ask Max." He said, getting up and putting his bowl in the sink. He patted her on the shoulder, and left the room for Alec's. Max nodded, quickly finished, checked on Alec, and headed to the store, stopping to get her bike in the process.
_________________________________

She was back a few hours later, and was putting away the stuff she had bought. First some regular food for her and Joshua, and then Alec's. She cringed running her finger across the labels, she wanted to hit something, kick something. *Baby food.* That's all she could find. The only thing nutritious enough, and in the form that he could be feed, in his current state. *A fucking solider has to have baby food.* She thought, she hated the idea of it, but what else was she supposed to do.

She put the jars into the cupboard, even though she wanted to throw them across the room. *How could they do this to him?* She asked, *How could they be so cruel? To reduce him too...* She shook her head. She hated looking through the baby isle, but what she really hated was the thought that went through her head, and what she had almost bought as well. But, she just couldn't bring herself to do. Adult diapers. She had almost bought them And then she had quickly walked away, resigning herself that she couldn't do that, she couldn't do that to him.

Max knew it was going to be difficult to take care of him, the doctor had tried to explain that to her. At the time she didn't want to listen to him, all she had thought about was him getting better. She now realized how much work it was going to be. But did that mean she was giving up on him? Hell no, she didn't care, she didn't care what she had to do. But she had decided, that she was going to treat him with as much respect as she could. If he wakes up, *No, When.* When he wakes up, he was already going to have a hard time dealing with everything that they had to do for him, she wasn't going to make it worse on him. One thing Alec did have, was pride, and she wasn't about to take that away now.

She grabbed a couple of the jars and a can of the protein, milk drink and headed back to the bedrooms. She walked into his room, to find Joshua reading another book, "Hey, can we take an intermission break, for him to get some brunch?"

Joshua nodded, and stood up, "Need help?" he asked.

"Nope, I'm fine here. Maybe you can read to him later." He nodded again and left. Max turned back towards Alec, he was laying in the same position he had been in the whole time. "Well, you must be getting uncomfortable." She said, setting down the food on the night stand. "How about we sit you up, huh?" She asked, knowing she wouldn't get an answer.

As she moved his body up, and onto some pillows to help support him, she thought about how many times she had told him to shut up, to stop talking, to leave her alone. And she cringed, she wished she could take it all back. "Okay, what first? Ummm.... apple sauce or carrots?" She looked at the jars, "Carrots right?" She said, having the conversation with herself.

After a lot of effort, she finally figured out how to get him to eat, but not without a lot of mess. She went to the kitchen, getting a wet towel, and brought it back to the room. She tried whipping his face, but found that some of it had fallen on his shirt, and neck, some had managed to get onto his arms even. Then the thought went through her head, he was going to have to be bathed at some point. She thought about asking Joshua to do it. But then thought about it.

*Who would he be more comfortable with?* A slight smile played on her lips, she knew that the answer wasn't Joshua. "Okay, I guess I get to give you that bath." She said. She stood up, "Now stay here." She said to him, not sure why exactly, as she walked out of the room and into the bathroom. She plugged up the old deep tub, and turned on the water, happy that it came out warm, and was turning hotter. She went to her room, and took out the towels she brought with her, and then went back to the bathroom, setting them on the sink. Max grabbed the soap and shampoo and set them next to the tub, and then turned off the water.

She walked back into his bedroom, straightened her shoulders, and took a deep breath. For some reason, all of a sudden she was nervous, and almost went to get Joshua, but stopped herself. What the heck was she nervous about? She was just going to clean him up. *No, you are going to be taking his clothes off, seeing him naked, and washing his body.* She shook her head, partially disgusted with herself for having such thoughts when he was like this. She shouldn't think that way, if she did, it was almost like she was taking advantage of the situation.

She mentally yelled at herself, that she was being ridiculous. Telling herself, that if he was himself, he would be loving every second of it. He would be enjoying himself, and teasing her. "Okay, handsome." She said to him, trying to sound light and teasing, picking him up off the bed, and moving him into the bathroom, sitting him down on the closed lid of the toilet. She tried not to look into his eyes, knowing it would just remind her, that the conversation she was having with him, was truly just one sided.

"How about we get that shirt off you." She said, and pulled it up and over his head. She looked at the skin, her mind trying not to see the light marks that still ran over his chest and and arms. They were fading, but still slightly visible to her enhanced sight. She then knelt down, and took off his socks. Then she stopped, and took a deep breath. She stood him up, wrapped one arm around his waist, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. Her eyes widened slightly, realizing they hadn't bothered to put underwear on him. She swallowed, then yelled at herself again. *Max, remember what you are doing.*

She held onto his waist tighter with her one arm, as she felt him starting to tip sideways. Her other hand, then brought down his pants to his knees, her eyes closing. She moved her foot to them, pulled them down to his feet, and then pulled him out of them, her eyes still closed, her arm still around his waist. She stood up, and opened her eyes, now focused on his chest. And before she could stop herself she was looking at him.

Max's eyes wondered over him, her eyes trailing over his chest, hips, legs, and... she swallowed hard. *Oh my.* She thought, and then closed her eyes, a mixture of desire and yet shame running though her. *Stop.* She told herself, and moved him over to the tub, and tried to get him in as quickly as possible. Finally, she got him sitting in the tub, but found herself drenched in the process. She stood, and looked down at herself. She walked over to the door, and locked it, not wanting Joshua to just walk in. She moved back over to the tub, and removed her shirt, and pants. Leaving herself in her underwear. She sat next to the tub, grabbed for the wash cloth and soap, and started to lather it up.

She looked up into his face, saw his eyes staring straight ahead, and another tear went down her face. "It's going to be okay." She said, "Sometime soon, you'll be doing this for yourself again." She said, as she started to rub the soapy cloth over his chest and neck, getting rid of the little bit of breakfast that had fallen there. But has her hands started to travel over him more, her thoughts started changing again. Her eyes getting mesmerized by the droplets of water and bubbles of soap that moved over his chest. The feel of his muscles under the towel and her fingertips.

She shook her head, trying to free herself from the images that were popping into her head. She got up, and moved to sit behind the head of the tub, and she poured some water over his head, her hand moving to shield his eyes. She squeezed some shampoo into her hands, and started to massage it into his wet hair. Her fingers moving through the soapy strands, gently. Then, bringing more water back up, to rinse it out.

Max picked the cloth back up again, and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She lightly moved it over his face, and down his neck, moving it gently, then back over his chest, and under water to his stomach and abs, and then she paused. Her mind stopping, and then a thought occurred to her. She smiled, and pulled him away from the back of the tub, stood, and moved into the tub behind him, her bra and panties still on. She then leaned him back against her front, and moved her legs to either side of him. Her arms wrapping around him, her head resting over his one shoulder.

Maybe, just maybe she could get a response from him, her mind told her. Any response, any physical response to any form of stimuli would be an improvement, would be a good sign. She smiled slightly, *And knowing Alec, there is one sure fire way to get a response from him.* She thought, as she let go of the towel in the water, and her hands moved over his skin instead, her lips trailing slightly over the skin at his shoulder.

She pulled him to her, her hands moving lower, running over his legs. Her fingers coming back up, lightly tickling the skin of his inner thighs, moving up for his hips. She was teasing him, pressing her body against the back of him, her hands moving slowly closer to their destination, her mouth working at the skin of his neck. Part of her doing it, to get a reaction from him, part of her doing it because she couldn't help herself. Couldn't help that she was reacting to him, that desire for him was moving though her body.

Max slowly moved her hand down his front again, this time, not taking a detour from it's destination, hoping to find the reaction she was hoping for, when she got to her goal. Her body tingled at the thought of her hand coming into contact with him, about how his hard erection would feel wrapped in her small hand, but that hope was quickly dashed, as her fingers found him. Her hand wrapped around his soft penis, and she closed her eyes. She moved her hand around him, her fingers grasping him, trying to get a response. She hid her face at the back of his neck, as she continued, her other hand moving over his chest. "Please." She said softly, her fingers, her hand becoming more desperate. Now not out of desire, not out of want, but worry and pain.

After a few minutes, she stopped, her heart sinking completely, more tears welling up in her eyes, her hopes completely dashed. Her arms moved to wrap around him, hugging him to her, sobs starting to form, as she realized, just how far gone he really was.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 6

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: Okay, I WAS going to write the whole thing first, but I don't want to write the whole thing, and then everyone hate it. So, basically, I'm writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Thanks so much for the Great reviews so far. :) They really do make a huge difference, also, they do remind me of little points to address as well, so keep it up! Now, I know that a lot of people don't actually follow the rating system ;), but it is there for a reason, an indicator as to the story content. And while mostly that means smut, in this story it also means it's for an adult mentality. I'm trying to be as REAL as possible, write what is happening, and the effects as accurately as I can (without being a doctor and not really knowing what would happen.) Remember, Alec can't do ANYTHING for himself right now... he's like an infant, actually a vegetable. So, when you do read this, please note that. Okay, on with the story.
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"Max, now!"

"Just hold on a second." She said.

"I knew I had to come over here, and get you or you would never leave. Normal was okay with you going to pick up Alec, but you need to get back to work, and he's not going to be happy with you being late. And me for that matter." Cindy said, as she leaned against the door frame of the living room. Max moved another pillow behind Alec, and picked his legs up, setting his feet up on the coffee table. "What are you doing, Boo?"

"What?" Max said looking up, and turning the tv stations with the remote. Finding the cartoon station, she sat it back on the table. OC looked at her like she was nuts. "He loves TV."

"But he's not really watching it."

"You don't know that!" She said, her voice a little too loud.

OC walked over to her, and turned her by her shoulders to look at him. "Max, don't do this."

"Don't do what?" She asked.

"You're trying to make everything as normal as possible. It's not normal, it never was."

Max shook her head, "I know that. I'm just trying to do things that he used to do. Get him in familiar, comfortable situations. You, know? Make him feel safe, make him want to come back." She sighed closing her eyes.

Cindy gave her a hug, "I know, I know." She let her go, "So, speaking of Normal... we have to get to work!"

"Okay, okay." Max said, and went over to Joshua, who was painting, this time a picture of Alec. She smiled, "I'll be back later." He nodded, and she went over to Alec. "Okay, now have fun watching those cartoons." She said, kissed the side of his cheek, and then left the house with Cindy.

They got on their bikes, and started to ride to work. Cindy saw that Max was trying to decide whether or not to turn around. "He'll be okay, Max." She nodded. "Okay, have you decided what you are going to tell Sketchy?"

Max nodded again, "Yeah, I think after work, we should bring him back to the house and tell him. It would be good for both him, and Alec." OC nodded. "I think Sketchy can be trusted."

Cindy agreed, "Yeah, and it means that we could all hang out at the house together."

Max smiled as they pulled up at Jam Pony, the more people Alec knew around him, the better. "Well, Missy Miss, is back. How is Alec?" Normal asked, coming around the corner. Her smile faded, and her head tilted down. She was surprised when Normal put a hand on her shoulder, and she looked up to find concern in his eyes. "He'll get better, Max. He's a fighter, that one!" He said with a half smile, and then moved away to get more packages.

She stood their in slight shock for a minute, and then moved over to her locker and Cindy. "What did you tell him?"

Cindy smiled, "I told him, the story. You know, some people who lost some money on one of his old fights, decided to gang up on him, and put him into a coma." Max nodded, got her stuff from her locker, and then headed out to deliver packages.

The day went by slowly, too slowly. She had to stop herself from heading back to check on him during her lunch break. But she knew if she did, she wouldn't go back for the rest of her shift. Finally, the day was over, and she was putting her stuff away in her locker, when Cindy walked up with Sketchy next to her. She sighed slightly, trying to decided if she was really ready for this. "Max? Cindy said you wanted to talk to me?"

She turned to him with a small smile, "Yeah, Sketchy. Ummm.... it's about Alec."

A grim look went over his face, "Yeah, OC told me. Is there anything I can do?"

Max looked at Cindy, then back at him. "Well, there's more to it. Ummm, listen. It's going to take some time to explain, are you busy?"

"No, why?"

Cindy turned to him, "We need to go somewhere and talk." He nodded, and they headed out of Jam Pony, and rode back to the house. They brought the bikes up onto the porch and locked them.

"Uhh, wait here for a minute." Max said, as she went in the door. "Joshua?" She called out.

"In here." She walked into the living room. Alec was now leaning against the end of the couch, his feet up on it, his legs covered with a blanket. The TV was turned off. "Sorry, TV got too annoying."

She smiled. "It's okay, Big Fella. But I need a favor. Do you think you could go upstairs or to the basement for a little while. I have a friend here, and I need to explain a few things, before he sees you."

Joshua nodded, "I understand. Just holler for me." He said as he went to the basement, "I'll clean up the art supplies." He said, walking down the stairs.

Max sat down on the side of the couch, her hand reached out, and ran her fingers though Alec's hair, straightening it slightly, and then let them glide down over his face. She let out a sigh, and then turned towards the door. "Okay, guys!" She yelled, and heard the door open, and two pairs of footsteps make their way to the living room. She saw the shocked look on Sketchy's face as he looked at Alec, and then tried to hide it. She took a deep breath, "You may want to sit down." She told him, and he sat in the chair across from her, and OC sat on the arm. She looked up at Cindy, "Where do I even begin?"

"At the beginning, Boo. Always the best place to start."

Max nodded, "Okay, Sketchy, here it goes... It all started in 2009, well, actually, before then, but that's the year that I escaped from Manticore." His eyes grew wide, and she knew that it was going to be a long explanation. She told him about Manticore, about the X5's, how they were trained, how she escaped, how she had run with her 'siblings.' How she had tried to make a normal life for herself, how Manticore was trying to find them. How she had been recaptured the summer before.

She looked at him, watching him take in all the news. He didn't say anything, and she continued. "And when they recaptured me, and took be to the base outside of Seattle, that's were I met... Alec." His eyes widened again, realizing what she was saying. "Alec, is an X5 as well. But he never escaped, he was raised there. Until, Eyes Only reviled the location of the base, and the government tried to cover it up, by burning down the compound, trying to kill everyone inside. But... I let them all out. I let all the transgenics out into Seattle." She said, waiting for his reaction, waiting for him to get angry with her.

"They were going to kill all the transgenics?" Sketchy asked. "All of them? Even the human ones?" Max nodded. Sketchy just shook his head, not knowing what to make of everything.

Max decided to just keep going. "Well, as you know with the news and everything. A little over a month ago, the government caught a bunch of what they call X7's, kids. They were going to kill them as well, and Alec and I went to save them." She could tell that he was in awh of this, the idea that his two friends, were on a save and rescue mission. "Well, we got the kids out, but before we could escape, I was shot, and we were surrounded, there was no way we could both escape." She said, and a tear slipped down her cheek. Cindy came over, and rubbed her back slightly, trying to comfort her. "He knew that. And.. and... he..." She didn't know if she could continued.

"It's okay Boo."

She swallowed, closed her eyes, and willed herself to go on. "He literally picked me up and threw me over the fence, told me to run and not look back.... and I did." More tears flowed down her face. "I heard a single gun shot as I ran. I didn't know, I didn't know what happened." She said. "We told you, that he left town." She rolled her eyes, "If only that had been the case." Sketchy brought his hand up to his mouth, and leaned his elbow on his knee. Trying to understand everything. "Ever since, I tried to figure out what happened. Then a few days ago, I got a tip about a small outpost, I went to check it out, and I found him there, locked in a small room.... like this." She said pointing to him.

"I broke him out, and got him to a doctor." She closed her eyes, and tilted her face down. "They tortured him for a month, trying to get information on my location. And he didn't tell them, or I'd be dead already." She said, then looked back up into Sketchy's big eyes, "And you don't want to know what they did to him, I don't know all of it, and what I do, I wish I didn't." She said. "Sketchy, I know we've kept you in the dark. I'm sorry. But if you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me. Please. Don't blame Alec, blame me. But he needs his friends right now, and I know he considers you one of them."

"Max..." He started, and then stood up, running a hand though his hair, looked at her, then at Alec. "This is a lot to..." He stopped again. He looked back at Alec again, and sighed. "What the hell did they do to him?" Max closed her eyes and shook her head. Skectchy came over and put a hand on her shoulder, "I have a lot to think about." She looked up and nodded at him. "But there is one thing I know. You and Alec are my friends, transgenics or not." She smiled up at him, and then leapt to her feet, and hugged him tightly, catching him off guard. Sketchy looked over at OC, and she smiled at him, he wrapped his arms around Max returning the hug. "Well, at least now I know how he kept winning all those pool games."

That made Max laugh, *Good ol' Sketchy.* She thought. She pulled away, and looked at him. "So, ummm, do you think it's possible to maybe.. come over every now and then, talk to him..."

"Are you kidding? I'll be here."

She smiled, "Good." Then she looked at OC, "But, that means I need to tell you, ummm, one more little thing." Sketchy looked at her, a little bit of fear on his face, not sure if he wanted to know more or not. "If you are going to be coming over here, you are going to be seeing someone else that lives with us as well. He's another transgenic." He nodded okay. "But, ummm, he's not like me and Alec." She thought it would be better to just show him, "Joshua?" She called out, and heard him moving up the stairs.

"Yeah, Max?" He said coming into the room, Sketchy took a step back looking up at him.

"Joshua, this is Sketchy. Sketchy, meet Joshua." She watched his face, and the look of shock.

Joshua extended his hand, "Nice to meet you."

Sketchy, slowly reached out and took it carefully, "Uhhh, likewise."

Joshua smiled at him, and patted him on the shoulder. "Friend of Max and Alec, friend of Joshua's."

Max smiled at him, and then at Sketchy. "Hey Joshua, you can start painting again if you want."

"No, I'm going to make dinner. Everyone hungry?"

"I could eat." Cindy said standing up, "Want some help, Josh?" He nodded and they went into the kitchen.

"No, Mac and Cheese!" Max hollered after them, and then turned back to Sketchy. He looked like he was still in a daze. "I know it's going to take some getting used to."

Sketchy looked at Max and then Alec still laying there on the couch, starring at some spot on the wall, then he turned back to her. "I'll get used to it." He said, then walked into the kitchen to help with dinner.

Max smiled and sat back down on the couch, next to Alec. She leaned in, and laid her head against his shoulder, her one arm moving around him, and spoke softly to him. "Do you realize how many people care about you? Do you realize how many people want you to come back to them?" She reached up, and moved some hair from his face. "Do you know how many people need you? Love you?" She kissed his cheek lightly, and closed her eyes, hugging him to her.
___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 7

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Thanks so much for the Great reviews so far. :) They really do make a huge difference, also, they do remind me of little points to address as well, so keep it up!
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"Well, we have some good news." Dr. Carr said looking at the screen, from the latest tests that he did.

Max smiled, "Well, that's good. What is it?" She asked, as she walked over to him, to take a look at what he was. She needed to hear some good news, it had been a week since she had found him, and there had been no change at all.

"For one, his skin and nerve endings have completely healed. Now I know you can still see little marks on him, which are fading, but I'm talking about the tissue itself. His sense of touch, should be completely back to normal, well... physically." Max nodded, already understanding what he meant. It's if he wanted to feel anything, that was the question now, not if he could.

"And two?" She asked hopeful, that there was something else.

The doctor moved over to the computer, and Max followed. It showed the current brain scans that he performed. "See this?" He said motioning to the colors and changes in the images. She nodded, "Brain activity, he's mentally active." A smile lit up Max's face. "He's doing something in that brain of his. What? I have no idea. But at least there is activity. If there wasn't..." He trailed off, knowing he didn't need to go on.

"So basically, he's in there somewhere, trying to get out."

Carr looked at her, "Maybe, maybe not. Max, I don't want to get your hopes up. The activity could mean a lot of things. He might not be trying to 'get out,' he might be trying to hide even more. All I'm saying is that, he's not... empty. He's not brain dead."

She nodded in understanding, "Well, it's still good news." He smiled slightly, and nodded, and walked back over to Alec on the exam table. "Anything else?" She asked him.

He nodded, "Yeah. I can tell that you have been doing well, with moving him around, not keeping him in one position for a long time. Which is good, he needs movement. But he also needs more. Even for an X5, his muscles will deteriorate without exercise. Here, let me show you a few that you can do, to keep his muscles working." He said, as he went to the end of the table, and picked up one of Alec's legs, and started to move it towards his chest. Max watched, and paid attention as Carr went on and on, showing her what to do.
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Cindy sighed loudly, and looked over at Joshua, pleading for some help. He shook his head at her, and put his hands in the air. Signifying he didn't know what to do, and left the room for the basement. OC sighed again, as she watched Max move Alec's arm around in circles. "Girl, stop already."

"Cindy, leave me alone! I'm doing what the doctor said, he needs to keep his muscles going."

"Yeah, I know, but you don't have to work him, or yourself to death."

Max turned to Cindy, "What? What are you talking about."

OC stood and walked over to her, took Alec's arm from her, and placed it back down next to him on the couch. "You can't do everything, all the time Max. You are wearing yourself out. It's been almost two weeks now. And all you have been doing is work, and here. Taking care of this house and Alec. You need to take care of yourself too, Boo."

She sighed, "Fine, I'll take a nice bubble bath tonight, okay?"

OC shook her head, "No, you are going out tonight, like old times. You need to get away for a little bit, and work doesn't count as away from here."

"Cindy, I can't leave! I'm not here all day, it's not fair to Joshua to watch him all the time. And... and.." She looked over at Alec, she didn't want to leave him.

OC turned, and put her hands on Max's shoulders, turning her to face her. "Look Sugar, I know you love him. I understand that. But don't do this to yourself again."

"Again?"

"You spent like a year depressed because you couldn't be with Logan because of the Virus. And now... now you are doing it again, only now, you are clinging to something so desperately that you can't see straight."

Max looked at her, like she was crazy. "What are you saying?"

"Max, you have this idea in your head, that somehow he's going to wake up, and everything is going to be perfect. That he'll open his eyes, and he'll say that he loves you, and you'll live happily ever after or something." Cindy sighed, "I just want you to realize, that, that might not happen."

"He's going to come back Cindy! He will! Don't say he won't!" She yelled and pulled away from her.

Cindy took a deep breath. "Max, you don't know that. But that's not what I meant either."

Max turned back around, "Then what? What did you mean Cindy?" She asked, anger in her voice.

"Max, how do you even know that he loves you? Sure, the boy saved your life. He's always been there for you, but that could mean a lot of things. Yeah, I know, how he would sometimes look at you. But Lust isn't Love Max. And friendship or loyalty isn't love either."

She didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to think about it, but in a way she knew OC was right. She didn't know how Alec felt about her. He had saved her life, and went through this torture to make sure White didn't catch her. But, why did he do it? And she realized, that he probably would have done the same thing for Joshua, Cindy, or even Sketchy. She mentally berated herself, not until he had been taken away from her, did she realize who he really was. "I just love him, Cindy. I don't know what else to do." She sighed and sat down in the chair. "I want him back." She said, thinking. "Yeah, I would like the happy ending, who wouldn't. But do you know what I would give, just to have things back to the way they were before? Just to be able to argue with him?"

"I know, Boo. I know." She said, coming over to sit on the arm of the chair, and wrapped her arm around Max.

"Cindy, if he wakes up, and tells me that he doesn't love me... It would break my heart. But you know what?" She looked up at OC, "I'd still be so happy, because at least he would be alright."

OC hugged her, "Yeah." She sighed slightly, then pulled away. "How about going out to Crash? Just for a few hours?"

"Tomorrow, I promise." Max said. "I'm really tired." Cindy gave her a look. "No, OC, really, I am exhausted. After you were going to leave, I was going to put him to bed, and then get to sleep myself."

"Max, you barely sleep."

She smiled, "Yeah, I know. But, you're right." She sighed, hating to admit it. "I have been wearing myself out."

Then she smiled, and Cindy caught it. "What's that smile for?"

"Nothing." Max said, standing up, and moving back over to Alec. "Let's get you ready for bed." She said to him, and lifted him up off the couch, and started to pull him back into the bedroom, Cindy came up, and took one side, helping her. They laid him down on the bed, and then Cindy caught Max's hand.

"Oh, no, don't change the subject."

Max sighed, "Okay, okay." She said and sighed. "I haven't slept in my room since I moved in." She said, and turned away from Cindy, moving over to the dresser, getting out one of Alec's T-shirts, and long pajama bottoms.

OC smiled at her, "You've been sleeping in here, cuddling up to your boy at night."

Max blushed slightly, "Does it seem like I'm taking advantage of the situation, of him?" She then asked seriously.

"No, Boo, besides you know Alec. He'd be teasing your ass." Max smiled, and put the clothes on the bed. "Okay, I'll let the two of you get to bed." She said with a wink. "But, remember, you promised. Tomorrow night."

"I'll be there." Max said, and with a hug, Cindy left. Max let out a breath, and slumped her shoulders slightly walking into her room to get her change of clothes. She quickly changed into one of her tank tops, and and old pair of boxers and then headed back to his room. She moved to the side of the bed. Her mind thinking of what Cindy had said. She hated to admit that she might be right. But did it matter? Would she care about him any less if she knew he didn't love her like she now knew she loved him? No, it wouldn't. His feelings for her, wouldn't change how she felt. How much she wanted him back.

Her hand came to the side of his face, "Just try and come back to me, to us." She said softly. She pulled him up into a sitting position, and pulled his blue shirt up and over his head, and then realized she had left the other stuff at the foot of the bed. She sighed, and tried to reach for it. Her fingers just barely touched, as her other arm kept him sitting up. She struggled for it, and tumbled onto the bed losing her grip on him, cussing slightly, as her hand picked up the clothes. She turned back to him, and she stopped. Her mouth falling open slightly, and she dropped the clothes on the bed.

Alec hadn't moved. He had stayed where she had sat him up, where she had lost her grip on him, and he hadn't moved, he didn't fall back to the bed. He sat there, he was actually sitting there. Max's heart started beating faster, and she finally breathed. "Alec?" She asked, his eyes didn't move, nothing changed, as he sat there. She moved closer to him, her hands moving to his shoulders, looking to see if he was somehow propped up on something.

Her mouth turned into a huge smile, she knew that to most people this was nothing, but to her it was huge. It was something. She pulled herself up and over him, and settled herself over his lap, and put her arms around him, hugging him, burring her face at his neck. She picked up each of his arms, and moved them around behind her, and when they didn't fall back to his sides, she cried, pulling his body closer to her. She knew it wasn't real, but it was the closest thing she had to a hug from him since this had all started.

She smiled through the happy tears into his neck, and then pulled away from him, her hands going to the side of his face, moving it so that his eyes were looking into hers, "I know you are in there, I know you are trying to get out, and I know you will." She said to him, "And I'll be here, be here waiting." She then leaned in, and gave him a soft kiss, then pulled away slightly. She lowered him back to the bed, reached over, and turned off the lamp. Moved her body back next to him, laid her head on his shoulder, pulled his arm around her. Her hand moved up to close his eyes, and then moved it down to rest on his chest, before she feel asleep with a small smile on her face, finally.
___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 8

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Thanks so much for the Great reviews so far. :) They really do make a huge difference, also, they do remind me of little points to address as well, so keep it up! Okay, things are going to skip around a lot. Cause, I'm just NOT going to write, every single day of this, I'll let you know how long time has passed though, okay? Also, I love all the ideas you are giving me, and I really wish I could incorporate them all into this, but... I just can't. But, still, love the inspiration! Thanks again.
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"Well, look at that, my Boo has a smile on her face." Cindy said leaning against her locker, as Max walked up to hers. Sketchy smiled at OC, and then Max as he sat down on the bench. "So, what's got you in a good mood?"

She opened her locker, and then turned to him, "He... stayed sitting up." She said simply.

Sketchy gave her a strange look, "Huh?"

"I had him sitting up to change his shirt, and well... while I was trying to get the other shirt, and lost my grip on him, he didn't move."

"So?" Cindy said, not understanding.

Max looked back and forth between the two, "He didn't fall back on the bed! He stayed upright! On his own, by himself!" She sighed, "Whatever! I know it doesn't sound like much, but, it's progress, it's something!"

Cindy smiled, and patted her shoulder, "You're right, it is something. That's great Max."

Sketchy stood up, "Yeah, it is good. Small steps, right? Better than none." Max smiled and nodded. "So, Cindy tells me you are going to Crash tonight."

She nodded, "Yeah, I promised. But, I'm not staying all night." She saw the look on Cindy's face, "Hey, it's been awhile, I need to get back into it slowly." She said, but really she just didn't want to stay out long. She was hoping to get back home, and hopefully find some more progress.

"Okay," Sketchy said, "How about we all hang out at your house before we go out tonight?"

"Sounds like a plan," Max said closing her locker, and the three went about their work.
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Max got up from the couch and walked over to Joshua, "So whatcha painting now?" She asked as she made her way over to him, and then looked over his shoulder. She smiled slightly at what she saw.

He turned to her, "You like?" He asked.

She nodded, looking at the painting, it was of the three of them. "It's great Joshua." She said but her grin slowly faded as she looked at the Alec on the canvas, it had his old smile, and the sparkle that he used to have to his eyes. *Soon.* She thought, *Soon, it will be real again.* She looked back over at the couch, he was sitting there, and if someone who didn't know better came in the room, they would think that he was just watching TV. But he wasn't, and she sighed slightly.

Max hated the weekends, she almost wished she could go to work. The thought made her feel bad, she didn't want to leave him. She always hated doing that, but she didn't know what else to do. She could only try so many things, and wait for him to decide to break out of his shell. But, in the mean time, she was going insane. She had too much time on her hands. She went shopping, she cleaned the house, she washed the clothes, she was sick of the garbage that was on TV. She was, well bored.

She had went to Crash, a few times that week, and it was a nice breath of fresh air, but she didn't enjoy herself. The whole time, she felt like she shouldn't be there, that she should be back at the house, taking care of him. She tried to make herself realize just how wrong that was, that he was fine, that Joshua was there, that she needed to take care of herself too. But, that nagging piece of guilt just wouldn't leave her.

She patted Joshua on the shoulder, and went back over towards the couch, and sat down on the coffee table in front of Alec. She moved her face into his line of sight, and sighed slightly. "So, what should we do today?" She asked him, knowing that there would be no response, but asking anyway, somewhere deep down hopefully that someday he would answer her.

She thought about it, took the remote and clicked off the TV over her shoulder. She sat there thinking, what could he do? And what would he usually do? Two and half weeks had passed now, but at least small steps had been happening. It started with him sitting on his own, his arms staying where she put them, and that had been a start. Over the last few days, it had been gradual, but when she pulled him to his feet, he would remain standing, well, sort of. She had to keep a hand out to steady him, or lean him against a wall, but he stayed up.

Max had called Dr. Carr about the news, and he was happy. He had told her, that his body was reacting to the stimulus, and that it probably knew that it was better to stay in the position than to fall back over. She didn't like the way he answered the question, mostly because it didn't make the news as good as she was hoping. But she also knew, that he didn't want to get her hopes to high, only to have them later come crashing down.

"Okay, what would you like to do?" She asked again, still thinking. She tried to think about all the stuff she knew about him. Pool was obviously out of the question. One, there was no way of getting him to Crash, they didn't have a pool table at the house, and the obvious fact that he couldn't actually play. In that instant, she was aware just how little she really knew about him, and it troubled her. She never really took the time to get to know him, know what he liked or disliked. She had written him off as a cocky, womanizing, jerk who only looked out for himself. *God, I was wrong.* She thought, especially about the last part.

But then, a thought hit her, and she smiled, the other thoughts leaving her head, as her idea started to spin in her head. She stood up, and pulled him to his feet, turning him slightly, wrapped his arms around her neck, and then picked him up, basically giving him a piggy back ride. She smiled as she walked out of the room. "Where are Max and Alec going?" Joshua asked as she walked.

"Basement." She said, as she started to walk down the stairs. It wasn't easy, but once she got down there and moved over to the bench and sat him down, so happy that he could sit there by himself. She straightened out her back, and then moved the sheet away from the piano. She opened a piece of sheet music, and looked at it. She quickly scanned the music, remembering the notes, and tried to remember how they corresponded to the keys on the piano. She made a mental note to pick up a book on how to play, but decided they could at least try.

Max moved around behind him, and put her arms around him, her hands resting over his, and picked them up, lightly placing them on the keys. She placed her chin over his shoulder, and moved his fingers slowly over the piano. The notes slowly playing. She laughed, because she was just slowly having him play 'chop sticks,' "Far from what you are used to playing, huh?" She asked into his ear, her mind remembering the sounds that she had heard coming from the basement when he had went down there during Joshua's dinner party, during the whole Berrisford incident.

She should have known then, that there was so much more to him than she gave him credit for. She had miss judged him, and was angry with him at the time, that she didn't realize how beautiful the music was that he had been playing, or how much emotion he had put into it. Her heart slightly broke knowing that, that emotion came from the love that he had for another woman, but she couldn't let the ghosts of the past affect her. She needed to use what she could to get him back to the here and now, so that he wouldn't become one of those ghosts.

Max continued to move his fingers over the keys, the notes coming out a little faster as she got used to moving his hands with hers. She smiled slightly, thinking that maybe, someday soon, he would play something for her.
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Cindy and Max sat on the couch, listening to some music, Alec sitting between them as usual. Joshua had headed to bed a little while ago, and Sketchy had left to head out to Crash and try and pick up some girls. Max and OC had laughed and told him good luck, knowing he would need it.

Max turned and moved her feet up onto Alec's lap, and Cindy gave her a look. "What?"

"Is he your foot rest now?"

She grinned, "No, it's just comfortable."

Cindy smiled, "No, you just can't keep yourself from touching him."

Max sighed, "Yeah, and that's going to be an even bigger problem soon." OC looked at her strangely. Max sighed, and looked over at Alec, she wasn't sure what she was going to do. Actually, she was torn between leaving and staying. Both had options. If she left, she wouldn't be around him, she wouldn't be tempted and frustrated, she wouldn't take advantage of him. But then again, if she stayed, she would be focused on him, and they couldn't do anything anyway.... She sighed, "I don't know what I'm going to do."

Cindy was confused, "Boo? What the hell are you talking about?"

"In a few days... well... I'm going to go into heat." She said, then looked down into her glass, not wanting to look at Cindy, who's eyes were getting bigger as understanding dawned on her.
___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 9

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Okay, I'm not sure how the response is going to be for this chapter, kinda going out on a limb here, but we'll see. Thanks so much for the Great reviews so far. :) They really do make a huge difference, also, they do remind me of little points to address as well, so keep it up!
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"You're what?" Cindy asked, staring at Max. "Oh, God." She said shaking her head, "What are you going to do?"

"That's just it OC, I don't know what to do." She sighed, "I'm afraid to stay here. Seeing him, will be pure torture. But, I'm afraid to leave. What if I do something I regret?" She asked, "I mean, we aren't a couple or anything, but I love him. Even though I wouldn't be betraying him by being with someone else, I would be betraying myself." She took a drink out of her glass, "It was bad enough when I slept with Rafer, and I had feelings for Logan. This... this would be so much worse." She put her face in her hands.

"Isn't there a way, that you can stay here, and just not be around him?" Cindy asked. "I know that it would take a lot of effort, but it would be better to stay than leave wouldn't it?"

Max nodded, "I guess, but..." She looked at Alec sitting there between them, "Cindy, how am I not going to be able to see him and be in the same house as him?"

Cindy smiled, knowing how bad Max had it for the boy sitting next to her, but she also knew what a bitch it was for Max to go through heat. "Girl, you'll just have to deal with it. One thing, is at least here, you can't do anything you'll regret."

Max took a deep breath, "Yeah, I guess you're right." She looked up at Cindy, "Just make sure to come over and check on my ass."

OC smiled, "I got ya ass covered, sugar." The girls smiled at each other and clinked glasses.
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Max came back from work, and started looking around the house. She found Joshua in the kitchen, and he had Alec sitting in one of the chairs, while Joshua ate something. She smiled, she didn't know if it was good idea that they kept posing Alec into normal situations, but it at least felt right. "Hey Big Fella," she said, and sat down in a chair next to him. She ran a hand over her forehead and sighed feeling the temperature of her skin. "I need to talk to you."

Joshua looked up, "What is it?" He asked concerned.

She smiled at him, trying to tell him it wasn't anything to worry about. "How much do you know about X5's?" She asked him, hoping that he would just know and she wouldn't have to explain this whole embarrassing situation to him. Joshua looked at her confused slightly. "I mean, well... you know we have.. feline DNA in our cocktail, right?" He nodded. "Do, you know the side effects that, that causes?" She asked.

Joshua scanned her face, and then a smile came across his face, which confused her. "Max trying to explain Heat to Joshua." He said and laughed slightly. She looked at him shocked. "Joshua knows about it, Little Fella already in Heat."

Her eyes got bigger, while her face flushed slightly in embarrassment, "How.. how did you know that!"

"Can smell it." He said pointing to his nose, "Good sense of smell. But doesn't affect Joshua, because of canine DNA. Canine and Feline, don't mix." He said patting her shoulder.

She laughed slightly, "Right. Well, ummm, Josh, that's why I need your help. See... I can't be around him." She said looking at Alec, and then quickly turned away, closing her eyes, as a tingle already started to go through her at the simple look.

Joshua nodded in understanding, "Max wants to 'get busy' with Alec, but Alec can't."

Max almost choked, and then grinned, *This is the hilarity of my life.* She thought. "Something like that." She said. "So, I'm going to need you to take care of him, and well... make sure that I don't leave the house." He nodded, patted her shoulder, and got up to put his plate in the sink. She looked back over at Alec, and sighed. *Oh, God, this is going to be hell.* She thought, and quickly left the room, finding solace in her bedroom.
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His eyes were staring down into hers as their hips moved in a fast, rhythmic pattern, their breathing becoming faster, their bodies sweating, grinding against one another. Her fingernails running down his back, his arms gripping her shoulders, her legs wrapped around his waist trying to pull him deeper, harder into her body. Then she screamed, and sat up bolt right in bed, her body sweating, heart beating hard, her breath coming in deep pants. *Oh God.* She thought, *It's started.* She thought as she tried to shake the mental image of Alec on top of her out of her mind.

Every fiber of her being was telling her to walk across the hall to him, but she knew she couldn't. Besides, it would only frustrate her more. She stood up on slightly shaky legs, and made her way for the bathroom. She turned the water in the tub onto cold, and got in, waiting for the cold water to cover her overly heated body. But even the cold water was not helping the thoughts and images from her dream to keep moving back into her head. The thought of his hands on her body, brought her own hands to herself. *God, what am I going to do?* She thought, as she let her own hands travel down her breasts, the cold water starting to move over her breasts, teasing her already hard nipples. She closed her eyes, as her other hand moved lower, her mind visualizing Alec's hands doing the same thing, her mouth moaning his name when he found his destination. Her body quivered at her own touch, as a tear slipped down her check.
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Her arms ached, her stomach muscles were sore, and her legs felt like jello. "Okay, no more!" She said out loud and got up off the floor, she was going to kill herself if she did anymore exercise. She paced the room, she had to get out of there, find something to do, find something, anything, that would make her stop feeling like she wanted to crawl out of her skin. She opened the door, and was relieved to see that his was shut, and she walked towards the living room, and found Joshua with a book reading. She looked around the room, "Where's Alec?" she said quietly.

He looked up at her, "In his room, taking a nap."

Max nodded, *Nap, yeah, right.* She smiled at him, "So... whatcha doing?" She asked sitting down next to him, her foot tapping against the floor.

Joshua looked at her, then her foot, then back at her, "Reading." he said simply. She sighed, and leaned back against the couch. "Little Fella going insane."

She laughed slightly. "You could say that." She ran a had through her hair, "It's almost over, almost. I've made it this far, I can make it till tomorrow." She said more to herself than to Joshua, as she bit her lip. He nodded, and she just about screamed. "Okay, that's it.... I'm going to go take another shower." She said getting up quickly, not waiting for a response from him.

Max stood under the cold spray of the water, and shivered from the cold. It was helping, but she knew that she couldn't stay under the water until her Heat was over, she had to get out of the shower at some point. She honestly couldn't recall a time that was harder than this one. It had taken all that she had not to go see him, to check on him, to look on him. She turned the water off, and got out, grabbing the first towel she found, and started to dry her hair with it. And then she realized her mistake, her horrible mistake. She pulled the towel away from her, and looked at it, then brought it back to her face again. Him, it smelled like him.

*Oh no.* she thought, realizing that Joshua had probably used that towel on Alec, from giving him a shower or something, in the last day or so, when she couldn't. Her temperature rose, and her heart rate speed back up. *No, no.* She said to herself, and was about ready to turn the water back on, but another part of her, was telling her not to. That part was telling her to go see him, to check on him, to make sure he was okay. She was torn, but as she sniffed the towel in her hand again, his smell working its way to her brain, she couldn't ignore that part of her anymore.

*I'll just check on him,* she told herself, and wrapped the towel around her body, and left the bathroom for his room. She opened the door, walked inside and closed it behind her. And she was immediately attacked again with a wave of his scent, pure Alec. She slowly walked over to his bed, and sat down next to him. Her hand came up, shaking slightly and moved against the side of his face. *What am I doing?* She asked herself, part of her telling her to run from the room.

She leaned down, and her lips traveled over his softly, her pressure increasing slightly, kissing him harder, but then she pulled away. Her lips shaking slightly, her eyes watering, knowing that he wasn't, that he couldn't return it. The tears slipped down her face, and she leaned over him, hugging him, putting her face into his neck, sobbing softly against him. Her body aching both from desire and pain. "I need you so much." She said into his ear.

And she did, in so many ways. Her heart and her body needed him at that moment, more than he could ever possibly know. She breathed deeply trying to calm herself, but it only worked to her disadvantage, as his scent invaded her senses once again, her tongue instinctively moving out to taste his skin, and she moaned lightly. And she mentally kicked herself, telling herself to leave, to run, as more tears ran down her cheeks. She kissed his neck and the side of his face, "I love you." She said into his ear, as her body still shook with the desire that was running through her, being so close to him.

Her heart rate was going faster, as well as her breathing. She sat up and tried to pull herself away from him, her hands moving to his chest to push herself away, but her fingers could feel the muscles of his chest under her finger tips, and they moved down and under the fabric of their own accord, allowing her to feel his warm skin.

*Max, stop.* She told herself, but she couldn't as her hands started to pull the shirt up and over his head. She moved, allowing the towel to fall from her body, as she moved to straddle his stomach, and leaned over him. Allowing her naked flesh to touch his, her tears falling onto his neck, even while she slightly shuddered from the feeling of her hardened nipples moving over the skin of his bare chest. She held him to her, as she kissed his shoulder. Her body was screaming at her, screaming at her for being there, and screaming at her for the release that she so badly needed but knew was impossible to get.

Her hips wiggled against him slightly, and then she gasped and sat up quickly. Her hand moved behind her, and he eyes widen as her hand came in contact with him, he was hard. Her fingers moved around his erection, passion and want fueling her, and then part of her mind had it come crashing down, as she realized what was happening. It wasn't her, it wasn't his reaction to her, that was doing this. It was her pheromones. Her pheromones, the ones that Joshua could smell but weren't affected by, were affecting Alec and his feline DNA. Her eyes closed and her head lowered in defeat, her pheromones were causing this total physical reaction, and her body was responding to it as well.

Her body was shaking, as she moved the pajama bottoms from his body, and leaned back over him. Feeling her naked body covering his. She burred her face back at her neck, her mind telling her, to leave, this wasn't right, that she would be using him, that he didn't know what was happening. She cried into his neck, her body grinding against his, feeling him hard against her hip, making her shudder slightly. "I need you." She said softly, kissing his cheek, his eyes, his forehead, his lips. "I'm sorry." She said softly, knowing that she couldn't control herself anymore, as she sat up, straddling him. Her fingers moving around him, and then slowly, she lowered herself onto him.

Her eyes closed as she felt him enter her body, stretching her slowly, as she gritting her teeth until she was fully impaled on top of him. She closed her eyes, and leaned forward, wetness flowing down her face, as her hips began to move over him. Her brain and heart telling her how wrong this was, and yet her body urging her on. Her hips began to move faster, as she moved him in and out of her body, over and over again.

She sat up, her hands moving to his chest, as she started to ride him, her desire and need coursing through her body. Pleasure rushing through her and building up higher and higher, as the guilt of her actions was becoming bigger and bigger as well. Her hips were moving faster, she was moaning his name, and with a final plunge, she was convulsing around him, her muscles gripping him, pulling at him, as her body shattered into a million pieces of light, and she collapsed onto him.

She pulled herself against him, trying to come back to reality, clinging to him, her body shaking. And then realization came over her, as she still felt him, still felt him hard inside of her. She moved up slightly, and looked down at his face, a tear dropped down from her face to his. *Oh God,* She thought, and started to move again, this time more frantic. But not because she wanted it, she wasn't focused on her now at all. She moved her hips, grinding against him, contracted her inner muscles, while moving against him. "Please." She said softly, leaning down to his ear, as she continued to move. "Please, Alec, please cum for me." She said, almost begging.

Max moved quicker, as the guilt was doubling by the second. She kept going and going, over and over, mad at herself for having another orgasm herself. And when her legs could no longer move, and her arms felt like they couldn't support her anymore, she fell over onto him, her tears turning into sobs, as she kept saying she was sorry into his ear. She hugged his body tightly to her, and cried.

Then she pulled herself away, and looked down at him, kissed his lips softly. She knew she had to leave, she knew it was the only way to relieve the condition he was in because of her. She slowly disentangled herself from him, wrapped the towel around herself, went over and opened the window slightly, and quickly left the room, shutting the door. She headed straight for the bathroom, and turned the shower on.

She dropped the towel, and got inside, her knees sinking under her, as she slid to the floor, drawing her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, as the water washed over her. She lowered her face to her knees, and sobbed. *Oh, God, what have I done.* She cried. *What have I done?*
___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 10

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: All right, I know the last chapter was very... Dark/Emotional/lots of things, it was intended to be that way, there was a lot of things that needed to be set up, a lot of emotions and things to be done, so that it can be played out in the rest of the story. Trust me, there is A LOT more to go through. I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Something was invading his senses, something was permeating his brain, and he followed it, against his better judgment. As he got closer, he knew, pheromones. *Sick bastards.* He thought, as he tried to push himself away again, but he was to close to the surface, and heard the words.

"I need you."

*No, it's a trick. It can't be her.*

"I love you."

*Now, I know it's a trick. Max doesn't love me.* He tried to push it away, push away the words, *I won't let them win. They can't get to me. They can't trick me.*

"Aleccccccc....."

*Oh God,* he knew what that sounded like. It was impossible. *No, no. Manticore and their sick twisted ways. They won't win. They can't make me tell. Never.*

"I'm sorry."

His heart was spinning at the words, *What kind of games are they trying to pull?* He couldn't listen, he couldn't believe it. He didn't trust it, they were trying to trick him, trying to get him to open up, to get him to rat out Max. *Never. I never will.*
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Original Cindy walked into the house, and looked around, finally finding Max alone sitting on the couch, staring out the window. "Boo, where the hell have you been. It's lunch break already, and you were supposed to be back to work this morning."

"Don't start." Max said softly, and OC walked over to the couch and sat down, when Max didn't even turn to look at her.

"What's wrong, the Bitch is over now, so what is it?"

"You know how we said nothing bad could happen if I stayed here?" Cindy nodded. "Well, I think something worse happened then I could have imagined." She said closing her eyes, tears no longer coming, because she cried too long already.

"What happened?" Cindy asked confused, looking around, noticing that Alec wasn't in the room, which was unusual.

Max put her face in her hands, not wanting to say. "I used him, I took advantage of him," she looked down, closing her eyes, shaking her head, disgusted with herself, "God Cindy, I love him, and I practically raped him."

"What?" OC was confused. "But, I thought he couldn't..."

"His feline DNA reacted to my pheromones.... he... got a physical response from them." She said, trying to imply exactly what she meant, and Cindy nodded in understanding. "He wasn't reacting to me, he wasn't doing something he wanted to do. His body was just reacting to what Manticore did to us." She shook her head, "And I took advantage of it! God, what the hell is wrong with me? How could I do that to him!" She yelled, mostly at herself.

Cindy tried to calm her down, she realized how bad it sounded, "Max, calm down."

"Calm down? How can I? After what I did? I violated him! I violated the person that I love!"

"Max! This is Alec."

Her eyes widened, "So that makes it better? Are you saying just because someone likes sex, or has been with a lot of people, that it makes it okay?" She yelled standing up.

"No, Max, I'm not saying that." Cindy stood as well, as Max paced.

"I doesn't matter how many women he's been with. It doesn't matter about the comments he's made. No one, no one deserves to be used like that! And that's what I did! I used him, I violated him, for my own benefit! And he got nothing out of it, NOTHING!" She yelled, and sat back down in a huff. "Oh, Cindy. I tried, I tried so hard." Her face fell back into her hands. "It's like he couldn't even feel it." Cindy sighed, and sat on the coffee table in front of her, and patted her shoulder. "And now... now I can't even look at him. Which isn't fair either. I need to help him, but every time I look at him now...." She shook her head.

"Boo, listen, it's going to be okay."

Max looked up at her, "Don't say that. It's NOT okay! It won't be okay! Don't you see? He's made no progress, none! The only things that have happened are physical. He's physically healing, that's it. He's gaining his weight back because we feed him, he's getting his muscle tone back because we exercise him, and get him to stand and sit, and sort of walk around. But all that, is physical, all that is helped by Manticore DNA, none of that, none of it is mental." She sighed, "And I just probably added to the mental problem."

Cindy shook her head. "You know it's going to take time, he can't just pop out of it. And Sugar, you need to think about this a little more. It's not as bad as you think."

"Cindy, don't try and make me feel better about this, I don't deserve to feel better."

She shook her head at Max, "I'm not saying it was right. Just, you got to look at the whole picture here. One, Max you were in Heat."

"So? Does that make it some sort of defense? NO, it was wrong!"

"MAX! Just listen to me. No, it's not a defense, just part of the big picture. You were in Heat. Two, I'm sure Alec knows exactly what Heat is, has probably dealt with a few honeys back at Manticore with it." Max rolled her eyes. "Three, no matter what the boy feels for you, you are friends, and he obviously made it clear that he would do ANYTHING for you." Max looked down, that thought making her feel worse, but Cindy reached out and pulled her chin back up. "Four, as I said this is Alec, and while it doesn't make it okay, it does make it a little better. It's not like he was an innocent little boy. And last, I truly think he would understand, and if he was able to, he would more than likely be kidding you with smart ass remarks for it."

Max shook her head, she knew that Cindy was sort of right, and that she was trying to make her feel better. "It still doesn't make it right." She said.

"I didn't say it did Boo, I didn't say it did. But... it makes it livable. Besides, when his butt wakes up, maybe you can make it up to him." OC tried to lighten up the air, but immediately knew it wasn't going to work, and instead leaned in and gave her best friend a hug. "It will be okay, Boo, it will. You'll see." She said, rocking her slightly.
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A month, a whole month had passed since she had found him, two months had passed since he was captured and her life had been turned upside down. Guilt still plagued her mind, from everything. From him getting caught to her using him in her period of Heat, but she pushed it aside. She had too, because no matter what, he still needed her, and she needed him. She leaned over him, and turned the page of music. Now that she had read a couple books, she could actually play the piano. Not as well, as she remembered him doing, but enough to get his hands to move over the keys. As they did this every so often, she got better at getting his fingers to go over the keys.

She stood behind him, with her head over his shoulders and her arms around him, as she moved his fingers over the ivory keys. Her eyes scanned the music, committing the notes to memory, then looked back down at the piano moving his hands some more, the notes filling the basement. It was a beautiful song, she just wished she could play it better.

"Sorry," She said into his ear, as she kept him playing the song. "I'm not as good at this as you are. You'll have to teach me when you get out of that head of yours." She said, straining a smile. Her hand slipped slightly, and his hand hit a few keys at once, making a loud sound. And she winced slightly from it, but not before she noticed that he had too.

Her hand dropped his other intentionally, and another loud sting of notes filled the room, and he jerked slightly. She sat down next to him quickly on the bench, and turned him towards her. "Alec?" She said. There was no response. "Can you hear me?" Nothing. She placed her hand on the keys again, the piano gave out a God awful sound, and his body slightly cringed. And she smiled.
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*What the hell are they trying now?* He asked himself, as he heard the music. It was out of tune, and unbelievably slow. *Did they check my file, and try to find new ways of torturing me?*

A loud mixture of keys hit his mind, *Oh God, what the hell?*

And then he heard her, "Alec?"

*Oh no, not again. Did I tell them? Did I tell them something about her? Did I let them know? Did they figure out that I... No, don't think it. Don't think it, and they can't use it.*

"Can you hear me?"

*Don't listen to it, don't respond to it. If you do, if you trust it. They win.*

Another crash of music invaded his senses. *Damn. Knock it off!* He wanted to scream at them, but he didn't, he wouldn't. He wouldn't allow them the satisfaction that they were getting to him. He wouldn't let them hear him scream, he wouldn't let them hear him scream again. *Not again,* he thought, as he tried to push the voices and sounds away.
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TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 11

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: A big thanks to KaitlinM, NorthernLady, and Skeed. You know I love you guys, and thanks for the inspiration and ideas. Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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"So what are you saying Max?" Sketchy asked, as he drank a can of pop, watching her walk back and forth in front of him and OC, who sitting in the chair, that he was sitting on the arm of.

"He heard it. He responded to the music. Okay, not the music, but the loud, horrible sound of a mixture of notes. Three times!."

They watched her, she was still smiling, Cindy looked over at Alec, who was sitting on the couch like he usually was. "What else happened?"

"Nothing," That made her sigh. "I tried talking to him, and everything, and I tried the loud sound again after that, but nothing. Maybe, he just got used to it, and it didn't catch him off guard anymore."

"Uh, Max, maybe you shouldn't use loud sounds." Sketchy said to her.

She turned to him, and looked at him strangely, "Why not? It was working, it showed more than a physical reaction, something connected mentally."

Sketchy didn't know how to answer her, and looked at OC for help. Cindy got where he was going with it, and tried to phrase it to Max in a way that wouldn't hurt her. "Umm, what I think Sketch is trying to say is, the sounds weren't pleasant, and he cringed in reaction to it." Max nodded, not understanding. Cindy sighed, "Well.... he might not have been expecting the first few times, so he reacted, but then tried to push the rest away, push it out of his mind."

"But why? Why push it away?"

Cindy looked to Sketchy for help, and neither one wanted to say. Finally, he said it, "Well, Max, I don't know much about Manticore, or torture techniques, but painfully loud sounds and bad music, especially to someone who loves music...." He just let it trail off, hoping, praying she would just understand. Cindy hoped so to, because she didn't want to beat the girl upside the head.

And then Max's eyes widened, "Oh God." She thought, "He probably thought it was White using some new type of torture on him, to get him to respond." She closed her eyes and quickly sat on the coffee table in front of them. "I didn't even think of that. You know, I never thought about how he could possibly perceive some of the things that we do around him." She looked up at the two of them, "I could be making it worse."

Cindy shook her head, this is exactly why she was so reluctant to say anything, "No, Max. He did react, which is progress, it does mean that he is under there somewhere. We just need to coax him out, not scare him out."

She looked over her shoulder at him, "But how?"

"Well, he responded to the music, maybe instead of having him play it, play some CD's instead." Sketchy told her. "Hey, I think I still have one that he loaned to me." He said as he stood up and went for his back pack.

Max smiled at him, as he came back and handed her a CD case. She opened it up, it was some old Rock band before the pulse. She stood up and moved over to the stereo, popped in the CD, and turned it on. The beat started to fill the room, and she turned it up, it was loud enough, but not so loud that they couldn't talk. Joshua walked into the room, "Good tunes." He said, and went to put away the book he had been reading.

Cindy jumped up from the chair, "Hey Josh, want'a dance?" A big smile played across his face, and she grabbed his hand, and started to show him how to dance to the music.

Max laughed slightly watching them, she looked over at Alec, and sighed slightly. Wishing she could take his hand, and that they could just start dancing together as easily as Cindy and Joshua were. A hand went to her shoulder, and she turned around to see Sketchy, "I may not be Alec, but I can still dance."

Her grin grew, and she took her hand, "Well, then, let's dance." She said. The four of them now dancing to the songs that played from the old rock band. All laughing as they soon started to dance together, teaching Joshua different moves, and Cindy showing off, making Max do so too.

Sketchy laughed, and then 'woo whooed' at one of Max's moves, "Did they have many dance off's at Manticore?" He asked her with a smile. Max just whacked him slightly upside the head in response, and Cindy and Joshua laughed.
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Laughter. He could hear laughter. *That's not right.* He thought, *Why would there be people laughing?* Then he heard music. *I know this song.* He tried to make it out, *I have this CD.* His head was spinning, none of this made sense. *What the hell is going on?*

The laughter got louder, the song changed. Then he heard voices. "Go Cindy, go Cindy, go Cindy." Carried a chant of voices.

*Cindy? What?*

More laughter, "Go Joshua, go Joshua, whoo, yeah!"

*What the hell? Cindy? Joshua? This makes no sense.*

"Get down Max! Yeah!"

*Sketchy? That was Sketchy's voice.*

"Yeah, Boo. You go Girl!"

*Cindy? How the hell could they know about them? Oh, God, tell me I didn't say anything. No... no... I couldn't have. But... how.. why? That's it... I'm nuts. I've gone crazy. They made me crazy, I'm just like Ben, maybe it was genetic.* He didn't want to hear anymore, he didn't want to hear the voices. *They've finally succeeded in driving me crazy.* He thought as he tried to push it away, tried to find his sanity somewhere.
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Joshua had long went to bed, and Sketchy and Cindy had just left. Max moved around the living room picking up pop cans, and plates, and then moved them into the kitchen. She had a smile on her face as she moved back into the room. She had really need that, but her smile faded slightly, once she looked at Alec sitting on the couch. She went and turned off the stereo, and then moved over to him. She grabbed both of his hands, and pulled him to his feet. She moved one arm up and over her shoulder, and her other arm went around his waist.

She leaned him forwards slightly, and his muscles started to move, and she awkwardly moved the two of them towards his bedroom. He wasn't really walking, but sort of, as she dragged him along, his body moving only so that it wouldn't fall over as she moved. It would have been easier for her to just pick him up, but that would be giving in. She thought that one of these days, she would do this, and he would just start walking on his own. Unfortunately, it wasn't going to happen that night, she realized as they had finally made it into the room, and she sat him on the bed.

Max started the nightly routine. She went into the bathroom, and grabbed the toothbrush, paste, and cup, filling it with water. Came back in the room, and brushed his teeth, then put everything back. She went and got his clothes for the night, and came back over to him. Pulled the shirt up and over his head, tossing it into the open hamper across the room. She took the old T-shirt and slipped it over his head, then lightly pushed him back onto the bed.

Her hands moved to the zipper of his pants, and she undid them, like so many times before. Her hands moved to the waist band, and she moved them down his hips, and off his legs. She then took off his socks, leaving him in his boxers. She tossed the pants and socks into the hamper as well, and then moved him so that he was laying with his head on the pillow, and she pulled the sheet and blanket over him. She moved her hand over his face, and shut his eyes, "Good night." She said quietly, and stood back up. She turned off the light, and headed for her bedroom.

She took off her clothes, and put on a new pair of underwear, and slipped on an old T-shirt and walked over to her bed, and pulled back the covers. She sat down on the edge, and then sighed in the dark room as she laid back against the pillow, and pulled the sheet up over her. Things had been better today. He had showed that he was still in there, which gave her hope. But Cindy and Sketchy had been right, she had to coax him out of it, she couldn't try and scare him out of it. That was the last thing he needed.

Max wanted nothing more than to just go to him, talk to him, tell him him to come out of it, tell him that she loved him, and to come back to her, but she couldn't. She couldn't do it anymore, she hadn't told him she loved him since that night. She closed her eyes to the dark, trying to shut out the thought, but it only played before her closed eye lids. She hadn't slept in his bed since that night either. She couldn't bring herself to do it, she couldn't use him for that bit of comfort that she so desperately needed. She refused to do so. She couldn't use him for her own selfish reasons, not anymore.

She laid in bed, feeling the emptiness next to her, and realized she wasn't going to get to sleep. She barely needed to sleep anyway, but tonight was even worse. She had a lot of fun with everyone, but, it also made her feel guilty. God, why did she always have to feel guilty? *Because, this is your life Max.* She shook her head at herself. So why did she feel guilty? Because she was having fun. She was living her life, dancing with her friends, and the reason that she could do that, the reason she wasn't dead or in White's clutches, was sitting on the couch. Sitting there with no clue what was going on around him.

Cindy's words replayed in her head, "He needs to be coaxed out." She thought about it. Everything that she had tried, was trying to shock him into coming back. The quick fix. But, maybe that was the wrong approach. She sat up in bed. *You need to put this self guilt aside Max.* She told herself. *Go to him.* She struggled with the thought, and then finally pulled the sheet from her, and made her way out of her bedroom and across the hall.

She opened his door, moved into the room, and shut it behind her. Her eyes immediately adjusted to the lack of light, and she moved over to the bed. She squared her shoulders, tossed the doubt from her mind, and moved under the covers, and curled up next to him. Her hand came up to the side of his face, and cupped his cheek lightly, her mouth moving to his ear. "Alec?" She said softly, "I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I hope you can. Because tonight, I'm going to tell you a little story."
_________________________________

*No, not again. Why are they doing this to me? Or am I doing it to myself? Have I just gone off the deep end so far now, that I am now imagining her voice?*

"I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I hope you can. Because tonight, I'm going to tell you a little story."

*Story? Huh?*

"Do you remember our last mission? Do you remember us going to rescue the X7's? We saved them from White, and then you saved me."

*Yes, of course I remember. Why wouldn't I? That's why I'm here. What the heck is the point of this? Who the hell do they have playing Max's voice? Oh, God... did they get her? But, if they got her, then why are they still torturing me?*

"You threw me over that damn fence and told me to run. And I did. Why? Why the hell did I have to run? I always run. And I heard a gun shot, but I didn't stop, why didn't I stop?"

He was really confused now, she sounded like she was crying. It didn't make any sense, none of this made sense.

"And what did I do, I ran to Logan. Like I always do."

*Logan? How would they know about Logan?*

"But do you know what? I didn't run to him for comfort, I didn't run to him because I wanted him. I ran to him, to help you. I realized I needed you, that I loved you."

*What? Love me? No, not possible. Wait, I heard her say that before. No, no, this is my mind, it's playing tricks on me. It's just telling me what I want to hear.*

"I tried to find you, I tried so hard, I kept looking, I didn't stop. I wouldn't. It took a month, a whole month, but I found you. I finally found you."

*A month? She found me? No, can't be. It hasn't been a month, I haven't been here a month.*

"I found you in this small government outpost, they had you in this small room. I broke in, I got you out."

*No, no, it's not possible. Stop listening to this. You're just making it up yourself.*

"Logan and I took you to Dr. Carr."

He could hear her crying again. *No, stop. I don't want to hear that. Make her stop crying.*

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Alec. I'm sorry I couldn't find you sooner, I'm sorry I couldn't stop them, from what they did to you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you sooner. But I'm here now. I'm here now."

*No.. this can't be real. It can't be.* He heard the small sobs. *No, it doesn't make sense. Max wouldn't be like this over... me.*

"Alec, please. Please, come back to me. Come back to us. We miss you. Joshua, Cindy, Sketchy. We miss you. I miss you. We need you. I need you."

*It can't be true. My mind has to be telling me, what I want to hear. This can't be true, can it?* He struggled against the thoughts. *What if it is true? What if she did find me? But love? No, no, that's not possible. Max could never love me, she barely tolerates me.*

"Please, Alec. Anything, just give me anything. Give me one of your cocky comebacks. Or, your sly remarks. God, call me a bitch. I don't care. Just, something. Please."

He could hear more sobs, and the sound was killing him. *What if it really is her? What if she really did find me? What if it's a trap? Should I risk it? But, what will happen if I don't risk it?* He was confused, he didn't know what to do, what to believe.

"Alec, please. Please know, that you're safe. I won't let them hurt you, I won't let them get you back. Never, never again."

He couldn't take it anymore, *Max* He tried to say, his mind heard it, but his ears didn't. *Max.* He tried again, but it was like talking against a wall, and he couldn't get past it. He struggled against it, and screamed *Max!* But again, nothing. He felt lost, trapped. *Let me out!* He screamed mentally, but nothing happened, and his heart broke as all he could hear wasn't his words he was trying to say, but the sound of tears and small sobs coming from Max.
___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 12

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
_________________________________

Quiet. Everything was quiet, so quiet it hurt. *Where did she go? What happened to her?* He thought to himself. The crying and stopped, but now there was nothing. He realized, he couldn't see, he couldn't open his eyes, he couldn't feel. He couldn't feel anything, he could only hear. And at that moment, he couldn't hear anything, anything but the silence.

He struggled against the confines of his mind, but the effort was exhausting. He couldn't talk, he couldn't get his mind to connect and form the words. Heck, what use was it, he didn't even know if Max was in the room, he didn't even know if anyone was. The the question still lingered in his mind, what if it was a trap.

Or what if he was making it all up. What would happen if he woke up, and found them still there, asking him questions. He pushed the thought away. *No, don't think that. Max, said she needed you. Even if it's a small possibility, I need to help her, I need to make sure.*

Then he heard it, a small sound. His mind tried to figure out what it was. There it was again, a small creaking sound. Then a rustling of... *Sheets?* Then another small creak, *A bed, someone's moving in a bed.* That sort of made sense to him, that he was laying down, in a bed, but the movement didn't make sense. He couldn't move, he tried, but couldn't. *So what's moving?* And then his heart stopped.

"Good Morning."

*Max. Oh God, it's her.* She was there, Max was the one moving, the one moving in bed. *In bed with me.* His brain was telling him that it was so wrong, that it couldn't be happening. That it was his own sick brain tricking him, making him believe what he had thought about so many times, as being true. *Yeah, but in my dreams I could see and feel her.*

*Wait... she said morning. That means... She slept here, she was there the whole time. She was asleep, next to me.* His head was spinning. *She loves me, needs me, and is sleeping next to me!* If he could have he would have shook his head. None of it made sense. But he remembered the story she told him.

Maybe it was true. *Yeah right, what's the probability that Max could love a 'screw up' like you? Less than 1 percent.* But it was still a possibility. He tried to reach out to her again, to talk to her, to tell her he was there. But it was like trying to get through a maze that had only four connecting walls.
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Max snuggled into the warm body next to her, and pulled the sheets closer to her, hiding in the comfort for a few more minutes, before her brain registered where she was. She stilled instantly, she had fallen asleep with him. She let a brief moment of guilt wash through her, but then pushed it aside. *No, you can feel guilty and deal with everything later. Once he's back. Now he needs you, and that's all there is too it.* She told herself.

She moved, and opened her eyes looking up at him, her hand moved over his cheek lightly, "Good Morning." She said, then moved her head to lay back on his chest, resting her hand there as well. She knew she had to get up, get him dressed, and fed before she went to work. But she wanted to stay there with him as long as she could.

She sighed lightly, and got out of bed, and went and got out his clothes and sat them down on the corner of the bed. Then she hurried into the bathroom, taking a quick shower, brushed out her hair, and changed. She then went back into his room. "Okay, time for you to get up." She said, and pulled him up into a sitting position.
_________________________________

He listened to the movement in the room, the sounds of doors and drawers. Then it was quiet for a long time. *What the heck is going on? What is she doing?*

"Okay, time for you to get up."

*Yeah, okay Max. Sure. I'll jump on one foot while I'm at it.* But then he heard the air rush by him, recognizing that he had somehow moved, but not on his own. Then he hard the rustle of fabric moving, knowing that something had moved over his head by the sound.

"Hey, which shirt do you want today? Blue or Black?"

*What? Shirt?* He was confused, and then clarity dawned on him. She had removed whatever shirt he had been wearing, and was now putting a new one on him. *She's changing me? Oh, my God. She's changing my clothes?* Then panic started to grip him as he realized what was going on, what was really happening.

*She did get me out, she got me away from White. But now... Now I'm locked in my own head.* He tried to scream out to her, tell her. He tried to open his eyes, to move, but he couldn't. He struggled so hard, but nothing seemed to work. His panic was rising, as he now understood all that was happening. Max was taking care of him, and he was... he was nothing. *I'm nothing. I'm a vegetable. No, no. This can't be happening.*

"Yeah, I like the black too."

He didn't want to listen anymore. He didn't want to listen to her talk to him, like he was listening, but couldn't respond. *I'm a fucking solider! Let me out of here!* He heard the fabric run past him again, knowing that she was pulling the shirt over his head. Then he heard the air move past him again, knowing that she had moved him once again, where he didn't know.

He heard more rustling, then a zipper. "Okay, clean change of underwear and the kaki pants, now let me get your socks."

In that instant, the last little bit of his world crashed around him. She was taking care of him, undressing him, dressing him, more than likely feeding him, his mind stopped. *Bathing me.* He felt like a child, completely helpless. *I have to get out of here.* He thought, and he struggled against the walls and caverns in his mind, but it wasn't working. Another rush of air again, telling him he was moving.

"Time to wake up."

*Ahhhhhh* He screamed in his brain. The light was too bright, it was blinding, so bright. *No, not again. No, it was trick, I should have known.* The laser seared into his eyeballs, the images played across his mind. The blinding light, the pain ripped though his memory, and he tried to push it away. *No, not again, not again.*

It was so bright, it hurt, it hurt his eyes, he didn't want to look at it, he didn't want to see it. He tried to back away from the light, the images starting to focus. He tired to turn and run, the memories of the pain, making him fear what was going to happen next. What they would do to him now.

The white light, started to focus, grays moved around, colors were slowly being added, and his brain became lured into it. Even though part of him was telling him to ignore it, to block it, part of him couldn't. The brightness started to fade, the colors coming into focus, *Max.*
___________________________________
To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 13

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
_________________________________

His brain couldn't believe the image that was before him, it was her. It was really her. Max was standing there in front of him with a small smile on her face. *Max.* His mind said, trying to reach out with his voice, but it was futile. He knew he wouldn't be able to talk to her, how could he control his vocal cords when he could even feel the stuff around him. He tried to look around the room, but his eyes wouldn't move.

Alec could only see what was in his line of sight, and right now that was her. Which right then was more than enough for him, because it meant it was true, what she had said was true. "There we go." She said, as he watched her lips move. "Let's get some breakfast." She said, and he watched her arms move, and pick him up to his feet.

He could see how she was trying to have him walk, and he tried, he tried so hard but he couldn't do it. Heck he couldn't even feel her arms holding him up, let alone the pressure of his feet on the floor. His head was titled to the side, so as they moved, he saw the floor move by slowly, he realized they were in Joshua's house. As the floor changed to tile, he recognized the kitchen, and then somehow his head was moved, and his eyes caught Max again for a brief moment, and then he was facing the television.

He heard footsteps over the floor, and a cupboard being opened. Then louder footsteps came up to him, "Morning."

*Joshua.*  He thought, and then a figure walked past the television, from the height, he knew it had to be him. The television played before his eyes, but he ignored it, as his ears tried to figure out where they were in the room, and what they were doing.

"Max, do you want me to make you some eggs?"

"Nah, I'm almost done with my cereal." He then heard some banging of what he thought must be pots and pans. Then the faucet being turned on, and a spoon clinking in a bowl. Another cupboard opening and shutting, more footsteps, these now moving towards him. "Okay, breakfast." She had said, and his view was changing, and back to her face. "Chocolate." She said holding up some kind of weird glass with some top on it.

*No,* he wanted to close his eyes now. *I don't want to see this.* He thought as he realized she was going to feed him. *This isn't right.* He struggled with the images, wishing that he could just yank the cup thing out of her hand and do it himself. He hated the look on her face, the look of concentration and concern. He hated watching her move a towel to his face, and wipe away what she couldn't get him to swallow. He hated feeling so helpless.

Finally the humiliation was over, and she moved away, turning him back to the tv. He struggled with the thoughts, and saw Joshua move in front of the TV again, probably taking a seat on the other side of the table. "Okay, I'm outta here." He heard her voice, and then her face was there again. "Have a nice day," She said smiling at him, and then leaned in and kissed his cheek. Then she moved quickly, "See ya Big Fella."

"Bye, Little Fella," he heard Joshua respond.

Then he heard the door shut. And he sat there, with his eyes on the television, but he still wasn't paying attention to it. *She kissed me, my cheek, but...* He was in slight shock, *Does she really love me?* He asked himself. Then he thought about everything that she was doing for him. The thoughts disgusted him, yet at the same time, it told him how much she really cared. *Or does she just feel guilty?* He knew how guilted Max got about things, and he wasn't sure what to think about it.

The day went by very slowly for Alec, as the television played. Or Joshua moved him into the living room, reading to him some old book. He didn't really pay attention to either, his mind was too active. He was either trying to figure out what was going on. How long it been going on. If it was real or just a figment of his imagination. That, and he tried too forget the more embarrassing parts of the day. But he knew, that if he ever got out of his mind, he would have to thank Joshua and Max, because what they were doing for him, wasn't entirely pleasant.
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Max came back home, and it was late. Later than usual, "Hey," she said walking into the room, seeing Joshua and Alec sitting on the couch. "I hope you ate dinner already." She said as she dropped her bag and threw herself on the empty cushion next to Alec.

"Yep, I ate, and so did Alec. One can of beef, on can of green beans, and a vanilla shake." He put down his book on the stand, "Why so late?"

"Normal!" She sighed, "Got me two minutes before the end of the freakin shift for a run out to God knows where." She kicked her feet up onto the table, "I grabbed a sandwich on the way back." She leaned over, and rested her head on Alec's shoulder, "So, did I miss anything today?" She asked hopeful.

"Nope, same." Joshua replied, and stood up moving back over to the painting he had been working on earlier. "Don't worry, he'll come out of it. Just takes time."

"I know," she said quietly, "Just wish it was sooner rather than later." She sighed lightly. "Ugh," she said looking at her hands, "What did I get on me? I swear some of those packages have so much dirt on them." She looked at the clock, it was too early to get ready for bed, "Oh, I don't care. I'm taking a shower now, I feel gross." She said standing up.
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"Come on, let's get you cleaned up too." He heard her say as she pulled him to his feet. *Oh boy,* he thought. And soon they were moving back towards the bathroom, and soon he realized they were there, and he must have been sitting on top of the toilet. Her smiling face there again. God, he loved to see that smile, and it was actually a real one. A real one at him, even though it was slightly covered with concern, it was still a smile.

He saw her hands reach out, and then darkness as his shirt was lifted over his head. He was pulled back to his feet, and he looked at her with her head looking down, and he heard the zipper. If he could have swallowed hard, he would have, if his mind would have been connected with his body, he was she sure she would have found something a lot more interesting  then she was going to, when she took off his pants.

Part of him wished he would react to her, even if he couldn't feel it, because it would mean that he was connected mentally in some way, and also it would give her a sign of some type, another part of him was hoping he wouldn't because he felt like he would die of embarrassment. Just another bad situation to add to the day of them. He watched her disappear from his line of sight, then stand back into it with his pants and boxers in her hands, tossing them somewhere. *I'm naked.* He thought, and then the look on her face troubled him. She wasn't looking at him, well at least the look in her eyes wasn't anything sexual at all, it was completely detached.
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She tossed his clothes into the hamper at the other side of the bathroom, and then sat him back down. She turned to the shower, and turned the water on, pulling the curtain around the tub. How many times had she done this now? It had become completely routine, she almost laughed at herself, at the first time she undressed him, and bathed him. Now, it wasn't a big deal anymore. Sure, she still loved looking at him, but she wouldn't let the thoughts run away from her anymore.

She turned back around, and removed her shirt, throwing it into the hamper. "God, I need a shower." She said lifter her arm slightly, sniffing. "Ugh." She said at the smell, "Next time I just tell Normal to go to hell." She started to unbutton her pants, and shimmed them down her legs. She had just found it easier for them to both take a shower at once, because one, the shower was easier than a bath. And two, she got just as drenched washing him, so it saved time. Her hands went to her tank top.
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Alec sat there in shock, watching the show in front of him. When she had removed her shirt, he thought it was just to get it out of the way. When she removed her pants, he thought it was just so they wouldn't get wet. But when she started to remove her tank top, his mind froze. He was torn between feeling bad that she didn't know he could see her, and thanking God that he was there being able to slowly see her baring herself to him.

Why did it always seem that things never worked out the way he wanted them to? He had dreamed about this, how many times? But then it would never have happened. And now, now when he couldn't do anything about it, he couldn't respond to it, it was happening, right before his eyes. If he could have moaned when her breasts came into view he would have, and he would have done so again, when she removed her panties, and flung them over in the corner. His dreams hadn't even imagined her this perfect. Her hands went out to him, and he realized he was standing up again, and she was there next to him, pulling him into the shower. *Oh God.* He thought, screaming to himself how unbelievably unfair the world was to him.
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Max kept one hand on his arm, keeping his balance, as she grabbed the wash cloth, and pushed him back into the spray of the water. She looked up into his eyes, as he stared down at her, and she wished they could see her. *Do I really wish he could see me right now?* She asked herself, remembering how they actually were, and she smiled slightly, a little wickedly. *Yeah, I do.* She thought as she moved the towel over his chest and arms.
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He was trying so hard to find a way out, he wanted to feel her. He wanted to feel her hands moving that washcloth over his body, her fingertips on his skin. He wanted to feel the water pour down over him, wanted to be able to reach out and touch her, to hold her, to crush her to him, to kiss those full lips, to feel her wet naked skin against his. Why was it the most erotic thing that had ever happened to him, was something he couldn't respond too?

Alec watched her move away slightly, and get the shampoo, and her hands move up and over his head. *Oh God,* he thought, *This isn't fair.* He wanted to feel her fingers running though his hair, he wanted to do the same thing to her. God, she looked so beautiful with her hair wet, small droplets of water running down her. He struggled harder, but the walls just wouldn't come down.
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She rinsed out the soap from his hair, and moved him, to lean against the side of the shower, as she quickly washed hers, and put in the conditioner. She then soaped up the cloth again, starting to wash the grime from her own body, her thoughts for a brief moment, thinking about him taking it from her, and returning the favor that she had for him. She sighed slightly, and pushed the thought away.
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*I'm going to die, right here, right now.* He thought, because he was in heaven yet also in absolute hell. There was no way he could turn away, there was no way he could banish the images from his head, he had no choice but to watch her. Watch her wash herself, watch the water cascade over her body, watch her hands move over her own naked flesh. *Now if White had used this form of torture...* He thought sarcastically, and realized with fear, just how close he would have been willing to talk, just to be able to touch her.

But then she was setting down the cloth, rinsing out her hair, and turning off the water. He was being pulled from the tub, and was again sitting on the toilet seat, and Max was soon back in front of him with a towel wrapped around her, and one in her hands. He mentally sighed, partially glad it was over, and partially upset as well. Then he cursed again, as he realized that she was using the towel to dry him off, and he couldn't do the same to her.

He was back on his feet, and he believed from her movements, that she had wrapped the towel around his waist, and then they were moving out of the door again, and back into what he assumed was his bedroom. When his eyes got more of the area, it confirmed his thoughts.
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Max got him changed and laying back in bed, "I know, i know, it's too early to go to sleep, but I really don't know what else to do. Besides, it's been such a long day already. Well, at least for me." She said moving into bed next to him, pulling the sheet up over them. She laid her head on his shoulder, and looked up at him, her hand came to rest at the side of his face, and titled it slightly down to look at her.

She smiled up into his eyes, "So was there anything good on TV today?" She asked, "Probably not. I know Joshua started a new book today, hope you liked it. I know he really likes reading to you." She said, her fingertips lightly playing over his face, feeling his soft skin.
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He watched her trail her finger tips over his face and eyes, and listened to her talk to him. *Oh Max,* he thought, *I wish I could respond. I wish I could answer your questions. I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hold you.* He tried to chip away at the walls in his mind, trying to break through, bit by bit, but it was like using a sculptors chisel to tear down Mt. Everest.

He heard her sigh, as she closed her eyes, "Just come back to me, Alec."

*I'm trying Max, I'm trying.*
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 14

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: I know I'm taking this slow... but what would you rather have? A short fan fiction that tells the story really fast, or one with lots of chapters that explores a lot more? ;) Besides as much as I love torturing Alec, I love torturing myself and the readers even more ;) Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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A week had passed for Alec, a whole week of finally understanding that he was safe, away from White, away from the pain and torture. But a whole week of being able to see and hear everything around him and not be able to do a thing about it. As each day went by, the more and more frustrated he got by it. The more and more he realized how wonderful his friends were to him, and he couldn't even tell them, he couldn't thank them.

He struggled so many times, just to talk, to move his eyes, to feel. To feel something. All those nights, he knew that Max was asleep next to him, and he couldn't touch her, couldn't feel her, couldn't hold her, drove him crazy. The pain he saw in her eyes when she would look at him, beg him to say something, to do something, anything, hurt him to no end.

The days would move by even slower for him. When Max would leave he would be sat in front of the TV, or Joshua would read to him, or play some music on the stereo. Which basically left him to his thoughts for most of the day, and struggling against his own mind.

He came to the realization that the time he had first heard the music, it was in fact Max moving his hands over the piano, and not White trying to torture him. That became clear when she took him back to the basement earlier in the week, doing the same thing, but being very careful not to bang out any loud notes.

That knowledge made him think about all the other things he had heard, and he couldn't help but wonder if they were true as well. What was real, what wasn't. He really wasn't sure. He remembered snippets of things here and there, sounds and voices. Some where the people interrogating him, others he had never heard before, and then there was Max. He remembered her voice, that first time he had heard her in his head.

It was her voice, but there was something different about it, something he couldn't quite place, something in it that he had never heard before. And that was part of the reason, he wasn't sure if it had really been her or not. The other reason was when he heard it, he didn't believe that she could love him, and she had said that to him. But now, now he knew that she did. He could see it in the way she looked at him, what she was doing for him.

He could remember her saying she needed him, which she had been saying lately as well. *But the way she said it.* He tried to recall how the words sounded, but his mind was still sort of foggy about it all. She had said that she was sorry. *Sorry for what?* He just assumed she blamed herself for what happened to him, even though it was his own choice, he had made this choice. Even though he had thought they would just kill him, and not torture him for information, he had chose to save her.

But the one thing, the one thing he remembered, and he couldn't understand was her saying his name, *No, she screamed out my name.* It didn't make sense to him, for so many reasons. That's why he believed it was his imagination, *I mean, there's no way that sex between Max and I could happen. Right?* It just wasn't possible, if he couldn't react to her, when she showered with him, he certainly wouldn't be able to when he had no idea what was going on.

His mind thought about it, more and more. *And it was only once, nothing like that has happened since. So, it doesn't make sense.* And besides he knew Max wouldn't do that, *Heck how long was her and Logan together, and they never did anything.* It added weight to his belief that everything he had heard wasn't real. Some of it was, and some of it wasn't. *Maybe part of my mind was dreaming.*

Alec was brought out of his thoughts when he heard the front door open, if he could have smiled, he would have. That meant she was home from work, which meant he wouldn't have to stare at the damn TV anymore. He knew that once he got to normal, he was going to stay away from the damn TV, *If I get back to normal,* he thought with an internal sigh.

"Honey I'm home." She called out, and he would have laughed at the sound of her voice, completely sarcastic. *Well, at least she seems like she's in a good mood.*
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Max walked into the Living room, dropping her bag at the floor by the coffee table like she always did, and walked over and turned the TV off. "Enough for the day." She looked around the room. "Joshua?!" She called out, surprised he wasn't there painting or reading, or even watching the TV.

"In here Little Fella," came his voice from the kitchen. Then she understood, her senses actually now picking up the smell.

"Mmm, smells great, whattcha cooking?" She asked leaning around his shoulder looking into the pan.

"Chicken Fried Rice, found recipe in book you gave me." He said stirring the pan.

She smiled, she had bought him a cookbook, to get him to cook something besides Mac and Cheese, and now he was trying out all kinds of recipes. It surprised her how good he was at it too, "I'll set the table." She said, setting out two plates, and sighed slightly, wishing it was three. But, Alec wouldn't be eating what they did, as usual. She then went back into the living room, and brought him into the kitchen. While, he couldn't eat what they did, didn't mean he wasn't going to enjoy dinner with them.

Her and Joshua talked their way through dinner, telling each other what they did for the day. "So what are you doing tonight?" Josh asked.

She smiled, "Not sure, last night Cindy and Sketchy dragged me out to Crash, they wanted me to go again tonight, but..."

"Max... you should go out with your friends. No need to stay cooped up here."
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Alec saw the look on her face, she didn't want to go because of him, he knew she felt guilty going to have fun and him being there. And while he hated the idea of being left alone, and bored all night, he hated it even more that she wasn't having fun. That she wasn't enjoying herself.

"No, I'm not cooped up here. I've got the two of you. Besides, I don't feel like the loud music."

He could tell that she was just telling herself that, and felt bad. He wanted to tell her to go have fun, and beat Sketchy at pool for him, and he tried, but as always it didn't work.

"How about the three of us watch a Movie? I'll go get one." She said, and stood up from the table. He mentally sighed. *When I get out of here, I'm taking her out, every night.* He told himself.
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Max turned off the credits of the movie, and yawned, and looked over, smiling, seeing Joshua laying back, his mouth open, a snore coming every so often. She reached over Alec, and pulled on Joshua's arm, "Joshua... Joshua, wake up." He stirred, and she pulled on his arm again, and his eyes finally opened. "Go to bed."

He stood up, "Good night little and medium fella's." He said and walked out of the room.

"Night Josh." Max said, and turned back to Alec next to her, yawning as she looked up at him. "Okay, it's late. Time for bed." She said standing, then pulling him to his feet. She started to move out of the room with him, and stumbled slightly, and laughed. "Sorry, I must be more tired then I thought." She said, as she started to move them again.
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He saw the floor move by, and laughed in his head slightly when she stumbled. He so wanted to comment about it, but alas, it wasn't possible. He saw the wall getting closer to him, *Max...* He thought, as it moved closer. *Max... stay awake.* His vision was starting to shake as he realized she was wobbling again. And then came the wall right at him.

*OWWWWW* He screamed in his head, *Damn Max... that hurt!* He thought, and then his find froze. He had felt it.

"Alec, I'm sorry." He heard her say, her face came into sight as she looked down at him. "I'm sorry." Then he was pulled back to his feet, and being pulled into the bedroom. He tried to feel her hands on him, but he didn't. He realized he was sitting on the bed, and he tried to feel it, but it didn't seem to be working. He watched her move away from him, and heard drawers being opened. He tried to focus, tried to turn off the sight and sounds he was experiencing, so he could concentrate on feeling.

God, hitting that wall had hurt, but he was glad it did. It might have been pain, but at least he had felt something. He concentrated hard, but now it was hard to shut off his other senses. He watched Max come back over, and he knew she was changing him for bed. He tried again, letting his whole mind try and reach out. And then he noticed it, it was so feather light, it was barely noticeable. Very light touches at his side, and then he could sort of feel the fabric against him, moving, but it was so light, it was taking all his concentration to feel it.

*Geez, if I can barely feel this, how hard did she ram me into the wall?* He thought for a second, and then cursed himself, because he had lost his focus. He started again, trying to use his sense of touch to figure out what was going on, and not everything else. Slowly, he could feel the new T-shirt slip over his head, he concentrated harder, and then he felt it. He felt her fingertips at his chest, smoothing out the shirt. He almost wanted to cry, that simple touch, gave him so much comfort.

He felt her push him back onto the bed, and he wanted to smile, as he felt the soft mattress behind him, and then he felt the material move over his legs, felt the cold air hit his naked skin. *God, it's cold in here.* He thought for a second, and then cursed again, worried he'd have to start all over again. But stopped, when he realized the feeling didn't go away, in fact it was becoming more real.

Alec felt more fabric move over him, and realized he was dressed for bed, and Max was pulling him back up on the bed. His head moved back onto the pillow, and he mentally sighed, at how wonderful it felt. He was thrilled, excited, so happy, he wanted to jump up and down and scream, he was so happy. He heard her leave the room, and he concentrated harder, feeling the sheet over him, the bed under him, the soft breeze from what he thought was an open window.

Then he heard her come back into the room, his heart leaping, as he felt her get under the sheets, and curl up next to his side, he felt her pick up his arm and wrap it around her. Felt her, saw her move to look at him. "Good Night." She said, and leaned in. He saw her come towards him, then he felt her lips on his cheek. He smiled in his head at the touch, and then felt her lay her head on his chest, and then her hand rested there as well. And he was in heaven, pure heaven, for even if she didn't know it, didn't understand it, that night, he truly did hold her in his arms.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 15

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: I know I'm taking this slow... but what would you rather have? A short fan fiction that tells the story really fast, or one with lots of chapters that explores a lot more? ;) Besides as much as I love torturing Alec, I love torturing myself and the readers even more ;) Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Alec's mind slowly woke up to the feel of Max moving beside him, and he would have smiled if he could have, but internally he was. From the small sounds she was making, and small movements, he could tell she was slowly waking up next to him. Her body moving closer to him, her face trying to hide into his shoulder, her leg moving more over his, trying to pull him closer. *God, I could wake up like this every morning.* He thought, as she continued to stir next to him.
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Max didn't want to wake up, she just wanted to lay there, lay there next to his warm body, and pretend that everything was fine. That he was just sleeping peacefully, and that later, they would just both wake up, and he would smile at her. If she didn't open her eyes, if she stayed partially asleep, it could still happen.

She shook her head slightly, knowing that it wasn't going to work, but she still didn't want to get out of bed. She slowly opened her eyes, stretching slightly, then smiled remembering it was Saturday, and settled back against him. "So glad I don't have to go into work today." She nuzzled her face against his T-shirt, "Let's just stay in bed all day." But her mind told her that it wasn't a good idea.

She moved, and looked up at him, her fingertips came out and lightly trailed over his face. "But I know it's not good for you to lay here all day." She watched her fingers move over his cheekbones, and down his neck, then trace the collar of his shirt. She then moved her hand back up, opening his eyes to the sunlight of the room. She smiled down at him, "Morning."
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His eyes adjusted to the light, and he saw her smiling down at him. *Morning Max,* He responded in his head. He wanted to tell her, that they could spend all day in bed if she wanted to, that he didn't mind. He didn't mind the feeling of her next to him, over him, touching him, caressing his face, in fact he loved it.

He watched her face trying to figure out what to do, she looked so cute, he wanted to just lean up and kiss her right between her eyes, where her brow was slightly creased in thought. Then she moved out of his sight to his side again, then her hands were   moving under him, and he was rolling to his side.

"How about we just lay here and talk for awhile?" She said and smiled.

*Sounds fine with me,* He thought looking into her brown eyes, loving the feel of her arms around him, and her forehead resting against his. He watched her trying to figure out what to talk about, and then her hand move back over to his face. He would have closed his eyes to just feel it, savor the soft skin of her fingers moving over his face. He never realized before how wonderful that simple touch could feel.

But the happiness he was feeling was starting to fade as he watched the expression on her face, her lip was slightly trembling, and her eyes were getting wet. *Max, no... no, please, I can't bare it. Please, please don't cry.*
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She struggled with her thoughts, as she looked at him. Everyday it was the same thing, and it killed her not knowing, not knowing what he could or couldn't hear. What was going on in his mind? Was he making any progress at all? She tried to shake the feelings, and shook her head slightly, "No, I'm not going to do this." She said trying to rein in her emotions, and forced herself to smile at him.

"What to talk about?" She asked him, and sighed lightly. She struggled for a topic, she had told him so much already. She had told him about escaping from manticore as child, she told him about her life until he met her, she told him what she had done while he was captured. Only thing was, she didn't know if he could hear her or not.

"You know, this would be a heck of a lot easier if you came up with something to talk about, instead of me doing it all the time." She said to him, and poking him in the shoulder slightly to make her point. "What? Not going to respond to that?" She asked, challenging him, trying to get something out of him.

Her eyes started to water again, "I used to hate all those cocky comebacks you would give. At least I thought I did. But I want to hear them again. God, Alec, I want to be able to argue with you again. You were the only one that wouldn't let me get away with anything. You would challenge me, and I said I hated it. But I loved it, I loved every second of it. And I miss it. I miss you. I need you."

One tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away. "Ugh, stop it." She told herself again, closing her eyes, "Don't do this." But she couldn't help it, she could feel the emotions starting to rise in her again, feel them starting to consume her. "Oh, Alec." She said, burying her face into his shoulder, her mouth at his ear, her breath against his neck.

"For so long I thought I didn't need or want anyone, that I would be okay alone. That I could do everything alone, preferred it that way. And I can't, I've realized I can't. I've depended on you too much without realizing it, I can't go back to being alone again. I can't." More tears slipped down her cheeks and onto his shirt.

She pulled away looking into his eyes again, and then rolled him back onto his back, she leaned over him, her hand moving to the side of his face. "Please, I need to know, I need to know if you can hear me, or see me. I need to know that you understand that you are safe. That you are in there somewhere, trying to get out." More tears slipped down her face.
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Her words were killing him, breaking his heart. *Max, I'm here. I'm here.* He wanted to tell her, he tried so hard, but the words wouldn't form. He tried to move his hands, his arms, his eyes, he tried to blink on his own, but he just couldn't do it. He tried with all his might, but it just tired him out. He didn't know why he couldn't break through the mental barrier.

Alec wanted to be able to let her know that he was there, that she wasn't alone. Her tears dropped onto this shirt, and it killed him, his heart was breaking at the amount of pain that she was going through, all because of him. He wanted to pull her to him, and hold her, telling her everything would be okay.

"Please..." She cried, "Please, something, anything Alec." Her head moved down, and he felt her face against his chest, her arms moving around him, hugging him, sobbing into his chest.

He was powerless to communicate with her, powerless to move. He struggled against the walls, he had to tell her, had to give her some hope. *Don't give up on me Max, please. I'm trying.*

Alec struggled harder, he tried to focus on just one thing, to just move his fingers, the ones in the hand that she was holding to her, like a lifeline. He tried closing off his other senses, just to focus on this fingers, even just one. If he could just move it, just even a little, and have her feel it.

*Please.. oh please.* He thought, his mind screaming, trying to move past the barriers that he had built up. But did he make the walls to sturdy for even him to break out of? Her sobs kept him trying, the feeling of her tears soaking through his shirt, made him try even harder.

His mind hurt, it felt like it was going to explode, and he gave in. It was too hard, he was exhausted, his heart was breaking again. *Oh Max, I can't. I can't, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.* He thought, his emotions getting the better of him, knowing that he was failing her, and he could do anything about it.
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Max tried to stop, she shouldn't be doing this, she shouldn't be crying like this in front of him. But she couldn't help herself, she was laying in bed with the man that she loved, but she felt completely alone. Everyday that went by she felt more alone, and it was killing her inside. She moved her head, and looked at her hand holding his tightly. How she wished he would squeeze it back. She prayed it would happen, but as always nothing did.

She shook her head again, trying to stop crying, and she pulled away slightly. Trying to bring her emotions back under control, she moved his hand back to the bed, and wiped her tears away, and then looked down at him. What she saw made her stop breathing, her hand moving slowly, shaking to his face. Her fingertips moved over his wet cheeks. She looked down into his eyes, seeing them wet, and watched as another tear rolled down his cheek.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 16

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Okay, One, Tech. ALEC is AWAKE... he just can't move or talk. Two, there is still a LOT of story to go. Three, as for Max, yeah she is different in my story than on the show... but a lot of things have changed in her life, and she came to a few truths that she hasn't faced on the show so far. Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Max starred at him with her fingertips resting on the moisture on his face for a moment, unable to move. For a brief second her brain tried to rationalize it as some other pure physical response, but it couldn't, because there was no reason for it. The only possible reasons for the tears was that he had heard her. She knew he could hear things, such as the music, but this was different. *He heard... ME. Not just sounds, he heard me, and understood me. He knew what I was saying.*

Her hand moved to wipe away the tears, and she leaned over looking into his unmoving eyes. She wasn't sure if he could see here or not, but she was sure he could hear her. "Alec?" She said almost to quite, "Oh, God, I know you can hear me." Her voice was shaking slightly. "I know you can understand what I said." She swallowed hard, "Could hear me crying."

She smiled down at him, "I don't know if you can see me, but that's okay. Because at least I know, I know you are in there." A tear of happiness slipped down her face. "I know you are trying to get out of there." Her heart was bursting with the happiness that she felt, she was shaking from it.

Max was about ready to scream for Joshua to come in, to see the good news, but stopped herself suddenly, looking down at him. *No, Alec wouldn't want Joshua or anyone to see him crying. He's probably having a big enough problem having me see it.* Besides, even though she felt sort of guilty for it, this was her moment and she didn't want to share it.

Her hand came to the side of his face, and touched it softly, her mind wondering if her could feel it. Then she realized, she had to talk. Because that was the one thing she knew he could do, listen to her.
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At first he didn't understand the look on her face, he didn't understand her smile. He had been trying so hard to move, to communicate with her, and so disgusted with himself when he couldn't, that he hadn't felt the tears starting to run down his face. But when her fingertips touched his skin he felt them. For a brief instant, his male pride kicked himself for doing such a thing. But then, he didn't care, because he realized that in some weird way he had accomplished what he wanted, he had given her a sign, a sign that he was there. He hadn't failed her after all.

He listened to her words, she knew, she really knew that he could hear her. He didn't know how to tell her that he could see and feel her as well, but right then it didn't matter. Because at least she knew that she was communicating with him, that he was there. And now, hopefully she wouldn't give up on him.

Alec felt her hand rest against his face, and then her move and rest her head back on his chest, her mouth at his ear. He could feel her breath slightly at his neck, her arms moving to hold him again, and then she started talking again, her tone serious.
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"Thank you." She said, and she meant it, she needed that little bit more than he could ever know. She debated in her mind what she should say. What had he heard her say from before? What did the tears actually mean? Was it tears of frustration just not being able to communicate? Or were the tears more? Were the tears because she was crying?

Now that she knew he could hear her, it was interesting that it brought up a whole new set of problems for her. Because she had no idea what he was thinking now. Was he agreeing with her? Was he disagreeing with her? *Oh God,* She thought, *Does he know what I did?* She pushed the thought out of her mind, they would deal with that when he could talk back to her.

*Should I still tell him that I love him?* She sighed, *What if he doesn't love me back, like Cindy warned me about?* She sighed lightly, remember that he was laying there, waiting for her to say something out loud and not just in her own head. *Well, I've been telling him, and I don't know how longs he's been hearing me, so I might as well continue.*
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He felt her move closer against him, and then she started to talk again. "Now that I know you can hear me, and I don't know how long you have been able too. I should warn you, I might start repeating myself." She gave a soft laugh.

Alec laughed slightly in his head as well, and he realized he wouldn't mind, not at all. Especially the words that came from her mouth next.

"I love you. That's right, I love you, Alec."

His heart smiled at her words. Yes, he had heard her before, but then she wasn't sure if he could really hear her. But know that she knew, it meant so much more, it meant she really meant it, wanted him to know. *I love you too, Max.* He thought.

Another soft laugh came from her, "I know how strange that must sound coming from me. From the way I treated you before all this happened, but it's the truth. I realized it after you saved me from White." He heard her sigh. "And before you get all questioning, or whatever. No, I don't love you because you saved me, or that you did again by not telling him where I was. I loved you before that, I just hadn't realized it yet. But what you did, and the reality of losing you, that did open my eyes too it."

*Oh thank God,* He thought at her words, because she had been right, part of him had been thinking that very thing. But he believed her, he could hear the conviction in her words.

He heard a soft sigh from her, and then her voice seemed slightly off. "But I want you to understand, that just because I love you... just because I do... it doesn't mean that...."

She stopped and Alec's mind raced. *Doesn't mean what?* He asked himself confused. Millions of bad thoughts went through his head, *She loves me, but? But what?* Then he mentally cringed. *Logan, she still loves him, she's IN love with him, and not me. She doesn't mean love the way I thought she did.* His heart started to break, and then her voice started again, catching slightly.

"But that doesn't mean... that you have too. I don't want you to feel like you have too or need to love me back. I don't want you thinking because I'm taking care of you, that you should have to feel like that about me."

His mind raced at her words, *What?* He was momentarily stunned, his thoughts doing a complete one hundred and eighty degree turn.

"Heck, I'd understand if you still thought I was a bitch, because.... I was a huge one too you. I'm sure that's not just something that can change overnight. I mean... I've done some pretty horrible things to you..."

Alec heard her words trail off, and he mentally cringed. Here he thought she was going to tell him that she loved him like a friend that she depended on but was still in love with Logan. But instead she was tell him that she didn't want him to feel obligated to love her for taking care of him so completely unselfishly, or because she loved him. She had no idea that he was already in love with her before, and that like her he hadn't exactly known, not until that exact second when he made the decision to throw her over that fence.

Here she was worried that because of the way she had acted with him before he would hold it against her. But in fact what she didn't realize was that he loved her because of it. Sure they had fought, and she had called him every name under the sun, but there was more. He loved her spirit, her energy. He loved that she fought with him, seeing the passion behind her eyes, and because of the way she had treated him, he had grown into a better person, and he knew it was because of her. Before it just frustrated him that she wasn't able to see the changes in him, but now....

"Anyway, what I'm saying is... just get used to me saying it, okay. But don't feel like you need to when you finally are able to get those words out okay? Because I'll be happy for asshole remarks." He could feel another small laugh come out of her on that.

He wanted nothing more to just hold her to him, and tell her she didn't have to worry. Because he did love her, and it wasn't for the reasons she was worried about. He sighed, but tried to tell himself, that someday, hopefully soon he would be able to tell her just that.

"I know it's going to take time. I'm okay with that, as long as I know you're in there, I'll wait forever." Her words echoed in his head, and he hoped that she wouldn't have to wait nearly that long.
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She moved closer to him, and continued. "I hope you don't mind me being here." And then she realized, that he might not know. "Okay, well, since I don't know what all you know, I should tell you. You are here at Joshua's, in your old bedroom. And... well..." She felt slightly embarrassed, "I've been sleeping with you basically every night since I brought you here."

Her mind went though everything that had happened since then, she decided to avoid the little Heat incident. Max's head then realized all the other little things. She swallowed hard, trying to figure out how to approach the topic. "Well, I guess you would love to know that I've seen you naked." She laughed slightly, wondering if he would get a kick out of that or not. She decided to give him a little something, "And I must say... you were right."
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Alec wanted to laugh at her words, he was so happy that she was now joking with him. He couldn't believe that she had spent the night with him since that first night, but he was happy about it. His mental grin got bigger at her admitting to seeing him naked. *Did she actually say, I was right?*

"Okay, fine... I can already hear your comments. But I don't care, I'll admit it. You're hot. There I said it, you can have a good laugh with it."

He did laugh, but not why she thought he was. It just felt good to know that she actually felt that way, for more than one reason. It was because he then knew she really did think of him that way. But mostly, it was because since he had been able to see her, and know that she was really seeing him like that, her face hadn't given him any idea that she thought that at all. Especially with all the embarrassing things that she had to do for him, the fact that she still found him 'Hot,' helped immensely.
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Max then realized there was a possibility that he could actually see her, and she blushed. "Oh, and by the way. Since I don't know if you can see or not..." Then she stopped. "Maybe I shouldn't tell you. Because if you can't then I may just be torturing you with the information." She laughed slightly, "I mean, since you always kept wanting me to 'get naked'." She laughed at how many times he had said that.

She decided that it was okay to give him that form of torture, because if he couldn't see her, it might make him try harder. "Well... when I give you a shower... yeah.. a shower." She said in a slight teasing tone, smiling, knowing how much she would love to have this conversation with him, she could just hear what he was thinking. "I take one with you, naked." Her smile grew, "Or did you know that already, cause you can see me?"
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Her words were making him smile mentally, it was so nice to be able to hear her like this. Teasing and happy, but also something else. Something that she had never done before, she was teasing him sexually, something Max never did. He would usually always bring up that topic of conversation, and she would always shove it down his throat.

*Oh Max, trust me, I can see you, and it kills me each time.* He thought as the images of her naked, wet, body were perfectly etched into his mind. But her next words caught him off guard.

"If you can see me... I don't mind, I don't mind at all." His mind mentally shuddered at those words, not just because it helped to relieve the slight guilt he had about that, but also because her voice was slightly... lustful. At first he thought he had never heard that tone from her before, but then his head recalled her voice from memory.

Those times before, when she said she loved him, needed him, and was sorry. Her voice sounded like that, just like it did a moment ago, but even more so. *Much more so.* He thought. His brain remembering his name being screamed, and he wondered if that had really left her lips or if it was still just his imagination. But, the thoughts just didn't make sense, because he didn't understand how it was possible. But his thoughts were cut off, as she began to speak again.

"Which reminds me." She said, and then he saw her move and look back down at him. The look in her eyes had him slightly worried, because that tinge of teasing lust in her voice before was now reflected in her eyes. "I was too tired last night for a shower, so we should take one this morning."

The grin that was on her face made him mentally groan, *Oh God, this is not good.*
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Max's grin widened, she was so happy, and she stood up, pulling him to his feet as well. A brief thought came to her, that she wasn't being nice, that she was teasing him, playing with him, but she pushed it aside. *No, it will just give him more motivation to come back, either way. If he likes what I'm doing or if he doesn't.* She thought, and started to walk with him towards the bathroom.

Once there, she again sat him back down on top of toilet seat. She turned on the water, and locked the door, then decided to tell him what she was doing. "Okay, first your shirt." She said taking it off.
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*Oh, no Max. You aren't playing fair at all.* He thought, it was bad enough when she didn't know that he could understand what was happening, but now that she knew... and she was doing it anyway, AND that she was showing off, did not help matters. *This is just... unfair.* He thought as his shirt came off him, and he could hear it being thrown in the corner. Soon he was sitting there naked, as she had explained everything that she had done, all the way down to removing his boxers.

But he wasn't prepared what she was going to do next. "Okay, now me." His mind spun, *Oh, God... no. Please... no.* He saw the teasing look on her face, and realized it was going to happen, he was going to get the best show of his life, and it was also going to be told to him as well.

She stood right in front of him, moved his head slightly, "Just in case you can see me," She said with a slight wink. *Oh, she is NOT playing fair at all.*

He watched her hands move to her shirt, "Okay, I'm taking off my shirt." She said and then threw it with the other clothes. "Well.. since I have nothing else on up top..." She said with a slight laugh, and his mind groaned, as it always did at the sight. "I guess I'll move onto the only other article of clothing I'm wearing, a pair of your boxer shorts." She said as she leaned over and slowly lowered them down her hips and legs. The way she moved, he could tell she was trying to tease him, and when the fabric was out of sight, she moved in front of him, then pulled him to his feet. "Well, if you can see me, I guess we're even." She said with a smile.

Alec felt her arm move around him, and pull him into the shower. The warm, hot water moving over his skin felt amazing, he had forgotten how wonderful it felt. But then he saw Max pick up the towel, *Oh, no.* Before he had only saw what she was doing, but now... now he was going to be able to feel it. Her hands came to his chest, and started to clean him again, like she used to.

"I'm washing your chest with soap and washcloth," he knew that, but the words just added to the feelings running through him, as he felt her hands and the cloth move over his wet bare skin. Watched her hair get wet from the water, the drops moving down her body.

Her eyes never left the area that she was washing, he noticed, seeing her intent on the task. His mind felt like it was going into sensory overload. The sound of her voice, the images of her, the feel of her hands, the feel of the hot water, it was intense, and *Fucking irritating!* He mentally screamed, because all he wanted to do was push her up against the shower wall and plunge himself inside of her, feel her around him, as the water sprayed down onto their bodies.

He could feel her hands reach around him, to wash his back, and her bare breasts brushed up against his chest, her thigh moved against his, and he was mentally gasping for air. But then he was instantly brought back to reality by a small gasp from her. Her eyes got wide, and for a minute he was wondering why, until her body pressed more firmly against him, and his mind groaned, as pleasure shot through his system. Then he felt her hand move from his back, down his front, and then wrap around him, and his whole body jerked in response.
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Max was in a state of shock, as her hand held his hard, stiff, erection, and she felt his body shudder against her slightly when she had squeezed him slightly. Her heart rate was going a mile a minute, and she wasn't sure what to do. Part of her told her it was a physical reaction, the other part of her told her that he was really turned on, and wanted her. She looked up into his eyes, "Alec... I'm ... not sure what to do." She told him honestly.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!  Don't you just hate me ;)

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 17

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Max didn't know what to do, she was completely torn, and her mind was being bombarded with tons of thoughts and questions, while her body was still pressed against his, and her fingers were intimately wrapped around his hard shaft. She looked into his eyes, hoping to somehow be able to read his thoughts. What exactly did this mean?

She knew he could hear her, and she knew that she had been teasing him by what she had been saying, but she doubted that those words and his own thoughts alone would do this to Alec. He wasn't just some hormone crazed little boy. And she had felt his body jerk in response to her hand, which meant he could feel her. Would hearing her and feeling her be enough? If he was just turned on from those things, then... that was one thing, and she should stop right now. *Because if that's the case, he's probably embarrassed by it.* And she still had no idea if he could see her or not, but if he could, it would even add more to the possibility.

Her mind then shifted gears quickly, *But what if it's more than that? What if it's more than him just being turned on, what if he really does want me? Even if he's not in love with me, he might still want me.* Her mind thought of all the times he made comments about her, joked about getting in her pants, and being with her. *Was he joking or was he serious?*

*No, the only question is what he wants right now. Does he want me, this, now?* She continued looking in his eyes, trying to find the answer to her question. *But, should I, even if he does?*

Her mind flashed back to her Heat, and she mentally winced. *Did he know? And would this be using him again?* All these thoughts rumbled around in her head, in a brief few seconds. Her other hand moved to the side of his face. "Alec, I need some clue from you to know how to proceed." She told him, hoping that he could.
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His brain could barely hear her as he realized exactly what happened, and she was making it more difficult to comprehend what she was saying as she was grasping him in her hand, shoot waves of bliss though his body. His mind slowly processed the words, and his eyes looked at her questioning face. She was worried that he didn't really want her, but that he was just reacting to her touch. *Oh God Max, I want you. I just...*

Part of him wanted her to do something, and soon, because she was driving him nuts. But another part of him was reluctant, because he wasn't exactly in the state where he could really do anything, it would again be her giving to him, and he wasn't really comfortable with that idea. But when she lightly squeezed him again, most of those thoughts flew out of his brain.

"I don't want to do something you really don't want, or we'll regret later." He heard her say the words, and felt her hand on his face. "I want you, but I ... I want to make sure you really want this too."

*Oh god, she wants me.* His brain was doing flips, *I want you too, Max. I want this, more than you could know.* But he had no idea how to tell her that.
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As she looked up at him, she knew he wasn't able to answer her, and she was going to have to make a decision for both of them, and soon, because it was torture on both of them to just sit here waiting. She tried to rationally analyze the situation, even though it was getting difficult to do so. Her heart rate was up, her breathing was slightly off, and her body was already starting to tingle with desire that was being wrapped around her, feeling him against her.

The more she thought about it, the more she wanted it, the more that she need it. And her brain was beginning to tell her that it was a good idea, it was rationalizing why it was a good idea, trying to outweigh any bad things that there could be. It told her it would help him, it was good therapy. It told her that he did want it, evidence of that was pulsing in her hand. It told her that now that he could feel it, she could sort of make up 'before' to him. It told her to damn the consequences and just go for it.
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When her hand left him, and then he felt them at his shoulders, and her pulling away, the mental breath he had been holding was let out in a sigh. She was stopping it, he didn't blame her, but he had to admit that he was extremely disappointed, and frustrated.  *Extremely frustrated.*

But she surprised him, as he felt himself being lowered into the tub, *What the?* He thought for a minute, as he felt her settle him down, and leaned him back against the tub. Then he watched her put the plug in the drain, and switch the water to flow into the tub and turn the shower off. He mentally swallowed as he realized just what was on her mind, and what was going to happen, because he was sure, he wasn't just going to be getting a bath.

Alec watched her move back over to him, facing him, as she settled over him, her legs straddling him. She leaned forward, pressing her chest against him, and his brain gasped feeling his hard length pressed between their two bodies. Her hands came to the sides of his face, and his eyes looked into hers, seeing the desire and passion in them.

"I hope I'm doing the right thing. If I'm not, I hope you can forgive me."

He wanted to be able to tell her, he could forgive her of anything at that moment. Her arms moved around him, and her body moved against his, causing his mind to groan again at the feeling. Her fingers moved their way into the hair at the back of his neck, over his bar code. And then her lips moved to his, and she was kissing him. Soft at first, gentle, and then she was increasing the pressure.

It killed him not to be able to kiss her back, pull her head closer to his mouth with his hands in her hair, to move his lips against hers. But the feeling was still indescribable. Her soft lips trailing over his. Then her tongue found it's way in, and he was swimming in her taste, and his senses intensified. As he realized that another one of his senses was starting to work, but that thought faded into his memory, as she moved against him one more time, and his ears heard her groan against him.

*Oh, God Max.* He thought, *Don't ever stop kissing me.* His mind reeling from the taste and feel, the passion he felt from it. Only wishing he could respond more too it. But then, she stopped, and he wanted to protest until he felt her lips start to trail down his cheek, and his neck.

Her mouth was kissing, and licking at his skin. She left a tail up to his ear, slightly bit at his ear lobe, and her seductive voice rang in his ear.
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"Alec, I want you." She said, and then she felt it, a small shudder pass though him. Her heart leapt, and she pulled him tighter against her, grinding her hips at him, making herself moan slightly from the feel of him against her hip. She moved her one hand down his chest, and moved between them, her fingers moving around him again, she moved her hand over him a few times, watching his body react to it. The movements were small, but they were there.

Max felt the want and need move through her, washing over her, more and more as she touched him, felt him, and then she couldn't take it anymore. She moved slightly away from him, then moved over him.
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Alec felt her hand moving, and then watched her move. *Oh God,* He thought, knowing what was going to happen, and then he felt it. He felt the tip of himself brush against her. He felt her hot, wetness graze against him, and his body jerked slightly up at her. Then he felt her lower herself down over him, and his mind almost shut down at the feeling, she was taking her sweet time, and his mind was swimming. She was hot, and tight around him and his hips jerked again slightly as he felt himself move into her fully. *Oh, Max.*

His eyes watched her head fall back, eyes closed, mouth slightly open, and he couldn't imagine a more beautiful sight, or a more wonderful sound than the moan that came from those lips. She then moved forward, picking up his hands, and moving them to rest on her hips. Then her hands moved back up to his shoulders, and she gripped them for support.

He thought he was in heaven, until she started to move her hips, and then he realized what true heaven was. With each movement he was mentally gasping for breath. He felt her move over him, long, slow deliberate movement, that he was sure she was doing to drive him crazy. She was staring him in the eyes, her eyes shutting and a moan coming from her mouth when she moved back down on him.

Part of his mind could not believe that this was happening, but the thought evaporated as she started to move faster on top of him. Her body moving up and down, up and down, sending blinding waves ot hot pleasure through his body at every drop. His hips involuntarily jerking up at her slightly, trying to stay with her.
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She felt his body responding to her, and it kept her going. The feeling of him inside of her, filling her, was pushing her on as well. She moved faster, as she could feel the build up growing inside her, her body becoming tense. "Oh, God," He mouth let out, as she moved quicker, harder against him. She moved closer to him, her arms moving around him, bringing his upper body against hers. Her breasts pressing up against his chest. Her mouth came down to his, kissing him again, her tongue moving into his mouth.
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He could feel her hard nipples crushed against his chest, her lips attacking his, her heated core engulfing him, and he was swimming, his body was tensing, he was trying to hold back. His newly recovered senses were in overload, at the intensity of the pleasure that she was pushing his body through.

*Oh God.* His his mind kept saying, over and over, as she kept moving, hearing her whimpers and moans, as she moved. He was trying to hold back, and then he felt it, he felt her muscles grip him, hard. And he let go, his hips again jerking up at her, and he was falling, falling over the edge, his body exploding inside of her, and his brain barely registered her scream.

"ALECCCCC!"

His mind flashed in memory at the scream, and then it drifted away from the thought as he felt the two of them collapsed back against the tub, with her head against his chest. Her warm breath moving over his skin, her arms wrapped tightly around him. Her shuddering form clinging to his. He wanted nothing more then to be able to wrap his arms around her and hold her tightly.

It seemed like his wish was partially granted when he felt her arms move his around her, Max obviously wanting the same thing. And her next words, broke his heart slightly. "I love you." He heard her say softly. *I love you too, Max.* He thought, screaming slightly at himself that he wanted to be able to tell her.

He felt her arms squeeze his body slightly, hugging his form to her, felt himself still intimately connected with her, felt her breathing and heart rate slowly return to normal, his as well. His mind reveled in the fact that he had just made love to Max, *Well, she had made love to me.* He thought with a sigh. And that was what it was to him, it wasn't just sex, and he hoped she knew that.
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Max rested her cheek against his chest, trying to get her bearings back. She couldn't believe what had just happened. He had responded to her, to her completely. His hips had been moving, his body reacting to her movements, to her touch, to her words. She had already been sent over the edge when she felt him climax inside of her, but the feeling sent her spiraling even further. A sense of relief and happiness at that fact washing over her.

She realized how different this time was from last. Causing her to believe that he might not know about the other time. Also, it had her realize just how much progress he was making. Sure, all his responses were uncontrolled responses, basically unconscious reactions to stimuli. But the stimuli was mental, something was connecting his mind and his body, that meant the rest would come in time.

She sat up slowly, and moaned slightly, still feeling him inside of her. Then she looked him back in his eyes, nothing in them had changed, but, she had this feeling. "Why do I just have this belief that you can see me?" She asked him. Her fingertips went back to his face, and she leaned in and gave him a small kiss. Max wished he would be able to return it, *Soon.* She thought, and prayed it would be true.

Taking a deep breath, she moved herself off him with a sigh, got up and unplugged the drain. "Let's get out of here, before we get all pruney." She said with a smile, then got him out of the tub, and back on his feet. She wrapped a towel around herself, and then one around his waist. "Okay, let's get back to the bedroom." She told him, and wrapped her arm around him, again moving him back to his room.

Once there, she sat him on the bed, and shut the door behind her. She moved over to him, pulling the towel from him, drying his hair slightly, and his back, then laid him back on the bed. She quickly wrung out the water she could from her hair, and climbed in bed next to him, pulling the sheet up over them. She giggled slightly, *I wonder if Alec's a snuggler or not.* She thought, as she rolled him over onto his side to face her, her one leg went over his, and she wrapped is one arm around her, resting her forehead against his.
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He couldn't believe it, here he was unable to basically move or communicate with her, but she was making it seem like they were together, holding each other, in the afterglow. It was almost comical, but at the same time, he loved it. He got to stare into her chocolate brown eyes, see her smiling face, feel her body pressed up against his, feel his arm around her.

*Now if I can just tell her what I feel.* He thought.

"You probably want to go to sleep don't you?" She had asked him, "Most men usually want too. Well too bad," he heard her laugh. And he laughed in his head as well. *I'm not most men.* He thought, and cursed himself for not being able to show her that right then. Because he was sure he would be able to wipe that smirk off her face.
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Max laid there against him, and couldn't believe it. For the first time, since she had lost him, since she had brought him home, she truly felt hopeful, happy even. She felt like he was coming back to her, coming out of his shell that he had made. *It could also have to do with what just happened.* Her mind told her, and she almost laughed. It was true, the pleasure from the experience was still washing through her system, making her almost giddy.

She moved closer against him, comforted in the warmth that his body gave her, and then a thought made her straighten up quickly, "Oh my God, Joshua!"
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Alec felt her tense all of a sudden and pull away, and he got worried, and then her words confused him, *Joshua? What the?* He didn't understand.

"I have to tell him!"

*Tell him? What? Why? Why do you have to tell him we just had sex?* He as really confused, and stunned actually, that she was even considering such a thing.

"I have to tell him you're getting better. I've known all morning, and it's..." He saw her turn away, and then back to him, "Afternoon. He's probably also wondering why I haven't gotten up yet." He let out his mental breath, glad he finally understood what she meant, and then he got worried again, as he watched her eyes get bigger. "Oh, no... what if he heard..."

Alec wanted to laugh at the look on her face, it was priceless. Here he was worried she was going to tell Joshua, and now she was worried that Joshua had heard her scream his name. *God, I loved hearing that...* Then his mind trailed off, another memory flashing in his head again. It was the same voice, the same scream that he remembered from before, he was sure of it now. *But how is that possible?*

"I'll be back, I'm going to talk to Joshua, okay?" She said and kissed his lips lightly. He felt her roll him on his back, and then get out of bed, heard her moving around the room, he assumed looking for clothes to get dressed. But he wasn't really paying much attention as he was trying to figure it out.

"Be back soon." He heard her say and the door open. His head still contemplating the thoughts. Then his mind flashed him more thoughts and memories, and then it was in his head, he remembered, he remembered the smell of pheromones.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 18

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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*No, no... no.* He thought, but the memory was becoming clearer and clearer, her voice and that smell. Her remembered the smell of pheromones, remembered thinking it was some trick of White's to get him to open up, but now he realized that wasn't it. His mind tried to processes the information that he knew along with this added memory. *Max had went into Heat taking care of me.* The reality starting to truly hit him. He knew what X5 female pheromones did to X5 males, he knew what the effect of Heat did to both sexes, they had explained it to all the X5's back at Manticore.

Alec knew what they smelled like because of that one incident where a female member of his squad had went into Heat a few days early. Once they found out she was quickly segregated from the group as usual, but not before almost every male member of the group had to be admitted to the infirmary, because they had fought over who was going to be her mate.

His mind continued to processes it, and realized that what he had heard was actually quite possible, and then his mind knew that it happened. Knew that Max had went into heat, knew that she had been with him, and knew that she and screamed out his name when she had sex with him. Her 'I'm sorry,' now making sense in his head, *Sorry?* He thought, *She's sorry?*

He didn't know what to think or feel. The rational part of him was telling him that she was in Heat, that she couldn't really control her reactions to it, just like he couldn't control his reaction to her. That she was sorry for it. That she probably had no idea what Heat even did to X5 males since she had escaped before their sex education classes. That if she had come to him in need when he was wake, he would have done anything for her. But that rational side wasn't winning the battle that was ragging in his head.

Because the other side was tossed between a huge array of emotions. From hurt to full blown anger. From the thoughts of being just down right used. To the thoughts that her views about him made her think that he just wouldn't care if she had sex with him without his knowledge. Granted he had thoughts, dreams, of waking up to her, her on top of him, enjoying herself immensely, but in those dreams he had always woken up, he had always known, and he was able to stop her if he wanted too.

Then he got angrier as he thought to earlier, just a few minutes ago. Here he thought they were making love for the first time, that it was something special for both of them. And the truth was, it wasn't, it was nothing new to her at all. And she hadn't told him, she didn't know what he remembered or didn't, and she never told him. Was she ever going to tell him? Be honest with him? He wanted to hit something, *Damn it Max!* He thought.

The rational part of him was telling him she was sorry, that she had said that, that she was probably feeling guilty about it, and wanted to wait and tell him, when she could actually talk to him. But the other side didn't want to hear it. *No, no. She still thinks of me as the person that will just sleep with any girl that comes around. So why not relieve the tension, with good ol' Alec, he won't mind.*

His mind was still battling back and forth when he heard her come back into the room. "I'm back." She said, crawling back into bed with him. He mentally tensed feeling her arms go around him, and her resting her head back on his chest, sighing in content. But all he wanted to do at that moment was push her away, he didn't want to touch her, he didn't want her to touch him.

"I talked to Joshua, he's happy that you are doing better. He got this huge smile on his face. I told him, that we would be out to see him in a little while." Alec heard her, he had no choice, and he had no choice but to look at her when she moved his head to look towards her. She laughed slightly, and his brain raged at how innocent she looked at him, as if nothing was wrong in the world, that everything was perfect.

"He didn't hear me scream." She said, "At least I don't 'think' he did, he said he was out in the backyard most of the morning."

Alec wanted to shove the hand that was lightly moving over his chest away from him. *How can she just lay there and look at me like that?* He asked himself. Not sure if he was more upset that it happened, or that she wasn't telling him that it happened. Didn't he at least have a right to know, especially with what they had just done? Didn't she at least feel a little bad about it?

Then he felt her move again, and sit up, "Okay, I guess we better get up and dressed for the day." She said, pulling him up to sit on the bed. He didn't want this, he wanted to be alone, he didn't want to be around her, not right now. She was too happy and cheerful, acting as if nothing was wrong. It didn't go well with how he was feeling.

He heard her rummaging around, and came back with a shirt, and lowered it over his head. He was so frustrated he wanted to pull the shirt away from her, and put it on himself. *Did she just think that she could take what she wanted from him, since she was doing so much for him? Was that it?*

His logical mind was still nagging at him in the background, but he pushed it away, as she moved him back onto his back to put on his boxers and pants. Obviously not needing to tell him what she was doing, since she now knew he could feel the actions. He was then pulled back into a sitting position, and came face to face with her again. Her smile, making the hurt and anger that was starting to boil in his blood start to run over.

His frustration growing more so at not being able to confront her about it, yell at her, or at least make her admit to it. *Make her admit that she used me.* His anger actually blurring his eyesight, *Oh, but she probably doesn't think that she did. It is 'me' after all.* And then he realized, that was the real reason he was so upset. Not that she had done it, not that it had happened, but that it didn't seem to bother her. That she seemed to think that it was okay, that it wouldn't make him upset, that she had that opinion about him.

Then he watched her lean in, and wanted to pull back, but couldn't as her mouth touched his lips in a gentle kiss. Her fingers lightly moving over the side of his face, "Okay, let's get out of here." She said, pulling him to his feet. His urge to wipe his mouth, to pull away from her strong, but of no use. That little part of his mind, tried to get him to see that she loved him, that she cared about him, that she was doing all this for him, that she had been in Heat. That she wasn't entirely responsible for her actions. But the furious part said it was no excuse, no excuse, especially not to tell him.

*She should have told me, told me before we did what we just did. I had a right to know!* He yelled at himself, but he wanted to yell it at her. Soon they were in the living room, and she was sitting him down on the couch. He could hear Joshua walk over and then sit on the coffee table in font of him.

"Hey Medium Fella." He said with a large smile on his face. Alec was relieved to see his face and not hers for a moment, and tried to rein in his emotions, so that he could at least listen to what he had to say. "Max says you can hear me, more than likely see too." Alec mentally tensed at the sound of her name, but tried to push it away.

Joshua's smile grew, "Which is good. I can show you the paintings I have done!" He said excitedly. He felt Max sit down next to him, and rest her head on his shoulder. He mentally cringed. A little while ago, he would have liked it, but right now, he just didn't want to be near her. But what choice did he have?
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"I'm sure he would love to see your paintings Big Fella." She said, and patted his leg. "Wouldn't you Alec?" She asked him, not really expecting an answer. She smiled at Joshua, "Hey, how about a little show? You want to show us them, and tell us what they are?" She saw his face light up, and her smile grew.

"Okay!" He said jumping up, and moving quickly over to the canvasses he had lined up, looking through them, arranging them, obviously putting them in some order he wanted to show them in. She almost laughed at how seriously he was taking the idea. She leaned over and whispered into Alec's ear. "He's enjoying this a lot. Get ready for a treat." She said, then added, "He's very happy about your progress, and so will everyone else." She said, her hand rubbing his leg lightly, "So am I," She added.

When she looked back up, she saw Joshua staring at her, giving her a strange look, one that he had sort of given her earlier, but she had written off. She assumed before it was because she wasn't completely forthcoming as to the way she knew that Alec was making so much progress. But now, she had her doubts. She saw the canvas he held behind his back, just like a little kid bringing home an art project for his parents to see, and she almost giggled at the thought. "Okay, let's see it."

He brought the canvas in front of them, and she smiled. It was the one she had seen him working on before, of the three of them. This time it didn't make her sad to see the smile on Alec's face in the picture, because she knew he was slowly coming out of his shell. "It's beautiful Joshua." She said, and leaned back over to Alec, "It's of the three of us, just in case you can't see it."
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He could see it all right, and it was very good. Joshua was very good, and he liked that he had moved away from the complete abstract paintings he first did. Alec liked art to look like something, but then again, he was no art critic. He saw the three of them in the painting, all smiling, and happy. *Yeah, right.* He thought cynically. *When have the three of us ever looked like that?* And he couldn't convince himself at that moment that they ever would.
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Joshua went to get another painting, and Max wrapped her arm around Alec's chest, hugging him slightly. "This feels good." She told him, the happiness that she had still flowing through her body. But she became uneasy again when Joshua came back, giving her the same look. Finally she gave up, sat up, and looked at him, "Joshua, what is it?"

"What is what?" He asked her.

"That look... you keep giving me this strange look. Why?" He looked like he was trying to dodge the subject. "Come on, what is it? You can tell me? Did I do something wrong?"

"Joshua just confused."

She gave him a strange look, "Confused about what?"

"You're dream this morning."

Now she really had no idea what he was talking about, "Dream?"

"Yeah, dream. But.... Little Fella not in heat." He said pointing to his nose.

Her head spun, and then she got it. *Oh my God! He did hear me this morning, but he thinks I was dreaming.* Her cheeks were starting to turn read in embarrassment. *He thinks I was having a Heat dream.* Then his next words floored her.

"Not like the dream the time before."

It was like her worst fears were coming true, not only had he heard her this morning, her heard her before. *Thank God, he things I was just dreaming.* And then her mind spun, and she looked over at Alec setting next to her, realizing that he was hearing the same thing she was. She stood up quickly, "Joshua..."

He smiled down at her, "No need to be embarrassed Little Fella. Joshua knows about them, Joshua knows your feelings about Alec."

She put her face in her hands. *This is not happening.* She thought, and then looked back over at Alec. He wasn't stupid, not at all. He knew what they did this morning, he knew she screamed his name, he was bound to put two and two together. *Oh God, I'm not ready for this right now.* She knew she had to talk to him, talk to him before he completely figured it out on his own... because if he did... *I don't want to think about it.* She thought, and then looked back up at Joshua. Trying to figure out what to tell him. "Yeah, Josh, it was a dream, just not from Heat." She finally said, she didn't really lie. *It was just like a dream come true.*

Max thought for a minute, "Umm, actually, it's getting later, and we haven't had breakfast or lunch yet, do you mind if we continue this later?" She asked him, and he said no. He informed her that he already ate, and then he went back out to the backyard, were he had actually planted a small garden. He was growing vegetables for some of the new recipes he was making.

She looked back over at the couch, and sat down next to Alec, and then moved him so that they were sitting face to face. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and tried to will herself to speak. This was the hardest thing she ever had to do, and the worst part, was that when she told him, there was no way for her to understand how he felt about it.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 19

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Alec looked at Max's face, her eyes closed, her face contorting as she was thinking. He sat there, waiting, but already knowing what was coming. *Oh what is it Max, trying to figure out how to tell me the truth? Finally? Joshua forcing you to tell me the truth?*

That rational, logical side yelled at him for being so happy that she was having a hard time with it, but he just kicked it away. *She deserves this, and a whole lot more.* He thought, anger still flowing through him, wanting her to feel more than just embarrassment from the situation. *I'm waiting Max. Let's see how you explain this to me.*.
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Max sat there, looked at him, and then looked down, there was no way she could look him in the eyes as she said this. She closed her eyes, and put her face into her hands. "Alec, please, before you start thinking too much about what Joshua said, please let me try and explain." She sighed, "I sooooo didn't want to tell you like this. I wanted to wait, I wanted to wait until I could actually talk to you. Have you able to talk to me." She removed her hands from her face, glanced at him for a minute, then looked back down at the couch between them.

She didn't want to tell him, but she knew she had too, she knew that he might have already figured it out, and if he didn't he was going to. All her feelings of what she had done were coming back to her, and a tear rolled down her cheek, "Oh, God, how do I even begin?" She asked, her head looking back up at the ceiling. "How do I start?" She couldn't think of anything, "Alec, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
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His eyes watched her, his ears heard her, and his mind tried to push away the feelings to pull her to him and hold her. He could see the pain and hurt on her face, and part of him realized that she was tormented by what happened. But the part of him that was hurt and angry didn't want to listen to the other part of him. His anger was happy with her pain, it was happy that she was hurting for what she did.

*She's sorry. So what? That just doesn't make everything all better. She wanted to wait till I could talk to her? So? What if I never can? Then she would never tell me? Just continue on as if nothing happened?*
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Max struggled with her words, her hands were shaking slightly. She wanted to reach out and touch him, but she couldn't, not telling him this. Her mouth finally started to form words, and she let her self start rambling. "Not long after I found you..... I ... I went into Heat. I wasn't sure what to do exactly, I knew what I felt, but... I mean... I had two options really. Stay or Leave." She took a breath, "I talked to Cindy about it, I talk to her about everything. We thought it would be best for me to stay, that it would be safer, heck... you were comatose, right, nothing could happen." She sighed, *Boy were we wrong.* She thought to herself, her hands going back to cover her face again.

She took a deep breath, "And I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to do something I would regret.... but now... now it might have been a better idea. But I stayed, I had Joshua take care of you, I stayed away. I did my pushups and cold showers, it was almost over, I almost beat it, almost." She stopped, remembering what happened. She shook her head trying to clear it, go on, her voice cracked slightly.
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He listened to her, he saw her trying to hide from him, he saw her tears, her slumped shoulders, he heard her anguished voice. He tried not too, he tried not to listen to his rational side. The side that told him to see how much pain and anguish she was in, how bad she felt about it, that she really was going to tell him, but at the right time. Tried to tell him all the logical explanations for her acts, that she never wanted to hurt him, use him.

But Alec didn't want to hear that side now, any more than he did before, he was still hurt, he was still upset, he still felt used, and he couldn't help it. He couldn't help his anger and hurt anymore than she could help the guilt that she felt. *Guilt.* He pushed that thought away, not wanting to think that she actually felt guilty, because it made it harder to be angry with her, and *Damn it! I want to be angry, I have a right to be!*
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"Damn it... if it wasn't for that fucking towel!" She yelled slightly. "Joshua left a towel on the sink that he used on you. I used it after one of my showers... it had... it had your scent." She said, assuming he would know, he would understand the effects it would have, assuming Manticore had told them all about Heat. "I tried, I tried to just go back to my room, but I couldn't. I needed to see you, to check on you. I told myself it would be okay, I mean nothing could happen, right? I would just be torturing myself, nothing else."

She removed her hands from her face, her eyes looked at his again, and she wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling, she looked away again. She took another deep breath. "I went to see you, and... oh God, Alec... I walked in the room, and you invaded my senses." She stopped quickly, she was making it sound like it was his fault, and she backtracked slightly. "That doesn't mean that it your fault, it doesn't mean that it wasn't mine. It was my fault, completely and totally. I should have controlled myself, I should have left. But I didn't..."
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*Damn straight it wasn't my fault. I wasn't even awake.* He thought. Alec continued to watch her, she looked completely dejected, miserable, and guilty. His angry side was thrilled, but the other side, the other side was mad at himself for feeling that way. It tried to remind him, that he loved her, and that she was hurting too. It tried to remind him everything that he knew about Heat, about the effects it had on a X5. It tried to remind him that Manticore hadn't even explained how emotions would tie into everything as well, heck they probably didn't even know. It tried to remind him that she loved him, that she wanted him, before she had went into heat.

*Shut up!* He yelled to himself. He didn't need his own mind making arguments for her, she could try and make her own. Max had to get herself out of her own mess this time, and he wasn't going to help her with this one.
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"I... I went to you, I held you, I... smelled you." She stopped, "God Alec... I had no clue, I had no idea. I didn't know until then, I never thought about it. I was never around other X's when I went into heat. I didn't know I would affect you, and I did. Well.. my pheromones did. I know it's not an excuse, I know I should have left when I figured it out... Part of me knew then that it was just a physical response. That part knew it wasn't you, but I didn't want to listen to it, I didn't want to pay attention to it. I wanted you, I needed you...." She let herself trail off, and she leaned over more, resting her elbows on her knees, her face in her hands again.

Max just wanted to hide from him, hide away from the problem, but she knew she couldn't. She couldn't hide any longer. She willed up her courage, looked up into his eyes, and finally said it, admitted it. "I had sex with you, without your permission, I used your for my own benefit, and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She looked quickly away, and tears spilled down her face. "I was so wrong, and I don't blame you if you hate me. I don't blame you for however you feel about me."

Her shoulders shook slightly, as more tears came. "But you have to believe me," she said looking back up at him with a tear streaked face, "I never meant to hurt you. I never meant for it to happen. I love you, so much. And... oh, God Alec, I'm sorry."
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He didn't want to look at her, but he was forced too, he was forced to look at her tear stained face, he was forced to hear her anguished words. *This isn't fair.* He thought, *She can't make me feel bad for what she did.* But she was. The anguish and guilt and pain that she felt for what she had done, her words were starting to invade him, no matter how hard he was trying to push them away.

*Damn it! Why am I so weak when it come to her?* He questioned himself, but he already knew the answer, he loved her. But he was still angry, he was still hurt, but the rational side of him was starting to make him understand. It was starting to make him understand her side, and he wanted to hit something because he still didn't want to understand.
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Max had stopped talking for a little while, letting her words sink into both of their minds. Hers was trying to figure out what he was thinking, what he was feeling. She didn't know what else to say, what else she should say. But she knew she had to say something. "Afterwards... I didn't know what to do. I felt horrible about it... I knew I couldn't stay, I wanted to stay with you, but I knew I couldn't. I knew I would just keep affecting you. I opened a window to clear the room, I left. I took a shower."

She stopped quickly, realizing how it sounded. "Not to get you off me, not to erase what happened, but... I felt dirty. I felt so ashamed for what I did." She moved her face to look at a random spot on the wall, another tear running down her cheek, her hand came up quickly to brush it away.

"And then I couldn't even look at you, I still had Josh taking care of you, because I couldn't be near you. It was selfish, but every time I saw you, it just reminded me of what I did." She shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I told Cindy." She had no clue how he would feel about that, about her talking to OC about them, but she had to be truthful.

"She tried to tell me you would understand." She laughed slightly, "Yeah, right. I didn't understand how I could do it, how am I supposed to expect you too." She sighed, "But she was right about one thing, I had to put my feelings aside, and help you. That you still needed me, so that you could get better. So we could deal with this later. And that's what I did. That's what I tried to do, push it away. But don't think that I just forgot about it, I can't. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself."
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*Stop. Max. Just Stop.* He thought, *I don't want to hear anymore.* Alec didn't want to hear her words, her pain, or her guilt. He didn't want to feel bad for her. He didn't want to understand her side. He didn't want to forgive her. But he was starting too.

He wanted to be able to talk to her, to communicate with her. He wanted to yell, he wanted to scream, heck he wanted to throw things. But he knew, even with all his hurt and rage, he knew that if he could, that's not what he would do. Because he was weak, he was weak when it came to her. He knew that if he could talk to her, he would tell her he understood. That things would be okay. And that even though he was upset, even though he was hurt, he still loved her.

He saw her look up at him, a small amount of fear in her eyes. And he realized what it was, she feared that she had lost him. She feared that what she had done would make him hate her, and that thought tore at his heart even more. *God, how can I let her do this to me so easily?*
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Max looked at him, hoping that somehow she could see what he was feeling, but the same expression as always looked back at her. She sighed, and then her thoughts of this morning came back to her and she wanted to curl up into a little ball. "Alec.... this morning..." She stopped, she didn't know what to say. She thought for a few seconds, "I just... I just hope, I pray that you wanted it as much as I did. That is meant to you at least a fraction of what it meant to me."

She slowly reached out, and took his hand, hoping that he wasn't wishing he could pull it away. "Just know, that I was... I was making love to you. That, it wasn't just sex for me. If it was for you, that's okay. Really." She meant it. She really meant that. If it was just sex for him, she could live with it. It wouldn't make her happy of course, but she would be okay with it. "But... if it was more to you too.. I just hope that what I just told you... I just hope I didn't ruin everything. But if it did." Another tear slipped down her face, and she choked slightly on the words, "I'd understand that too, I'd understand if you'd hate me for it."
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Alec sighed in his head, *I don't hate you, Max. I could never hate you.* He watched the tear slip down her face, and wanted to brush it away. Then he realized that rational side of him had won. He knew the issue would be there, would stay there until they could talk about it. He knew he still had anger and hurt. But right then he didn't want to think about it.

He knew right then, even though all of this, they still needed each other. They needed to be able to deal with it together, and he just wished that they could wrap their arms around each other, and just not think about it. Give their support to each other, that they each so desperately needed.

Her eyes were starting into his, and he knew she was looking for some type of sign, something that told her what he felt. And her words confirmed it. "Not being able to communicate makes this so hard. I wish you could just yell at me. At least then I would know how you are feeling. How am I supposed to go on day to day without knowing if you hate me or not? I mean, if you do, I'm sure you don't want me to take care of you."

She looked down again, and he sighed. *Max, I have no idea how to tell you how I feel. I've tried so hard to reach out to you, but nothing works. Nothing I can do consciously anyway.* He thought, and knew that even if he could cry again, it wouldn't help because they could be interpreted in too many different ways.

He felt her holding onto his hand, and he concentrated again, like he had tried to before, tried to concentrate on just moving something. He wasn't sure what moving a finger would exactly signify to her, but the thought that if he could do it, at least then it might trigger this brain, allow him to finally be able to move again at least. Then if he could move, maybe he could then get his vocal cords to work.

He pushed his other senses away, concentrating on his sense of touch, on his hand. Trying to move it, trying to envision himself doing what he wanted his hand to do. *How can moving one finger be so damn difficult.* He yelled at himself in frustration. He tried harder, focusing all this thoughts, everything on just that one thing. Concentrating so hard, his eyes loosing focus on her, his ears blocking her out.
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Max sighed, realizing that she was just going to have to go on, on without knowing what he felt. "Well, I guess I won't know." She said, and then looked around. She knew she couldn't dwell on this. She wiped her face with her other hand, then looked at the kitchen. She had told Joshua that they needed to eat, and they did. "I'm going to get us lunch." She said releasing his hand, never seeing it trying to grip hers at it fell back to the couch, and she moved into the kitchen.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 20

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Alec felt his grip tighten, but this is hopes sank as he realized her gripped nothing but air. His vision cleared as he lost his focus, she was gone. He had concentrated so hard on his task he hadn't heard her leave. His ears picked up sounds in the kitchen, and he figured she left to get them food. He sighed mentally, *Damn it.* He yelled at himself.

He was mentally cussing himself out, angry that he missed her, missed her by a few seconds. But then his brain froze, *Wait a minute, I still did it!* He thought, *I still moved on my own.* Max may not have felt it, or seen it, but he had done it. It had taken a whole lot of thought and effort, but he had still done it.

*Can I do it again?* He thought, he hoped so. Only thing was, that little bit had already tired him out. He decided to rest for a moment, wait for her to come back, and then try again. Soon he heard the cupboard doors closing and footsteps coming back in the room. He heard a plate and some other things being set down on the coffee table. Then heard the sound of a can of pop being opened.

Then Max came into view. His thoughts from before, his anger, his hurt, and everything about what she had told him, was pushed to the back of his brain, because of his new found ability. *Well, hopefully it wasn't just a fluke.* He thought, as he watched her open up one of the jars.

He sighed, he didn't want to eat right now, couldn't she tell there were more important things going on? He knew she didn't, she had no way of knowing, and she was just trying to take care of him.

"Carrots first." She said, and moved forward to him. And then at that moment, he actually wished one of his senses would return behind the walls he had put up. He was ecstatic when he had tasted her kisses from earlier, but now, he wish he couldn't taste what she was feeding him. *Oh, God Max... have you even tried this stuff?* He thought, wanting to spit it back out, but she had to basically force it down him.

Soon lunch was over, but not soon enough for Alec's taste buds. *I swear, pork rinds are a thousand times better than that junk.* He thought, but then kicked himself for getting so involved in the taste of food, when there were more important things to think about, namely the control of his own body.

When Max came back into the room from cleaning up from lunch, he was waiting for her to come over, sit next to him, lay her head on his shoulder, and turn on the tv, like she usually did. But she didn't. She did move him to face the TV, she did turn it on, but she sat on her side of the couch, and he sighed in his head. *Max, no, don't do this. Not now.*

He cursed again, *Damn it Max, now is not a time to feel guilty, or upset. It is not a time to avoid me!* He thought, because he needed her near him, touching him, so that if he could move again she would notice. He needed her to notice, he needed to be able to communicate with her, with anyone really.
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Max flipped through the channels on the TV, and finally set it on some old movie that was playing. She glanced over at him, and sighed to herself. She had no idea what to do. *Continue on as normal as if nothing has changed, and deal with the consequences when he wakes up? Or try and just do what has to be done, with as little intimate contact as possible, in case he does hate me?* She didn't like either option.

She wanted to lean against him, resting her head on his shoulder like she usually did when they watched the TV. But she didn't know if he would be okay with that now. She laughed slightly to herself, heck she actually didn't know if it was okay when she did it before telling him what she had done.

She sighed again, and just put her feet up on the table in front of her, and tried to get comfortable on her side of the couch to watch it. But while the movie played she really didn't pay attention, because she was trying to figure out exactly what she should do.
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Alec was about to go crazy, she hadn't moved towards him, or anything though the whole movie, and it worried him. Would she close herself off from him now? Not allow herself to be around him anymore, because she feared how he felt about her? Granted he was still hurt and angry, about what she did, but didn't she know that they could eventually get past it? Hadn't Cindy tried to convince her that he would understand?

*Doesn't she understand, that if she isn't near me, then she can't see if I have made any progress?* He hadn't tried moving again, because he was waiting to be able to be near her to do so, he didn't want to tire himself out and miss an opportunity. When the credits of the movie started playing he was glad, it meant that something would change, he just hoped that she wouldn't just find something else on.
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Max picked up the remote part way through the credits and turned off the TV. "Okay, enough 'boob tube' for the day as you call it." She said, and then sighed, because she wasn't sure what to do. Saturday's they usually did a lot, but most of the day was already gone, and she was exhausted, emotionally and mentally. *And a little physically.* She admitted, thinking about that morning, but cringed slightly at the thought as well. The dream of it slightly tainted by what transpired afterwards.

She moved over to the coffee table in front of him, and sat down. She looked up into his eyes, and took a deep breath, reached for his hands, and held them as she spoke. "Alec... I don't know what you are feeling. Or thinking right now. I wish I did."
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He watched her move in front of him, and when she reached for and held onto his hands he was thrilled. *Okay, focus. You can do this.* He told himself, not really listening to her. He wanted to, but it was far more important for him to do this, than listen to her trying to decide what to do.

"I know there isn't really that many options, I hope you realize that too."

He felt her hands hold his, and he concentrated on one of them. The feel of her small hands gripping his larger ones, holding onto them tightly, as she tried to explain something he wasn't paying attention too. *Just a small squeeze... that's all I'm asking for.* He told himself, as he tried to will his body to carry out his demands.

"If you are upset with me, I totally understand if you are. I can see that you wouldn't want me to take care of you. But... well... you are stuck with me."

He banged against the wall in his head, trying to get his thoughts to center onto one thing, to get his right hand to grip hers, even just slightly. He could see it happening in his head, but until he felt it happen, until he saw the look of recognition of the fact on her face, he knew it wasn't happening yet. He tried harder, to leave all his other senses out of it, and just concentrate.

"And by the off chance that you do forgive me. And the fact that I don't want to stop being around you, taking care of you, and so on. I think... I'm going to just continue with what I was doing before. If you don't like it, well... then you'll just have to wake up and kick my ass."

He faltered slightly at her last words, making him almost laugh, then swear when it had made him lose his focus. *Shit, Max... just be quiet for a mintue.* He thought and tried again, his mind already becoming tired.
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She laughed slightly at her own words, but her heart wasn't in it. She knew that she could be making a bad situation even worse, but she didn't know what else to do. She looked up into his eyes, wishing that he could just tell her, show her. That his unmoving eyes would just look at her, and she could once again see all the emotion behind them, that was once there. She so wished for his eyes to be able to show the emotion that they used to, instead of the blank stare that they held now.

"Alec... I know it's difficult, but if you can ever just give me a hint of what you want... I don't know how, but..." Then she stopped, and looked down at her hand. *Was that? No.. couldn't be.* She thought, *I'm imagining things.*

She looked at his hand in hers, she could have sworn that she felt... "Alec?" She asked, questioning, looking back at his face. If it did in fact happened, it was was so small, that it was barely noticeable, but she swore it was almost like his hand had gripped hers. "Did you just grip my hand?" She asked him, hoping it was true. But mostly to tell him, that if he was trying to, that it was working.

Then she felt it again, his time, it was a little stronger, but not by much. Her heart started to race, and her eyes got bigger, "Alec?" She said excited, "I felt that." She looked back to his hand, "Can you do it again?" She asked, a smile forming on her face, and getting bigger.
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He barely heard her words, but it registered in his brain, *Again?* He was exhausted, when he actually did the first one, he just about went nuts, until she asked him confused if he did in fact grip her fingers. He then knew that meant his grip that he tried so hard for was barely even feather light.

It had made him try harder, focus harder again, and he finally did it, again, and she got it. She had felt it, and he was thrilled with the look of recognition on her face. But when she asked for him to do it again, he sighed. He just wanted to curl up and actually go to sleep he was so exhausted. He needed a break, he had a killer headache, and he knew that Max had no idea of that, and that pain relievers would not be administered for it.

*I'm sorry Max, you're going to have to wait.* He said to himself, and watched her waiting, hopeful face, and it tore him up inside.
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She sat there waiting a good whole ten minutes, and then she looked back up at him. "It's okay," she said quietly. Even though she was slightly frustrated that more wasn't happening, she was still thrilled that it was. She assumed the first touch was actually him as well, and that the second one was him again more forcefully. *Forcefully? She thought, it was barely there.*

But Max didn't care, it was another improvement, in a very short time frame. She couldn't believe how far he had progressed in the last twenty four hours, but then again, she had no idea how long some of the improvements he had shown weren't there from the beginning.

"How about you rest, and we'll try again later?" She asked, as she lifted his hand to her lips, and kissed it gently. She stood up, and clicked on the TV, she found some documentary on some wild animals or something, and she put the remote down. She smiled at him, "Here, something educational." She laughed slightly.

"I'll be back soon to save you from it, don't worry." She grinned at him, "I'm just going to go outside, make sure Joshua isn't getting sun burnt, that everything is okay, and tell him the good news." She said patting his shoulder, and walked out into the backyard.
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Max had come back inside soon after, Joshua on her heels. She came back in and sat down next to him, and rested her head on his shoulder. He mentally stiffened for a second then relaxed, trying to remember her words, her pain as well. It helped slightly, and then he remembered his real goal again. To get control over his own body.

"Joshua's going to show us the rest of his paintings." He heard Max say into his ear, and she was right, because soon Joshua was in front of them with another one of his paintings, and was explaining to them what it was. He decided to just give in, and watch the show. The big guy was obviously very happy to be showing off his work, and while the paintings were good, the best thing to watch was his excitement.

After the big show, dinner, and some more TV, Max had decided that she had enough obviously when he was pulled to his feet, and she dragged him back to the bedroom.

"I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted." She sat him on the bed, and looked at him, "I know I may have Shark DNA, and shouldn't have to sleep so much... but for some reason, you tire me out. And I don't mean from just this morning, before you get all cocky on me."

He almost laughed at that last comment, that was something he would have said. But he knew the truth was, that with all the stuff she did for him, and all the moving around she did with him, he probably did tire her out.

"Well, then again, there is also the fact, that I actually sleep when I'm with you."

Alec heard the words, but he also saw the slight pink in her cheeks from admitting that to him. Soon he was back into his night clothes, laying back on the bed, and she walking back into the room, having changed herself. She sat on the edge of the bed, and he realized she was still trying to decide exactly what to do.

He mentally sighed, he understood her predicament, because he honestly wasn't sure what he wanted either. But in the end he figured he would much rather have her there, then be alone, both of them alone. She obviously felt the same way, when she slipped under the sheet and curled up next to him. She laid her head on his shoulder, and reached out for his hand.

"Okay, do you think we could try this again?" She asked sounding hopeful. "Can you try and squeeze my hand again? Take you're time, I can wait."

*I'll try.* He said, but didn't know if it would work, he still had a slight headache from before. He started to try and do it again, blocking out his other senses like the times before.

"If you can't, I understand, it's probably not easy."

He mentally smiled at her words, *You have no idea.* He thought, *Especially when you keep interrupting me.* And then he started over. It seemed like forever to him, as he tried to block everything else out.
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She waited, and waited, her mind telling her not to get her hopes up, because it probably wasn't exactly easy for him to do. And also he might actually already be asleep, she really had no idea if he was or not. But then she felt it, the grip this time was much more noticeable. It was weak, very weak, but it was stronger than the last two.

Max smiled wide, "I felt that!" She told him, and leaned over him, smiling down into his face. She brought his hand back to her mouth and kissed it. Then an idea hit her. And she picked up his other had. "Alec... I know, I know this is asking a lot, a whole lot. But... can you try and squeeze your other hand? Please... just try."

She asked, pleading that it would work, that he could squeeze with his other hand. She waited, and waited. "It's okay, really, we can try again some..." She stopped when she felt it, his fingers lightly gripping her other hand.

Max wanted to jump for joy, her grin grew so big, and tears of happiness streamed down her face. She threw her arms around him, and hugged him tightly. For now she really knew how much he could understand her, that he was coming back to her, that he was starting to get control over his own body. But most importantly, more important than those other things, was she now had a way to communicate with him.

She slowly moved away from him, tears still in her eyes, smile on her face. She looked down at his face. "Oh Alec, thank God." She said. She sat up next to him, and each one of her hands grabbed onto one of his. "Okay, let's try something."

Max squeezed his right hand lightly, "Okay, this hand, your right one." She said squeezing it again. "This is Yes." She smiled again, hoping her plan would work. "And this," She said squeezing his other hand, "Your left hand, is No." She moved slightly, trying to get more comfortable next to him. "Okay? So right is yes, and left is no." She told him, squeezing each hand to emphasize which one she meant.

"I know you've already done so much tonight, and you have no idea how happy that makes me. But lets try to keep going, maybe it will get easier each time. Okay?" She just prayed that was true.

She was so excited, she didn't know what to do, what question to ask him first. If this worked, if she could actually get answers from him, things would be so much better. And then her first question popped into her head, and she sighed, she knew she had to ask. But did she really want to know that answer first? But then she realized, she had to know, she had too. Other answers could come later.

Max looked down into his eyes, and held his hands tightly for a second, then slightly loosed her grip, as she tried to get out the words, "Alec... do you hate me for what I did to you?"
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TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 21

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: As for how long this story is going to be... Well, I don't know. I have a general idea of where I want to end it, but I don't know how long it's going to take me to get there. It could be 5 or 20 more chapters, I'm not really sure. Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Max sat there waiting, her hands holding his, waiting for his response to her question. As the minutes ticked by, her heart started to pound in her ears, the quiet of the room deafening. She continued to wait, and then had to gasp for air when she realized she had been holding her breath. She knew he had to be exhausted from earlier, and that maybe he wasn't able to respond again this time.

Another part of her told her that the answer was yes, and he was just tormenting her by not answering, but she brushed that thought away. *No, if it were true, he'd be trying to tell me that, so that I would leave him alone.* She looked down at him, and spoke, "It's okay, I know it's difficult. But just try, I can wait." She told him, trying to encourage him, let him know she was there.

And then, a few moments later, she felt it, just barely, his fingers lightly gripping her left hand. Her hand gripped them back, and her eyes closed in relief, and she threw herself at him, hugging him tightly, her hand still holding onto his. "Thank you," She said softly into his ear.

Relief washed over her, after all she had done, he didn't hate her. She held onto him tighter, tears coming back to her eyes. She knew that didn't make everything perfect. She still didn't know if he was upset, or angry, or hurt, or a million other things. Other things that she would have to ask him, other things she desperately wanted to ask him.

She sat up, and looked back down into his eyes, even more questions coming to mind. But she knew he wasn't ready for it, he needed his rest. Her hand came up to his cheek, and touched it lightly. "I have so much to ask you." She told him, "But I know you need your rest. I know how hard this was for you. But thank you." She said again. Her hands went up to push some hair back from his forehead.

"I know this doesn't make everything okay, I'm sure you are at least a little angry with me. Tomorrow, hopefully you'll have more energy, and I can figure out a way to ask you questions to answer it." She leaned back over him, her fingers moving back over his cheek, "But the main thing," She said with a smile, "The main thing, is that even if it is limited, you can communicate now." She said, and leaned over, kissing his forehead lightly.

"Now get some sleep," she said, and closed his eyelids. Then moved herself over next to him, resting her head back on his shoulder, and holding onto his hand. Just in case, in case he wanted anything, she'd be able to feel him grip her hand. She smiled to herself, as she let her eyes close.
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He felt her settle down next to him, and could tell that soon she was asleep next to him. He felt her hand holding onto his, and sighed lightly. His head was killing him, he couldn't remember a time when he had worse of a headache. But then a few flashes entered his mind, memories of things he tried to forget, to lock away hit him. Hard. He cringed, and tried to shove the monsters back behind the doors in his mind.

*Okay, maybe this headache isn't that bad.* He thought. He tried to push the shadows and darkness to the back recesses of his mind, and just be in the present. Allowing himself to concentrate on what was happening around him now.

He knew when she had started to tell him about answering her with a yes or no, that she was going to ask that question. He knew because that was the biggest worry on her mind. And he answered her truthfully, but he was worried that if he did she would take that to mean that he was completely okay with it. But he wasn't. Then she had explained that she knew that, she knew that he was more than likely angry with her. That was a fact, but anger and pain fade with time, and talking.

*Talking.* His mind laughed slightly, they weren't talking, but they were now able to communicate. Yes and no answers had their limitations, but at least it was something. *Now, I just have to be able to figure out a way to grip her hand without tiring myself out so much, and it taking a life time for it to happen.* He was just hoping it would work like his other senses, when they start to come back. Light at first, slow, and then quickly returning in full force.

His mind was starting to get foggy, and he realized just how tired he was, his mind starting to float towards unconsciousness. And while he started to drift off those doors in his mind were beginning to shake, sounds coming from behind them, the knobs trying to turn, trying to open.
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Max slowly woke up, but she wasn't sure what had woken her. It was still dark out, as she looked at the clock, it was only three in the morning. She was confused for a minute, and then her senses started to take over and her eyes adjusted to the darkness. Her cheek was slightly damp. *I haven't been crying.* She thought to herself, and she sat up slightly, wiping her cheek, and then she felt how damp her arm was, that was laying over Alec's chest.

Her hands came down to his shirt, it was soaked. She quickly got up, and turned on the light, and moved back to him, sitting next to him. "Alec?" She asked questioning him. Not understanding what was going on, her hand moved to his forehead, *Temperature seems normal," she thought even though now her hand was covered in sweat. Her eyes scanned his face, and she saw the tears running down his face. *What the heck?* She asked herself.

She sat him up in bed, and started to remove his shirt, and found his heart beating quickly underneath. "Alec, can you hear me?" She asked as she threw his shirt across the room. Pulling back the sheets. She took in the situation, and then she also noticed, it was small, so very small, but he was... *He's shaking.* She thought. Then it became clear, *He's dreaming, heck he's having a nightmare.*

She laid him back down on the bed, and grabbed onto his hand, her other going to his face, opening his eyes. She noticed that they were rolled back into his head slightly, *He's asleep. *She thought. "Alec, wake up. Come on, wake up. You're dreaming. You're safe here. Wake up." She kept telling him. "When you can hear me, try gripping my hand again." She said. Her small speech starting over, repeating it again and again.
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*No, go away.* He thought. The images, the pain popping into his mind, over and over. Flashes of the past, running through him. Then he was there, there again. Strapped in that chair, the metal restraints keeping him from moving, pining him to it, not allowing him to take more than shallow breaths, not allowing his eyes to close, not letting his head move.

Images flashing before his eyes, death, destruction, violence, words, her... always her. Red laser beams pierced his eyes, hot electrical current passing through him, burning his skin that touched the metal restraints, the smell of burnt flesh hitting his nostrils.

"All you have to do is tell us where she is. And it's all over 494. Just tell us where she is."

"Never." The images were faster, brighter. The volts hotter, longer. The smell grew thicker. The beams more intense. The feeling of a needle in his skin. The feeling of blood trickling from deep gashes. The burning cold chemical feel traveling through his blood, traveling to his mind, telling him to give in, to let go.
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"Wake up, Alec. You're safe. It's okay." It was worrying her how long it was taking to get him to wake up, she had been trying to do so for over five minutes. She kept trying comforting words, and gentle touches, not knowing if anything more would just add to whatever it was that he was dreaming.

But she was sure she knew what it had to deal with, she was sure he was remembering whatever it was that White had done to him, or something Manticore had done to him before that. She shuddered slightly, realizing she had no idea what all he had went through, both times, and she knew that even if he ever told her about it, she would still never know everything.

"Alec, I'm right here, you're okay. Just wake up." She said again, "You're safe, they can't hurt you anymore." She said, and squeezed his hand again. Then she watched his eyes roll again, right back into the same position they always were. But at that moment she was glad to see them like that. *So I guess they do move when he sleeps and is awake.* She thought for an instant, but then moved over to him. Looking down at him.

"It's okay, I'm right here. It was just a bad dream." She said softly.
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His vision came back with a start, and it took a second to focus. He felt his heart pumping in his chest, in his ears, his body soaked, his mind spinning. He wanted to gasp for air, *It was a dream.* He thought after a second, *Only a dream.* His mind tried to calm down, tried to get control of his thoughts, his emotions. He tried to relax, but then he realized, it wasn't only a dream. His mind shuddered at the thought, it was real, it had happened.

Alec tried pushing the thoughts away, push them as far away as he could. His eyes focused, and he saw Max's worried face looking down at him. "I'm right here, Alec." She told him, "You're safe, they can't hurt you anymore."

*She knows.* He thought, she knows what I was dreaming. *Well, she sort of knows.* He hoped she would never find out exactly, he hoped he would never remember, he hoped her could just forget it, forget it like all the rest, shove it aside and not think of it again.
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Max leaned over him, her hand slowly moving from his face to grab his other hand. "Alec, just one more question." She knew he had just woken up, and he was probably not in the mood for twenty questions, but she had to know one more. And if she knew the answer to this one, it would at least be able to tell her, the better way to comfort him.

"Remember, right is yes, and left is no." She held onto his hands, and then asked, "Can you see me?"

She waited, but this time it didn't take nearly as long for the light grip to grasp her right hand. She smiled down into his eyes. "I knew it." She said, her hand letting his go, and both come to the sides of his face, tilting his head slightly to make sure his pupils were looking right at her.

She looked down at him, noticing that his shaking had stopped, his heart rate had returned to normal, and the sweat on his skin was mostly evaporated. He was calming down from his dream, which was good. It didn't mean he was okay, but it meant that the worse was over.

A soft, comforting smile came to her mouth as she looked down at him, "Everything is going to be okay." She told him, and then moved her head to his shoulder, and her arms around him in a hug. "I promise." She said, "I'll never let them hurt you again." She squeezed her arms around him slightly for emphasis.
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*You can't promise me that Max, any more than I can you.* He thought, as the heavy weight of sleepiness was starting to press on him again, and soon he was asleep once again
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 22

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT: Okay this is a LONG chapter, I almost broke it into 2 because it was so long. But... I decided to be nice. So enjoy. Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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The morning came and not a moment to soon for Max, she couldn't fall back to sleep after Alec had his nightmare. She had felt him slowly sink back into slumber, happy that he was able to go to sleep, and even more so when it seemed like there wasn't going to be a repeat performance. She had laid there instead, listening to his heartbeat, holding his hand, and thinking.

Thinking about so many different things. She had started thinking about his dream, how terrified his reactions were, and she knew, knew that if he was in more control of himself the reactions would have been much worse. She wondered how many other nightmares he had since she rescued him, that she didn't know about. But then that made her think of the ones that would be coming. *And they will.* She thought with a heavy heart, it was just another thing that she hadn't counted on, hadn't thought about.

For some reason, she was thinking that once he just snapped out of it, everything would be fine, he would be his old, cocky, lovable self again. *Lovable?* She asked herself, almost laughing at the word. It wasn't something she would have said before, but now, she knew the word fit perfectly. The small smile faded from her face almost instantly though, as she looked up at the man she had just described laying in the dark next to her. Her hand slowly pushing the hair from his forehead, then coming back to grasp his hand once again.

Max knew that the road ahead was going to be a long, and painful journey, for both of them. She just hoped he let her be there to help him along the ride. Her mind tried to move along, not to think about it right then, because no matter how long she dwelled on the topic, there was nothing she could do about it right then. Her brain then moved on to things that were pressing, and those were the questions that she needed answers too.

She thought about them until the light started to flicker in the windows, and she smiled looking over at the clock. It was early, really early, especially to get up on a Sunday. She knew that Alec loved his sleep, something that he had also rubbed off on Joshua while he had stayed there before. She laughed to herself slightly, realizing that as she laid there next to him, sleeping in didn't sound so bad either, or at least staying in bed all morning. But she was too excited and nervous, to begin to be able to communicate with him, and find out the answers to her pressing questions that she just couldn't wait any longer.

She slowly got out of bed, and went to get changed, allowing him a little extra time before she woke him up. Then she returned to his room, and sat down next to him, taking his hand once again. "Alec?" She said softly, leaning over him next to his ear. "Alec, wake up." She said again. Now that she knew he could grip her hand, she didn't want to open his eyes until she knew he was awake. "Alec, come on, wake up, and grip my hand, and then I'll open your eyes." She told him, shaking him slightly.
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He heard her slightly in the back of his head, and then his consciousness fully grasped her words. *Wake up? Didn't I just go back to sleep?* He thought, *What time is it?* He didn't want to get up yep, he was still tired, but he heard the tone in her voice, it was... excited. *Damn it. She's all ready to start with the questions.* He sighed in his head, and wished that he could turn over and pull the pillow over his head and just ignore her. She started to shake him slightly, and he sighed. *Can't I get just ten more minutes?*

Alec sighed, knowing this was Max he was thinking about, and that no, she wouldn't give him ten more minutes, not even if he could just ask her. Finally he gave up, and decided he wasn't going to get anymore sleep with her like this anyway, so he concentrated, and before he knew it, his fingers were gripping hers, and little stronger then they did the night before. At the realization, his mind snapped fully awake. An evil thought popped into his head, *Maybe, just maybe this time tomorrow, I can hit her with that pillow when she tries to wake me up.* His mind grinned at the thought.
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She felt his grip on her hands, noticing that it was stronger than before and she smiled. "Good Morning," She told him, as her hand went and opened his eyes again, she looked into them, and smiled. Glad she now knew for sure that he could see her. "Okay, I know it's early, but you know me. I don't sleep that much, and well... I haven't been able to talk to you for so long, kinda missed the arguing." She grinned at him, trying to joke, but also knowing that the questions would be far from arguing.

"First things first," she said, "Let's set you up." She pulled him up on the bed, letting him rest his back against the headboard and pillow, and she moved further up the bed, facing him. She started to think of her first question, but then she thought of another more important one. "Well, I guess the first question I should ask, is do you want me to ask you these questions? Do you want to do this now?" She asked him, holding on to both of his hands again. After a few moments, she felt the squeeze to her right hand, and she smiled at him. "Thanks, that's a yes I take it." She sighed in relief, she was glad that he was willing to 'talk' with her.
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Alec mentally sighed, he wasn't looking forward to this 'conversation,' but he knew that it had to happen, and he did want to 'talk,' besides the more he was gripping her hand, the easier it was getting, the less thought and concentration it took to accomplish that task. Which meant, soon, maybe he could try something else, slowly get control over his own body once again.

"Okay, I know you can see me. And I know you said last night that..." He heard her pause, and knew what the topic was already going to be, and it didn't surprise him in the least. "that you don't hate me for what I did." He saw her sigh, and take a deep breath. "Okay, are you angry with me?"

He squeezed her right hand, and he watched her realize that he answered her affirmatively, and watched her eyes moisten slightly. He knew that it hurt her, but it was the truth, and she had to know it. He watched her try and shake it off, and ask another question. "Are you hurt by what I did?" Again he squeezed her right hand, and he saw her shoulders slump slightly, and her eyes close. Her eyes opened, and he saw the tear streak down her cheek. "Alec, I know it doesn't make it better, you have no idea how sorry I am." He saw her move one of her hands towards his face, and then stop, and brought it back down.

*Max, don't do this. Don't make me feel bad for the way I feel, I can't help it.* He thought, sighing at how frustrating all this was. If he could just talk to her, he could explain exactly how he felt.

He saw her face slowly look back up at him, "Can you forgive me?" That question caught him off guard, and right then he didn't know exactly how to answer her. If he said yes, he might give her to much hope, lead her to believe everything was okay. If he said no he knew it would kill her, and also he really wasn't sure. He didn't know what he thought, he didn't know how to answer her, as she sat there waiting. And then he tried to do something, something that he hoped would work.
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Max waited, and as she did, she also realized how unfair the question was, she was about to ask something else, when she felt him grip her hands. She looked down, and saw that each hand was squeezing both of hers, at the same time. Her first reaction was a smile, as she looked up into his eyes. Happy at the thought that he could do it, that he was getting more control over himself. But then the smile slightly faded, at what it meant. *Yes and no?* She thought, she looked at him as she realized what he meant, "I'll take that as a maybe?" His right hand gripped hers again. She gave him a soft smile, both from his fast response, and also because she realized that at least it wasn't a no. "I can live with that." She said.

"Okay," She sighed, thinking, then remembered all the questions she had thought of during the night. "Do you remember any of what happened that night?" She asked him, part of her hoping he did, part of her wishing he didn't.
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*Wow, she really knows how to ask the 'easy' questions.* He thought, rolling his eyes in his head. He only remembered some of what she had said and screamed, and the smell of her pheromones, nothing else. But that meant he did remember something, but barely anything. He squeezed both of her hands again, trying to tell her he wasn't sure, and then squeezed her left one as soon after as he could. Alec caught the confused look on her face. *Come on Max, figure it out.*

"Maybe, and no?" He heard her say, trying to still figure out his message. "More no than yes.... So you remember something, just not a lot." He squeezed her right hand again, and she nodded. Alec almost wanted to smile, he didn't like what they were talking about, but he was getting her to talk to him, to understand him, and no one could understand just how wonderful that actually felt.
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*He remembers part of it, just not a lot.* She thought to herself, *I wonder what it is that he does remember?* She asked herself, but then she decided to move on. "Okay, I know that we really can't talk about this anymore this way. So, I'll move on, sort of." She took another breath, "Do you still want me to take care of you?" Then she paused, "I mean, I'm sure you wish no one would have to take care of you." She smiled at him, "But since right now, that isn't an option. Do you want me to take care of you?" She asked him, slightly holding her breath, hoping he would say yes. And when there wasn't a hesitation, and he squeezed her right had, with a little more force, she let out the breath with a smile. *Thank God.* She thought.
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He didn't have to think about that answer. No matter how angry he was, how hurt, how upset, no matter anything like that. He wanted her there, he still wanted her touch, her comfort, her voice and warmth. She was helping him come back to the world, she was helping him in so many ways, and no matter what, he still loved her, he still needed her.

Alec saw the smile on her face, and knew she was relieved, but her face changed again, and he had a hard time reading what was on her mind, and then she gave him another question. "Yesterday morning, in the shower, did you want me?" He heard the questioning in her voice, and he realized that she was worried that she had possibly taken advantage of him twice. He waited, just a little bit, torturing her slightly, partly out of his slight anger, but also partly out of his own cockiness. Then he gave in, and squeezed her right hand once again.

The smile that showed on her face at his answer almost made him laugh. It was pure relief, and then absolute happiness. Then he felt her arms wrapping around him in a big hug, her face at his neck, and he heard her say softly, "Thank God." He almost laughed again, for two people created at Manticore they had strangely become religious in thanking him so much.

He then felt her pull back, and look at him... shyly. *Why the heck should she be shy?* He thought to himself.

"I'm sorry, I keep doing that. You're probably getting sick of it aren't you? I keep touching you, hugging you, and everything. I mean, you aren't to happy with me, and I keep doing it." He watched her sigh.

*No Max, don't stop. It makes me feel...* He sighed to himself, realizing how true it was, *It makes me feel alive.*

Her eyes moved up into his, he felt her hands take his once again, and he hoped she would ask him, and not just take away her touch because that's what she thought he would want. "Alec, you said you still want me to take care of you. Do you want me to continue doing everything the way that I have been?" She paused, then wanted to clarify, "I mean, if you answer no, we could try and figure things out. If you say yes, I mean, I'll continue on the same way. That means.. me still being all girlie and touching you." He saw her roll her eyes at her self on the word girlie, and he almost had to laugh, as she continued. "So, keep it the same?"

He instantly squeezed her right hand once again, and he saw the smile light up on her face, then she was asking again. "Even me sleeping next to you?" She asked hesitantly, and he squeezed the same hand again. The look on her face changed slightly, and it confused him, and so did her leaning in closer to him. Then her words shocked him slightly, "Can I kiss you?"

*Whoah,* he thought, that wasn't expected, especially after where the conversation had started. Then he thought about it, for a nanosecond, and squeezed her right hand once again. A brief second later, her lips were on his, her hand at the back of his head running thought his hair. He loved the feel of her lips against his, the taste of her kiss, had his mind swimming. He tried to move his own lips against hers, to kiss her back, but it wasn't working. He tried to concentrate on it again, like he did with his hands, and other senses, he tried to close out his other senses, to shut them off for just a little while.

But he gave in when he felt her pull away, and then shocked, when she said his name questioning, "Alec?" He heard her right in front of him, but he didn't see her. It scared him for a minute, then he realized his eyes were closed. *How the heck did that happen?* He thought to himself, he didn't remember Max shutting his eyes.
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Max looked at him, his eyes closed, "Alec?" She asked again, not sure what was going on, and then she just about jumped back off the bed, when they opened quickly, starting right at her. She moved closer to him slowly, watching his eyes, his pupils carefully, and as she moved... they followed her. Her hand slowly came up to the side of his face, and she caught them move slightly at the movement to the side of him.

Her hand lightly rested on his cheek, then his eyes moved back to hers, "Welcome back," she said softly, her heart bursting as she looked into his eyes. The emotion and depth she had so long wanted to see return, running behind them. So beautiful. She could see the pain and grief behind his eyes, but there was also a little bit of happiness, and even if slightly dimmed, she could see that old spark still in there somewhere.

She sat up more fully, and leaned back in to him, her voice soft. "Do you have any idea how much I missed those eyes?" She told him, then blushed slightly at what she sounded like. *Oh boy is he going to have a lot of ammo to get me with when he can talk again.* She thought, but then she just didn't care, as she moved back, and kissed him lightly once again.
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Alec couldn't believe it, he had opened his eyes all by himself, and he was able to move them as well, to really look at her, study her, and not just the picture that came in front of him. *Now if I could move my head.* He thought, but knew that was going to take awhile. He didn't know exactly how it had happened, he was trying to do something completely different. But then it sort of made sense, he was trying to shut out his other senses when he was trying to kiss her back, *I guess my eye sight listened to be for once.*

He wasn't going to complain, it was another small step along his road to recovery, and each one meant he was getting there. And her lips back on his was making him want that much sooner than later. A moment later he felt her pull away with a sigh, and realized he had closed his eyes again when she was kissing him, they moved to open, rather easily, and she was there smiling at him.
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She groaned, "I guess we better get out of bed, and start off this day." She said and moved over to the dresser. "I guess I could ask you want you wanted to wear, but I'm not going to, cause I'm just mean like that." She laughed slightly, and took out one of her favorite shirts then some matching pants, boxers and socks. She put them on the foot of the bed. Then she came back over to him, and said, "Okay, let's get you dressed."

Soon they were out in the kitchen and Max was finishing her breakfast. Once done she came over with his, and sat it down on the table. She was about ready to open it, when she looked at him. "Wait, I should ask you what you want."
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When he heard the words, he almost wanted to yell to the heavens, *Thank you, thank you! Please, no more pureed carrots or peas or green beans, or whatever that green stuff is.* He thought. *Please let her ask me what I want to eat before she gives it to me.*

She held up the protein shake mixes to him, then held onto his hands, "Chocolate" she said squeezing his right, "Or strawberry?" She asked squeezing his left. He squeezed her left hand, and she gave him a surprised look. "Strawberry? Really? Huh, I would have thought you would want chocolate."

He laughed in his head, *Maybe tomorrow.* She then held up another jar, "Apple or Pineapple?" She asked him doing the same thing. "Pineapple, wait.. apple?" Then she laughed, "Oh, both, someone's hungry." She laughed again when he squeezed her right hand, both knowing that always meant yes.

Max leaned in towards him, her fingers lightly moving over his face, and he heard her breath at his ear, and the happy tone of her voice, "Do you know how much nicer this is, being able to kinda talk to you?" She asked him, and then he watched her jump up. "Oh, forgot the spoon." She said moving out of his line of sight.

*Yeah Max, I do know how nice it is.* He thought.
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They spent the rest of the day, with questions every so often. Joshua joining in here and there. But Max kept away from the serious questions, she figured they all needed to be happy for a little while. And for a minute, with him sitting there looking at her, his eyes moving to take her in, her hand in his, she almost let herself believe that everything was normal. But then she knew it wasn't.

She looked over at him, "Hey, do you want to watch a movie?" She asked him, "I'll even let you pick it out of the ones we have." She said giving him a smile. The pressure on her right hand made her smile, "Decide to actually take the chance when I give you one huh?" She said winking at him. And then moved over to the tv, they didn't have many movies, they were hard to get, but they had some. She told them what they all were first, and gave him a moment to think about it.

She then started to ask one at a time, and after the fourth one, she got her yes. She smiled, "Return of the Jedi it is." She said, wondering to herself why he picked out the last one the series to watch, and then as she walked back over to him, and sat down next to him. She lightly hit him on the shoulder, "I know why you want to see this one, it's that damn gold bikini." She said and laughed.
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He laughed in his head with her, okay, she was partially right. But, it wasn't the girl on the screen that he was thinking about in that gold bikini, it was the girl next to him. *But then again, I do prefer her without it.* He thought, then realizing that Joshua was watching the movie with them, and that if he kept going with the thoughts that he did, he might have another problem like he did the morning before.

*Damn, how was it that she can make me feel so many things at once?* He thought, but he tried to stop the questioning, and just settle in and watch the movie, and enjoy the feel of her leaning against him watching the movie.

The movie finished, they had dinner, and Max learned just how much Alec did not like purred carrots when he squeezed her left hand six times in a row at her just mentioning the option to him. Original Cindy had stopped over for a minute after dinner, to check up on Max, and was elated at the news that she got from Max. Cindy had went over to see Alec, grabbing both his hands in hers as she sat in front of him. Her smile getting bigger as she watched his eyes move over her face. "Hey there." She said to him. Her smile getting bigger when she felt him squeeze her hand. "Okay, we are going to have to talk more when it's not so late." She told him. "I just stopped by for a minute to see how everything was."

She didn't stay long, knowing it was late. She gave Joshua a hug, and then Max, patted Alec on the shoulder, and after telling Max that she would see her at work the next day she was gone. Joshua grabbed another book, and then said he was heading to bed. "Good Night, Big Fella." She called out after him, as she sat down next to Alec again.

She turned him slightly, so that they were facing each other on the couch, her hand now just automatically going to hold his. She was silent as she looked at him, staring at his eyes, his eyes... *Starring back at me, looking at me.* She thought, a small smile coming to her lips. She wondered exactly what he was thinking, exactly what he felt, but she was too afraid to ask him. She wasn't sure if she really wanted to know, exactly what he felt. Because even if the answers would be good, they could also devastate her.

Her hand slowly came up to the side of his face, tracing his cheek bones, and then she held her breath slightly, as his eyes closed. She moved over closer to him, practically sitting on his lap, but not quite. Her fingers moved over his face, softly, and she felt his hand lightly grip her other one. The tips of her fingers traced a pattern over his eye brows, down his nose, and gently over his lips. His eyes opened slowly looking at her, as her fingers lingered at his lips. She leaned in slowly, her hand moving back to cup his cheek, and she watched his eyes close again as her lips met his once more.

The touch was light, and soft, as she grazed her lips against his. Then she trailed them to his cheek. Pressing light kisses over his skin, his forehead, traveling the pattern her fingers did, then settled back at his mouth again. Increasing the pressure slightly, deepening the kiss, her hand moving back into his hair, as she felt his hand lightly grasping hers again. Her tongue licked his bottom lip slightly, and she felt his body jerk slightly, making her grin into the kiss. Her body moving closer to him, moving onto his lap pressing herself against him.

Her hand moved down from his hair to grasp his other hand, and she asked one word, "More?" She was rewarded with a quick, strong grip to her right hand. She moved closer to him, moving herself to straddle his lap, she moved his hands back to her hips, laying his palms against them. She grinned, when his hands grasped her hips, and she leaned back against him, her mouth claiming his once again, her arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer.
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Alec was in a dream state, he couldn't believe what was going on. Part of him knew that this shouldn't be happening, not after everything. But that part was being put to the curb, because the part of him that wanted this, wanted her, didn't even want to think about stopping. Her kisses were making him heady, her body pressed closely against him, was starting to create a problem he was sure she was going to feel at any moment. And the feel of her hips in his hands, that he was able to squeeze right now, driving him forward.

She shifted on him, and he heard her groan into his mouth, as he did mentally, at the pleasure that shot through him as she moved against his growing erection in his pants. Her tongue moved into his mouth, and he was again drowning in the taste of her. Another moan, and movement from her and any doubt about this he had left was thrown out the window. But then she pulled away.

His eyes shot open to look at her, he saw her flushed face, heavy breathing, and the desire, fire behind her eyes, *Why are you stopping?* He wanted to ask her.

And then she was asking a question, "Do you really want this, do you want me?" She asked looking at him.

His eyes traveled over her, and his right hand squeezed at her hip, and he didn't stop for a good length of time to emphasize his point. At first he thought she didn't understand when she stood up, but then he was being pulled to his feet, and he realized they were moving, very quickly towards the bedroom. And before he knew it, he was laying on the bed, and the sound of the door shutting and locking was being heard. Then she was over him, her body straddling his hips once again, her body pressing against his, moving against him.

Soon her arms were pulling him up to her, sitting him up against her, and he could feel her hands pull his shirt up and over his head. Then he saw a whirl of color as her top was soon shed, and she was pressing their flesh together, her mouth finding his once again, and pressing them both back to the bed. Then her lips were moving down his neck, and he closed his eyes tightly as the sensation washed over him. Then her mouth started to move over his chest, leaving small kisses, licks, and bites along the way.

His head groaned, and his hand gripped at the sheet when her tongue trailed over one of his nipples and then the other, only then to continue on it's downward journey. Soon he felt her hands at his pants, heard the zipper come down, and then they and his boxers were heard landing in the corner of the room. The sounds of more fabric, and then something again hitting the floor could be heard, and he realized that Max was probably now just as clothed as he was.

Alec felt her hands run up his legs, over his inner thighs, and he felt himself stiffen even more at her touch. But that was nothing because in a second he was rock hard, as the feel of her warm breath washed over his length. *Oh God, Max.* He thought as realization of what she was about to do washed through him.

Her hands went to his, and held onto them, and then he felt the tip of her tongue move over him, base to tip, and his hips jerked up at her, and his hands squeezed hers with all that he had. She then circled it around the head, making him jerk again, and then he felt her warm, wet mouth take him in. *Oh Max, ohhh...* His head swimming in pleasure as she lowered her mouth onto him. Then he felt her moving his hands, moving them into her hair, at the back over her head. *Oh God, Max.* He thought, his hands gripping onto her silken tresses, as her mouth began to move on him. Lowering down on him, her tongue moving around him as she pulled off, then back down.

He thought he had to be dreaming, because this just couldn't be happening. He could feel the tension building in him, as her mouth and tongue continued to work over him, again and again, and it was pure heaven, but he had to get her to stop, and soon. *Very soon.* He thought, as his hips jerked up at her again as she sucked at the tip of him. Her hands grabbed at the back of her head, but he couldn't pull her away, his mind gasping again, as she moved back over him. Then he did the only thing he could think of, he let go, and his hands fell to the bed.

She stopped instantly, and he was relived as she slowly moved back over him, looking into his eyes confused. Her hands reaching out for his hands again. "Do you want to stop?" She asked him, the confused look still in her eyes. Her grasped her left hand hard, and he was rewarded with a smile. "Oh, so you want to move on?" She asked, a small smirk coming over the smile.

He quickly grabbed her right hand, Alec didn't care if it seemed like he was begging, because, well, *I am.* He thought, as she leaned back over him, and her mouth found his, her tongue darting inside, kissing him passionately, taking his breath away, as her body moved back over his, her hips grinding against his. Making his body jerk back against hers.

He watched her move, her one hand leaving his, trailing down his body, and then his eyes closed as her fingers wrapped around him, her body moving over him, teasing him, letting the tip graze across her wet flesh. His eyes snapped back open and locked with hers, and then as she stared back at him, she slowly lowered herself onto him.

Alec kept his eyes on hers as their bodies slowly melded together, and when they were fully one again, his hand gripped hers tightly, and her other hand came back, holding both of his again. Then she started to rock her hips against his and his eyes closed at the pleasure that moved though him. She moved slowly over him, taking her time, and he opened his eyes again to watch her.

Then he watched as her hands started to move his, her hands moving his up her thighs, over her hips, up her sides, and he moaned in his head at the feel of her skin over his fingertips. Then she brought them over her chest and moved them over her breasts, and his mind moaned again. The feel of her full flesh in his hands, her hardened nipples at his palms. Then his hands grasped at them, and he heard her moan, and her hips move a little faster over him.

His hands squeezed the mounds of flesh lightly, her hands keeping them there, telling him she wanted it, wanted more, and he was all too happy to accommodate her. With each squeeze, a small moan was sent straight to his ears, her moving faster on top of him, moving up and down, faster and faster, making his hips jerk up at her.

Soon he was watching her eyes close, as she was taking in the feeling of it, but he kept his open, wanting to watch her, watch the beauty of what was going on inside of her. Her hips moving quicker, her body arching against his. His body screaming in his own pleasure as her heated core kept encircling him, and then moving away only to trap him once again. Over and over.

Her pace was moving faster, more frantic over him, and soon he was finding her moving his hands once again, this time settling back on her hips, and he gladly grasped them in his hands, tightly, as she moved onto him again and again. Her own arms moving to his chest to help support her, as she moved.

Then he felt it, felt her muscles start to flutter around him, and then her whole body arched backwards, her head tilting back, and her muscles tightened around him hard, over and over again, his hips jerking back at her in response, his hands gripping tightly at her hips, as her mouth opened to scream, and as he heard his name once again on her lips, he let go. His warmth shooting into her body, as her own muscles tried to take even more, making his hips move up against her again, and again. And then she was leaning forward, her body, falling to his chest, her breath coming in large gasps.

He could feel the pounding of his heart in his head, the waves of pleasure washing over him, and slowly being replaced with and overwhelming calm as his body slowly cooled, feeling her still laying on top of him, still intimately connected. His hands still at her hips, which he gripped softly, making her wiggle her hips slightly, which sent another small wave though him.

Then he heard her in his ear, her words so quite, slightly out of breath, "I love you." His eyes closed at the words, and his right hand gripped her hip lightly again, hoping that she would understand that he meant the same thing.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 23

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT:  Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Max felt the grip of his hand at her hip, *The grip of his right hand. Yes?* She thought, he mind slightly confused. Then she thought about what he could be saying yes too, *I just said I loved him.* She thought, and *That isn't exactly a question...* Then her mind trailed off, her heart stopping for a second, *Maybe it wasn't an answer, maybe it was a statement.*

She sat up on him slightly, letting out a small moan, their bodies still connected. She reluctantly moved herself from him, and saw the regret in his eyes as well from her actions, which put a small smile on her face. She then sat back up slightly, her hands moving back to his again, "Alec?" She asked questioning, his eyes moving to look right into hers. "You squeezed my hip." She stated, "Did that mean something, or was it just a squeeze?" Then she realized, that wasn't a yes or no question, "Did it mean something more than just a touch?"

She felt his hand grip her right one, "You meant something by it." She said, and she felt like she couldn't breath. *How do I even begin to ask this? What if I'm wrong?* She thought, *He could mean 'I love you too,' or it could have meant, 'God, that was good.'* She finally sucked it up, and asked, "Did it have something to do with what I said?"

Max felt the pressure in her right hand again, and she decided to still play it partially safe, "Where you just saying, that you heard me?" She felt the grip to her left hand, and her heart started to beat a little faster, "Alec...." She didn't know if she could get it out, "Were you trying to tell me... tell me that you... that you love me too?" There she finally said it, asked it.

When he answered her, she sat there in slight shock as he held onto her right hand, and he didn't stop squeezing it. She felt the warm tears run down her cheeks, as the realization washed over her. *He loves me.* She thought, *After everything, though all this... he loves me.*
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He watched her, *Oh, Max, please don't cry.* He wanted to reach up, and wipe the tears away, but he just kept holding her hand, the only thing helping, was knowing that they weren't from sadness, at least he hoped they weren't. *Now she knows, now she knows that I love her.* He thought, feeling relief at sort of being able to tell her.

Then he watched her move back down to him, her lips moving back to his, kissing him softly. His mind fell into the kiss, both his hands holding onto hers, trying to give back in some way, and she increased the pressure in response. Then after a few moments she pulled back to look into his eyes. Her brown ones, were sparking down at him, and he wanted nothing more than to move his hands up into her hair, brush it back from her face, and then pull her back down to him.

"I love you, Alec," She said again, this time without hesitation, looking straight at him. He held onto her right hand, squeezing it a few times, and watched as the smile lit up her face. Then he watched her move, move both them around the bed. Soon he was resting back against the pillows, rolled onto his side facing her, her arms moving around him, his one arm she moved under her neck. He almost laughed, at how good she was at getting them to look as if nothing was wrong, as if he was doing all this.

Her hand traced over his features and he closed his eyes, now that he could to take in the sensation, the feeling of her gentle touch. It was always so comforting to feel her fingers move over his face, then he felt her lips lightly brush against his once again, "Good Night." She said quietly, and he gripped her hand lightly again.

But then Alec felt her turn in his arms, and his mind smiled. She moved with her back to him, but then pressed herself back against him, her moving his arms around her, her hands in his, holding them around her, to her chest. She rested her neck on his arm and her head on the pillow. Her one hand left his for a second to move her hair out of the way, and then came back to his again. "Comfortable?" She asked him, and he 'told' her yes. "Good, me too." She said, her voice with a slight yawn.

He laid there for awhile, his eyes open, just looking at her, feeling his arms around her, her body pressed again his, and it just felt... right. He closed his eyes for a moment and he let his sense of smell take over, he could smell her next to him, her fragrance always intoxified him, but this time, there was more too it, he could smell both of them in the air, the mixture an overwhelming erotic smell. Then he let his sense of touch feel her next to him, his body slightly cool to everywhere but where she was next to him. Her soft, warm skin feeling like silk, her fingers intertwined with his. His mind slowly drifting off to sleep, realizing that in the morning, she would still be there, still be there in his arms.

Alec's mind drifted off to be filled with dreams, dreams of a time when he would be able to show her himself what he felt, when he would be able to tell her with his voice, when he would be able to do all the things he had been wanting to do for himself.
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Max slowly started to wake up, and she stretched lightly, her mind coming back to consciousness, seeing the light coming in from outside through her closed eyes. She felt the warmth at her back, and smiled at the safety she felt circled around her. But then her eyes popped open. She looked down at the arms around her, their hands still enter twined, but that wasn't what had her amazed.

His arms around her where pulling her to him, not just his hands, but his arms. She turned her head to look at him, and she realized he was still asleep. Her smile grew, she struggled lightly to get away from him to see what would happen, and his arms tried to pull her back to him. She was excited, his arms were starting to move. *It makes sense.* She thought, his hands were moving, his arms only seemed to be the next step. She felt him squeeze a little more, and she settled back into him, allowing him to hold her.

She knew she had to get up and get everything done so she could get to work, but she was to happy right then, to be laying in his arms to do it. *Normal can just kiss my ass.* She thought, squeezing his hands lightly in hers. *Besides, I'm sure he won't mind if I'm a little late, when I tell him how much progress his 'Golden Boy' has made.* She thought with a slight laugh, thinking just how much nicer Normal had been to her when he had found out that she had been taking care of Alec. *Even if he still doesn't know the whole truth.*

She then turned in his arms to face him, and felt his arms pull her closer again, and she smiled, her hand going back to the side of his face, "Hey, wake up sleepy head." She told him, and slowly his eyes opened.
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Alec's mind yawned at him, as he slowly opened his eyes to her voice, her smiling face looking at him, her warm body pressed up against him, and his head groaned slightly, and he shut his eyes. He felt her move against him, heard her small gasp, then slight giggle from her, he opened his eyes again, to see a mischievous look in her eyes. "Sorry," she said to him, but he could tell she didn't mean it, "Not enough time this morning."

He groaned in thought, *Oh come on... Please* He thought, and wanted to grip her left hand, but realized her hands weren't in his, but then he realized something else, he realized his arms were around hers and pulling her to him. His eyes widened in shock, and he saw her catch it.

She smiled at him, "What did you just realize that you have been pulling me to you all this morning?" Then he could hear the teasing in her voice, "What exactly were you dreaming out?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

He would have gotten a very cocky grin on his face if he could have smiled back at her, *Wouldn't you like to know.* He thought. He realized that in his mind he hand been hugging her to him, and that his body must have responded to the impulses on their own in the middle of the night, and he wasn't complaining. While he couldn't exactly just pick up his arm, he could feel the muscles in them start to work, flex and move slightly to bring her closer. But he also knew that soon, it would be coming back.

That was one thing, one thing that would make things so much easier. If he could move his arms, he could do a lot more on his own. Then he remembered that Max was going to work today, and his hopes sunk slightly. He knew she had to leave, but when they were together, he made more progress. No offense against Joshua, he was great, did a heck of a lot for him, but it just wasn't the same, not the same at all.
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She leaned in and kissed him, again, and then with regret told him that she needed to get them both ready for the day, so that she could go to work. It didn't take long for her to get them both dressed, and then out to the kitchen for some breakfast. She knew his arms were slowly starting to work again, but there was still no way that he could feed himself, especially since his mouth muscles weren't working exactly well yet. They worked enough to get soft stuff down, but nothing else. *Soon,* she thought, *Soon, you can feed yourself, and enjoy real food again.*

After lunch, she took him back into the living room and sat him down. "Okay, TV okay for now?" She asked him, and this time watched his eyes go up and down and she laughed, as he then slightly rolled them. "I know, I know. Probably sick of it now huh?" She watched his eyes with another yes. "Is there something else you want to do?" She asked.

She watched him, waiting for a response, and she could tell he was trying to think of something that he could actually do. But then he saw his shoulder shrug slightly. And she let out a screech, that she didn't mean to do, and a hand came to her mouth in shock at herself for doing it. She watched his eyes widen at her sound, and she could tell he didn't understand why. "You shrugged your shoulders." She told him with a smile, then watched his eyes, a small sparkle moving into them, and her smile widened.

Max leaned back over him, coming close to his face, her hand taking his. "You're coming back, Alec. Not too much longer." She said and kissed him lightly. She stood back up, found the remote and turned the TV on, she started to flip through the channels, then stopped. "Wait." She said and turned back to him.

She moved his hand up to his leg, and set the remote in his hand, letting his thumb go over the channel button. She moved his head to look at the TV. "Okay, lets see, try and change the channel." She told him, and then watched his hands, as his thumb moved against the button, and the channel turned. "Great!" She said, then moved back in front of him, "At least you can decide what to watch." She told him, kissed him on the cheek, "Just don't wear out the batteries."

She said with a wink. Then she picked up her bag, as Joshua was walking into the room. "Hey Josh, he's all set... with the remote control by the way." Then she walked over to him, "Oh, which reminds me, just check every so often to make sure he still has it, in case he drops it. Oh, and maybe ask him if he wants to do something else a few times."

Joshua sighed at her, "Max, go to work. Joshua can take care of Alec."

"Okay, but.. Just make sure that..."

"Go!" Joshua said, waving her off, "You going to be late."

"Geez, okay, I'm outta here." She said, moved back over to him, kissed him softly. "Be back later." Then she was out the door on her way to Jam Pony.

Cindy watched Max bouncing into the building and smiled at her, as she walked to the lockers. "Well, my Boo is certainly in a happy mood. Can I take it has something to do with 'your boy'?" She asked.

Max smiled at her, "Maybe." She said with a smile opening her locker. Then she turned to Cindy. "Oh Cindy, I told you last night. About him gripping my hand, and his eyes moving." And OC nodded with a smile. "We got to talk about a lot, and well.. he doesn't hate me for what happened." She said quietly, "But he is angry and hurt." She said her smile fading slightly.

"That's got to be expected Boo." OC said and Max nodded, "But, then what's got you so happy?"

The smile returned to her face, "Well we did a lot of talking, and everything last night, and then, well..." She trailed off, her smile getting bigger and bigger.

"Oh, Boo... you didn't!" OC's smile grew, "I knew that glowing smile came from somewhere!" She said.

Then they both spun around, "Man, the guy is basically in a coma and he still gets the chicks." Sketchy said, as he had just come in at the last bit of conversation.

Max leaned over and lightly smacked him upside the head, he made and ouch face, and she laughed, "Teach you for listening in on other people's conversations." She said, but she couldn't hide the smile on her face, and she noticed the grins on her friends faces as well.

Cindy looked at her, "Why can I tell there is even more to this story?"

"Because I just can't keep a secret from you," She said to OC.

Sketchy laughed, "Or it's because the smile on your face is so huge." He said, coming over and wrapping an arm around her, his other hand rubbing the top of her head.

She laughed and batted his hand away, threatening him with a look, and Cindy laughed. Max sighed, "Well, his arms are starting to work, he... held me, and shrugged his shoulders this morning. He's actually watching TV, using the remote." Sketchy and OC laughed at the last comment. Then she looked at OC, then up at Sketchy.

He looked at her, "Uhh, is this all girlie stuff now, and you want me to leave?" He asked her.

Max thought about it for a minute, "Nah, it's not that girlie. And, it's okay, I don't want you too leave Sketch." She told him truthfully. He had been a really great friend to both of them, and very understanding during everything. She looked at them, and then to OC, "Well... umm.. after." She said and rolled her eyes slightly, "I told him I loved him." She saw Sketchy shift uncomfortably against the locker, she almost laughed, but noticed he didn't move away or say anything. "And well, he squeezed his right hand, telling me yes."

Cindy's eyes widened, as she instantly understood, but Sketchy spoke, "Yes?"

Max smiled, "I wasn't sure at first, I didn't know what to make of it, so I asked him questions, and finally... I got my answer. He loves me too," She said, her smile growing even wider, and she threw herself into Cindy's arms, and she hugged her back tightly.

"I'm so happy for you Boo." She said.

"Yeah, Max. Me too, he really sounds like he's coming back too."

She turned around to him, "Yeah, he is." She looked back at OC, "He really is."
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Alec had watched a few different things during the day, but a lot of the time he was just clicking through the channels. He realized after a little while that it wasn't really because nothing was on, he just liked being able to do it. Joshua and him had 'talked' about a couple of his paintings, and some books that Joshua was reading. They had lunch together, and he had helped him with some exercises as well.

As they had been working on his arms, he could feel the muscles in them slowly starting to work, and Joshua had said he had noticed that as well. But now he was sitting there again, watching the TV. *Commercial. Commercial. Old Movie. Commercial. Wait... back.* He thought, and slowly managed to move his thumb to the other button. *Oh, yeah, naked women, but it's the nature channel.* He thought with a sigh. *Commericial. Commercial. News. Commercial. Old Movie.* He went on again, clicking though the stations.

Then he heard the door open, and he left the channel on, knowing that she was home, and soon he could hear her footsteps come into the room. "I'm home, from hell." She said, but she didn't sound unhappy. He saw her walk in front of him, and felt her set down. "Find anything to watch?" She asked.

"Yeah, lots. Click, Click, Click." Joshua chimed in from behind the canvas.

Max laughed slightly next to him, "Have you been bugging him by channel surfing all day?" She said looking into his eyes. He chuckled slightly in his mind, *I try.* He thought, and then felt her move back on the couch. "Ugh, my feet." He heard her say and saw a flash of movement out of the corner of his eyes, and then caught her feet resting up on the table. He knew she was just complaining, heck, she rode a bike all day, she didn't walk. She just wanted to complain, and he laughed slightly again to himself.

"I just want to sit here and relax for awhile. So what are we watching?" She asked, and he knew she really wasn't looking for an answer, but he was curious too, because he hadn't been paying attention. He looked up at the screen, and realized it was the news. He was about to change it, like he had all day when it came on, but the images had him freeze.

The TV reporter was talking about the Transgenic threat, and he heard Max talk, "Let's change the channel." She had said, and he felt her try and take the remote, but his hand firmly gripped it, telling her not to take it. "Fine, fine." He heard her say, as he watched.

The reporter was talking about how some more transgenics were spotted, but had escaped. Then a whirl of activity, as the reporter was trying to chase down someone for a story. The person turned to push the reporter out of the way, and the face flooded his mind. *White.* The image hit him, hard. The remote dropped from his hand, as more thoughts, started to invade his brain.

His hands feel to his sides, his hands gripped at the couch cushions, tightly, as words, voices, images ran through him. Laughing, more laughing, that voice, White's voice. The pain running through his body, with the sounds of laughter echoing through the room. *No... No, not again.* His brain screamed, as his mind replayed the memories.
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Max saw the image on the TV, and then she heard the remote hit the floor. She quickly looked over at him, and then moved in front of him. She picked up the remote, and turned the power off, over her shoulder, and sat it down fast. She looked at him, "Alec?" She said.

His knuckles were white, he was gripping the couch so hard, she could see his muscles strained in his arms, his hands. His eyes were closed tightly, as if he was trying to stop from seeing. She could see the light sheen of sweat already coming across is forehead. *Oh, God, he's having flashbacks.* She thought. "Alec?" She said again, her hands reached out for his, touching him, trying to comfort him.

And then she was choking, her hands immediately going to her neck, to his hand around her neck, gripping her with all it's worth. "Joshua..." She choked out, barely audible. Her hands were trying to release his hold, but surprisingly his grip was too strong, her wide eyes, now looking into his that were open. Open, looking at her with anger, hate, fear, and she realized he didn't see her at all.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 24

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT:  Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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The pain, the laughter ran through him, more and more, and then he felt the touch, he strained at his bonds, and something realized his arms were free, they shot out, shot out at the person's touch, the person's voice, grabbing hold, strangling it. *I'll kill you.* He thought looking at White, his hand around his neck, squeezing.

"Alec! Let go!" Joshua's voice, entered his mind like a knife, his mind clearing slightly, his vision returning.

The image of Max struggling in his grip, his hand around her neck, Joshua trying to pry his fingers from her. He couldn't breath, and his hand immediately let go dropping back to his side, his eyes wide. He watched her hands go to her neck, her taking need breaths. Joshua gripping her shoulders, asking if she was okay, her nodding yes slowly. He saw the purple marks on her neck, the imprints of his fingers.

He closed his eyes at the sight, *Oh, God. What did I do?* He thought, "I've hurt her, I almost killed her." His pain and memories of a moment before fading away at the thought of what he almost did. The anger and fear replaced with guilt and then a different type of fear. What if he did this again? What if he did it while he was asleep with her? What if Joshua wasn't there?

*Oh no, what have I done?* He asked himself again.
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Max rubbed her neck lightly, and she looked up into Joshua's worried face. "I'm okay, really." She said, and patted him on the hand. Joshua looked at Alec, and then back to her. "He just had some very unpleasant memories, from the TV showing White's face." She said, and Joshua nodded in understanding.

"Little Fella, Alec didn't know.."

She nodded, "I know Josh, I know he didn't know it was me." She said looking back at Alec, hoping he heard her. She patted Josh on the hand again, and he nodded and went back to his painting. She was about to reach for his hand again, and thought better of it. "Alec?" She asked tentatively. She saw his eye lids tighten, and realized he didn't want to look at her.

"Alec, please open your eyes."
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He didn't want too, he didn't want to look at her. He was angry with himself, for what he had done, what he had almost done. But with her pleading voice, he opened his eyes, and then he saw the marks on her neck, that were turning a deep shade of purple, and he closed his eyes again, a large lump forming in his throat.

*I hurt her.* He thought, as memories of his flashbacks tried to come back to his mind once again, and he pushed them away harder. *No, don't remember. They caused this, they caused me to lose control, they caused me to hurt her.*

"Alec, please."

He could hear her soft words, and it tore at his heart even more. *How can she sound so concerned about me after I just tried to kill her?* But he also knew that she wasn't touching him, that she afraid too. She was afraid he would lash back out at her if he was still having those damn flashbacks. *That's right Max, don't touch me, just stay away from me.*

"Alec, look at me." He could hear her voice begging him. "I know you didn't know it was me. I know you did mean to do it. I understand. Please, open your eyes."

He struggled against he request, then finally opened his eyes again, and they looked over her, seeing the imprints of his fingers perfectly displayed on her throat, but the look in her eyes showed nothing but worry towards him. And he just wanted to yell at her, yell and tell her to run, to get away from him while she still could.

Alec watched her hand slowly moving towards his, and he realized she was doing it on purpose, letting him realize what she was doing, so as not to scare him. But when her fingertips touched his hand, his arm pulled it away slightly, and he saw the look on her face. While he didn't want to admit it, he knew that from his little slip from reality, he had gained back the movement in his arms almost fully. And he knew that Max had also figured it out, but neither were celebrating.
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She watched his hand retreat from hers and she sighed. She wished she could be moving over to him, seeing how much he had improved, but that was impossible. Because things had become very bad, *Very, very bad.* She thought as she looked into his eyes, and saw the fear that was there, the fear, pain, and guilt. While she knew the fear should be there from what he had just re-experienced, it wasn't that type that was written in them.

Max knew that he was having trouble with what he did because of it, he blamed himself for hurting her. And now he didn't want to her to touch him, afraid that he would do it again, that he would lose control again. She reached out again for his hands, and he continued to pull away from her. "Alec!" She said, her tone coming out much harsher than she intended, and she saw the slight waver in his eyes from her yell. *Shit, I didn't mean to do that.* She thought, and tried again in a softer tone, but still with a slight edge. Knowing that he just wasn't going to listen to her, if she wasn't firm.

"Alec, stop this." She said, her hands reaching out faster than his, and gripping them both. She could feel him try to pull away, but she held them harder. "Don't pull away from me." She watched his stare into hers, and she continued. "I'm okay. Really." She told him, even though it was slightly a lie, her throat did hurt, and she was hoping that the marks she knew she had, by the way he kept looking down at her throat, were probably very visible. She hoped they would be gone by tomorrow, not only for work, but for him as well.

In fact, she had been very surprised at his grip, not only from the shock of him doing it, but that even in his weakened condition he had never showed that much strength against her before. And from the fear on his face, and the guilt he had there, she wondered just how much he had always held back from her when they fought not to hurt her, and if it was that reason that he so feared his lack of control.

But she didn't want to think about that now, she only wanted to get the man before her, to trust himself enough again, to allow her to still be there to help him though this. "Don't blame yourself for this, this is White's fault, not yours." She told him and watched him tense at the name. She moved on the couch next to him, "Don't push me away, not now. We are making to much progress now. Don't you dare give up on me."
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He listened to her words, but he still didn't want to listen. He was still to afraid of what he might do if more memories came back, worse memories, much worse, then the ones he was remembering. He could feeling them clawing at the back of his consciousness, trying to pull him into the darkness.

He felt the grip on his hand, and his eyes focused back at her, her face full of concern, and love towards him, *Oh Max.* He thought, *You're my only light, but I'll only end up hurting you again.*

"Remember we need each other, Alec. I need you too." He heard her, but he didn't want to believe her. He felt her take her one hand away from his and bring it slowly to the side of his face. "I love you, Alec." He closed her eyes tightly, her words hurting his heart even more. "And I know you love me." He squeezed her hand slightly.

"So instead of pushing me away because of this... pull me closer." His mind heard her words and wrapped around them, "Fight the feeling to push away, don't let them win Alec. If you run, if you hide, they win." He knew what she was doing, but for some reason, he was letting himself go with it.

He could feel her slowly moving closer to him, knew that she was doing it deliberately as not to scare him, have him pull away. Soon she had somehow managed to end up sitting on his lap, having wrapped his arms around her, her hands cupping his face, looking into his eyes. Her soft voice, her encouraging words distracting him from what she was doing.

He finally gave in, gave into her pleading eyes and voice, and promised himself that no matter what, he would never hurt her again, no matter what he had to do. And then he moved his arms to wrap around her, and brought her against his chest, and watched her smile at him, her eyes showing that she realized she had finally won the argument.

Alec felt her face move into his neck, and nuzzle against his skin, her body relaxing against him, as her arms went around him, as they held onto one another. Sitting there quietly, both not noticing that Joshua had switched canvases, and was now working on a new painting.
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Neither of them moved for a long time, both just taking comfort from the other. Max closed her eyes, as she leaned against him, feeling his breathing, and steady heart beat next to her, his arms holding her to him. Now that things were calmer, she could let herself think about everything else. Now that his arms were working again, basically, he would be able to do more, *A lot more.* While she was sure it was going to take awhile for him to get full dexterity back, she knew it wouldn't take him long.

She wanted to get excited, and see what all he could do, but Max still knew that it wasn't the right time just yet. They needed to work back to the comfort level they had before. Her hand moved over his back slowly, and up into the back of his hair, her fingers running through it, and then she giggled. Then stopped almost immediately, not meaning to. She felt him slightly tense against her, and she pulled away to look at him. "Don't think that was at you." She said very quickly.

The confused look in his hazel eyes, made her smile softly at him. Her hand moving back into his hair, and then raising her fingertips in it. "I just realized..." She thought, and smiled wider, "I just realized you haven't had your hair cut since before I brought you here." She could see the confusion still in his eyes, and then she almost laughed, and relief slightly washed though her, as he rolled his eyes at her. *Well, he's back to his old self, at least a little bit.* She thought.

She decided to go with the new topic, maybe distract him from the other, at least for now. Then she realized something else, "Oh my, you haven't even seen yourself in the mirror in how long?" She asked him, and then her grin widened, "That must be difficult on you huh?" She asked in a teasing voice, and she got another roll of his eyes.

Her hands moved into his hair, and started to play with it, "Seriously, it's really, really long." She told him, not believing that she hadn't even noticed it. Her fingers went thought it again, and started pulling it together at the back of his neck, and she laughed again. "I seriously think I can get a good ponytail out of it."

Max laughed harder as his eyes widened in partial shock, "I told you!" She said, then she leaned in closer, "Do you want a hair cut?" She asked him, and watched his eyes move up and down, and she smiled at his 'yes'. She grinned mischievously at him, "Trust me enough to do it?" She asked, and then lightly hit his shoulder, as his eyes went back and forth. "Hey!" She snapped slightly, but without any malice.

"Either I give you a hair cut, or I start braiding your hair." His eyes widened at her threat. "So, can I cut your hair?" She asked again, and his eyes quickly moved up and down, and she smiled. "Good, buzz cut it is then." She laughed at his shocked look again, and she patted him on the shoulder, as she moved out of his hold and stood up. "You're to easy to tease." She told him, and then leaned back over. "Like I would get rid of something that I love running my fingers though." She said into his ear, and then as an after thought, lightly bit at his ear lobe. She felt the small shiver go through him, and smiled.

"Let me get everything ready, and I'll be right back." She left the room, and soon was back and hauling him to his feet, pulling him into the kitchen. She sat him in the chair in front of the sink, wrapped a towel around his neck, then turned on the faucet, letting the water warm up.
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He watched her move back in front of him, her hands going to the sides of his face. "Now, just relax." He heard her, as she moved him back, and he felt her tip his head back over the sink, and watched her take a large glass of water, and start to move it over his head. He felt the warm water soaking into his hair, and the fingers of her other hand moving through it.

Alec closed his eyes, and focused on her touch. Allowed the comfort to wash over him, but for some reason, the comforting feeling didn't stay for long. Because soon she was leaning over him, her body pressed against his side, her chest over his face, as her hands started to work the shampoo into his hair. For some reason he knew this wasn't going to be like any hair cut he had ever gotten before.
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To Be Continued-- Please Review!

TITLE: Sensual Healing: Chapter 25

WRITTEN BY: Heather Ferguson (fergus80)

EMAIL: hferguso@niu.edu

WEBSITE: http://eric_greta.tripod.com (from when Jensen was on days)

RATING: NC-17

SUMMARY: Max & Alec go to rescue some X7's, only things go very, very wrong. M/A Please Read the Rant first, then Read and also Review.

SPOILERS: Ummm not sure, so basically, anything that has been shown is fair game for me to use, or ignore ;-)

DISCLAIMER: All Dark Angel characters belong to James Cameron, FOX, etc. etc. etc.

FEEDBACK: I'm basically writing this as I go along, I have the whole idea in my head, just have to get it to paper. So... this might take a little longer than my other fics to get out. Especially with the end of the school year fast approaching. BUT, PLEASE REVIEW, PLEASEEEE, it really does help.

PAIRING: Max/Alec

DEDICATION: To all the Nuns at the Church of Alec, and the Blue Lady!

RANT:  Also, I love all the reviews! They tell me, and remind me of a lot of things I need to express and talk about, so keep them coming. Thanks.
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Max worked the shampoo into his hair and scalp with her fingertips, and looked down at his face. His eyes looked up at her, *Well, sometimes.* She noticed and tried not to laugh as she watched his eyes move from her face, then down her front to stop at her chest and then back up again. *There's my Alec.* She thought with a slight grin, and then looked back at her task. Her hands moved down the back of his head, her fingers massaging his scalp and then towards the back of his neck.

She noticed his eyes close at that, and continued, seeing how he seemed to completely relax as she continued. She let her hands move in a little more, rubbing at the spot between his head and neck. If it wasn't for his hand lightly grabbing at the back of her one knee, she would have thought he was asleep.

Max started to move her fingers to the sides of his head, but his head moved slightly into her hands again, and her fingers stilled. She smiled, and started again, rubbing at the muscles in his neck, bringing up her thumbs to rub in small circles around the side of his head, her grin getting bigger as she felt his head push against her hands.

She leaned down and kissed his forehead lightly, and then looked down to see his eyes open, looking at her. She moved her hands slightly up further to top of his head, and she saw his head move again in protest, as she looked him in the eyes. She watched his eyes as he finally figured it out, and saw the sparkle in them, then saw the concentration there as she watched him slowly move his head to the side slightly, and then to the other. The movements slow, and shaky but there.

When he stopped and looked back at her, she smiled, "Okay, let me get this soap out of your hair, and then we can sit you back up." She said, taking the cup again, and filling it with water.
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Alec felt the warm water start to run back over his head once again, and relaxed into her touch, as she rinsed the soap from his hair. *How can so many things happen in one day?* He thought to himself. In the last twenty-four hours they had made love, she had found out that he loved her, his arms had begun to work, his head was now moving, he was now getting a very interesting hair cut, and... *I tried to kill her.* That thought made him cringe.

Part of him knew that it was just the flashbacks, that they had caused him to lash out, that she was fine, and it wasn't his fault. But the other part of him was warning him, warning him of what was to come, how easily he had lost control, lost control over a memory that wasn't that bad. Not as bad as he knew others would be. That part telling him he was a danger, to himself and mostly to her.

*If Joshua wasn't there, would I have snapped out of it? Would I have woken up in time? What if next time I don't try and strangle her, what if I just decide to break her neck?* He tried to push the thought away, the thoughts were such a huge contrast to the gentle fingers and touches that she was giving him. His worried thoughts so different from the loving caresses that he was feeling, that he was craving from her.

He tried to push the fear away, and concentrate on what she was making him feel, those feelings making him get better, making him whole again. But that's the thought that worried him most. Because it seemed like the better he got, the more control he got over his body, the less he had over his mind. It seemed the more progress he was making in getting his motor functions back, the less control he had over his memories. The more he could move, the more he could do, meant all the more that he could hurt her again.

But the thoughts were pushed to the back again, when he heard the water turn off, and her hands bringing him back to a sitting position. He watched a smile come onto her face, and then figured out why, when he noticed his head had turned to look at her and she didn't do it that time. "Here we go." She said, as she walked around behind him, and felt a brush start to go through his hair. "Wow, I still can't believe I let it get this long." He heard her say, and he rolled his eyes.

He heard the brush set down, and then she came back in front of him, "I know, you don't believe me, so take a look for yourself." She said, and then she held up a mirror to him, and he looked into it. And he was in shock at what he saw. Yeah his hair was really long, a good two inches or more longer than what he usually wore, but that isn't what he was looking at.

Alec took a look at his reflection in the mirror, and he couldn't believe what was staring back at him. *Is this what she sees?* He asked himself, because the man starring back at him, barely seemed familiar at all. His face looked, *Hollow.* His lips set with no expression to them at all, his eyes even looked dim. He could tell he had lost a lot of weight in his face, and wondered what the rest of him looked like.
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At first she thought it would have been a good idea to have him look in the mirror for a laugh at how long his hair was, and then by the look in his eyes, she realized her mistake. *He has had the image of what he looked like before in his head this whole time, and I just crushed that.* She thought, mentally kicking herself.

Yeah, he didn't look the same, but that couldn't be helped. He had gained some of the weight back he had lost while there, but he couldn't get it totally back with what they could feed him right now, he needed real food. His body couldn't be back to what it was exactly, because even though they did exercises, it wasn't the same as him doing them, or moving around himself. And until he got back all his muscle control, his face wouldn't have that same smile. And she had no idea when she would ever see that spark in his eyes again.

She slowly pulled the mirror away, and saw him stare at it, then look up at her, his eyes telling her everything that she had thought he was thinking about, his eyes questioning, full of doubt, worry. Her hand came softly to the side of his face, and she leaned in softly, and kissed him, then pulled back to look at him again.

"Alec, I'm sorry. I didn't think." She sighed, and really wished she knew exactly what he was thinking, so that she could say something to help. She was worried that if she said something now, that she might say the wrong thing, say something he wasn't even thinking and then make it even worse. So she decided to just be honest, "I know, you don't look the same." She said, taking his hand, "But you are coming back, and..." she said with a smile, "If you couldn't tell... I still think you're hot." She said her grin becoming wider, hoping that it would put a little spark into his eyes, but she noticed it didn't. So to make her point she leaned in and kissed him again.
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He felt her lips against his, but his mind only thought, *Don't lie to me Max. I saw the mirror. How can you love someone that looks completely devoid of emotion, of feeling at all?* He didn't understand, but she somehow did, because she was there kissing him.

She pulled away slightly, and he watched her smile at him, "Okay, let's get this haircut done, shall we?" She said again, then moving behind him. He felt her fingers going through his hair once again, and he could feel her rubbing the muscles, obviously trying to get him to relax again. And then her felt her start to lift the hair, and heard a few snips of the scissors.

Alec tried to just push those thoughts away, and he almost wanted to laugh, *I'm going to need to get a bigger rug in my mind, with everything I keep sweeping under the carpet.* He shook his head slightly at the thought, and felt Max's hands go to the sides of his head, and a slightly noise from her.

"Alec, it's wonderful that you can move your head, but... uh ... can you keep it still while I do this?" She asked, and he almost laughed at the sound of her voice. It was a mixture of happiness yet also annoyance. His mind laughed again, at the thought that he hadn't even realized that he had done it. "Laugh all you want, if you get a crooked hair cut, it's not my fault!"

*How did she know I was laughing at her?* He thought, a smile forming in his mind. He continued to feel her hands move through his hair, and hear the snips of the scissors, soon she was moving back in front of him, and she moved herself in-between his legs, and crouched down, to look at him eye level. He watched her, and saw her intent on her work. Making sure that she was getting the same length on both sides.

He didn't mind her not paying attention to him, his eyes scanned her face. Her big brown eyes, her cute little nose, those big pouty, red lips, that long, graceful neck that led down her chest. The way she was leaning, giving him a great view down her shirt, teasing him with her cleavage, teasing him with it, yet he already knew what was there, what her shirt was covering.

When she pulled back to look again, her eyes caught his, he felt her hand move to the side of his face tipping his head back, and then she was leaning down, her eyes dark and large, then closed slightly before her lips met his. His eyes closed at the sensation, between his legs her body pressed up against his. His arms moved around the backs of her legs, pulling her closer to him.

Her mouth pulled away slightly and his head moved towards her, brushing his lips against hers, and she moaned slightly. Her lips coming back to claim his again.
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She had felt his head move, felt him move his head to be able to brush his lips against hers, and it almost brought tears to her eyes. It was the closest thing to a real kiss that she had gotten from him, and with that her mouth was kissing him again, more passionately. His hands were moving at the back of her knees, and were slowly working their way up the back of her legs, and it was making her weak, as she pressed herself closer to him.

Her tongue moved into his mouth, tasting him, and she moaned into the kiss, as she felt his hands now gripping her ass, pressing her hips against him. She cussed slightly at the height of the chair, feeling her hips against the top of his abs, and not lower, were her thighs were pressed. She felt his one hand work its way up her back, and she was losing herself at the feel of his touch. Having craved it for so long, the simple movement was almost to much for her, as it moved up and over her shoulder, and then at the back of her neck, into her hair.

Then she felt his hand pulling her head more against his, making her deepen the kiss even more, and then she felt it, and instead of moving to look at him in shock, her body went with it. Her lips moving against his, his slowly starting to move against hers. She could feel his other hand join his other in her hair, and then move down over her cheek, grasping at her face, trying to pull her even closer.

His lips now starting to move more powerfully against hers, and she was losing all coherent thought. She couldn't breath, she was drowning in his kiss, her body slightly trembling, and all she felt was him pulling her closer. She pulled away for a second, her eyes closed, as she took a deep breath, her eyes opening to look at him.

She watched his mouth open, the breaths coming from it, and then she almost died at the small smile that played out on those lips. But it didn't last long, because the next thing she knew his hands were pulling her face back to his, and his lips were crushed against her once more. It was like he was a starving man, and he was devouring her, but she welcomed it, welcomed the passion that she could feel coming from him, the passion that she had so longed to feel from him, was pouring out of him, and she was more than willing to suck it all up.

She wanted to pull him closer, run both her hands over him, she moved slightly to set the scissors down, and he stopped pulling back to look at her questioning her movement. She stopped and looked at him, "Need to set the scissors down." She said slightly out of breath, showing him them. Then she let out a gasp as his hand caught her wrist sharply, his eyes starting at the shiny, silver metal scissors.

Her eyes watched his, she could swear she could almost see the images dance across his eyes, as they looked at them, and her mind didn't even want to comprehend what they were having him remember. She felt his grip on her wrist, felt the tendons being pressed together painfully, but she didn't say anything, *It's not that.... bad.* She thought, not wanting to let him know otherwise. She softly, spoke. "Alec..."

His head spun to her, and his eyes softened almost immediately, and his hand dropped from her wrist. His head then falling forward slightly, she noticed his eyes closing as he did so. She moved the scissors out of sight, and then tilted his head up to look at her. "It's okay." She said, her fingers playing over the soft skin of his cheek, "It's okay." She looked at him, moved his head up straight. "Stay still, don't move, and close your eyes." She said softly, and he did so. Her hands moved over the hair and smoothed down the hair in the front, it moving over his eyes slightly.

"Just try and relax, let me get this over with." She said softly, and took a deep breath. She took the hair between her fingers and made sure the metal didn't touch his skin, and she started to trim. She saw his body tense at the sound of every snip from then on, and it made her cringe. She hurried as best she could and then she quickly moved and set them back on the counter. Her hands traveled back through his hair, "Okay, I'm all done." She said, knowing that instead of dwelling on what happened, it was probably better to just move on.

Max moved back over to him, and tilled his head to look up at her, and she smiled at him. "Much better," she said. She took out the mirror again, and showed him her handy work. "Not to bad, if I do say so myself."
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He really wasn't paying attention to her, his mind still trying to deal with what happened. *I did it again.* He yelled at himself, *I let my memories take hold over me again, and over a stupid pair of scissors.* His mind shuttered at the thought, *No, don't even think about it. Just another thing to sweep under the rug, just keep it under there.* He thought, and tried to listen to Max.

Alec's eyes focused on the mirror that she had put in front of him, and then he actually let himself smile, and this time, it actually smiled back at him, he looked up at Max, and saw a similar one on her face. He looked back down at his reflection. *So this is the haircut that she likes.* He thought, *If I would have known, I would have worn it like this more often.* He saw the smile on his own face, and then he remembered what they had been doing a few minutes before.

His hand came up slowly and pushed away the mirror, and she gave him a funny look, and he motioned with her hand for her to come closer. The smile on her face growing bigger, he knew she was happy at how much he was being able to move, but she had no idea how nice it was for him to be able to do so. When she was in reach, his hand lightly grabbed her arm, and pulled her back to him, his other hand moving slowly, pulling her back down to him, and he caught the small grin before his lips claimed hers once more, and then her slight moan, as his hand pressed her more firmly against his hungry mouth.
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CONTINUED ON PAGE 2

...h.o.m.e...